March 31 , 2 01 4 I s s ue 9

International House Globe2

Praise Our Deities / page 3

CIR Report / page 4

Holi / page 4

What Grinds My Gears / page 5

A Week Of Preparation / page 6

Culture Vulture / page 8

Births, Deaths & Marriages / page 8

Tongues Of Flame / page 9

The Story Game / page 9

A Call To Arms / page 10

Table of contents

IH GLOBEAPril fools is coming.

SPECIAL THANKS TO THE GLOBE TEAM

When dinner was late two nights in a row (whenatih.tumblr.com)

The Globe is published weekly by Rosie Marsland on behalf of the International House Student Club. The material here is edited but uncensored and therefore the views expres-sed here do not reflect those of the editor. Please share

your ideas, opinions, ads and skills with us by emailing us at ihglobe@gmail.com

The Globe acknowledges the Wurrundjeri people as the traditional owers of this land. We pay our respects to their

elders, past and present.

Editor

Rosie Marsland

Sub-Editors

Emma Randles

Aleqiu Coeur

Design

Miguel Lontoc

Photography

Alexandre Guérin

Larnie Hewat

The Internet

Contributions

Evangeline Dowling

Alexandre Guérin

Larnie Hewat

Rahul Ingle

Sohum Raut

Sophie Sievert-Koster

Rob Soh

Tom Soh

Julia Vogel

Alexander Wojno

March 31, Issue 9 3

PRAISE OUR DEITiesHello everyone, congratulations on surviving another week of

uni. We sincerely hope you managed to hand all your assig-

nments in on time while still managing to have fun over the

weekend. Hopefully, Holi and the student club BBQ helped

you accomplish the latter. Just so you know, Holi is done in

worship of Hindu gods. Those gods are us! (RAHUL &

Tom) So, big congratulations to Maggie for setting that off

without a hitch. Now to something set up by us: the BBQ. We

hope everyone enjoyed the kangaroo meat, and for the ve-

getarians, your artificially created GMO vegetable patty. The

BBQ was meant to be a chance for all you to get to know

everyone on the student committee, if we couldn’t accompli-

FROM THE EDITOR IXHeyyoo peepity-peeps!

Well, another swell week gone by in good old Maison Internationale. I hope everyo-

ne is having much fun, while studying hard of course (ahem….). We’re well and truly

gearing up for our biggest events of the semester: Café, National Night, Ball… As Tyra

would say, “You wanna be on top?” Well I would respond, fo sho, I’m gonna do all

the things and be on top of it all, cos in the end, isn’t that what college is all about?

Experimenting, trying new things, putting your all in and seeing what happens. So

go my lovelies, do everything. but don’t forget to take care of yourselves.

Xoxo Rosie the Colourful

sh that, then it was meant to feed you all and keep you from

rioting. Now that the past has been reported, time to talk

about the future.

Café is the one event in IH that actually makes money for the

student club and all profits go to US (not Rahul, the student

club). That money is what buys a lot of the assets we have,

from sports equipment, to the awesome party lights we have,

to the other cool stuff we are going to get this year. As you

can imagine, the more money we make, the better. So please

everyone, donate to silent auction, ask your parents, relatives,

friends, neighbors for anything of value you can live without.

Also, get involved in Mexican National Night. It will be a night

of good music, performances and food followed by a party of

epic proportions. So get around it!

International House Globe4

World’s Greatest Shave!

Happening THIS SATURDAY!! Get on out and support all

those who are taking part in the challenge to support the

incredible works of the Leukaemia Foundation! Or better

yet, why don’t you sign up for the challenge yourself?! Sign

ups are available on Nexus. Check out our team page on the

World’s Greatest Shave website is called International House

Unimelb! See Don and Anthony for further details!

Lunch Below the Line

The challenge to live on $2 a day for 5 days is fast approa-

ching. If you don’t think this is possible come and find some

of the LBL (Live Below the Line) veterans at lunchtime on

Thursday who will be ‘lunching below the line’- that is eating

a meal that costs no more than $2!

Not around Thursday lunchtime?! Don’t worry! Lunch Be-

low the Line will be happening at South Lawn in Melbourne

Uni on Wednesday. The Melb Uni Oaktree Club will also

have the GIANT RICE BOWL JUMPING CASTLE!! Go on, in-

dulge that inner child within you and check it out!!

CIR REPORTWRITER: Larnie Hewat

Paint fight, henna, slip n’ slide and FREE FOOD. What more

could you ask for on a chill Saturday afternoon?

IH celebrated Holi, the Hindu festival of colours, on the Wad-

ham lawn on Saturday with a great turnout. The paint fight

kicked off a bit after 2pm to the beat of Arctic Monkeys’

‘Brianstorm’ (courtesy of Miguel’s speakers from his overloo-

king Greycourt room). In an all-out free-for-all, IH-ers hurriedly

grabbed the powdered paint, with an array of colours to choo-

se from, and started hurling it at anyone and in every direction

they could. Our dear president Rahul ran away as soon as he

saw the cloud of coloured paint encapsulate the lawn. “I’m

mostly here for the food”, he was later quoted. And speaking

of, the baking club did an amazing job at providing treats for

us to snack on before and afterwards, making up for the day’s

lunch earlier.

The tarp was later laid out, and water and detergent were ad-

ded to create a fun slip n’ slide for anyone daring enough (so-

rry Greycourt, but it’s not like you’ve been using the detergent

anyway). The sprinkler also allowed people to wash off, or just

carry their friends in to get them wet. If the paint and slide we-

ren’t enough, there was also the henna table where IHers got

to show off their artistic side, drawing some amazing designs

for those around them. Holi was a fun and successful event for

both the cultural committee and IH community, and we hope

to see you all at more cultural committee events throughout

the year!

WRITER: Robert Soh

HOLI

International House Globe5

Alright, it’s time for the verbal massacre.

Let me tell you a few things that absolutely SUCK. Human tra-

fficking. People who exploit orphans. Failing a subject by a mark.

Feminists who don’t seem to understand the concept of human

equality and constantly abuse what would otherwise be, a good

cause by asking for above and beyond ‘rights’ (maybe they’re

trying to give birth to Minists). Racists. Hypocrites. Golddiggers.

Green tea ice cream (yeah, I said it). Separate cold and hot water

taps, without oh you know, THE MIDDLE SO WE CAN ACTUALLY

FIND ‘IN-BETWEEN’ QUICKLY WHEN WE’RE SHOWERING. And

then…tram inspectors.

For those of you who know me, you’ll know of my DISDAIN for

tram inspectors…DISDAIN. These guys and girls are of course,

the friendly people who take away a substantial amount of your

hard-earned cash ($207 I believe) if you fail to produce your Myki

on the tram and tap on. Let me tell you a little story, kiddos.

Just the other day someone was telling me about an Asian Uni-

versity of Melbourne student who simply wouldn’t produce his

Myki. They grabbed him and shoved him underneath the seat at

the waiting bench at the tram stop, holding their knee against

his throat, windpipe gargling for air as he yelled, “I can’t breathe!”

Another incident details the dropping of a local female upside

down on her head by a couple of burly male tram inspectors. She

was 15 (at the time of the incident). At one point three men were

on top of her. Such atrocities don’t seem to be beyond such classy

servants of this otherwise great country.

If you’ve ever been in an uncompromising position with them,

or been fined then you’ll know of the sinking feeling in your

stomach when you see them approach, the heartbreak too

deep to be mended, the sleepless nights, the many tears you

shed on your own under the stream-of water-in-the-shower-

which-is-too-hot-and-burning-you-because-it-was-sim-

ply-taking-too-long-to-find-medium-temperature-and-you-

decided-screw-it-I’ll-just-shower-in-this-and-get-burned,

-I’m-going-to-hell-anyway-better-get-used-to-it all the while

shaking and whimpering “why, why…”. And this will chime with

fellow International students here; it’s already bad enough that

we have to shell out a fortune just to use the trams. You might

argue back, *insert bitchy voice here* “well you should obey the

law and not try to fare evade, that’s your problem then, like oh-

What Grinds my gearsmagawd, get with the times, fare evading is sooo last season.”

Well guess what? We pay $555 a week to live here in IH (totally

worth it) and enjoy all the awesomeness it has to offer, but we

also pay about $31,000-$33,000 per year in Uni fees. And keep

in mind these are all in Australian dollars; our parents’ (or rather

parent if there is a single earner in the family, as with mine) sa-

laries are in the currency of our respective countries, which lower

the amount we have upon conversion. Some of us don’t even

have student loans to rely on. In my case, it all really does add up

to an astronomical amount. Speaking of astronomical, I bet the

people who killed Galileo would be tram inspectors in modern

society, eh?

It’s funny cause they’re stuck in this Hate CycleTM (cheers for in-

troducing me to this groundbreaking concept Darcy Richardson)

where they’re grumpy people in general because they hate their

jobs because people hate them, but then again people only hate

them because they hate their jobs and are grumpy. GRUMPCEP-

TION. They’re like grumps within a grump. A chicken and the egg

scenario: what came first? Probably the public hatred.

They’re like those people who make comments about you, in

front of you, but not to you; you’d probably throw a rock at them

but you’re always just too close to get away with it. Somebody

really needs to buy them a happy meal (the one with the toy

in it :)). On judgment day these guys aren’t even gonna get a

hearing, God’s just gonna be like, nah go straight to hell, do not

pass go do not collect $200. Or should I say, $207 (LOL). I kid,

that was overboard. At the end of the day they’re human beings

with lives, and it’s probably not their chosen line of duty anyhow.

But the ones of them I truly dislike are the ones who aren’t lenient

whatsoever and follow the rules rigidly without thought or com-

passion, or who think they’re above the law and think they can

get away with excessive force and unprovoked violence. Did I just

say I dislike all of them? Oops. I myself have never been fined, U

mad tram inspectors? And I pray that day never comes. If they

ever try and grab me and randomly haul me underneath a bench,

I will not go down without a fight. In the words of Jay-Z, ‘I know

my rights so you gon’ need a warrant for that!’ In the meantime,

I will look to continue my KILLER STREAK (I swear if I just jinxed it,

I am gonna be pissed) of never having been fined. Yeah, I’m just

that great a citizen. Y’all should call me Good Sameeritan.

But hey even if I’m not, that’s still fine.

International House Globe6

MONDAY

31TUESDAY

1 WEDNESDAY

2THURSDAY

3SOCCERWatch the IH girls smash Trinity at 7am at the JJ Holland Park in Kensington!

MEMBRANE: BETWEEN FILM AND PERFORMAN-CEInterested in making mo-vies? Come along to the Student Lounge at Union House at 5pm for a chan-ce to collaborate with two of Melbourne’s most interesting filmmakers and directors. Check out the Union House Theatre website for more details!

A WEEK OFIH PLAY:DIRECTOR ANDPRODUCER APPLI-CATIONS DUEApplications for the-se positions are due by midnight tonight! More details are on the Nexus. Make sure to email your applications to Emma at emmacr@outlook.com if you’re interested!

HOCKEYCome down to the Univer-sity of Melbourne Hockey Pitch at 8am to watch the IH hockey boys dominate Newman!

HAPPY APRIL FOOL’S DAY!Just a heads up. Watch out.

LAUGHTER LUNCH-BOXHead down to the Union Theatre at 1pm for a taste of the Comedy Fes-tival’s best talent! This event is free and open to anyone.

ST HILDA’S COLLEGE DINNER SWAPTheir dinner is at 6:15pm, so make sure you meet Inika at the foyer very early with your formal gown!

March 31, Issue 9 7

MEXICAN NATIONAL NIGHT DECORATIONSHelp our beautiful Bridget bedazzle the dining hall for MNN! Even a little bit of creative input or physical labour will help make this National Night fantabulous! Can you guys beat last year’s Taj Mahal painting for Indian National Night?

FRIDAY

4SATURDAY

5 6ALL WEEK

:DAUSTRALIAN HEALTH AND FITNESS EXPOHeld at the Melbourne Convention Centre, the expo will be one of the largest fitness events in the sou-thern hemisphere with over 250 exhibitions, demos and other events - check it out online!

SUNDAY

PREPARATIONWORLD’SGREATEST SHAVEWant to see a bald Vi-shnu? Enjoy seeing the pain in a man’s eyes as his leg hairs are stripped off? Then make sure to get involved in the World’s Greatest Shave! All money raised will go to the Leukaemia Foun-dation to help support those living with Leu-kaemia and to fund vital research. For further details, talk to Don or Anthony!

ICAC PUBLICSPEAKINGThe intercollegiate public speaking competition is on tonight at IH, so make sure to come and support our speakers! Spread that panda pride!

APPLICATIONS FOR PARTY COMMITTEETonight is your last chance to get your appli-cations in or the Party Committee! If interested, please email Vishnu at vishnu180394@gmail.com or send him a face-book message explaining why you should be a part of the team (100-200 words).

International House Globe8

SNAKADAKTAL’S FINAL PERFORMANCE

CULTURE VULTUREWRITER: Alexandre Guérin

On Saturday night, a group of IHers and I went down to the

Northcote Social Club for Snakadaktal’s farewell show. After

four years, one album and two EPs, the five-piece band from

Melbourne decided to part ways and split up. This very intimate

show was their own way to say goodbye to two hundred of their

biggest fans.

We arrived at the NSC at about 11pm and had the chance to see

the end of City Calm Down’s incredible set, a perfect blend of

indie dance beats and killer guitar riffs.

At about midnight, as the lights went off, Snakadaktal, lead by

the amazing Phoebe Cockburn and Sean Heathcliff, came on

stage. For the next hour, they played songs from both their more

recent album, like the touching Hung on Tight, and older tracks

from their EPs. Air, their very first single, had the crowd singing

along and jumping about, while the poignant Ghost had me

(and the rest of the audience) tearing up. As people started

crowd surfing, they began the last part of their set, in which they

played two of my favourite songs Fall Underneath and Dance

Bear. No words can describe how perfect the combination of

Phoebe’s soothing voice and the comforting, astounding loops

of the keyboard is.

After playing their latest (and sadly last) single The Sun, all five

members joined together on stage one last time for a very emo-

tional group hug and left the audience close to tears. Their fans

will definitely miss them, and this fantastic farewell show will

always be one of my favourites.

LISTEN TO: Dance Bear, Fall Underneath, Air.

Births:

Mr and Mrs Sievert-Kloster would like to announce the birth of

The seventeen year old Sophie. 26/03/2014. Sophie would like

to thank all those who sang her Happy Birthday on the day.

Deaths:

International House would like to remember the death and re-

surrection of the IH internet on the 26th of March. On this day,

members of the IH community mourned for their best friend,

closest confidant and useful procrastination aid. Many IHers

were seen taking the number 8 tram and visiting the Botanical

Gardens.

Marriages.

Don Lakwin Kannangara and the Scheps building would like

to announce the engagement of Wyshnavi Kanesalingam and

a handsome young man. The engagement party was held on

the 27/03/14 with great attendance. Watch this space for the

wedding party.

Here’s the photo of Wysh’s man!

Births, Deaths & Marriages

By Evie Dowling

March 31, Issue 9 9

The sublime, lucent beauty of fire

Is as mysterious as it is arcane

The abysmal molten web is strewn

Whispers of terror in the language of hell

From the tongues of death, writhing in ecstasy

Prey wrapped in burning blankets, a death note sang pensive

The frenetic blaze carves its path strewn crimson shells alight,

scattered free

Archaic moans reverberate throughout the wretched field

As almighty flame pounds his deathly blow

Unbeatable, hell risen

Tongues of FlameBy Alexander Wojno

SNAPCHAT

SNAPCHAT OF THE WEEKYup, that’s a pram. And yes, that’s Luke. This is the kind of stuff that happens in Avenue. It’s also why the Avenue people are separated from

the main part of IH (loljks, love y’all xoxo).

Send in your snapchats to ‘ihglobeyo’. Seriously. Give us quality snaps, no weak stuff xx

‘Sh! We’ll wake everyone if you keep banging away at the trap

door like that!’

‘Quit your worrying! I know exactly what I’m doing. It was your

idea in the first place to try and get into the roof anyway...

wait…. I’ve got it!’

The trap door shifts with a dull thud. Lexis peers into the inky

darkness before clambering up the yellow of the trapdoor lea

ding to the illusive Scheps roof.

‘Can you se anything up there?’

‘Come see for yourself Max! Its so weird up here.’

He climbs up behind her.

‘Woah! What is this place? Wait… I can’t see anything… Let me

get my phone out.’

The white light penetrates the thick blanket of shadows. Dust

motes swirl in the air through the damp air. In the far corner of

the roof a blinking red light greets the two explorers. Lexis

walks over to the red light.

‘What is this…?’

‘I don’t know…’

Max leans in closer and reaches out to touch the light. Suddenly

it starts getting brighter and brighter until there is a great flash.

They are both blinded by light and a great gust of wind comes

and shoves them to the floor.

After a few minutes they open their eyes.

‘What was that?!’

‘I have no idea! Lets just go and pretend nothing happened.’

Max climbs down the ladder and gaspas in shock. The yellow

stairwell was red.

‘What is it?’

‘Something has changed…’

They sprint down the stairs and open the door.

A strange light washes over them.

Something’s not right.

‘Where are we?’

THE STORY GAME

What happens next? You decide! Each week, a different

IHer will continue on the next chapter of this story, deci-

ding the fate of these poor characters. Anyone can conti-

nue the story, just get in touch with Rosie or email ihglo-

be@gmail.com. Write away!”

WRITER: Julia Vogel

International House Globe10

A CALL TO ARMSIf only other colleges could experience some of the greatness that is IH. That they have had to make do with

their own substitutes is really a tragedy. It is time we expanded.

Writter: Sohum Raut

So it is with the best of intentions, from the goodness of our

hearts that we must build. We must pave a path into the future,

leading by example. To bring the glory of IH to the other colle-

ges. We shall be a beacon of hope and of progress. A symbol

they can aspire to. We will save them from the misery of their

colleges. To save them from themselves.

It will not be easy. There will always be critics of progress. But

even the most outspoken critics cannot halt the advance of the

inevitable. Change always silences the wicked. They will not

stand down but with the right tactics we may be able to nego-

tiate a peaceful surrender. And if not, so be it. We will take it by

force.

But it will be for the greater good. A more worthwhile cause I can-

not imagine. We will turn IH from the humble college it is today to

a flourishing Empire. We may not be as well funded. Or have as

comfy chairs. Or as many second generation students. But if movies

and history teaches anything, it is that the underdogs will always

succeed.

International House is uniquely positioned to conquer. The college

is on the far side, outflanking the buildings, a natural advantage.

With a tram stop outside. It is the first stop on the college crescent

and we will take the transportation network. Whoever controls the

trams, controls the entire strip.

March 31, Issue 9 11

We will distract them with Propaganda.

Show them the oppressive rule they live

under. Exploit their dissatisfaction and

gain support from within. The Globe will

go head to head with The Ormondian. A

rivalry not seen since the Murdoch and

Packer printing presses.

We must use our diversity to our advanta-

ge. With the number of Singaporeans and

students from countries with conscription

on campus. We have a small but potent

military force. Years of combat training

have left them aptly prepared for the en-

suing Coup’ De Ta. And with the number

of Asians, surely someone knows how to

fire bend.

In the dead of the night we’ll in send in

the strike teams led by Wei Ming and

Ming Kai to take out their heads of co-

lleges. Just like they did in Lao. And the

Phillipines. And Vietnam in the 60’s.

The 711 is neutral territory. Its where we

will take the sick and the wounded. Only

the dastardly and villainous at heart will

try to seize it. Expect an attempt by Or-

mond. We must capture it before them.

To sabotage it. Poison the Mi Gorengs.

Melt the ice creams. Make the Crunchy

Nut all soggy.

Next their supply lines. We’ll infiltrate un-

suspected at a dinner swap. Then steal

their plates. Flood their hot chocolate ma-

chines with cold milk. Cripple them from

within.We’ll draw out the battle if needed.

Catercare has conditioned us to go long

stretches with little to no sustenance. We

will win this war of attrition.

Schepes is home to the Arc Troopers who

will fight in the rain and through the win-

ter, a battle not of strength but of courage.

The Scheppes Tower routinely conditions

us with cold weather training. Withheaters

that produce more cold than warmth. It

takes a very special kind of heater to ac-

tually make you colder – as they are often

freezing to the touch. The residents are

the perfect weapons in a winter assault.

The Tower too is the highest point on the

Crescent. On the roof we will position sni-

pers and archers. Pick of the students one

by one as they return from classes.

The endless themed dress up parties have

left the average IHer a master of camou-

flage, blending into any terrain seamless-

ly. We’ve been trained to survive with no-

thing but the bare essentials. Every IHer

can last an entire week with only 750 me-

gabytes of internet. Not even the Com-

mandos can do that.

If we shall start to fail in this crusade. Rein-

forcements will be on the horizon. On the

seventh day, a Friday, we have but to look

to the East, in the park and we will find

allies. A batallion of knights will come to

our aid.

The cavalry will arrive to plunder and pi-

llage, take their women and children and

lock them in the soundless dungeons that

is Clunies – we will hear any escape at-

tempt – and indoctrinate them into the

ways of IH. Subjugate them to the humi-

liation of the fresher dance. With some

on the sidelines who don’t know it – but

force them to dance anyway and watch as

they mistakenly bop to the wrong beats.

Even the strongest will submit to such

psychological torture.

Once the castles of Ormond fall. There

will be none left with the might or inge-

nuity to retake their kingdom.

Soon every college will fall. And we will

spread IH across the circuit. Every colle-

ge will be International House. Everyone

will be IHers. They will be IH or they will

fall. We will quench all uprisings. We will

destroy all rebellions. And we will exact

swift vengeance upon the unsuspecting

colleges. To show them what college spirit

really means. To show them the meaning

of diversity and of friendship.

We will accept them with open arms, as

brothers and sisters, or they shall perish in

burning fire as they watch their precious

castles burn to the ground and rebuilt

from the ashes like the phoenix they will

become.

We’ll start with Whitley…. They will be the

easiest to crush.

For Mithelheim. For Narnia. For IH.

It matters not how straight the gate. How

charged with punishments the scroll. We

are the captains of our fate. We are the

masters of our soul.

This page intentionally left blank (not really, we just didn’t have anything else to add to the Globe). But seriously, if you want anything at all added to the Globe (a silly photo, something you found on

the internet, etc.) just send it to ihglobe@gmail.com and you might just become IH famous.