interpersonal skills ecstasy

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Developing Interpersonal Skills

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After reading this segment, you will be able to:

Work harmoniously with others

Evaluate and accept responsibilities

Identify methods you use to respond to conflict

Work in teams more efficiently

Introduction

You may be accustomed to doing things on your own, but sometimes two heads are better than

one. Considering the ideas of co-workers, even if they are different from yours, leads to creativeand effective approaches to solving problems and getting work done.

Employers appreciate employees who get along with people at all levels; therefore, they seek

employees who have good interpersonal skills, such as communication, problem solving, and

teamwork abilities. Interpersonal skills enable you to work with others harmoniously and

efficiently.

Working well with others involves understanding and appreciating individual differences. It also

means using those differences to your best advantage.

Follow these links to find out more about various interpersonal skills:

Developing Assertive Approaches

Accepting Responsibilities

Resolving Conflicts

Working in Teams

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Ten Ways to Improve Your Interpersonal Skills

Dont discount the importance of interpersonal skills in the workplace. How you are perceived by

your manager and coworkers plays a large role in things as minor as your day-to-day happiness at

the

No matter how hard you work or how many brilliant ideas you may have, if you cant connect with

the people who work around you, your professional life will suffer. The good news is that there are

several concrete things that you can do to improve your social skills and become closer to your

colleagues. All of these tools will ultimately help you succeed in todays working world.

Try these 10 helpful tips for improving your interpersonal skills:

1. Smile. Few people want to be around someone who is always down in the dumps. Do your

best to be friendly and upbeat with your coworkers. Maintain a positive, cheerful attitude

about work and about life. Smile often. The positive energy you radiate will draw others toyou.

2. Be appreciative. Find one positive thing about everyone you work with and let them hear

it. Be generous with praise and kind words of encouragement. Say thank you whensomeone helps you. Make colleagues feel welcome when they call or stop by your office. If

you let others know that they are appreciated, theyll want to give you their best.

3. Pay attention to others. Observe whats going on in other peoples lives. Acknowledge

their happy milestones, and express concern and sympathy for difficult situations such asan illness or death. Make eye contact and address people by their first names. Ask others

for their opinions.

4. Practice active listening. To actively listen is to demonstrate that you intend to hear and

understand anothers point of view. It means restating, in your own words, what the otherperson has said. In this way, you know that you understood their meaning and they know

that your responses are more than lip service. Your coworkers will appreciate knowing thatyou really do listen to what they have to say.

5. Bring people together. Create an environment that encourages others to work together.

Treat everyone equally, and don't play favorites. Avoid talking about others behind their

backs. Follow up on other people's suggestions or requests. When you make a statement orannouncement, check to see that you have been understood. If folks see you as someone

solid and fair, they will grow to trust you.

6. Resolve conflicts. Take a step beyond simply bringing people together, and becomesomeone who resolves conflicts when they arise. Learn how to be an effective mediator. If

coworkers bicker over personal or professional disagreements, arrange to sit down withboth parties and help sort out their differences. By taking on such a leadership role, youwill garner respect and admiration from those around you.

7. Communicate clearly. Pay close attention to both what you say and how you say it. A

clear and effective communicator avoids misunderstandings with coworkers, collegues, andassociates. Verbal eloquence projects an image of intelligence and maturity, no matter what

your age. If you tend to blurt out anything that comes to mind, people wont put much

weight on your words or opinions.

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8. Humor them. Dont be afraid to be funny or clever. Most people are drawn to a person that

can make them laugh. Use your sense of humor as an effective tool to lower barriers and

gain peoples affection.9. See it from their side.Empathy means being able to put yourself in someone elses shoes

and understand how they feel. Try to view situations and responses from another persons

perspective. This can be accomplished through staying in touch with your own emotions;those who are cut off from their own feelings are often unable to empathize with others.

10. Don't complain. There is nothing worse than a chronic complainer or whiner. If you

simply have to vent about something, save it for your diary. If you must verbalize yourgrievances, vent to your personal friends and family, and keep it short. Spare those around

you, or else youll get a bad reputation.

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Inter - Personal Skills

The ability to have authentic relationships with people that result in win-win outcomes. People

with interpersonal skills are appropriately assertive and have the potential of being able to

communicate with people on the right wavelength. When working with people, either singly or ingroups and teams, they consistently secure high levels of agreement and commitment.

Inter-personal skills are a crucially important capability in a world where people are caught up in

new technologies, suffering from information overload and lack of human warmth and emotional

intelligence.

Assertiveness

Safeguard your rights in a way that doesn't violate other people's rights

Express yourself in ways that are clear and unambiguous

Be open and honest about your motives and intentions.

Communication

Encourage open communication within your organization

Speak more effectively

Pay attention to body language to improve your verbal and listening skills

Employ 'active listening' skills to aid understanding of the message being conveyed

Write in a concise, informative, clear and relevant manner.

Face-to-Face Skills

Convey clearly what you want to achieve and how

Generate the reactions you want from other people

Help you to respond to people's behavior appropriately

Keep the interaction moving towards a successful conclusion.

Influencing

Elicit information, understanding and trust from the influence with questioning techniques

Reason with the person you seek to influence in order to help them see the logic and

benefits of your proposals

Use clear verbal behavior to ensure that your proposals are easy to understand and

attractive to the person you are trying to influence

Use positive body language to reassure people, as well as observe other people's body

language for clues as to how they feel and what they are thinking.

Negotiating

Involving the other party and their interests in the decision-making process

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Planning how you will conduct yournegotiations, e.g. logistics for the meeting, preparing

proposals and counter-proposals

Remaining focused on what you want to achieve from the negotiations, rather than on

bargaining positions or people's behavior

Standing your ground when faced with difficult opponents and intimidatory tactics.

Team working

Become an enthusiastic, committed team member

Behave in ways that enhance the performance of the teams to which you belong

Participate fully in team discussions

Play your part in creating a supportive team spirit.

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Assertiveness in the Workplace

Answer the statements using the following rating system:

1 Never..

.4 Usually

2 Rarely..

.5 Always

3 Sometimes..

...

1. can say no to high-pressure sales people __________

2. I can return defective merchandise to the store __________

3. I can speak out if someone butts in front of me in line __________

4. I can listen to someone point out a mistake I made without becoming defensive or upset__________

5. I can speak in front of a group without undue anxiety __________

6. I can complain about an unreasonable workload __________

7. I can maintain my point of view in the face of a disagreement from an aggressive,

opinionated person __________

8. I am able to negotiate salary increases, changes in job title or function __________

9. I am able to ask questions and request further information without fear of sounding stupid

or incompetent __________

10. Can object when I feel I am being treated unfairly __________

11. I can stand up for my rights when someone in authority is rude or unreasonable

__________

12. I can insist that my landlord (mechanic, repairman, etc) make repairs, adjustments orreplacements, which are his/her responsibility __________

13. I can request the return of borrowed money or items without being apologetic __________

14. When I need help or a favour from a friend, I can ask directly for what I want rather thanusing indirect means like hinting __________

15. I can make the first move towards beginning a friendship with someone I am getting toknow __________

16. I can refuse to do something I don't feel like doing, without feeling guilty __________

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Assertive Versus Unassertive and Aggressive

Behavior

Many people are concerned that if they assert themselves others will think of their behavior as

aggressive. But there is a difference between being assertive and aggressive.

Assertive people state their opinions, while still being respectful of others. Aggressive people

attack or ignore others' opinions in favor of their own. Passive people don't state their opinions atall.

The chart below gives some examples of the differences between passive, aggressive, and assertive

behavior.

Differences Between Passive, Aggressive, and Assertive Behavior. Passive Behavior (The PassivePerson) -- Aggressive Behavior (The Aggressive Person) -- Assertive Behavior (The Assertive

Person).

Passive Behavior: Is afraid to speak up

Aggressive Behavior: Interrupts and 'talks over' others

Assertive Behavior: Speaks openly

Passive Behavior: Speaks softly

Aggressive Behavior: Speaks loudly

Assertive Behavior: Uses a conversational tone

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Passive Behavior: Avoids looking at people

Aggressive Behavior: Glares and stares at others

Assertive Behavior: Makes good eye contact

Passive Behavior: Shows little or no expression

Aggressive Behavior: Intimidates others with expressionsAssertive Behavior: Shows expressions that match the message

Passive Behavior: Slouches and withdrawsAggressive Behavior: Stands rigidly, crosses arms, invades others' personal space

Assertive Behavior: Relaxes and adopts an open posture and expressions

Passive Behavior: Isolates self from groups

Aggressive Behavior: Controls groups

Assertive Behavior: Participates in groups

Passive Behavior: Agrees with others, despite feelingsAggressive Behavior: Only considers own feelings, and/or demands of others

Assertive Behavior: Speaks to the point

Passive Behavior: Values self less than othersAggressive Behavior: Values self more than others

Assertive Behavior: Values self equal to others

Passive Behavior: Hurts self to avoid hurting othersAggressive Behavior: Hurts others to avoid being hurt

Assertive Behavior: Tries to hurt no one (including self)

Passive Behavior: Does not reach goals and may not know goals

Aggressive Behavior: Reaches goals but hurts others in the process

Assertive Behavior: Usually reaches goals without alienating others

Passive Behavior: You're okay, I'm not

Aggressive Behavior: I'm okay, you're not

Assertive Behavior: I'm okay, you're okay

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Tips for Behaving More Assertively

If you want to be more assertive, but aren't sure how, here are some tips to get you started. But

remember, the best way to become more assertive is through practice. Visit the Role Playing andSample Situations section of this course for some test cases and try practicing with friends, family,

or counselors.

Speak up when you have an idea or opinion.

This is one of the biggest steps toward being more assertive and can be easier than you think. Itmay be as simple as raising your hand in class when you know the answer to a question,

suggesting a change to your boss or coworkers, or offering an opinion at a party (even if it's just

your opinion of a new movie or book.)

Stand up for your opinions and stick to them.

It can be a little harder to express opinions and stick to them when you know that others may

disagree, but try to avoid being influenced by others' opinions just out of the desire to fit in. You

may change your mind when someone presents a rational argument that makes you see things in anew light, but you shouldn't feel a need to change your mind just because you're afraid of what

others may think. Like as not, you'll gain more respect for standing up for yourself than you will

for not taking a stand.

Make requests and ask for favors.

Most people find it hard to ask for help when they need it, but people don't always offer without

being asked. As long as your requests are reasonable (for example, "Would you mind holding the

door while I carry my suitcase to the car?" as opposed to "Would you mind carrying my suitcase tothe car while I hang out and watch TV?") most people are willing to help out. If your requests are

reasonable (meaning, would you agree or respond kindly if someone asked the same of you?),

don't feel bad about asking.

Refuse requests if they are

unreasonable.

It's perfectly appropriate to turn down requests if they are

unreasonable or if you don't have the time or resources.For example, if someone asks you to do something that

makes you feel uncomfortable or you think is wrong, it's

fine to simply say no ("I'm sorry but I don't feel rightdoing that" or "I'm sorry but I can't help you with that.")

It's also fine to turn down someone if you feel

overwhelmed. If you are concerned that you aren't being

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fair to others, ask if their favors are fair to you (would you ask the same of them? would you

expect them to say yes every time?) You can always offer to help in the future or help in another

way ("I'm sorry but I don't have time to help you with that today, but I could help you tomorrow"or "I won't write your report for you, but I'd be happy to talk to you about it and read it over when

you're done.") As long as you don't turn down every request that comes your way, you shouldn't

feel guilty.

Accept both compliments and feedback.

Accepting compliments seems easy, but people often make little of them because they are

embarrassed ("Oh it was nothing" or "It's not a big deal".) But don't make less of your

accomplishments. It's fine to simply say "thank you" when people give you compliments -- justdon't chime in and begin complimenting yourself or you'll lose their admiration pretty quickly!

("You're right, I AM great!") Similarly, be prepared to accept feedback from others that may not

always be positive. While no one needs to accept unwarranted or insulting advice, if someonegives you helpful advice in the right context, try to accept it graciously and act upon it. Accepting

feedback (and learning from it) will often earn you respect and future compliments.

Question rules or traditions that don't make sense or don't

seem fair.

Just because something 'has always been that way' doesn't mean it's fair. If you feel a tradition or

rule is unfair to you or others, don't be afraid to speak up and question why that rule exists. Rather

than break a rule or law, find out the reasoning behind it. If you still think it's wrong, talk to friendsor coworkers, work with counselors and legislators, and see if there is a way to change it. While

some rules are less flexible and should be respected (for example, a family's decision not to allow

cigarette smoking in their house or the state laws about drunk driving), others may be open todebate (for example, why a public place doesn't have wheelchair access or your school computers

aren't compatible with assistive technology.)

Insist that your rights be respected.

While you want to choose your battles carefully (the right to equal pay in the workplace isprobably more important than your right to wear your Hawaiian T-shirt to work on Fridays), you

do have basic rights that you should feel comfortable standing up for. Some of these rights may be

guaranteed you under law, such as your medical, employment, and educational rights. Other rights

may involve basic courtesy - such as the right to be treated fairly, equally, and politely by friends,coworkers, and family.

Accepting Responsibilities

Accepting responsibilities that go along with your career can help you to advance in yourprofession. The responsibilities you will be facing at work consist of

responsibilities that come with the job,

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responsibilities that you voluntarily assume, and

responsibilities that arise from a situation.

Usual Work Responsibilities

Your everyday work responsibilities should be clearly described to you upon being hired. Theseresponsibilities will vary from career to career; however, overall they consist of tasks that get work

completed and objectives met for the employer.

Your entry-level position may cover a wide range of duties, so if you are asked to perform a duty

that is not in your job description, check with a mentor or friend. It is better to say refuse to do thework than to repeatedly perform poorly or to complete a task that is someone elses responsibility.

If you are not sure how a duty should be performed, always ask for clarification.

If you make an error, take ownership for the error; it is a sign of growth and maturity.

If someone corrects your error, you should show appreciation and not feel threatened.

Additional Responsibilities

Accepting additional responsibilities can be done

voluntarily or involuntarily. In most realistic work

situations, you will be asked to accept responsibilitiesthat are not included in your job description. Handling

these requests in a positive and assertive manner can

lead to career success.

By taking on additional responsibilities, you can

learn new skills,

improve your chances for advancement,

make a positive contribution to the department

and company,

assist a co-worker, and

help meet deadlines.

New skills and additional responsibilities can always

be added to your rsum, thus making you more

employable.

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Resolving Conflicts

Conflict occurs in situations in which there is opposition. Opposition occurs when a solution

cannot be found in a disagreement. Conflict resolution involves identifying areas of agreement and

areas of compromise so that a solution to the disagreement or conflict occurs.

Many causes of conflict arise due to miscommunication. In these situations, your assertiveness

skills are of special need. For example, active listening will help you to hear the real message.

Sometimes you hear the wrong message due to one or more of the following factors:

Cultural differences

Differences of opinion

Unclear roles or expectations

Emotional responses to an issue or

person

Unequal status Misunderstanding of the language

Becoming aware of these barriers to

effective listening can allow you to work

towards focussing on the message and theintention, rather than on distracters.

There are five methods to handle conflict:

Running away

Being obliging to the other party

Defeating the other party

Winning a little/ losing a little

Co-operating

Which method do you typically follow? Use the following chart to list situations in which you use

these methods.

Flee Oblige Defeat Win/Lose Co-operate

Resolving conflict is an art of communication, as are listening and trying to come to a happysolution for everyone. Talk about what is bothering you, listen to the other partys explanation, and

come to a solution that satisfies both you and the other person. This usually works. Co-operation

reduces anger, stress, and frustration.

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Working in Teams

The amount of work to be accomplished in todays work environments has increased about as fast

as the technological advances have permitted. Since the work to be done is often complex,

requiring the expertise of several individuals, teams are formed to meet deadlines, projectrequirements, and budgets.

Employers greatly value individuals who can work effectively in teams because they can

contribute efficiently to the organizations goals,

complete complex projects rapidly, and

respect other team members thoughts and opinions.

Listen to what people have to say, and help them in any way you can. Communicate ideas at staff

meetings even if you have not fully thought the ideas through. You may be surprised that with the

ideas and creativity of your co-workers, your idea can be brought to fruition. Consequently, youmay be asked to lead a team project; dont hesitate to take charge when appropriate.

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Bring Out the Leader in Each Employee

If you're a business owner with a team of employees, you are a business leader. Good leaders

understand the link between happy and fulfilled employees and satisfied customers and clients.

Your employees can be a goldmine of good ideas and creative energy, as well as your strongest

resource, provided

Here are some ways you can bring out the leader in each of your employees:

Be an Encourager. Employees often have fresh ideas or suggestions, but may not voice

those ideas because they don't feel their manager is interested in hearing what they have to

say. Encourage your employees, regardless of their status within your business, to

contribute their ideas. Even if you decide an employee's idea won't work, thank them fortheir suggestion and encourage them to continue suggesting new ideas.

Get Everyone Involved. Leaders who aggressively solicit ideas from their staff usually

find that doing so improves morale, which in turn creates positive change within thebusiness. Strive to foster a climate of openness within your business. Attempt to engage

your employees in the innovation process, and reward them for their input with verbal

thanks and positive encouragement along the way. Get to Know Each Employee Personally. It's impossible to motivate employees without

first getting to know them. Make a point of having a one-on-one meeting with each

member of your staff. Once you start to gauge the strengths of each member of your team,

you can help them develop leadership capacities that suit those strengths, as well asstrategies to improve upon any possible weaknesses.

Reward Great Ideas. It's important to acknowledge and reward employees whose good

ideas help lead to positive changes. You may consider establishing an award or giving a giftof recognition. Then, get out of the employee's way and let him or her lead the

development opportunity (with your support).

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Find Their Motivation. Learn to recognize what motivates each employee, and encourage

those things in each of them. This will coax your employees to become leaders instead of

followers. With a little perseverance, your team will begin to work collaboratively to leadthe business to success.

Develop a Sense of Urgency. To make leaders out of your employees, each must believe

that they have an urgent and worthwhile purpose within the organization. Establishing asense of urgency and direction will help them know what your expectations are, andprompt them to take on a more meaningful role in the company today.

Keep Your Employees Informed. Praise your employees for what they're doing right, and

inform them about what they could be doing better. Challenge each of them to be the bestthey can be. Keeping your staff informed will foster respect and help them better meet your

combined goals.

Provide Positive Feedback. Reinforcement encourages employees to develop their skills

to their maximum potential. Use your leadership tools coaching, counseling, andmentoring to help motivate them. And walk the walk as much as you talk the talk.

Failing to lead by example can foster resentment and lead to low morale. Be sure to check

outDo As I Do: How to Lead by Example for some helpful pointers. Allocate Decision-Making Power. Empower your employees by giving them the ability

(within reason) to make key decisions relating to their jobs and duties. The more faith and

trust you place in them, the more likely they will be driven to succeed and to impress you.

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