islamic parenting

1Dr. Alizi Alias, University of Gloucestershire

ISLAMIC PARENTING

RAISING UPRIGHT CHILDREN

2Dr. Alizi Alias, University of Gloucestershire

Dr. Alizi Alias, University of Gloucestershire

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DALIL AL-QUR’AN

نارا وأهليكم أنفسكم قوا آمنوا ذين ال ها أي يااس الن والحجارة…وقودها

“Hai orang-orang yang beriman, peliharalah dirimu dan keluargamu dari api neraka yang bahan bakarnya adalah manusia dan batu…”

Al-Tahrim 66: 6


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TAFSIR

1. ‘Ali bin Abi Thalib radhiyallaahu ‘anhu berkata, “Ajarkanlah agama kepada keluarga kalian, dan ajarkan pula adab-adab Islam.”

2. Qatadah rahimahullaah berkata, “Suruh keluarga kalian untuk taat kepada Allah! Cegah mereka dari berbuat maksiat! Hendaknya mereka melaksanakan perintah Allah dan bantulah mereka! Apabila kalian melihat mereka berbuat maksiyat, maka cegah dan laranglah mereka!”

3. Ibnu Jarir ath-Thabari rahimahullaah berkata: “Ajarkan keluarga kalian untuk taat kepada Allah ‘Azza wa Jalla yang (hal itu) dapat menyelamatkan diri mereka dari api Neraka.”

4. Imam asy-Syaukani mengutip perkataan Ibnu Jarir: “Wajib atas kita untuk mengajarkan anak-anak kita Dienul Islam (agama Islam), serta mengajarkan kebaikan dan adab-adab Islam.”


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DALIL AL-QUR’AN

أزواجنا من لنا هب نا رب يقولون ذين والإماما قين للمت واجعلنا أعين ة قر اتنا ي وذر

Dan orang orang yang berkata: "Ya Tuhan kami, anugrahkanlah kepada kami isteri-isteri kami dan keturunan kami sebagai penyenang hati (kami), dan jadikanlah kami imam bagi orang-orang yang bertakwa. Al-Furqan 25: 74


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TAFSIR

1. Ikrimah: Orang2 yg beriman tidak mengharapkan Allah mengurniakan mereka isteri-isteri dan anak-cucu lawa atau berpangkat, tetapi berharap agar dikurniakan mereka yang taat kepada-Nya

2. Hasan al-Basri: Allah melihat kpd seseorang hamba Muslim itu apabila isterinya, saudaranya, anak-anaknya, teman-temannya taat kpd Allah..


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Khalifah Umar mendapati ramai drp peniaga2 susu telah berlaku khianat – campur air dlm susu yg dijual.

Arahan melarang mereka melakukan dan amaran hukuman

Seorang anak menegah ibunya melakukan demikian: “Amirul Mu’minin mungkin tidak melihat, tapi tuhan Amirul Mu’minin Maha Melihat


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FASA2 PERKEMBANGAN

وقارا ه لل ترجون ال لكم ما

Mengapa kamu tidak percaya akan kebesaran Allah? أطوارا خلقكم وقد

Padahal Dia sesungguhnya telah menciptakan kamu dalam beberapa fasa perkembangan.

Al-Tawbah 71: 13-14


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لتبلغوا ثم يخرجكمطفال منعلقةثم مننطفةثم هوالذيخلقكممنترابثممسمىولعلكم ولتبلغواأجال ومنكممنيتوفىمنقبل لتكونواشيوخا �أشدكمثم � تعقلون

“ He it is Who created you from dust, then from a sperm drop, then from a clot, then He brings you forth as a child, then that you may attain your maturity, then that you may be old-- and of you there are some who are caused to die before-- and that you may reach an

appointed term, and that you may understand ”. Ghafir 40: 67


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Developmental Psychology–

Fiqh Perspective Ahliah al-Wujub Naqisah

(Prenatal stage) Ahliah al-Wujub Tammah/Kamilah

(From birth to mumaiyyiz) Ahliah al-Ada’ Naqisah

(From mummaiyyiz to bulugh -) Ahliah al-Ada’ Tammah/Kamilah

(From bulugh to death, as long as he/she is `aqil)


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When is the starting point of Islamic Parenting?


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0-2 YEARS


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REFLEXES


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PERCEPTUAL DEVELOPMENT

Vision Visual acuity: Clear for 8-10 inches; Good

vision by 6 months Visual preference

Depth Perception Visual Cliff experiment (Walk & Gibson, 1961)

Other Senses Auditory memory Direction of sound

Taste & Smell


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BRAIN DEVELOPMENT•


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PSYCHOMOTOR DEVELOPMENT


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Perkembangan Sosial Attachment - the emotional bond

between an infant and the primary caregiver. Secure - willing to explore, upset when

mother departs but easily soothed upon her return.

Avoidant – unattached; explore without “touching base.”

Ambivalent - insecurely attached; upset when mother leaves and then angry with mother upon her return.

Disorganized-disoriented – insecurely attached and sometimes abused or neglected; seemed fearful, dazed, and depressed.

Menu


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Trust versus mistrust - first stage of personality development in which the infant’s basic sense of trust or mistrust develops as a result of consistent or inconsistent care.

Autonomy versus shame and doubt - second stage of personality development in which the toddler strives for physical independence.


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ISLAMIC PARENTING STRATEGIES

Exposure to basic colours/shapes, Islamic pictures, pictures of natural beauty

Exposure to objects with differing distance Exposure to different and contrasting faces Exposure to activities requiring the usage of hands and

legs – but don’t force Touch Nafqah zahir


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Auditory: Azan, Qur’anic readings, natural sounds, arranged sounds

Taste and smell: breastfeeding, tahnik, fruits/vegetables, natural smell, perfurme

Touch: shave hair Others: Aqiqah, good names, khitan Issue: Barakah


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مع وجعللكمالس تعلمونشيئا واللهأخرجكممنبطونأمهاتكماللعلكمتشكرون بصارواألفئدة �واأل

“It is He who brought you forth from the wombs of your mothers when you knew nothing; and He made for you hearings, visions and the hearts (af’idah ( So that you may give thanks.”

Al-Nahl 16: 78


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تشكرون ما قليال بصارواألفئدة واأل مع لكمالس �وهوالذيأنشأ

“It is He who has created/developed (ansha’a for you hearing, vision, and the heart). But little did you give thanks.”

Al-Mu’minun 23: 78


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LESSONS ON AQIDAH

Allah has the power of the development of our 0-2 years old children. Don’t forget du’a and tawakkal.

Kisah: Nabi Musa dan Nabi Isa AS


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ISSUES:

Computers: The good and the bad


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2-5 YEARS OLD


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FOUNDATION: SPIRITUAL EDUCATION Religious fitrah/nature – understanding

aqidah in its simplest form Introduce them to Allah, His attributes

and His greatness Introduce them to Al-Anbiya’ and their

struggles, the role of angels and devils, the Day of Judgement


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PHYSICAL DEVELOPMENT

Gross Skills: Walking, running, balancing, co-ordinating.

Fine Skills: Fingers, toes, eyes e.g. drawing, writing,

holding, throwing, waving, catching, etc.


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Hygiene at home and the environment Avoiding/treating illnesses e.g. immunes

system, weather, medication Diet: Halal and tayyib – balanced, no

intoxicant Physical games e.g. playground,

exercise, sports Adab while eating, drinking, and sleeping


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Hadith: “Cleanse your body so that Allah will cleanse you.” (riwayat Tibrani)

Hadith: “Indeed Allah is good and He likes good things. He is clean and He likes clean things. (riwayat Tirmizi)

Issue: Cleanliness in UK


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Hadith: "There is a cure for every disease. Whenever an illness is treated with its right remedy, it will, by Allah's permission, be cured." (Muslim)

Issue: Children’s Health


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Hadith: "No human ever filled a container more evil than his belly. The few morsels needed to support his being shall suffice the son of Adam. But if there is no recourse then one third for his food, one third for his drink and one third for his breath." (Ahmad and At-Tirmidhi)

Issue: Children’s Diet


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COGNITIVE DEVELOPMENT Preoperational stage - the preschool child learns to

use language as a means of exploring the world. Egocentrism - the inability to see the world through

anyone else’s eyes. Centration - the tendency of a young child to focus only

on one feature of an object while ignoring other relevant features.

Conservation - the ability to understand that simply changing the appearance of an object does not change the object’s nature.

Irreversibility - the inability of the young child to mentally reverse an action.

Still depends on individuals and culture


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ISLAMIC PARENTING STRATEGIES Imam Al-Ghazali RH on understanding

concepts via language: Teach the concepts of khusyu’, tawadu’,

raja’, adil, hikmah, shaja’ah, hubb, iffah Start early: Use models/examples May not understand fully at first, but they

will when they reach 5-6 years old.


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SOCIAL DEVELOPMENT


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Initiative vs guilt – the preschool-aged child strives for

emotional and psychological independence and attempts to satisfy curiosity about the world.


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PARENTING STYLES

Authoritarian parents Control behaviour rigidly; unquestioning

obedience Permissive-indifferent parents

Too little control; fail to set limits on behaviour; neglectful & inattentive

Permissive-indulgent parents Attentive & supportive; fail to set limits on

behaviour Authoritative parents

Provide firm structure & guidance w/o being overly controlling; listen to children’s opinion; give explanations for their decisions; made clear that parents who make & enforce rules


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Outcomes

Authoritarian parents Children: poor comm. Skills, moody,

withdrawn, distrustful Permissive-indifferent parents Children: overly dependent, lacking in social

skills, self-control Permissive-indulgent parents Children: immature, disrespectful,

impulsive, out of control Authoritative parents Children: self-reliant, socially responsible


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Hadith: Rasulullah SAW kissed Hasan dan Husain RA

Hadith: Rasulullah SAW let them play ‘horse’ while he’s prostrating during salat jama’ah at the mosque

Hadith: letting Aishah RA play with dolls Imam al-Ghazali: Let the children play

after studying/learning


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ISLAMIC PARENTING STRATEGIES Teach the meaning of life: what, why,

where, when, how? Allah’s existence; role in this world,

human nature e.g. good vs. evil Teach good spoken language Expose to natural beauty Expose to good readings


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Muhammad al-Ghazali: Exposure to nature will cleanse the fitrah, ensure healthy physical/spiritual development, and develop thinking skills

Opportunity in UK? Examples of good readings


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SEXUAL DEVELOPMENT

Started to know that gender cannot be changed

Issue: Where does baby come from?


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Encourage social interaction e.g. mosques, Islamic activities, and school activities

Encourage good deeds; Make them aware of bad deeds

Educate on collective ibadah Teach the differences between boys and

girls Teach adabs


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LESSONS ON AQIDAH

Allah has the power over the development of 2-5 years old children

Western secular theories are based on scientific observation but still have biases in terms of methods and cultural influences


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ISSUES

Nursery, Maids, or Full-time mother? Music: The goods and the bads?


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6-12 YEARS OLD


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PHYSICAL DEVELOPMENT

Massive bone/muscle development Puberty: secondary sexual

characteristics Girls: breast Boys: shoulder and voice Girls: earlier than boys


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COGNITIVE DEVELOPMENT

Can think logically; not yet abstract thinking

Can classify, make analogy, etc. Ibn Umar cognitive development:

Prophet SAW playing riddles


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SOCIAL DEVELOPMENT

Industry vs inferiority – the adolescent strives for a sense of

competence and self-esteem.


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SEXUAL DEVELOPMENT

Learn the do’s and don’ts in sexual behaviour

Learn gender-appropriate behaviour


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ISLAMIC PARENTING STRATEGIES Encourage physical activities e.g.

playground, sports, bicycle, scooter, roller-blade, skiing

Encourage creative arts: cutting, pasting, moulding, drawing, writing, etc.

Self-service: tying shoelaces, brush teeth


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Explain human role in this world Educate on amal salih Instill reading habits Teach the function of male and female

(both biology and fiqh); adab in interacting with the opposite sex, and why both needs each other (marriage)

Issue: the origin of homosexuality


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LESSONS ON AQIDAH

Allah has the power of the development of 6-12 years old children

Examples: Ali, Aishah, Kisah Perang Uhud, Usamah ibn Zayd, Sultan Muhammad Al-Fatih


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ISSUES

National school, Islamic School, Both, or Integrated School?

To facebook or not to facebook? Too much exposure to secularism and/or

christianity Exposure to khilaf mazhab


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DU’AT PARENTING

The family Nabi2 AS, Sahabat RA, Salaf al-Salih RH are family of da’wah and jihad

All amal ibadah are connected with iman; And all amal da’wah are based on amal ibadah

Long-term goal for ummah, not just short-term goal for family

Also human being: need emotional and social support from da’wah community


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ACTIVITIES

Salat jama’ah; Tilawah al-Qur’an; Zikir ma’thurat

Tazkirah/Usrah/Halaqah on iman, meaning of Qur’an/Hadith, sirah Nabi and Sahabah

Ziarah da’wah/tarbiah/charity Islamic picnic/camping Social activities


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PARENTS NEED CRITICAL THINKING TOO Nabi Nuh AS failed as parent? Isu 2: Nabi Ibrahim AS neglected his

son? Isu 3: Nabi Yaakub AS practice

favouritism? Isu 4: Early childhood experience Nabi

Musa vs. Nabi Muhammad


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Tasbih Kaffarah…

islamic parenting

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