Inter-personal Dynamics in Couples

Inter-personal Dynamics in Couples

Catalina WoldarskyPsyc 3430 MApril 1, 2008

Catalina WoldarskyPsyc 3430 MApril 1, 2008

OutlineOutline

Overview of couples research Predictors of divorce - J. Gottman “we-ness” - D. Reid Approaches to working with

couples Emotion-focused couple therapy

Overview of couples research Predictors of divorce - J. Gottman “we-ness” - D. Reid Approaches to working with

couples Emotion-focused couple therapy

Overview of Research Overview of Research

Why study couples? increased rates of accidents, physical

illness, suicide, violence and homicide Couples Distress

communication, lack of emotional concern, infidelity

individual psychopathology Diverse methodologies

Why study couples? increased rates of accidents, physical

illness, suicide, violence and homicide Couples Distress

communication, lack of emotional concern, infidelity

individual psychopathology Diverse methodologies

Gottman & Levenson (1992)

Gottman & Levenson (1992)

Objective: to identify predictors of divorce

Multi-method approach “Rapid Couples Interaction Scoring

System” was developed & used to group couples into 2 groups: Regulated Couples Non-regulated Couples

This distinction allowed for prediction of marital dissolution with 75% accuracy in a 4 year study

Objective: to identify predictors of divorce

Multi-method approach “Rapid Couples Interaction Scoring

System” was developed & used to group couples into 2 groups: Regulated Couples Non-regulated Couples

This distinction allowed for prediction of marital dissolution with 75% accuracy in a 4 year study

Gottman’s ResearchGottman’s Research

Regulated couples+ve probl-solv behav > -ve probl-solv behav

neutral/+ve probl description, assent, humour

Non-regulated couples -ve probl-solv behav > +ve probl-solv

behav complaint, criticism, defensiveness

Regulated couples+ve probl-solv behav > -ve probl-solv behav

neutral/+ve probl description, assent, humour

Non-regulated couples -ve probl-solv behav > +ve probl-solv

behav complaint, criticism, defensiveness

The 4 Horsemen of Apocalypse

The 4 Horsemen of Apocalypse

“Cascade Model of Dissolution” - using these 4 variables, prediction of divorce increased to 85% Contempt = greatest predictor of divorce Criticism Defensiveness Stonewalling

Later divorcing is predicted by ABSENCE of +ve affect (affection, interest & humour) NOT simply presence of -ve affect

“Cascade Model of Dissolution” - using these 4 variables, prediction of divorce increased to 85% Contempt = greatest predictor of divorce Criticism Defensiveness Stonewalling

Later divorcing is predicted by ABSENCE of +ve affect (affection, interest & humour) NOT simply presence of -ve affect

Stable MarriagesStable Marriages

Volatile: high on immediate persuasion attempts with

little active listening & validation Validating:

both partners actively listen & reflect back feelings before attempts to persuade

Conflict-Avoiding: very little engagement in persuasion attempts

Balance theory of marriage - each couple will find a balance btwn +ve & -ve affect (homeostasis)

Volatile: high on immediate persuasion attempts with

little active listening & validation Validating:

both partners actively listen & reflect back feelings before attempts to persuade

Conflict-Avoiding: very little engagement in persuasion attempts

Balance theory of marriage - each couple will find a balance btwn +ve & -ve affect (homeostasis)

Sound Marital House Theory

Sound Marital House Theory

Gottman & Levenson (1996) Creating shared symbolic meaning Regulating conflict Creating positive sentiment over-

ride Marital friendship

Gottman & Levenson (1996) Creating shared symbolic meaning Regulating conflict Creating positive sentiment over-

ride Marital friendship

Systemic-Constructivist approach:Integrates the intrapersonal with the Interpersonal processes and is highly contextually sensitive.

Examines how each partner’s “assumptive worlds” become intertwined in marriage

Marriage reflects intricately the ‘personalities’, deep feelings and core sense of meaning of the partners.

To be happy each partner must develop & maintain a fulfilling identity within the relationship.

In this process, each partner conjointly validates a sense of who each is. This requires considerable interpersonal awareness & commitment.

Systemic-Constructivist approach:Integrates the intrapersonal with the Interpersonal processes and is highly contextually sensitive.

Examines how each partner’s “assumptive worlds” become intertwined in marriage

Marriage reflects intricately the ‘personalities’, deep feelings and core sense of meaning of the partners.

To be happy each partner must develop & maintain a fulfilling identity within the relationship.

In this process, each partner conjointly validates a sense of who each is. This requires considerable interpersonal awareness & commitment.

The Identity of the Couple

“We-ness” - D. Reid“We-ness” - D. Reid

“We-ness” refers to the identity that each partner establishes in relationship to the other.

This sense of we-ness is a psychological construction that becomes evident in the language system that forms the bond between the married partners.

It contains an antidote to egocentric primacy & any excessive dependency or invasiveness.

It is understood that this egocentricity is at the root of many problems of communication within committed relationships.

“We-ness” refers to the identity that each partner establishes in relationship to the other.

This sense of we-ness is a psychological construction that becomes evident in the language system that forms the bond between the married partners.

It contains an antidote to egocentric primacy & any excessive dependency or invasiveness.

It is understood that this egocentricity is at the root of many problems of communication within committed relationships.

We-ness Coding ScaleWe-ness Coding Scale

LEVEL 1: Domination of “I” vs. “You.” LEVEL 2: Primacy of view, not hearing. LEVEL 3: Tacit Recognition of Relationship. LEVEL 4: Interpersonal aware, but… LEVEL 5: Share Experiences, Stories. LEVEL 6: Intuitive Sense of Self as Couple.

LEVEL 1: Domination of “I” vs. “You.” LEVEL 2: Primacy of view, not hearing. LEVEL 3: Tacit Recognition of Relationship. LEVEL 4: Interpersonal aware, but… LEVEL 5: Share Experiences, Stories. LEVEL 6: Intuitive Sense of Self as Couple.

Interpersonal Processing is the Power of Three

Interpersonal Processing is the Power of Three

“Relational Selves” in sync.= value of other.“Relational Selves” in sync.= value of other.

1.My:

ThoughtsFeelingsBeliefsDesires

IdiosynchrasiesWays of living

Culture &Family/pastexperiences

2.“Your”:

ThoughtsFeelingsBeliefsDesires

IdiosynchrasiesWays of living

Culture &Family/past experiences

3. = Us”“Us is greater than parts”

MeaningfulExperientialSelf-coherentInteractions

Approaches to working with Couples

Approaches to working with Couples

There are 3 empirically-supported approaches: Cognitive-Behavioural Couples Therapy Emotion-focused Couples Therapy Insight-oriented Couples Therapy

Common Factor: Promotion of each partner’s acceptance of the other & their differences – use of these differences to promote empathy & intimacy.

There are 3 empirically-supported approaches: Cognitive-Behavioural Couples Therapy Emotion-focused Couples Therapy Insight-oriented Couples Therapy

Common Factor: Promotion of each partner’s acceptance of the other & their differences – use of these differences to promote empathy & intimacy.

Emotional AcceptanceEmotional AcceptanceAll of these approaches work with these

assumptions: Each partner has feelings that are

understandable Each partner has a story that makes sense Each partner has hold of some truth about the

relationship Each partner has a position on the problem that

is worthy of attention & consideration Acceptance of the values of each couple &

partner as long as they DO NOT promote destructive actions

All of these approaches work with these assumptions:

Each partner has feelings that are understandable

Each partner has a story that makes sense Each partner has hold of some truth about the

relationship Each partner has a position on the problem that

is worthy of attention & consideration Acceptance of the values of each couple &

partner as long as they DO NOT promote destructive actions

EFT-CouplesEFT-Couples Greenberg & Johnson (1988) Therapy involves having partners reveal their most

vulnerable feelings to each other to promote bonding, and being able to take a self-focus to reveal and regulate one’s own emotions.

Key Intervention involves identifying & modifying the couples’ cycle (I.e., set way of responding to each other that keeps them feeling stuck)

Research has found that the single most effective way of resolving couples conflict is for partners to reveal their underlying vulnerable feelings and their attachment, identity and intimacy needs (Greenberg & Johnson, 1988; Greenberg, James, & Conry 1988, Greenberg, Ford, Alden & Johnson 1993)

Greenberg & Johnson (1988) Therapy involves having partners reveal their most

vulnerable feelings to each other to promote bonding, and being able to take a self-focus to reveal and regulate one’s own emotions.

Key Intervention involves identifying & modifying the couples’ cycle (I.e., set way of responding to each other that keeps them feeling stuck)

Research has found that the single most effective way of resolving couples conflict is for partners to reveal their underlying vulnerable feelings and their attachment, identity and intimacy needs (Greenberg & Johnson, 1988; Greenberg, James, & Conry 1988, Greenberg, Ford, Alden & Johnson 1993)

Key Dimensions:Attachment & Identity

Key Dimensions:Attachment & Identity

Emotional expression influences how others respond.

Partners form emotional attachments through their emotion systems.

Partners also form a sense of who they are, and a sense of self-esteem, through the

validation of their emotions by others.

Emotional expression influences how others respond.

Partners form emotional attachments through their emotion systems.

Partners also form a sense of who they are, and a sense of self-esteem, through the

validation of their emotions by others.

attachment

identity

Affiliation (attachment) Cycles

Affiliation (attachment) Cycles

Pursue - Distance Pursuer: Sad, Lonely, Anxious, Fears abandonment Distancer: Anxious, Angry, Insecure

Attack/Blame – Defend Same as above

Demand – Withdraw Same as above

Cling – Push away Clinger: Anxious, Helpless Push away: Anger, Burdened, Trapped

Pursue - Distance Pursuer: Sad, Lonely, Anxious, Fears abandonment Distancer: Anxious, Angry, Insecure

Attack/Blame – Defend Same as above

Demand – Withdraw Same as above

Cling – Push away Clinger: Anxious, Helpless Push away: Anger, Burdened, Trapped

Influence (Identity) CyclesInfluence (Identity) Cycles

Dominate – Submit Dominant: Fear of loss of status /control, Shame Submissive: Fear, Inadequacy, AngerDefine – Defer Same as above

Lead – Follow Leader: Anxious Follower: Inadequate, Helpless, Angry

Over-function – Under-function Same as above

Dominate – Submit Dominant: Fear of loss of status /control, Shame Submissive: Fear, Inadequacy, AngerDefine – Defer Same as above

Lead – Follow Leader: Anxious Follower: Inadequate, Helpless, Angry

Over-function – Under-function Same as above

Phases of EFT-CPhases of EFT-C Cycle de-escalation

Establishing a “working alliance” & framing issues/conflict in terms of emotional pain and deprivation of emotional needs

Identifying the negative cycle Exploring underlying emotions of each position

Change in interactional positions promoting identification with the disowned aspects of

experience that may arise in the redefined cycle the expression of specific needs and wants to restructure

the interaction Consolidation and integration

Cycle de-escalation Establishing a “working alliance” & framing

issues/conflict in terms of emotional pain and deprivation of emotional needs

Identifying the negative cycle Exploring underlying emotions of each position

Change in interactional positions promoting identification with the disowned aspects of

experience that may arise in the redefined cycle the expression of specific needs and wants to restructure

the interaction Consolidation and integration