jane evans trauma parenting specialist. © jane evans parenting and behaviour skills consultancy2...
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How to support parenting post domestic abuse
Jane EvansTrauma Parenting Specialist
© Jane Evans Parenting and Behaviour Skills Consultancy
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Introductions
Confidentiality Respect Safeguarding
Timekeeping One at a time
“The only stupid question is the one that isn’t asked”
No ‘experts’ Use it or lose it!
Mobiles - keep them off if possible!
© Jane Evans Parenting and Behaviour Skills Consultancy
Be curious, question, explore Discuss and contribute - with
anyone/everyone here Make notes Use this as a springboard to find out
more & embed into practice
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Parenting is not just about parents, but anyone whohas a role in raising children - carers, extended family, friends, professionals, organisations,community members ...
Today could be…?Because…..?I will give myself permission
to…
Parenting & Childhoods
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© Jane parenting & behaviour skills consultancy
Thirty per cent of domestic violence starts in pregnancy and between four and nine women in every hundred are abused during their pregnancy and/or after birth
(Department of Health 2005: para. 2.4)
Domestic violence & abuse
Around 750,000 children a year are exposed to domestic violence and there will be children affected by it in nearly every school
(Department of Health 2002: 16)
Domestic Violence & Children, Sterne & Poole
A study of children & mothers exposed to violence found: 85% of children were present while their
mothers were being abused some in way In 71% of families, children saw their mothers
being physically assaulted(McGee 2000: 66)
Pre-birth stress can lead to a foetus experiencing raised levels of stress hormones via the placenta
Severe maternal stress during pregnancy is associated with prematurity, low birth weight, and infants who are irritable, hyperaroused and colicky
(Levy & Orlans, 1998)
Pre-birth adversity
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Research and observation have demonstrated significance of the in utero experience.
Maternal emotional, as well as physical, messages are transmitted to the feotus.(Verny & Kelly 1981 in Levy & Orlans, 1998)
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Brain is put together like building blocks from bottom upwards
The normal development of top part of brain depends upon healthy development of lower brain
Top part of brain is most able to be changed, as it’s where the thinking occurs
Why early experiences matter
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Early experiences shape structures in ways that have a lifelong impact on three of our most vital areas of learning: attachment, emotional regulation and self-esteem.Cozolino, 2013
Areas impacted
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These 3 areas of learning establish our abilities to connect with others, cope with stress, and feel that we have value.
Cozolino, 2013
Why it matters so much
Mental & physical healthAccess to educationVulnerabilityChallenging behavioursInter generational domestic abuse
Why We Should All Be Worried
How are you feeling today Baby Bear?Illustration by Laurence Jackson
Parenting impacted by trauma
Parent’s Job Description
What issues do parents present post domestic abuse around:
Children’s behaviourTheir relationship with their children
Exercise
Barriers to parenting in an abusive relationship Emotional Practical
Emotional Practial
What advice do most parents get?
Tools for the task!
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SUPERNANNY24
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“You may have to put your child on the Naughty Step ten times in half an hour, but eventually he will realise you are
serious and stay put.”
http://www.supernanny.co.uk/Advice/-/Parenting-Skills/-/Discipline-and-Reward/Make-the-Naughty-Step-Work-for-You.aspx
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Do we have a carrot and stick approach?
My dad always smacked me and it didn’t do me any harmThey need to earn their rewardsI took her Nintendo, PlayStation, TV & DVD away last nightParent’s have gone too softIt was never like this when I was a kid
How does that match trauma & attachment needs of parent or child?
What does most parenting rely on?
What does this remind you of?
How brain and bodies are impacted by trauma
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“Maclean’s (1990) concept of the triune brain is a useful starting point……. He distinguished the reptilian brain, the limbic system, and the neocortex” Music, G (2011)
The Triune Brain
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http://www.esotericonline.net/profiles/blogs/the-dragons-of-eden
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Forming pre-birth, regulates heart rate, breathing, temperature, sleep, hunger, instinctual behaviours, life preserving – flight fight freeze friend flop
Survival ‘lower’ brain
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0-4 developmental focus, memories of feelings, stress response, nurturing, separation anxiety, fear, rage, social bonding, hormonal control centre
Emotional memories ‘mid’ brain
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Developmental spurts between 5-6, 11-12 & 15, into late 20’s!!
Empathy, predicting consequences, planning, delayed gratification, sequential thought, attention, problem solving
Executive, clever, ‘higher’ brain
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When all goes well……….
All three parts of the brain inter-relate and, in a healthy brain, are very connected in a range of ways
As the brain gets more organised, the more complex areas begin to control and moderate the more reactive, impulsive lower brain. 37
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BRAIN100 billion neurons
Develops from the inside out
& bottom upwards
Organisation & construction is
“use- dependent”(Perry, 2006)
Is most open to being moulded in the baby & infant stages
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LISTEN for the ‘experience’
Decide if it’s relaxing, stressful, happy, scaryPass the string down the right line & onto the next one as quickly as possible
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Exercise
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Brain Scans
Healthy Neglected
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Average brain has about 100 billion neurons
Are born with nearly all these Neurons connect rapidly in first 5 years of life to form cortex
Brain remains open to re connection throughout life
Average neuron connects directly to 10,000 other neurons
Key Points
Clever Brain
Emotional Memories
Survival Brain
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No magic wands!!
No sticking plasters!!
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What to do?
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What it is about – calmness, kindness, teaching, nurturing, acceptance
Working with the child – keeps them in thinking brain & builds connection to care giver
Learning with out fear – put a child in the ‘frozen fear’ zone & they are using their primitive brain not their thinking brain!!
Tuning In
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Own childhood trauma Feel overwhelmed Stress/anxiety response Emotional state Negativity Avoidance Shut down
What child’s trauma can trigger in a carer
Understanding the meerkat brain Taking care of inner meerkat Soothing the inner meerkat Seeing the baby meerkats as stressed &
scared Introducing: calmness connection correction
Parenting impacted by trauma
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calmness connection correction
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Regulate RELATE REASON
Scared Meerkats Like….
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Exploring Feelings
Jane EvansTrauma Parenting Specialist, Freelance Trainer,
International Speaker & Author
www.parentingposttrauma.co.ukTwitter: @janeparenting2
© Jane Evans Parenting and Behaviour Skills Consultancy
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First Impressions: Exposure to violence and baby’s developing brain