S e p t e m b e r 1 4 , 2 01 3 I s s ue 3

IH QUIDDITCH TEAM

International House Globe2

Order 66 / page 3

What Grinds My Gears / page 4

Serious Shit You Missed This Week / page 5

A Week of IH Celebration Calendar / page 6

ILO Report / page 8

ICAC Report / page 8

Make A RAIIIINBOW / page 19

dOllie Doctor / page 10

My First Time / page 11

Cahute Casual Crossword / page 12

Table of contents

IH GLOBEYAY FOR WITCHCRAFT AND WIZARDRY

SPECIAL THANKS TO THE GLOBE TEAM

Spotted at Ormond: CUTE LITTLE HARRY POTTER KID!

The Globe is published weekly by Rosie Marsland on behalf of the International House Student Club. The material here is edited but uncensored and therefore the views expres-sed here do not reflect those of the editor. Please share

your ideas, opinions, ads and skills with us by emailing us at ihglobe@gmail.com

The Globe acknowledges the Wurrundjeri people as the traditional owers of this land. We pay our respects to their

elders, past and present.

Editor

Rosie Marsland

Sub-Editors

Caitlin Kaine

Emma Randles

Design

Miguel Lontoc

Photography

Alison Lim

The Internet

Contributions

Maggie Greenham

Alexandre Guérin

Ollie Gadsden

Caitlin Kaine

Riley Metcalfe

Larnie Hewat

Tom Soh

Susannah Tindall

Julia Vogel

Saskia Wield

Sohum Raut

Inika Reinhardt

OCTOBER 14, Issue 3 3

ORDER 66SOOO…. This has been an exciting week, culminating with the celebration of our Valedicts at the Valedictory Dinner last Thursday. We do hope you all enjoyed the night; we certainly enjoyed walking down the dining hall to the sound of PC’s music. We should also thank the Valedicts for their generous donation of not one, but TWO mandarin trees. We look forward to picking off their fruit when CaterCare stops providing us with mandarins. As we approach the end of the semester, there are really only three things left to be excited about. First off is music night on the 17th, a great way to spend a few hours for those who are not feeling the stress of incoming exams and enjoy the wealth of musical talent here. And just on the horizon beyond that is IH DAY on the 19th. That’s right; there is a day for us to simply celebrate the awe-someness of International House and the fact that we are IHers. For this event, we

have laser tag, sumo outfits, bouncy castles and much more [(I always zone out when Vishnu starts talking (guess which one of us said this)]. A quick re-minder that as per house regulations, IH day is a DRY DAY (NO ALCOHOL IN PUBLIC AREAS) until 4pm. After that is of course the traditional HALLOWEEN PARTY, which is being held outdoors, where you can purchase drinks from

FROM THE EDITOR IIITo all my lovely IHers,

My oh my, it has been a busy week hasn’t it! From the equally hilarious and tear-jerking (for your emotional editor, anyway) Valedicts night and the most excellent afterparty that followed (props to the team who orga-nised it all), to the most magical day of Quidditch that ever was (I’ll leave it to Inika to dissect our team’s exce-llent play and the unfortunate loss that cut us off from the Finals) complete with a gelato trip down Lygon St by Maggie and her committee! I had to put myself to bed at 9pm for the first time in a very long time just to recover from it all. Now I’m up and bouncing for the week to come, however, which I shall need to be be-cause there’s even more in store for us this week! We never do slow down, do we IHers. That’s the way I like it though. Long live the panda! (and the most beautiful shoes it was wearing yesterday ;) )

Love, Rosie

the bar as per usual (we appreciate your patronage). Keep it real guys, oh and don’t forget: GM on the 20th! Get in your signed nomination slips for Café, Play, and Ball Coor-dinator to Amanda Low by Friday the 18th, but apart from that, enjoy yourselves this coming week and may

the force be with you.

International House Globe4

WHAT GRINDS MY GEARSWhat grinds my gears? The people who consistently and endlessly complain

about about less meat Monday!

To those people: 1) You’re still getting food - be grateful 2) It won’t kill you to

go without meat one night at week. In fact it’s actually healthier for you to not

consume meat everyday, honest 3) Eating less meat is better for the environ-

ment. The combined emissions from breeding animals is about 18% of the

global total each year. Breeding cows for food uses a lot more resources than

growing a field of wheat d) There are actually a large number of meat eaters

who appreciate the option of having a vego option once a week. Complainants,

have you actually tried the vegetarian alternative yourself? Heaven forbid you

may actually enjoy it f) It’s a much appreciated change for us vegos to actually

get the choice of meals. In case you haven’t noticed, we get only one option

every other night (not that we find this a problem, we understand that’s the

way it is).

Just to be clear, I’m not attempting to push my vegetarian views on anyone.

It’s my choice not to eat meat, it’s your choice to eat it - I respect your deci-

sion, please respect mine. So in case you missed my point - quit complaining!!

It’s one night a week. (Or perhaps we could follow lead from another of the

colleges and participate in Meat Free May?! A whole month without meat -

imagine!!) You’re still getting food, an option of THREE meals that night. This is

a serious case of a ‘first world problem’.

SNAPCHAT

SNAPCHAT OF THE WEEKOur queen keeping it very classy, as always. Submitted by Suzie Tindall. Keep on sending those Snapchats to ihglobeyo! YouTube Clip of the Week: ASDF Movie (1-6)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1lOEkYKYS9Q

Kane Stewart: “I finally get to bang this chick!

(I finally get to bank this cheque!)”

Kyle O’Neil: “If you need to like your own Instagram photos, get off Instagram,

that’s all I’m saying.”

OCTOBER 14, Issue 3 5

The Government of the United States has

been shut down now for close to two wee-

ks, since the Republican-controlled House

of Representatives did not pass a ‘clean’

continuing resolution, which would allow

the government to continue to fund itself

and to function. This has caused the shut-

down of numerious services – from pass-

port applications, to the (very useful) da-

tabase of chemical data stored by the US

Department of Commerce, to the Curiosity

rover on Mars. One million government

employees are working without pay; eight

hundred thousand are furloughed (tem-

porally not working.) The live panda cam

at the National Zoo is not functioning, al-

though former Speaker of the House, Newt

Gringrich has offered to pay personally to

keep it online.

In the US, the ultimate responsibility for

controlling spending belongs to the Hou-

se of Representatives only. The President

can propose budgets and veto them, but

cannot pass them alone. The House is cu-

rrently controlled by a Republican majori-

ty, led by Speaker John Boehner, and the

President, Barack Obama is a Democrat.

Boehner will only put to a vote a bill

that will defund the Affordable Care Act

(‘Obamacare,’) one of Obama’s signatu-

re pieces of legislation. Obama (and the

Senate, controlled by the Democrats,)

will only pass a continuing resolution

that does not defund the Affordable

Care Act. Boehner’s stance is primarily

driven by a group within his own par-

ty. A ‘clean’ continuing resolution (wi-

thout any language regarding the ACA,)

would likely pass, due to moderate Re-

publicans, if Boehner would allow it to

come to a vote. Boehner and Obama are

frequently in negotiations to attempt to

end the shutdown, but, ultimately, both

sides are playing a game of chicken.

Obama is hoping that Boehner’s polling

numbers drop due to the public blaming

him for the shutdown, Boehner is hoping

the opposite. Here, history is on Obama’s

side – in the last government shutdown,

Newt Gringrich was the loser in the polls.

The longer the shutdown goes on, the

worse the effects will be, on both the US

and global economy.

The next major challenge for both sides co-

mes on October 17, when if Congress does

not approve a raise in the US’s debt ceiling,

the US will start to default on its debts. This

will be the first time the US has defaulted.

The US Government would likely continue

to pay interest on its debt, although this

would mean that wages (including military

wages,) may go unpaid due to a lack of

funding. A government default would be

23 times larger than the collapse of Leh-

man Brothers, the event which started the

Great Recession in 2007. This would cause

dramatic, possibly irreversible effects on

the global economy.

The US Government shutdown shows the

consequences of a divided political system,

when negotiations fail. Few of the Repu-

blican (and Democratic,) Representatives

have much to lose electorally as a result

of their stance, as they hold extremely safe

districts some on margins of 30%, many

do not face any opposition for re-election.

Boehner and Obama will ultimately have

to compromise; the question is who will

give in first.

"SERIOUS SHIT YOU MISSED in the time since the last serious shit you missed this week"

WRITER: Riley Metcalfe

International House Globe6

MONDAY TUESDAY

15WEDNESDAY

16THURSDAY

17CHAPEL ST BAZAARFor all you market lovers, check out this veritable Aladdin’s Cave of collec-tables, memorabillia and antiques! 10am-6pm at 217 Chapel St, Prahran.

PLAY WITH YOUR FOODFree, on-campus vegan dinner hosted by the En-vironment Department at North Court, Melbourne University. Starts at 6pm.

SCHWEPPESTHOUSAND GUINEAS DAYThe Spring horse-racing carnvial continues at Caulfield today, with one of the carnival’s most exciting events! Tickets are $15 concession.

BHAKTI YOGA CLUBMantra meditation and free vegan lunch at 12pm at North Court. Gold coin donation, but you get a full vegan feast!

MUSIC NIGHT!Yay! Get down to the JCR for an entertaining night of music by some world famous bands (disclaimer: bands may not necessarily be world famous...yet). 8pm!

THE FIVE BOROU-GHS COMEDYCome have a laugh with Fiona O’Loughlin from 8:30-10:30pm at the Per-forming Arts Centre!

A WEEK OF

FREE MUSIC,BBQ AND DRINKSLoon Lake, a 5-piece in-die/rock band is playing in North Court! Free food and free drinks to accom-pany some fine free mu-sic. Did I mention free?

OCTOBER 14, Issue 3 7

FRIDAY

18SATURDAY

19 20ALL WEEK

:DRENT THE MUSICAL!Set in the East Villiage of New York City, this Tony- Award winning musical is about falling in love, finding your voice and living for today.

UMMTA has produced a version of the musical Rent by Jonathan Lar-son. Open Stage Theatre, University of Melbourne, 7:30pm, with performan-ces all this weekend and next. Tickets $25 conces-sion or $22 for a group of 8+.

DOCKLANDSSUNDAY MARKETMake the short tram ride from the CBD into Doc-klands and spend your Sunday basking in the market atmosphere.

GENERAL MEETINGBe there. Or get fined. Plus, we’ll be electing Play, Cafe and Ball Co-or-dinator, National Night, and O-Weeker Auditions! Woohoooooooo!!!

SUNDAY

IH DAY!A fun-filled day to‘celebrate IH’. A day of shenanigans and frivoli-ty for all. There will be a bouncy castle. You must attend. It will be fantas-tic.

HALLOWEEN PARTYTo celebrate the end of IH Day, Halloween Par-ty! Come well-dressed or scantily-dressed, but make sure to have a blast!

IH CELEBRATION

MELBOURNE FESTIVALOne of the world’s lea-ding arts festivals - a fantastic celebration of art and culture from around the world.

INTERNATIONAL STU-DENT SURVEYMUOSS is running a survey for all Interna-tional students for the next couple of weeks. As an incentive, there are exciting prizes to be won: hoodies, $20 vouchers as well as a brand new iPhone 5S or Samsung S4.

Hey! I hope everyone enjoyed the gelati trip, Malaysian festival, and Oktoberfest party that the Cultural

Committee lead groups to. There’s plenty of things going on in Melbourne again this week, and these are

just a few of them... Melbourne’s Lanes and Alleyways on October 20 at the Centre for Adult Education,

where you can explore the historical sites and laneways of Melbourne and learn about the colourful characters and stories from this city’s past. The Five Boroughs Comedy with Fiona O’Loughlin - Thursday 17th October, 8:30pm to 10:30pm at the Performing Arts Centre. JUMP at fed square, 1st October - 20th

October: an opportunity to see the world premiere of JUMP – an artistic interpretation of a child’s bouncy castle by British artist, Stuart Sempl. Poetry at Fed Square, 19th October - 21st December, gives you

the chance to listen as poets read their work at Fed Square. DocklandsSunday Market, 10th October

2013 - 10th October 2015, is a Sunday variety market in the heart of Melbourne’s Docklands, only seven minutes from the CBD. Dragonboat Paddling, 18th

October, with location TBA. 2013 Melbourne Festival, 11th October - 27th October: in the Melbourne CBD, Melbourne Festival is one of the world’s leading arts

festivals, and Australia’s premier celebration of art and culture from around the world. Enjoy!

ILO REPORT ICAC REPORT

On Saturday, our quidditch team intimidated the other teams with their panda eyes; the weather

was beautiful and all colleges were present, but no supporters were as strong as IH’s. We were robbed

in our first game against Newman, but Indah dodged the bludgers and scored IH’s first goal. Our second

game was against Hildas, where Michael brought us to victory when he caught the snitch only minutes

into the game.

The day was won by Hildas (but since we beat them, I think we should have won

by default). Shout out to Rowan, Phoebe, and Holly who were definitely the best dressed IHers (I’d go so far as to say the best dressed overall) at quidditch.

We cast spells, drank butter beer, and after the games the team dined in the great hall where we were addressed by Dumbledore, served by house

elves and snacked on Bertie Botts Every Flavoured Beans.

OCTOBER 14, Issue 3 9

DIY ROOM IMPROVEMENT: MELTED CRAYON ART

MAKE A RAIIIINBOWWRITER: Ollie Gadsden

In this week’s edition of DIY room improvement I will

show you how to make a colourful bit of rainbow art to

brighten up your room.

What you’ll need.

• A box of crayons

• A canvas (hot potatoes has plenty)

• Hot glue & hot glue gun (ask student club or a

friend nicely to burrow theirs) OR super glue

• A hairdryer

A step-by-step approach:

Step 1: Line up the crayons in a pattern/order you like

(rainbow is suggested) and glue them onto the top of

the canvas with hot glue or super glue. Make sure all are

firmly attached.

Step 2: Take the canvas outside or to a well-ventilated

area and set it up almost vertically on a slight angle with

the crayons at the top.

Step 3: Use the hairdryer to gently melt the crayons so

that they run/dribble down the canvas until the desired

effect is achieved. Set up some newspaper/rags to catch

the runoff drips.

Step 4: Allow to dry

Taa-Daa!! You now have a stylish, cheap and colourful art

piece to put up in your room :)

DRIFTINGDrifting up with rainbow clouds

Little puffs of fluff

White, you say.

They aren’t. Never.

Always a mix of shimmering colours

Changing

Altering

Secretly

They show the world their hues

But all we see if white

Head in the clouds

We seem to be

Drifting.

I put the tulips under all the pillows and then I set the house on

fire. Nobody was in the house. It was all completely safe. I just

had to destroy the evidence, and the memories. I remember

walking down the freshly waxed floor, staring at the carefully

polished furniture. A bubble of manic laughter escapes as the

gasoline soaks into the white leather. The smell is intoxicating,

clearing the future for a new life. I skip into the kitchen, turning

the gas on high. I see a green bird fly past the window in the

corner of my eye, followed by my father’s big, black car pulling

towards the house. Now is the time. I see them get out of the

car and their syrupy smiles turn as they see me in the house, a

barefoot maniac holding a gasoline can. I grin at them as I light

the match, and hold out a bunch of tulips left on the counter to

my pearled mother. Good bye.

TULIPS

WRITER: Julia Vogel

International House Globe10

Salutations my dearest comrades,

It has recently been brought to our, the Globe committee’s,

attention that the greater student body of international

house is in perilous and desperate need of advisory council.

International house has questions; questions that must be

answered by a doctor, in fact something better than a doc-

tor … a doctor of veterinary medicine (soon to be, possibly,

maybe.) And so I, of very little skill and qualifications, save

the phonetic resemblance of my title to that of a popular

advisory column in a woman’s magazine have set out to

immeasurably enhance the quality of your life and the dep-

th of your understanding of this crazy, twisted, macabre,

terrifying yet exhilarating experience that is college. Now

have at me my people…

Question 1. There’s this guy I like in scheps but I live

in clunies and he’s says that means our cultural divide

is just too much to over come. Also he says the stairs

provide too much of a physical barrier between us.

What should I do?

Get him pregnant and seal the deal.

Question 2. I think since moving to IH I’ve become

allergic to chicken and rice. Have you heard of the ill-

ness, is it due to overexposure and is there a cure ex-

cept escaping college food? ---’catercareitis’

I’m sorry, I’m so, so sorry… it’s terminal, you will never re-

cover. Over time you may begin to regain some normal

control over your will to eat these again, but the scarring is

so deep I’m afraid you will never recuperate your previous

affections and tolerance for these foodstuffs in their enti-

reties.

Question 3. How do I tell a group of New Building

apartment owners that I’ve been sneaking in and

using their kitchen for frying eggs? -- In-Need-of-a-

Stove

Wake them up with a fried eggs breakfast-in-bed. If they

are startled simply remind them that they never complai-

ned about your frying activities beforehand.

dOllie DoctorSOLVING IH’S PROBLEMS. KIND OF.

Question 4. What is love?

From an evolutionary perspective, love and attachment is a

biological vehicle to promote long term relationships impar-

ting such advantages as invested care in offspring and avoi-

dance of STD’s in long term sexual partners, thus increasing

the likelihood of the survival of a set of genes. The neuro-

chemical basis of love follows a series of short and long term

changes imparted by certain chemicals on the nerve structu-

re of the brain. The initial short term attraction experienced

is due to the release of Dopamine, Noradrenalin, Serotonin &

NGF, whereas the long term attachment experience of ‘love’

is achieved by high levels of Oxytocin and Vasopressin… baby

don’t hurt me no more.

Question 5. Is it wrong to fantasize about Panda? He’s

just so soft and dem eyes... ---# yearofMYpanda?

As panda and human gametes are unable to produce viable

offspring such an affection will go against your core biologi-

cal drive to procreate and will sadly not result in continuation

of your respective gene lines; however if you two are happy

together then who are we to judge what is right for you and

your continued happiness. Wishing you all the best for your

furry future.

Yours faithfully, dOllie Doctor.

OCTOBER 14, Issue 3 11

“THE FIRST TIME I REMEMBER WANTING MONEY REALLY BADLY WAS IN PRIMARY SCHOOL.”

my first time

When I was about 10 years old I had an obsession with Yu-

gioh cards. I loved everything about Yugioh, the cards, the TV

show. It was the coolest thing I’d ever seen. But I also knew

you couldn’t buy Yugioh cards if you didn’t have money. That’s

how I learned about this thing called money. You needed to

make more money to buy better Yugioh cards.

It wasn’t exactly the coolest thing to do on the playground but

I loved it anyway. I bought my first deck of Yugioh cards with

money I’d kept in my room from my birthday and it sucked. Im-

mediately I started trading them to get better cards and trying

to think of a good strategy with the cards I had.

My parents also never used to buy me lunches. They would

always pack it in a small lunchbox. After a while I started using

the Yugioh cards to play people for their lunches. That was how

it started until one day a kid wanted to play for money instead.

That’s when I realised the lunch is arbitrary. It could be money,

it could be other cards. You could play someone for anything.

A huge realisation.

WRITER: Sohum Raut

Yugioh in a strange way taught me more about how the world

worked then anything else. It was pretty much a crash course in

business without even comprehending what you were doing.

Thinking about all the little decisions and realising the reper-

cussions of them in practice. After a set of rules is established,

you can change anything inside it.

Countless hours spent arguing with other kids, making deals

where you were simultaneously trying to get the upper hand

while convincing them they had it. Arguing until you found

common ground and both got what you wanted. How diffe-

rent cards would change the leverage.

So many times you’d see a card which would be really valuable

in one deck but wouldn’t work at all in another deck. How cards

would work with other cards to form a cohesive strategy. How

combos worked and the interchangeability and interoperability

of each piece in a kind of whole is greater than the sum of its

parts kind of way. Each card is just a piece of a bigger picture.

The cards don’t even work by themselves.

Sometimes when someone had a card I really wanted but

they’d refuse to trade for it I’d challenge them to a game where

if I lost they’d get to keep all my cards but If I won I’d only get

their one card. It’s a pretty good offer and a significant risk. If I

lost, I’d lose everything. But I never did.

[Read the rest of this story and others on Sohum’s blog:

sohumraut.com]

When I get overly excited at Quidditchhttp://whenatih.tumblr.com/

International House Globe12

Across2. Jane’s Dog’s Name

4. Our former President’s full name

5. Her assistant6. Next ICAC event

7. New Building vacuum cleaner

8. Name of the park across the road

10. Person who lives in the biggest room at IH

(First and last name)11. Language Hilda

Stevenson’s ghost speaks

12. PC’s middle name13. According to our O-Week chant, who’s

CAHUTE CASUAL CROSSWORD

WRITER: Alexandre Guérin

14. Name of the footy team training in this park

Down1. Our favourite office lady (first name)

3. Full name of our very first shop girl9. Oldest building