(i will try to) fix you

7/25/2019 (I Will Try to) Fix You

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The wild grass theory.

Its just like when you were about to cut the stubborn wild grass at the backyardof your house.. If you only cut it so it cant be seen with naked eyes, it will growback again. In order to stop it from growing back, you need to cut it to its roots.

The same goes if you want to erase someones memories of you, which meansyou have to take yourself out of the timeline of his life to erase your trace. Inorder to change the outcome, you need to cut it from where they were createdrst.

Its softly raining in the middle of an autumn day.

He hisses as raindrops wash over his skin, stinging the wounds along his right

arm. He feels broken all over his body, as if his bones were crushed into pieces.He can hardly move his head. Once he can see at his left side, he catches theblurry sight of a few numbers of people in orange suits circling aroundsomething. Or maybe someone, judging by the slight tuft of jet black lockspeeking from in between.

Help,

He feels nauseous inside.

please, somebody

Then his eyes utter as they close.

help

!!

"hen he opens his eyes again, he sees an entirely di#erent environment throughhis blurry sight and stinging eyes.

He cant recogni$e the place. %aybe hes already in his own afterlife. %aybe hes

sprawled in front of some judgment court for his sins or stu#s like that. He givesup on trying, because his head is hurting so much he thinks he cant handle itanymore. &ust let it be then. He cant think of anything anyway.

'ut then something comes in sight ( a pair of legs, white sneakers and tatteredjeans. )omeone is standing in front of him. Is the person going to help*

The person kneels down. +nd he hates that he cant look up because he reallywants to see who is kneeling in front of him. He feels the ngers of his right handare being spread, opening his hand to reveal his palm. Then something warm isbeing pressed against the skin of his palm before his ngers are closed back

again.


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+ hand is caressing his head, so gently.

-Im sorry. the person says.

He really wants to see the person properly, but his eyes are closing once more.

!!

!ish "hop is a magic shop residing at the corner of the evening sky.

#our wish will be granted, if you e$change it with the most precious thing thatyou own.

!!

He opens his eyes to the sight of lilac sky in the closest distance he ever had.

/asping out of shock, he sits up abruptly, reali$ing that he is sitting on a porch ofsome kind of a house, or maybe like an anti0ue shop, judging by the e1terior andthe doors. !here am I%He wonders helplessly as he stares down at his body. Hisright arm is covered in blood, and his ngers are balled in a st.

He spread them open, revealing a plain silver band resting on is palm. !hat isthis%

-+ rough day, huh*

He turns to his side, nding someone is already standing ne1t to him, lookingdown. He doesnt know what to say, so he just stares.

The man smiles. -Im 2ay. he says with a friendly smile, o#ering his hand. -2etme help you out.

He takes 2ays hand and stands up slowly, carefully. His body aches, especially atthe back side and along his right arm. -"here is this* he asks in a whisper.-"hat3 what happened to me*

2ay takes a good look at him, drowning in silence before he comes to a

conclusion. -4ou dont remember anything, huh*

He shakes his head in defeat.

-"ell, this place, 2ay gestures at the house behind him, -is "ish )hop. +s literalas it is, this is a place where you can have your wish granted, by giving ussomething precious of your own in e1change.

)peechless, he stares at 2ay. Is this some kind of dream%-"ish3*

2ay nods. -"hat your wish would be*

&aybe this is a dream.


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-It means, you wont remember this. Our conversation, or this place, you wontremember it while you use the hourglass. 4ou know what it also means, right*

-3 you mean, he stares down at the sandglass, -that I wont remember that I

came back to 1 something.

-+nd your life might end up the same. The thing that caused you to forgeteverything, it might happen once more without you knowing. 2ay e1plains,observing the other all the while. -+nd when the last grain of the sand in it drops,you might end up forgetting everything again.

)taring helplessly at the hourglass, he weighs up and down his decision again."ill it worth everything in the end* "hat if he end up just the same after all this*

-)o, what do you say*

'ut again, his hope is in the grains of the golden sand inside that hourglass.

-I will still use it. he looks up at 2ay. -I will use it.

2ay nods, smiling again ( it looks like it holds another meaning though.-7emember, he speaks again, -once your wish is granted, you need to give thee1change for it. )omething precious that you own.

-I will give anything.

+s he was dismissed from the place, he thought he saw 2ay smiling sadly at him.

!hen you try your best, but you dont succeed!hen you get what you want, but not what you need

8KRIS WU YIFAN IRENE BAE JOOHYUN ENGAGEMENT CEREMONY | STAFFPASS

He shifts on the bench he has been sitting on, reading the fancily designed o#9white pass card for the upcoming elite and intensely guarded engagement party( its said to be the fanciest ceremony in the town for the year. He ips the cardback and forth, e1amining every single detail.

-&ust like a golden ticket, huh.

He looks up, nding his friend is towering over him with a grin. -Im not sure,man, he laughs as he looks at the card again, -wont it be like any otherceremonies weve played in*

-+re you serious, Huang :itao** 'aekhyun shrieks. -This, my man, is theengagement ceremony of ;ris "u, the one and only heir for the


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of "u =nterprise6 its going to be packed with hundreds of upper9class men andwomen who either will not pay attention to you because youre doing good ortorture you mentally because you do something visibly stupid. This is the biggestshit we will ever deal with so far. %istakes are going to be the eighth biggestsin.

Tao blinks at 'aekhyun. -"hoa, now Im freaking out.

->o, no, you are going to the ama$ing. 'aekhyun points at him, stepping asideas a guy e1cuses himself to sit on the other end of the bench ( hopefully hewont be scared by 'aekhyuns high9pitched voice. -4ou have to be ama$ing forthe sake of the entire orchestra, Tao. ?or once in a while, the piano will be theone that holds your life, not the other way around.

-That sounds3 stressing. Tao frowns, staring at the card again. -)hould I pass itto )eulgi th ( -

-"hat*** >o@@ "hat the hell are you talking about*@ 'aekhyun takes the cardo# of Taos ngers forcefully and shoves it 8gently into the pocket of his jacket.

Tao almost laughed when the guy at the other end inches in shock from'aekhyuns dolphin scream. -4oure going to keep the card, and come to thepractice tomorrow, you understand* 'ig shit, Tao, big shit.

-'ig3 shit.

-'ig shit@ 'aekhyun hu#s. ->ow e1cuse me because stupid


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-2et me tell you, the stranger speaks up and Tao reali$es that he has beenstaring blatantly, -the big shit wont be fun.

Tao, instead of feeling annoyed because some stranger decided to talk to him asif theyve known each other for years, smirks as he leans back on his seat. -Oh

really*

The stranger nods, face still hidden. -There will be a lot of animals there. >otpeople, but animals. Ones that love to suck on whatever they can nd in order tokeep their life on the clouds. )nakes cant even compare to their ability inchanging their skin in every occasion where they need it. "hat a bunch ofannoying animals. +nd the guy who will be engaged, the stranger points at thecard between the frictions of Taos ngers, -is the saddest animal of them all.2ike an alpha in a wolf pack, surrounded by many, but howls alone in the middleof the night.

'n alpha in a wolf pack, Tao repeats in his head, failing to see the connection.+nd instead of asking how does the stranger know the party ( or if theyre talkingabout the same party at all, Tao nods in acknowledgement towards him. -)o3youre suggesting that I shouldnt come*

Thinking for a while, the stranger tsked as he tilts his head, feeding Tao the sightof his perfectly sculptured jaw. -The food will be great, though. he chuckles.-&ust come for the food.

-"hy do you know so much about the party* Tao points out. -Its like youre theone to be engaged instead.

)urprisingly not to his surprise ( because Taos got this superstition thing aboutbeing able to feel something particular coming up ( the stranger smiles, butrather bitterly. -4eah. he mumbles. -"ouldve been cool if only I am not.

Tao holds his breath, trying hard not to gasp and end up looking like an idiot. >o,this man cant be him. Isnt hesupposed to be wearing suits and stu#* +nd doeshereally have such free time, strolling along the side of Han 7iver in the earlyevening while he has a lot of things to take care of* (ut, Taos eyes linger at thetiny tuft of blonde at the side and the back of the strangers head, this kind ofblonde is (

->ice talking to you. the stranger smiles, albeit genuinely but rather awkwardly,before he stands up from the bench, still looking at the gaping Tao. -5lease docome to the party, though. I promise the food will be great.

Tao cant even nod or say yes as he watches the stranger turns around and walksaway from him casually. 'ut one thing that he notes rst as he watch the slightlyhunched shoulder furthering away from him is that (

( ;ris "u is really tall.


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!hen you feel so tired, but you cant sleep"tuck in reverse

The engagement ceremony is being held on the thirty fth oor of '" Tower, not

actually the tallest in town but is surely one of the fanciest there is. +t the sta#room, Tao is checking his own appearance in the mirror while the others are busyshuAing behind him6 'aekhyun is fanning himself although the air conditioner isalready at its coldest degree, violin resting abandoned on the couch ne1t to him,while


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Tao hardly holds his gasp. He cant believe what he just heard. )o at the otherside of the door is Irene 'ae and )ean "u. )ean "u )hi1un.

;ris "us half9brother.

-"hy do I feel that you want this engagement too, noona* 4ou said you love me( -

"he said what%%%

- ( but you look so happy that youre going to be married o# with hyung. "ow."hat a waste of years believing that Ill always be the one who own your heart (that we will actually have something in the end.

-)top this, )ehun. &ust ( stop.

He is too immersed with looking at the door as if he can see through it, tooimmersed that he barely reali$es that someone is joining him, listening to theconversation as well. +nd when he recogni$es who the person is, he almostgasped loudly.

;ris "u is also eavesdropping to the convo.

-)ehun, I told you, this is something that even I dont have any control of. Theengagement was made years before you even came to the family, before youwere conrmed as


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scene, trying not to make even a single sound. 7ight at the moment 'aekhyunwalks out of the restroom, and Tao snatches his arm and literally drags him away.

His heart is still thumping hard even after theyre secluded inside the sta# roomonce more.

!!

Irene 'ae walks into the hall, hand in hand with ;ris "u, wearing a bright smileon her rosy lips.

They got the cue to start playing 4irumas 7iver ?lows In 4ou about ten secondsbefore the enormous door was opened to reveal the hero and heroine of the day.

Tao snorts silently as he sees Irene 'ae throwing smile here and there. Epper9class people are always so good at acting6 honesty is e0ual to self9destruction.

Theres no trace of the crying young lady behind the re e1it door.

He steals glance at ;ris, who is apparently asking something at Irene 'ae as theyare nearing the podium, and Irene 'ae grins at him in return. %aybe theconversation went like6 8did you get them to play this% )of course, this is mysurprise for you. =w.

)ean "u, though, is having a hard time keeping his composure. Its the timewhen both parts are going to e1change their engagement ring, so the orchestrais put to hold. Tao watches secretly as )ean "u starts to slowly step backwards,disappearing second by second, and by the moment ;ris slips the shiny goldenring into Irene 'aes ring nger, )ean "u ies through the back door.

Tao sighs. It must be tiring, being stuck in that kind of relationship where love isnot enough to make everyone happy. He feels nauseous inside as he sees ;risand Irene 'ae kiss each other shyly, mostly because he knows the truth, slashthe lies behind their gummy smiles.


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-Hi.

He shrieks, almost jumping a meter away out of shock as he tries to nd thesource of the une1pected heavy, husky voice. +nd voila, who he nds is

somehow not really that surprising.

-How come the host of the party leaves the party itself* Tao muses up, ngersplaying with the unlit cigarette.

;ris "u snorts as he leans against the railing ne1t to him. He has no answer forTaos remark, apparently. ;ris "u, from the side, looks like he can easily make itto supermodel stu# with that kind of inhumanely handsome face and height. Hisgolden blonde locks are dancing along the pace of the wind, and they reallymakes a beautiful contrast with his navy blue dress shirt. >avy blue again.

-4ou were like this too back then. ;ris says without even looking at him.-)taring at me like you were going to devour me.

Tao blinks for a moment then he shakes his head vigorously. -)orry. It was rude,sorry. he ails his hand.

Taciturnly, ;ris stares back at him, observing something he cant seem to know.-4oure sorry because it was rude*

-Eh, yeah*

->ot because Im never wrong and everyone has always to be the one toapologi$e*

Tao frowns. -That sounds like tyrant shit.

;ris "u laughs. 2ike, really laughs. "ith that slightly creepy gummy smile, andhand resting against his abdomen as he lurches forward to contain his laughter.-I fucking know, right* ;ris says, out of breath. -7ight*

-Ive lost you right after you started laughing out of something I still dontunderstand about. )orry.

-Hm, feisty. ;ris grins. -


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know, ;ris speaks again, and he barely notices it, -to forget what happenedearlier, at the re e1it*

Tao feels his heart softens. )omehow he can tell that ;ris "u is asking him toforget the incident not because of his own image only, but on the behalf of his

ancB and his brother too. -Its no big deal. Tao waves his hand nonchalantly.-Telling random people about it seems like a trashy thing to do anyway, so.

;ris smiles, although not directly at him. -4ou cant blame &oohyun, though. hesays with a sigh.

-Im not actually judging any of you.

-5sh. I saw how you stared at us as if we were committing a sin. ;ris chuckles.-'ut thats okay, really. If I were you, I wouldve splashed a drink at myself, ormaybe at &oohyun too.

Tao thinks for a while. Cid ;ris "u really have the time to even glance at him inthe middle of the cameras ashing at him* -I really didnt mean to stare.

-+nyway, as I said, &oohyun doesnt really have the fault on her. )hes beenunoFcially engaged to me ever since we were kids, and we are the type ofchildren who cant say no to our parents, so we always went along the plan. ;riscloses his eyes, savoring the wind. -Enfortunately she met )ehun, my brother,and as much as a human she is, she started to want something out of herleague6 the freedom to choose who to love.

-"hat about you* Tao asks. -Have you met someone who makes you wantsomething out of your league too*

;ris opens his eyes slowly. -I never met that person. +nd I never tried to look forthem. &oohyun is enough as a lesson for me. he looks down, over the worldbeneath their feet. Hundreds of lights are decorating the streets. -Co you think,he glances at Tao, -that our marriage would work*

-Hm, Tao taps his chin, -judging by how you talked fondly about her, you mustcare for her too, although not really in that way she has with your brother. I thinkif youre with a person who can tolerate you as much as you tolerate her, then

yes, your marriage could work just ne.

-)o love isnt that necessary*

Tao snorts. -%arriage and love has degraded their relationship to ac0uaintancessince like decades ago.

+nd ;ris laughs once more. -I really like you. Im sure we can get along great."hat do you say about lunch or dinner sometime*

-"hoa, wait, this escalated 0uickly. Tao backs away. -+nd you sounded like you

really have a lot of spare time.


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;ris shrugs. -I make my own schedule.

-"ell, I dont. I have someone who arranges my schedules for me, and hes reallystrict about it. He said I cant be late to practice, cant be late to work, cant evensteal more than an hour to video9chat with my mom, and cant be too immersed

with something that looks like a fairy9tale because it will be just a waste of time.

-The fuck is this guy*

-I know right* His name is life. Tao laughs when ;ris looks betrayed. He shovesthe unlit cigarette into the pocket of his pants. -I was being hyperbolic, by theway. Im free at ?riday. +ctually on Thursday too, but I only count it as half.

;ris frowns. -"hat about weekends* )aturday and )unday, I mean.

-"ell, my job re0uires me to serve those who are free on weekends, so.

The sky is dark enough now, and stars are already showing up. ;ris smiles.-?riday it is, then.

-"ait, so youre really serious about hanging out with me*

-ow hes sure who the fuck told his name and gave his number to;ris "u6 'aekhyun was the one who bought the new phone number for him andhe hasnt even used it yet.


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'nd the tears come streaming down your face!hen you lose something you cant replace

Its already Thursday night when Tao reali$es the real deal.

;ris "u is an engaged man.

4et hes having a date with that man tomorrow.

Or maybe, coming to the theory he had built for the whole week, ;ris "u wasjust joking about it. Of course. Epper9class people and their shitty personality.Thinking that they can play with other persons feelings and will be forgiven for itin the end because thats just how life works for them.

Tao was drowning in his own demons when his phone rings. %aybe its 'aekhyun,

or %inseok. Or maybe even o. )hit cant be real.

You dont even have my address

Who says?

Tao was about to snort, because no way 'aekhyun will go to that e1tent, givinghis address to some stranger, but then another te1t comes.

Im in front of ur apartment rn

I dont believe u

Will honk twice

+nd just as he was about to type his reply, he hears the honking sound. Twice.He immediately runs to his window and yanks the curtain away, looking down atthe parking lot. + shiny red ?errari is chilling in front of the entrance gate.

Too shiny?

Are u a stalker?

Maybe I am

Tao frowns really hard. "hat the hell is ;ris "u doing*

Anw see u tomorrow


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!!

To his e1pectations, somehow, ;ris "u appears in his casual attire, just like intheir rst meeting.

"hich is, again, so di#erent from the image of the current


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They eventually stop at some spot, slightly leaning against the railings. ;ris kicksthe tip of his sneakers against the ground beneath them out of habit, and Taoreally thought he was going to say some cheesy lines like 8because we met herethe rst timeor 8because the river reminds me of you, but he notices the smallsmirk on ;ris plump lips. Oh holy plump lips ( what%-'ecause you couldnt pick

any better place.

-=1cuse me* 4ou were the one who stalked for my phone number and myaddress and asked me to go with you for a date, Tao presses his inde1 ngergently against ;ris broad chest, -how was it my responsibility to choose theplace*

-'ut I said 8we can go wherever you like, I gave you the lu1ury to choose, yetyou didnt use it well.

-Im starting to believe that it was just a spur of moment when you asked me

out. 4ou never asked anybody to go on a date before, huh*

-How can you know me so well in the span of like, thirty minutes*

Their rst date ever, technically, is lled with nonsense bickers and some bets (8I bet you never swam before )I bet you cant cook )e$cuse you I can play pianoreally well )you wont believe how neat my closet is so shut up because youseem like youre no better than me in when it comes to tidiness. !eird, Taothinks, as the night nally dwells further and hes nally on his bed, unknowinglysmiling gooly over some pictures he snapped with ;ris just a few hours before.Isnt rst dates supposed to be calm and collected* 2ike, the both of you would

sit down in a cafB, on a table right ne1t to the window where people wouldoccasionally pass by at the outside, and some calming songs would play at thebackground. + cup co#ee or maybe an iced chocolate blend will rest on the tablein front of the both of you, and you will talk about things you like and you dontlike, your opinions about things, and you will smile from minute to minute,because its something new, something refreshing.

4et Tao thinks back again, and all he can remember about their rst day is theirbickers about who is smarter between him and ;ris, and how he had spent goodve minutes laughing over how ;ris had said that hes an alpha in a wolf pack todescribe himself when they rst met, and the soft, warm smile on ;ris lips that

lasted for no more than ve seconds when he said to the blonde haired guy 8 Ibelieve that people, be it good or bad, rich or poor, old or young, has their life ascomple$ as everyone else, so basically no one has the right to judge the others,arent I right%

+nd as he starts to fall asleep, Tao recalls how he never mentioned to ;ris abouthis thoughts regarding the latter being engaged.

!hen you love someone, but it goes to waste

ould it be worse%


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Theres a wedding anniversary party at one of the most prestigious Italianrestaurant in /angnam, precisely at the GI5 oor. The entire space is decoratedin the grandest way possible, the combination of silver and gold, with fancylooking main courses and treats. This whole thing is no surprise for Tao, since the

orchestra group he has been playing for years in has always been contracted forsuch occasions. Theyre trained for high9class parties like this, nothing less, alittle bit more. )o Tao isnt supposed to be nervous as his ngers dance swiftly onthe black and white blocks, reciting -ur lise smoothly, backed up by theviolinists and cellists behind him. He knows the music sheets to the end andback, the scores, the tempo, he aces it well.

Thus, again, he isnt supposed to be nervous like this.

He still can control his ngers so it wont a#ect his performance, but hes literallysweating cold, and his heart is thumping fast inside his ribcage, because right

there, less than three meters from the grand piano hes hiding behind, is theever so glorious looking ;ris "u, with his rich, obno1ious blonde hair and suchheight that makes him stands out like a sore thumb. His right hand is holding aglass of red classic wine, which is such a graceful match to his inky black suit.+nd the smirk, oh, that sinful smirk ;ris "u is showing o# at him is tempting himto stand up and shove the music sheets into that alligator mouth of his.

!hy are you looking at me, Tao groans internally as he nishes o# the session,look somewhere else, look somewhere else, look

-Tao, you okay* 'aekhyun whispers from the back. -4ou look 0uite pale.

He decides to just give a thumb up to 'aekhyun and signs that he can carry on.He doesnt want to look at 'aekhyun in the eyes because maybe, just maybe, hemight burst into a frantic mess in front of almost a hundred pairs of eyes. Hecant ruin the night.

'ut ;ris "u is still boring holes all over his face, with that damned smirk on hisplump lips.

Tao almost loses it when he had to switch ngers on the = block when he looksup again and notices that Irene 'ae is already standing behind ;ris. +nd ;ris

hand is gracefully draped on the young ladys petite shoulder. Theyre talking tothe celebrating couple, probably something like 8you two will be like us toosomeday/and stu#s like that. Tao almost snorted.

He casts away the weird, slightly burning feeling in his heart as he keeps makingmagic on the piano for the whole night.

!!

-4ou played fucking great tonight.

Tao almost dropped his cigarette as he jumps forward, cursing in the process.-"hat the (- he turns around, nding ;ris "u with all his glory standing right


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before him, under the dim light of the back door of the restaurant building,-whats with you and scaring people o#**

;ris shrugs casually. -I was just saying hi.

-"hy are you still here* Tao grunts before he gives up on his cigarette andtosses it onto the ground, stepping on it afterwards. -The guests are supposed tobe leaving.

-4eah. ;ris voice is already a familiar sound in his ears. -'ut I had to nd you.

-"hy*

-&ust because.

-"hat about your ancB* Tao asks nonchalantly, probably due to the

coagulated sleepiness that is already melting and seeping into his veins.-)houldnt you be taking her home*

)ummer nights air is still cold enough to make him shiver slightly. He noticesfrom the corner of his eyes that ;riss own orbs are lost into the inky black skyabove them. -4eah. he mumbles. -Her own chau#eur picked her up.

Tao frowns. ->o way. "hy didnt you3*

-+s I said, ;ris turns his eyes over him instead, and he holds a gasp, -I had tond you.

Truthfully, he doesnt know what to say to that. Its either he doesnt know whatto say, or he couldnt say anything because his mind is a mess right now and hisheart is beating vigorously against his ribcage for the nth time tonight. He cantpick which one.

-+nyway, why arent you eating with your crew* ;ris takes o# the jacket of hissuit, and nonchalantly hands it to him.

-Eh, the foods arent really in my favor. +nd what does this mean*

-Im lending you my jacket.

-'ecause3*

-4oure shivering.

Tao immediately shoves his hands into the pockets of his pants, trying to calmthem down. -)orry. >ot really a fan of cold. +nyway, thank you, really, but youshould wear them back. Im ne.

-If you said so. ;ris smirks as he retreats his hand back.


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-"hoa, that was fast. Tao snorts, and ;ris stares at him curiously. -4ou, givingup.

;ris laughs amusedly, showing o# his gums and the double rows of perfect teeth.His laughter subsides as each seconds passed by, but his eyes never left Taos

own. -If you havent eaten yet, ;ris speaks again, -should we head somewhereelse to eat*

Tao eyes him. -4oure treating me to a dinner. he states the obvious.

-4ep. ;ris nods e1citedly. -at/eo "ildhappening right before my eyes.

-"ell youre watching an alpha eating his prey so what.


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Its good that Tao didnt drink his coke yet because he bursts into laughter in thematter of second. -"hat, Tao slaps his palm against the table repeatedly as hedoubles into laughter more, -the fucking hell@

;ris shrugs nonchalantly and nishes o# his burger. -/osh this shit is gross but is

so good.

-4eah and it also kills you slowly.

-'ut everything that kills me makes me feel alive.

Tao throws his head back laughing. The lyrics t so well. -)o billionaires eat thiskind of stu# too, huh. he comments, not really aiming for a relevant answer.

-Hm. ;ris snorts before he gulps down his coke again. -I never really hadsomeone to eat %cC with, though. %y friends never liked this stu#. %y parents

loathed it. &oohyun doesnt eat greasy foods. )ehun, his eyes wander over theplastic lid of the cokes carton cup, -I can barely remember but Im sure he everate burger at some point of his life.

He can distinct the sudden bitterness in ;ris eyes, as if hes reading a bookwritten in simple vocabularies. -4ou talked like burgers are a very importantissue. Tao says instead, because Tao plus emotional moments e0ual a mess.

+ success. ;ris raises an eyebrow at him. -'ecause they are.

0od, this man is such a contradiction, Tao hu#s before he chuckles in

amusement. -+re you, you know, close with your brother* he asks, hoping thetopic is not too sensitive ( wait, since when did I want to know more about him%

Its a short moment of silence, and Tao was starting to regret his decision to askwhen ;ris answers it with a smile. + rather melancholic one. -"e used to be, like,real close. he starts. -Im sure youve heard his3 conversation with &oohyun atthe re e1it. Hes, well, were not from the same mother. +pparently his motherwas involved in an a#air with my father. One9night stands and shits.


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now, though. +nyway, back to my story with my brother. He was two back then,and I was mesmeri$ed by how tiny and cute he was, so without knowing, I keptwanting to be with him and play with him all the time. )o its safe to say that hegrew up being glued by my side. 5lus &oohyun, we did almost everything possibletogether.

)omehow Tao can imagine little ;ris, little Irene and little )ehun running aroundon the garden of their house. +nd his imagination is vivid enough, much to hissurprise.

-'ut even the closest people will grow apart one day. That was what I learned.2ife just happens. Things would happen and be in the way, and you would alwaystry to ignore it, to endure it, until one day you reali$e that nothings going towork between the two of you anymore. ?or me and )ehun, it was natural. %ygrandfather had inherited the


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leans forward as he stares up at Tao, -if you were )ehun, what would be the rstword youd think of the situation*

Tao stares at ;ris back. -Enfair. he answers truthfully.

;ris leans back with a satised smile. ->ow you see the real deal is*

-It sucks.

-4eah. 2ife sucks. ;ris sighs heavily this time. -If only everyone is seless andsatised of their lives, hatred wont ever e1ist.

-'ut still, it wasnt your fault that your grandfather loves you more or you wereborn as3 as you.

-4et its easier for him to hate me than to understand me. If he doesnt hate me,

then where would he put all his hatred towards all of the unfairness on*

Tao folds his hands in front of his abdomen. -Its unfair to you then.

-It doesnt seem so unfair once you understand from my point of view, though.

Trying to cast the sudden anger away, Tao hu#s as he looks out of the window.Its already past twelve pm. +nother day has just started. -4ou know what, hesays as he turns to ;ris again, -you can eat here with me at least once a week.

4ou can eat burgers as much as your stomach can a#ord. I wont judge because Ilike burgers too, I love it even, and Im okay with greasy foods. +nd you can be

easy because I wont hate you over things you cant control of.

He notices in awe, how ;ris eyes are starting to glisten.

-4ou know, like how disgusting you look when you eat burgers, or how stupid youare if you think that cap can hide your blonde hair. Those things just cant behelped, right*

-?uck it, Tao, you broke the moment@

Tao almost falls asleep on their way to his apartment. His head is resting againstthe window, which causes his forehead to bump against the glass when the cartakes a left turn, and he can barely hear ;ris evil laugh ne1t to him on the driverseat. Twenty minutes or so, and they nally arrive in front of his apartmentbuilding.

-&ust in case we wont be able to meet for the days few days, ;ris says as theystand right before Taos front door, -Im taking you to %cC again ne1t week. Onthe same day, at the same time.

-Huh, Tao mumbles sleepily, -dont you have another e1citing place to take meto*


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-'ut you said you will eat burgers with me at least for onc(-

-Okay okay okay shut up. >ow shoo Im going in because Im so fucking sleepy.

-Okay okay okay bye.

+s he watches ;ris walking back to his car from the window of his bedroom, Taonotices something that makes him wide awake once more.

;ris never really wore his jacket again ever since he took it o# for him.

1ights will guide you home'nd ignite your bones

;ris "u is indeed a busy man. He only meets him whenever hes the one whocalls to meet, like the late night 8dates they started to build a habit for eversince the %cC one. Other than that, ;ris is a no show, alias hes like someonewhose path doesnt collide with Taos. It feels like ;ris is just an imaginationbecause he came without warning and left with no traces. ;ris doesnt evenappear often in any media because apparently he doesnt really like unnecessarypublication.

Its one of those ;ris9less days when Tao receives a sudden call from his cousin.

+nd she just had to call him to her oFce so they can have a lunch together since8you have been running away from me for centuries and I need to see how mybaby had grown up/

+nd of course his cousin just had to work at the head0uarters of "u =nterprise.

)o here he is, in front of the gigantic tower of "u =nterprises H, with his jawalmost reaching the ground beneath him. The building is really tall, with all itsgrandiose design and shining gold letters of its name and a silver symbol of 8"=being the center of the attention. Tao cant even imagine how much this buildingcosts each day. Or where does the money that pays o# the cost fruits from. He

can barely have spare allowance to buy the latest smartphone in the market,how can he dare to imagine himself running the company*

)hivering in horror, Tao walks into the building with hesitating steps. "hat if theguards kick him out because he looks frankly out of place* =veryone is wearingsuits and formal dresses while he himself is clutching onto his slightly worn9outleather jacket, trying so hard not to make his sneaker screech even a decibelagainst the perfectly polished marble oor. He can feel a few people are staringat him, probably in spontaneous disgust. Its completely understandable. 7eally.

-4ou must be Gictorias cousin@


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He almost shrieked in shock, and his sneaker nallymakes a screech. In front ofhim is a ne young man, very tall ( probably taller than ;ris ( why am I thinkingof him% and probably around his cousins age. -I ( I ( I ( yes I am.

The guy laughs. -I surprised you, sorry. +nyway, Im


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-I hope this kind of ruckus wont ever happen again, %r. 4oon. "hat is the shortway to say this, hm* ;ris steps back. -"ere done with you.

Tao gulps as a couple of bulky men come in sight and literally drag the man awayfrom ;ris feet. Then another man in suit, probably the secretary, comes in sight.

-The GI5 elevator is still on maintenance, sir.

-2ets use one here then. "hen is the meeting with ;&


25/75

-Its easy for you to say because you dont have three kids and a demandingwife to feed. ;ris says. ->ot everyone is as lucky as us.

-+nd not everyone is as competent in their job as us. )o whose fault it will be if

they ever make a mess*

-)ometimes I think youre a better person for my job. =ver considered aboutbeing the


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Tao spent the afternoon being pampered by his cousin. Gictoria is a young ladywith a strong motherly sense, so it was a natural thing if three hours with her

made Tao ate big meal twice, had three large cups of a very rich chocolatemilkshake from the companys cafeteria, got complained about his hair whichhasnt been trimmed for two months, and a makeshift session of solitary lifesurvival J. Tao wanted to stop her because come on, he had lived in )eoul foralmost ve years now, hes already accustomed to the involuntary solitude insuch a big city. 'ut seeing Gictoria reminds him of his mother a lot, and hemisses her 0uite much, if not a lot. )o he let Gictoria treated him like a little sonhe was. +t least


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how you two met, stu#s like that. 'ut Im just telling you,


28/75

He thought


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-I dont like it, yes. 'ut I dont hate it either. I mean3 thats something I have noright to judge or feel anything about, I guess. Tao shrugs, ngers playing withthe slowly burning cigarette. -I3 really dont know how to react to that.

-)o its not a problem, then*

Tao shakes his head. -+ problem to what*

-To our relationship.

That nallygets Tao sti#ening. He looks down over his tattered black sneakers,and then his eyes shift to the clean, bright white >ike shoes on ;ris feet. -"hatkind of3 relationship, do we have actually*

'h, I nally dropped the bomb.

Of course ;ris doesnt answer right away. "hat are they e1actly* Theyre waypast ac0uaintances. Theyre more than just friends who hang around together.'ut theyre not lovers because theyre not even in love with each other ( or atleast they never conrmed their feelings to each other.

This might be the right time to make things clear, and probably also end them inone go.

-:itao, ;ris calls his name like a child spelling alphabet carefully, and it sendsmillions of electrical jolts into his veins, because ;ris never called his full name in

such way, -look at me.

+nd so he does. -"hat.

-I like you.

!ow, that was fast. -I3 like you too. If not then I wouldnt have followed youaround.

-I like you more than I should have. I like you in the way that I want to hug youand kiss you. I like you in the way that its only a step ahead to love you.

Thatmakes Tao gasp loudly. He takes a step back, but ;ris takes a step forwardto match him.

;riss e1pression is still as unreadable as ever. -Im falling in love with you, Tao.

Tao blinks at him. -4oure engaged.

-+nd I hope you feel the same too.

-4oure an engaged man.

-"ouldnt be a problem if you dont feel the same with me after all.


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-'ut I do. Tao replies rmly somehow. He doesnt know where on earth did heget such courage, confessing to someone who already have a ancB and isactually out of his league from every single aspect. -I do feel the same.

Theres this glint in ;ris eyes. -Is it selsh of me, he whispers, -if I wantsomething more of us*

Tao observes ;ris face. There are some readable emotions on them (determination. He takes a step forward this time, looking up at the other withslightly blushing cheeks. -I think, he says gently, -I think its not called selsh ifsomeone else wants it too.

+nd true to his hope, its more than a clear answer for ;ris. The relief is clear in;ris eyes as the blonde man reduces the distance between them to the pointthat their noses almost touched. Theyre in that position for a while until ;ris

speaks something Tao une1pectedly e1pected. -I think Id like to mark myterritory now.


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Tao nally looks at him.

-Its 4ifan to you.

-#ifan. Tao smiles fondly at the name. -I wont think twice of being with you.

+nd I wish you wont think twice of being with me too.

;ris doesnt really smile. 'ut the emotion in his eyes are so vivid for Tao to divethrough. -I wont.

Tao steps out of the car and closes the door before he waves at ;ris through thewindow. The light from the street lamp is rather deem, but even under suchlightning, the look on ;ris face still gets him almost bursting out of adrenalinerush. ;ris has become such a thrilling adventure for him, and it has justescalated more. +n addictive sugar rush.

+s he plops himself down onto the matrass of his bed, hair wet from a coldshower yet cheeks blushing hot nonetheless, the summary of today nally comesinto Taos head, as clear as raindrops ( they hit them softly then pours hard onhim in one go at the ne1t second.

Hes probably feeding himself to something dangerous.

!!

It takes no more than three days for 'yun 'aekhyun to notice somethingsuspicious from Tao.

-4oure either, 'aekhyun says, spreading out his ngers one by one as he liststhe possibilities of the cause of Taos constant blushing and occasional spaceouts, -having a crush, having a boyfriend, having you crush as your boyfriend,having a fuckboy ( -

-Hyung//

- ( or having your boyfriend as your fuckboy too. 'aekhyun raises an eyebrowat him. -'ut since I believe youre still the innocent 5each I know, lets take outthe last two options. )o, he leans closer, too close that Tao has to lean back in

response, -who is the man, toddler*

-Theres no one. Tao answers, and he reali$es it was too rushed, so he clears histhroat and tries to act more calmly. There are only the two of them in the dancepractice room of the building ( their favorite place to hang out at. -4ou know loveis a lu1ury for me.

-"hat** 5sh, 'aekhyun snorts, slapping Taos back, -everybody deserves tolove and to be loved, 5each, be it living things or objects, tangible or intangible. Imean, even someone can love his own imagination.

Tao shrugs. -Im just saying that Im not really interested in that kind of thing fornow.


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The look 'aekhyun gives him is so foreign. 'aekhyun never gave him this kind ofdetached, cold look before. -'ecause I thought youre smarter than this.'aekhyun says without hesitation. -Ive already known that ;ris "u mustve feltsomething3 unusual about you that he asked for your number, and seriously, I

kind of overheard both of you talking on the rooftop when I was looking for you,but I never e1pected it to be this far because ( because you are you, :itao.

4oure full of calculation and doesnt do clichB shits. Then why are you ( how didyou ( how did the both of you get into this step**

-Its not even that ( -

-Its my fault. I was the one who gave him your number. Its my f ( -

-"hats so wrong about this anyway**

'aekhyun looks at Tao for a 0uite long time. Its like hes considering very hardabout telling Tao the thing he should tell Tao about or not telling Tao about itbecause it might ruin him.

-Hes, 'aekhyun pauses awkwardly, -hes an engaged man, :itao.

Tao rolls his eyes. -Tell me something I dont know.

-"hat are you doing with someones ancB, :itao*

-+ ancB she doesnt even love, who doesnt love her as well* Tao turns his face

away. -I like him a lot, 'aekhyun. +nd he likes me a lot too. "hy cant we betogether when our feelings are already clear for each other* !ow, and its onlythree days since we confessed to each other yet Im already talking like this.

-"ell then, 'aekhyun steps back, scooting to the door of the practice room,-youre free to think like that on his wedding day in three months.

That successfully makes Tao turn his head back to his friend.

-Its on the news. 'aekhyun says solemnly. -4oure dating a man whos going tobe married in three months, Huang :itao. "hat were you thinking when you

agreed to be with him*

Tao looks down over the polished wooden oor. -Im not so sure, he mumbles,-but what Im sure about is that I didnt think twice when I said yes to him.

He doesnt even dare to see 'aekhyuns face. He didnt e1pect 'aekhyun toreact harshly to his decision. He thought 'aekhyun would only scold him or evenroot for him if he ever nds out. -/ood luck, then. He hears 'aekhyun pushingthe door. -I hope youre at least not doing something that will end pretty bad,:itao.

Things escalate so fast in his life lately.


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'nd high up above,or down below

WU-BAE TO FINALLY TIE THE KNOT THIS WINTER

ANTHONY WU AND BAE YONGJOON DENY THEIR PARTNERSHIP BEINGTHE REASON BEHIND THEIR CHILDRENS MARRIAGE

AFTER FIVE MONTHS OF ENGAGEMENT, NATIONS K-DRAMA COUPLEKRIS WU AND IRENE BAE ARE PREPARING FOR THE REAL DEAL

!!

Instead of going out, Tao lets ;ris walk into his apartment.

+nd instead of having a proper dinner, ;ris asks for co#ee, while Tao gulps downhis lukewarm mineral water down. He raises an eyebrow when ;ris chuckleswhile theyre looking at each other. -"hats so funny*

-"hy are you drinking mineral water in your own house*

-I like drinking mineral water at night. Tao muses up. -=specially when its thiswarm.

-"hy dont you drink co#ee too*

-I only drink it if I need to stay super late.


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-Hmm, no. ;ris leans even closer, until the tips of their noses almost touched. Ithas become a secret gesture between them. -?or you, I want to ( I have to stringup a lot of beautiful, special words.

Tao almost gasp because of the pro1imity. -'e ( cause*

-'ecause youre not just an ordinary part in my life.

If it was a week ago, Tao wouldve mused up a series of mocking words becausehe actually despises romantic stu#s and ;ris is being a red jelly pudding ofmushy romance scene right now. %aybe he wouldve said 8wow disgusting no Imnot talking to you againor )you must have made that all up huh such a playboy.'ut at the moment, all Tao can think about is how the words are waking his sugarrush up again, just like how it will be everytime ;ris is around.

They dont even need to say anything. One look at Taos lips is all Tao needs to

know what ;ris wants to do at the moment, and one second pause of Taosbreath is all ;ris needs to know that Tao is letting him to do so. Thus he doesntwaste any more second to capture Taos lips with his, engaging themselves in abattle of water9testing gestures, because none of them has stepped onto thiskind of intimacy ( sloppy, wet kisses, with hot breaths and Taos arms drapedaround ;ris neck while ;ris hands roam allover Taos back skin, under his t9shirt.

Then his right arm is on auto9pilot, sneaking down below to play with the rstbutton of ;ris shirt, tugging on it until it pops open. He presses his palm against;ris broad chest as ;ris pulls him closer to reduce the distance6 to have more,more of what they could steal.

;ris heartbeat is on messy tempo, just like his own.

&ust like how Taos life has been escalating fast lately, the night had gone from aninnocent visit to a rather daring, dangerous, thrilling session. Tao, whos pressedon the couch under ;ris glory now, sneaks a look over his t9shirt on the oor,crumpled, ne1t to ;ris white dress shirt he wore straight from the oFce.)omehow Tao is glad that they dont rush it to thate1tent because really, hewants to taste everything slowly, one by one with ;ris, because if you eat a verydelicious ice cream slowly, its avor will lasts longer on your tongue. )o here

they are, panting, with ;ris eyes 1ed on his face while he blushes because of it.

'ut then, give it to Tao for the moment9wrecker.

-4oure getting married in three months, Ive heard.

He notices ;ris holding his breath. He half regrets ever asking that but then itsthe truth of their situation right now. +nd he doesnt blame ;ris for being silentfor the whole minute because what does he e1pect ;ris will answer him with*8Im sorry* "hat does he have to be sorry for* 86ont mind it* 'ut the wholeworld is shoving the fact onto his face now. 8#eah I am* >ot really ;ris style.


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-)orry, I shouldnt have said that. Tao smiles, and he knows its rather bitter buthe cant help it. -I just3 I mean, are you okay with this, this, he gestures at theboth of them, -this thing between us, while youre preparing for your marriage*

;ris is still silent for a while before he speaks again. -If I could, I wouldve trade

everything I have in this world, he gently presses his forehead against Taos,-just to be able to throw away that marriage and have this thing between usinstead.

The words are supposed to make him smile, and even blush, but it also causes aloud, hardpangon his heart. -"hy are you being so cheesy tonight though*

-:itao, ;ris calls softly.

-4ifan.

-why dont we talk about something else instead*

-Hmm, Tao hums, -tell me about your childhood.

The tension on ;ris face eventually disappears as he frowns playfully. -)oundsgood. he smirks. -'ut let me sit up rst.

Tao laughs as he let ;ris straightens up his back. He takes the liberty to gatherup their tops and throws the white dress shirt to ;ris before he wears his t9shirtback. -"ell, ;ris says as he starts buttoning up his shirt, -my childhood wasntreally that ama$ing.

-2iar. 4ou mustve had a lot of e1pensive toys and a lot of friends.

-Toys, yes, but friends, not so much. ;ris shrugs. -I think my only friend when Iwas a kid was only &oohyun. I mean, well, there was 2uhan too. 4ou know%inseok, right*

Tao nods. -The secretary.

-His father was my fathers secretary, his mother was the head of the sta#s atour resident. 2uhan was raised by a family under my family, so it was natural

that he was meant to always be under me. "hich practically e1plains why he ismy secretary and he bows at me everyday even though were on the same ageand went to school together. ;ris sighs. -&oohyun, although our friendship wasstarted because of our fathers friendship, was the only person who genuinelysaw me as just3 me. &ust 4ifan. >ot the heir of "u =nterprise whom she was toldto befriend, but as 4ifan who she met on her fathers visit at a friends house.

-3 okay then, boring.

;ris laughs warmly. -Told you. he leans closer towards Tao to drape an armaround Taos neck. -+nd mom3 Im thankful that I can still remember her face

from my own memory, but there are not much things I remember I ever did withher because she died when I was still too little. I knew she died in a car crash


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from everyones story. I dont remember how my father got married to anotherwoman again, but I do remember )ehun coming to my house for the rst timewhen I was seven. He was actually a 0uiet kid, but after a week, we becameclose. &oohyun always babied him a lot, and we always played pretend as family,me being the father, &oohyun being the mother, and )ehun as the son. +lthough

he eventually wanted to become the father and I became the neighbor instead,while our dog +ce became the son. Its marvelous how I still remember it 0uitevividly but well, it was one of my happy memories.

Tao didnt reali$e hes smiling throughout the story. "orld was so simple whenthey were kids.

-"hat about you* ;ris asks. -How was your childhood*

-Hmm, not really interesting. Tao shrugs. -%y dad kind of passed away when Iwas three, or four, maybe* 4eah, something like that. %om never really told why

and I didnt really have the heart to ask her because I dont want to make hersad. )hes already happy with her husband now, which is a very cool step father,really. He always nagged at me because I never wanted to take the monthlyallowance he always forced me to take ever since I came to )eoul. "hats thepoint to live independently if I take allowance from him then* +nyway, momnever really stayed at one job because she has a carefree soul, maybe too muchcarefreeness, while step father worked at an architect entity for like ten yearsbefore he opened his own entity. Theyre in ingdao, though. I came here towork for )% Orchestra two years ago.

-+h, right, orchestra. "hich music instruments you can play*

-I play piano the best. Giolin is my side hobby. I ever tried playing drums and Ireally enjoyed it a lot but I never got the time to learn more because things havebecome hectic since my, hmm, si1th month in the team. I play ute sometimeswhen Im bored and I imagine myself as )0uidward, Tao pauses to laugh, -and Ikind of tried harp but it was too delicate and Im kind of an emotional type ofmusician, so it didnt really work out.

-"hoa. "hat about guitar*

-/uitar* "ho does notknow how to play guitar these days* Its too mediocre so I

lost interest in it long time ago. I never really liked strings instrument e1ceptviolin anyway.

;ris sighs. -4oure so talented.

->ot really. %y friend 'aekhyun can play a lot of instruments. he suddenly feelsad remembering 'aekhyun and their latest encounter.

-+nyway, you didnt really tell about your childhood.

-'ecause I dont really remember anything interesting from it, I guess. Tao

grins. -Its seriously blank for me. I actually ever remembered a very big whitehouse with very spacious garden but I thought it was just an imagination Ive


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made up in my mind because we never lived in such huge house after all. 4eah,mines more boring than yours.

;ris chuckles. -%aybe our childhoods were too boring that fate decided to placethe thrill and conicts at our adult days.

-ot really. I only like 7iver ?lows In 4ou.

-"hat the hell happened between you and that song actually**

;ris is silent for a while. -The rst time I heard that song was when someoneplayed it on a piano. The person played it so beautifully. Thats3 all.

Tao frowns. -"ell arent you such a boring young lad.

They settle for a laugh, with ;ris burying his nose on the crown of Taos head,while Tao caresses his inde1 nger absentmindedly against ;ris jaw. -There arestill eight nine days for us. Tao says out of the blue.

;ris stills. -Cont count.

-=ighty nine days left, Tao says softly, -for me to have you like this.

-:itao,

-4ifan.

'oth of the stare at each other.

-+fter three months, when we will be apart, Tao asks in a whisper, -will you stillremember what we have now*

;ris stares right into Taos eyes, and Tao can see a gala1y full of stars, full ofemotion, blinking back at him before ;ris captures him in a kiss once more.

!hen youre too in love


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to let it go

=ventually, they dont meet just on ?ridays, but almost every night as long as theboth of them can make it. Tao doesnt even know how things are in such a 0uick

pace between them. =ven in movies, the main characters will hate each other atrst or at least be shy and hesitate a lot before they nally hit it o#. 'ut its likethey are too impatient to wait for the clima1 of the story and just skip thestoryline9building parts.

%aybe its because they know that their time is too limited.

"ith ;ris, everything is new for Tao. He never had someone he is so attracted tobefore. He never had someone he can do intimate things with before. >o one hasever desired him so much like ;ris does, all with that simple blink of an eye and

Tao can tell that ;ris is wantinghim. >o one has ever cradled him in their arms

like ;ris does whenever theyre panting from whatever kind of encounter theywere doing. >o one, has ever looked at him in the eyes with so much emotion, somuch passion, so much hidden tales of what could be between the two of them.

)ometimes, Tao is very ecstatic with the changes in his life. It does good to hisjob, especially to his interpretation for romantic songs. =ven %inseok is verysatised with his newly written music sheet because 8youre nally not just aboutmellow songs anymore/. ?unny, Tao never really reali$ed his tendencies in slowpaced songs and melancholic melodies.

His life, indeed, is more colorful than before. If he usually runs his daily routines

in a loop like a robot, now he has something very e1citing to anticipate everynight. !ill he come% !ill he call% !ill he show up%

'ut at other times, he is afraid. 'ecause nothing so good like this ever lasted forlong. He already knows that this wont last as long as he wanted it to, and evenwithout him checking the calendars, its already thirty si1 days to go before ;rismarriage. He nds the news one morning on a maga$ine, with a big printedpicture on the cover6 a picture of ;ris and Irene doing their pre9wedding photo9shoots. )till, hes afraid of what will happen on the big day.

4et, what is he so afraid of* 2etting go of ;ris* His heart breaking into pieceseven after all the e1pectations*

-I see someones missing me pretty badly.

Tao wakes from his blank moment before he nds ;ris already under the frame ofhis front door. ;ris looks rather tired, obviously from work, but then a smileblooms on his plush lips when Tao jumps from his couch to run to him. +nd as;ris envelopes him in a tight embrace, he thinks that for the sake of the both ofthem, he shouldnt be thinking of the upcoming future because that way he canappreciate the present more.


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%aybe, just maybe, playing pretend that they will last is so much easier to dothan to accept the truth.

!!

-&y 7each has been looking so happy lately, hmm%

Tao laughs over the screen of his laptop. -4eah, I guess I am. he says with agrin. -=specially with you calling me. +lthough not in the best time.

-!ell I hope &inseok will let you o4 just for this time because I suddenly missedyou so much.

-I miss you so much too, ma.

His mother smiles fondly at him on the screen. -&y baby 7each. she muses.

-Cuh, ma.

-"o, as you were saying, youre having someone youve been seeing a lot lately.&ay I know who the person is%

Tao doubts if his mother knows ;ris since she has been in ingdao for so long.-His name is 4ifan. +nd dont worry, hes handsome, and3 and were going tobreak up in one month, -well, like that.

-#ifan% "uch a nice name. Is he from hina too% !hat is his family name%

Typical parents 0uestion. -Hes


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prettied up in pinkish hue, long jet black locks resting gracefully on her shoulder,and round eyes staring calmly back at him.

-I apologi$e, if I came here out of sudden. I should have asked for you to meetwith me outside your apartment. Its not nice to just barge in to someones house

after all. Irene smiles at him politely.

-I agree, you shouldve asked me to meet you outside, Tao cant even look ather properly, -but its because you shouldnt be here6 you deserve a biggerplace.

Irene tilts her head. -"ell, Im not even that big, so I think its ne. shechuckles, and whoait sounds like a soft morning bell ringing. -+nyway, I should

just get to the point because I dont want to waste your time and mine as well.

Tao gulps. Is it going to be like this* Is he really going to be threatened by the

antagonist so he would stay away from the other main character* Its too clichBfor his liking.

-I suggest you leave 4ifan. Irene says, still gracefully even with rather cold tone.

!hoa, too clich2.

-That, Irene adds, -if you dont consider him as someone who is worth the ght,or if you dont love him as much as he loves you. 'ut if you do, if you dont wantto take him for granted ( -

!ait #ifan hasnt even confessed his love to me like that yet/

- ( then I suggest you to prepare yourself to be seless.

Tao frowns, leaning back against his couch. -I dont understand.

-"hat kind of future do you think you have with 4ifan* Irene asks softly. -+future where the two of you can hold hands easily without anything standing onyour path*

-I never dared to dream such future anyway.

-Then do you consider him as a passing moment* Co you think of him assomething you just need to deal with for a while before youre nally free*

-Of course I dont@ Tao e1claims. -'ut thats not your business as well.

-Im saying this because I know 4ifan loves you. )o much, in fact. Irene sighsshortly, 1ing her hair. -+nd since he loves you too much, I know what willhappen later. +fter our marriage, Tao, do you think he will be able to let you go

just like that*

Tao looks down over his laps. -"eve made a deal to be on our own ways whenthe day comes.


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-I say its a nonsense. Irene says coldly. -I dont know about you, but ;ris wontbe able to just let you go like that.

-I wont be able to let him go too.

-"hich is why Im asking you if you can be seless. 'ecause if ;ris doesnt letyou go after the marriage, and you keep giving in to him, it would be a verydangerous story. 4ou will be a dark secret he has to hide from the whole world,:itao. Irene nally looks at him, and he can nally see the distress in her eyes.-+nd when you are faced with such option then, will you be able to be selessand choose it* "ill you be able to live as a secret, a dark one even*

-Im sure I told you we wont be anything anymore once youre married witheach other.

-+nd Im sure I told you ;ris wont be able to keep his promise. Irenes voicerises. -Ive been watching over you, :itao. +nd I can see ( -

-4ouve been what**

- ( that youre too attached with him, just like how he is with you. Im sure youwill keep on looking for him as well later, even after the marriage, especiallywhen you know he still looking for you too.

Tao looks away, a little bit ashamed of how much Irenes words sounded true. -Iwill try to make sure I know my limits.

-:itao, Irene sighs, -I think youre missing a point here.

-+nd what is it*

-Im not bargaining with you or telling you to do something. Im begging, :itao.Im in the middle of begging on you.

Taos eyes widen. -"9what*

-I beg you not to let go of him. Irene is the one who looks down this time.

-4oure3 4ifan has been so happy lately, and I found out it was because of you.she says 0uietly before she looks up once more. -He nally found his happiness.+nd I wont let it go away from him.

-"hat, on earth, Tao mumbles, -is there between you and 4ifan actually*

Irene observes him for a while. -Oh, you found it weird that I want you to be with4ifan instead of telling you to stay away from him. )he nally smiles. -4ifan is abrother to me. + brother I dearly love. + brother Ive always dreamed of giving ahappiness to because he has endured so much ever since he was young. +ndnow that Ive nally found it, she sets her eyes on him, -Im not going to screw

it again.


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'gain%

-'ut what makes me a little bit ashamed is that, Im literally asking you to be hisdark secret. 4et I thought, if you love him enough, you should be ne with it. 'utthen its such a rude and immoral of me to ask someone to be ( -

-Irene, hey, Tao calls softly, -youre blabbering.

Irene looks at him, a little bit ushed, before she sighs. -Im sorry. I dont knowany other way to tell you this. I ( I wish I can cancel the wedding but ( -

-'ut you shouldnt because you cant mess your parents e1pectations. Iunderstand. Tao smiles gently at her. -Thank you so much, Irene, for caringabout 4ifan so much. I understand what you mean. Our lives are already screwedafter all, and I kind of have nothing to lose, so I guess, Ill think of it for sure*

+ smile blooms on Irenes cherry pink lips, a wide one. -4ou really love him thatmuch, huh*

-)till wondering why until now. Tao chuckles. -'ut its kind of weird. "hy do youeasily accept me like this*

-'ecause as I said, Ive been watching over you, Irene winks as she stands upfrom his couch, -and what I saw from you was enough for me to accept you. Imsure 4ifan is in good hands.

Irene is on his way to the front door when Tao calls again. -I wish,

Irene looks back.

-I wish, you can have your happiness with )ehun too. Tao smiles.

'ut not to his e1pectation, her smile eventually fades out. -:itao, I3 I dontmean to scare you, but, she continues in a whisper, -I suggest you to be carefulof )ehun.

-)ehun* "hy*

-2ets3 lets just say, Irene bites her bottom lip, -that you wouldnt want him toknow that you e1ist.

Things escalate 0uickly indeed.

!!

-"hat are you thinking about*

Theyre laying on Taos bed, staring at the ceiling la$ily. Taos head rests on ;rischest, snuggling onto the warm navy blue wool sweater as ;ris chuckles. -4ou

look like a pup.


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-"hich means Im cute.

-"ell you are indeed. "hat were you thinking about*

Tao doesnt say anything for a while. He decides to detaches himself o# ;ris

chest and rests his head on the pillow ne1t to ;ris instead. -Hey, once youremarried, Tao starts o# slowly, -are we going to separate just like that* Cone, nomore attachments*

;ris stares at Tao, thousands of emotions swirling in his eyes. -4es.

-+nd that will be it*

-4es.

-Hmm. Tao nods slowly. -Is that what you really want, though*

+ short silence. -Obviously no.

Tao smiles la$ily. -Then, he whispers, -have you ever imagined me, still meetingyou after the wedding, as your, you know, your paramour* 2ike, the worlddoesnt need to know what we do, we can still be with each other, and we ( -

-)o &oohyun did come. ;ris sighs heavily.

- ( can ( what* Eh, n9no she didnt.

-4ou dont need to listen to her. ;ris says as his left hand caresses Taos slightlymessy locks. -Im never ever going to ask you for having a secret a#air with amarried man. )he already told me about this a long time ago, but I refused. =venif our wedding would be just a cheap opera soap and she suggested it, I stillwont ask you for such thing. I cant3 I cant do that to you.

Tao looks up at him, determined.

-4ou can.

-:itao,

-4ifan.

-if we really end up like that, we wont be truly happy, dont you think* ;risleans closer to place his lips only a centimeter away from Taos forehead. -"ecant go out together, we cant hold hands in public, I cant come home to youevery night, I cant even call you freely, we cant even have dinner often. Ifpeople ever nd out, they will look down on you because they dont know thereal story ( they cant know the real story. I dont want you to be tied by such asickening a#air, Tao.

-'ut, Tao counters, -at least I will be happy, even if not wholly. I would be happyjust by waiting for you to come to me. I would be happy just by waiting for your


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call. I would be happy just by preparing you dinner because I cant do it often. Iwould be happy, instead of not having you at all.

;ris leans back to look at Tao again. He smiles, although it looks a little bit bitterin Taos eyes. -'eing cheesy was supposed to be my part.

-I can be a gooey mo$$arella if you want. Tao smirks, before he replaces it witha smile as well. -I think, he says, -I love you to the point where I will do cra$ythings just to be able to be ne1t to you for a few hours.

=yes suddenly glistening, ;ris nods. -/ooey mo$$arella indeed.

-)o my cheddar doesnt need to worry about anything, okay* Tao leans up. -"edont need to limit our time so shortly like this. "e can be selsh, you know. "ecan e1tend our luck as long as we can until that day when we really have to part.Entil that day, we should take what we can have.

;ris nods again with a gummy smile. -)ounds great to me.

This time, Tao takes the rst move to press his lips against ;ris plush ones.+lthough he doesnt hold it long enough and makes ;ris pout when he leansback. -4ou taste like co#ee. =w.

-4oure getting less and less tasting like cigarettes these days.


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He has to come back. Theyve made a promise to take whatever they can haveuntil the day they need to part. Theyve made a promise to still be in eachothers arms even after the world declares that ;ris was never, is not, and willnever be his. ;ris has to come back.

Its like a dBjK vu. Its like their rst months together all over again. Tao, beingunsure if he can meet ;ris at ?riday this week or not. +nd ;ris, looking like adistant dream for him whenever hes not around because come on, its ;ris "uwere talking about. ;ris "u is not supposed to be involved with such a commonperson like Tao. ;ris "u is supposed to have no time hanging around the placesaside of his oFce and his circle. Tao and ;ris, their paths werent supposed tocollide.

-2et me guess. 'aekhyun comes up to him, on the bench at the side of Han7iver. )uch a nostalgic place. -Hes not around anymore.

Tao hisses 0uietly. -Im not in the mood for some lecture, 'aek.

)ighing, 'aekhyun occupies the empty spot ne1t to Tao. -Im not giving you anylecture anyway. He says. -Im just trying to tell you that ( -

-That I should forget about him while I still have the chance.

'aekhyun is silent for a while. -Thats right.

The inky black night sky above them is starless tonight. The wind is harsh and

cold. Tao is wearing three layered clothes yet hes still trembling out of the icywind. Or maybe its not the wind that gets him free$ing. -'ut, what to do* Taochuckles, too bitterly, as he turns his head to face 'aekhyun. -I think I wont beable to forget him ever.

/asping silently, 'aekhyun gives him a look of pity. -Tao, sometimes itsnecessary to hide your feelings. 4ou cant keep being an open book like this.

4oull get hurt easily because of it.

-'ut what can I do* I ( I love him, 'aek, Tao doesnt even know why hesstarting to sob, but he doesnt try to ght it o# as well, -I know it sounds cra$y

because its only been like, what, ve, si1 months of us* )even months* Its tooshort but I love him already. I love him.

-5each, he notices 'aekhyun is in the verge of having his tears falling as well,-Im so sorry if your rst love has to be like this, but its how it was always meantto be. Hes3 hes not good for you.

-=verybody is saying that@ +ll of you said that but no one actually cared tounderstand how I feel everytime I hear someone saying that the only love Iveever known is not good for me ( so what if its not** I can love him, 'aekhyun,Im the only one who can love him without any aw@ I have nothing to lose, I

have nothing to protect from his, his life as a "u6 I can love him@


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'aekhyun cant even stop himself from gaping over Taos words. He lookspetried, as if Tao has just told him something terrible. -:9$itao, I ( -

-Im sorry, Tao blurts out as he stands up abruptly from the bench, -Im sorry ( Ishouldnt have ( Im so sorry, I ( Ill be going,

-Tao ( -

-Tao* Tao looks up to see the stranger who suddenly called his name, and hends 'aekhyuns lover,


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-If its okay with you, Id like to be alone here without any guest. Tao says slowlythrough gritted teeth.

-'rave as well. I like you already. )ean laughs, and somehow it sounds maliciousin his ears. -Okay, okay, no need to be mad. Ill just walk myself out.

-5lease do.


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-%y phone3 I lost my phone.

Tao frowns. -Gery weird of you. He mumbles before he takes a hold of ;ris armand pulls him onto the couch with him. -"hat were you saying earlier*

-2ets get out for our ?riday date.

-4ou said yourself, its L +% in the morning.

-"hy dont we start our day earlier so we can have much more time until later*

-4ifan, Tao sighs, -if its about time, we still have like, two weeks, right* +ndweve agreed not to end us after that too.

His heart almost fell when ;ris o#ers him a very melancholic smile. -"eeks arejust measurement, Tao. )ometimes our chance doesnt match up with our time.

-"hat3 what are you saying*

-2ets go. ;ris says as he stands up abruptly. -Im taking you to somewherenice, dont worry.

-Its still dark.

-"hich is why we better go now. ;ris reaches out a hand for Tao to take, and hegives out the smirk Tao has been secretly missing for. -"ill you trust me today*

Tao stares blankly at ;ris hand. -Im kind of scared. 4oure acting weird.

-:itao,

-4ifan.

-"ill you just trust me today* &ust for today.

)ighing softly, Tao takes the hand and stands up as well. -I feel an1ious aboutthis but since you look so eager to go then Ill just agree with whatever y ( -

He doesnt have the chance to nish his words because ;ris is already kissinghim with so much pressure. He almost ran out of air to supply to his lungs, butthen he thinks that its 0uite alright to sacrice breathing just so he can taste thedesire and the e1citement on ;ris lips. They release each other with a popaftera while, both panting out of the lack of o1ygen. -I, ;ris breathes out, -I3

-4ou3*

-I3 Ill wait for you to change your outt. >ow go.


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They ride on ;ris shiny black gigantic motorcycle. The wind is so cold, they seepthrough the fabrics of his clothes. Tao tightens his hold around ;ris waist as theytravel on high speed. He cant even see the way theyre riding through because;ris decided to play %essi right now.

'ut Tao also had decided to trust him for today anyway.

"hen they nally stop, ;ris laughs and tells Tao that he can open his eyes now.Tao doesnt know how ;ris can tell that he hasnt been brave enough to lookaround. -"ere here, ;ris says e1citedly.

Tao opens his eyes and nds a medium si$ed, futuristic looking house, and alsoreali$es that theyre on some kind of high land, obviously 0uite far away from thecity. -"hat the ( - he gasps as he looks around, over the billion city lightsscattered beneath them like a sea of


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In the back of his mind, Tao can see everything just like watching a clichBromance movie he doesnt want to like yet keep watches anyway. ;ris throwshim on the bed and joins him after, both start taking o# their clothes, and Taoreali$es that its nothing like how they used to do it. They were usually in aperfect pace6 not too slow yet not too fast. 'ut this time, theyre doing it in such

speed, probably due to the fact that they need to get used to nothaving enoughtime with each other. ;ris right hand is on his hair, while the left hand is twinedtogether with his own hand. Their clothes must be scattered messily on the ooraround the bed. The kiss is nothing near innocent, their bare, ushed warmbodies keep on colliding against each other because they want more, more,more of each others taste.

-Tao, ;ris calls his name in a bare whisper, and its a very familiar sound, -I loveyou.

He gasps, out of the familiar sugar rush, out of euphoria.

-I love you so, so damn much. ;ris whispers again.

Tao slowly wraps his unoccupied hand around ;ris neck for a life support,because hes practically drowning into a sea full of emotion. -I love you too,

4ifan. Tao whispers back.

-2et me make love to you.

"hen their eyes meet, Tao doesnt need words to say thousands of yesto ;ris6his eyes are already doing the job. +nd when ;ris kisses him back and takes a

hold of his thigh, he doesnt hesitate to just let everything be.

'ut hey, he never hesitated anyway when it comes to ;ris.

1ights will guide you homeand ignite your bones

He mustve fell asleep for a short while from the e1haustion. His back is still

slightly sore when he opens his eyes to the yellowish glow of the sun slowlycrawling up to the sky through the window of the bedroom. His eyes areimmediately open because of its beauty6 he never really got the chance to watchthe sunrise back in )eoul. The raw beauty really puts him in utter awe.

-This is why I insisted to go early. ;ris voice sounds hoarse, and content at thesame time.

-4oure awake. Tao chuckles. He cant see ;ris face since hes back9facing himbut he can tell that ;ris is smirking.


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-+nd so are you. ;ris presses his lips gently on the spot between his neck andshoulder. Taos heart aches from such gesture6 he feels so loved, so adored.-/ood morning.

-4ouve said that back in home.

-"ell, its a complete 8good morning, with the sun and all.

Tao laughs as he turns around. He gasps when ;ris swiftly swings his arm tocatch him in an embrace. -"hoa, Tao stares at him, -why are you so handsomeeven when you just woke up*

-+nd youre so adorable and noisy even when you just woke up. ;ris grins whenTao pinches his arm. -+nd I wouldve, if I can, traded all I have in e1change tohave you like this, every single morning, for the rest of my life.

The air is still as Tao cups ;ris cheek gently with his hand. -4ifan, he sighs.

-:itao.

-%ay I ask why did you bring me here* Tao leans closer until the tip of theirnoses touch. -It cant be just because of our ?riday date.

He nds ;ris out of e1planation again. ;ris just stares and stares at him, as ifhes asking him not to torture him with such 0uestion.

-This, Tao croaks out, -this3 cant be my farewell gift, right*

He doesnt care if ;ris is perple1ed by his 0uestion, or if his eyes are gettingwatery out of sudden. Its already his nature, his perception of the world6 nothinggood ever lasts long enough, at least until were ready to let it go.

-I3 weve promised, not to end us as long as we can endure it, but, Tao scootsaway with a smile on his lips, an obviously bitter one, -I kept thinking, that noone wants to live a complicated life. >ot even me, not even you. 4ou3 you arethe only thing that makes me e1pect my tomorrows with e1citement, 4Iifan, but Ithink, I think Im the thing that makes you insecure and nervous of your owntomorrows.

-:itao,

-4ifan. Tao still maintain his smile as he wipes away a single tear on his cheek.-Ill understand. %aybe it will be hard for me for a few weeks, but I willunderstand eventually. "e3 weve had something beautiful, something magicalthere. It was sad, it was beautiful, it was3 tragic. +nd it was meant for us to let itgo, let it be. "hat Im saying is ( -

-Tao,

- ( that we might need to let it go sooner than weve e1pected, dont you think*


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-:itao, ;ris calls brokenly, -enough already.

-'ut I was right, wasnt I* This is my farewell gift. Tao nally sobs openly. -4oubrought me to such a beautiful place like this, you made love to me, and you letme wake up ne1t to you. I must admit, its a very beautiful gift indeed.

;ris immediately pulls him into his arms, placing his head on his chest, andkeeps his embrace tight. Tao can feel ;ris shoulders shaking6 he must be cryingtoo. -Hey, dont be sad, Taos words slightly muAed against ;ris skin, -wecan3 we can play pretend, right* 2ets pretend3 that its the rst morning of ourlife here. Our life, together. 2ets pretend.

He never saw or heard ;ris cry. He never even imagined a crying ;ris because itseemed like it wont suit him. 'ut now that ;ris is sobbing above his head, hecant help but feel the pain as well.

-I love you, Huang :itao, ;ris breathes out between catching his breath, -nomatter what you will see, or what you will hear later, just remember that I loveyou, I really do. =ven if the world comes to you and tell you I dont, just keep inmind that I do. I love you.

Tao closes his eyes, letting his tears fall more. -I love you too, "u 4ifan. Hewhispers. -%aybe I will resent you for a while later, but I will still love you as well.=ven if someday, someone come and my brain tells me that I might can love theperson instead, I will still love you.

He feels ;ris nodding. -5romise.

-5romise.

!!

The house is medium9si$ed, but the lane is surely spacious. +pparently theyre insome secluded area, and the entrance street is surrounded by trees at eachsides, circling the entire area, making it looks like theyre living in the woods. Therst thing they do after they get up from the bed and wash their faces is to checkon a couple of bicycles parked side by side near the front door. They ride alongthe front yard, the back yard, to the streets, and get back by walking, talking

simple things they never talked about before ( )why do you like navy blue somuch% )so you really cant stand cold% )have you ever got in trouble because

you dyed your hair% )why did you choose "eoul, though%

Its like theyre walking on eggshells, ready to crack them in any second. Theydont talk about their previous conversation on the bed this morning. They donttalk about their farewell. There is no conrmation about the farewell, but itseems like each of them already knows the outcome. %aybe its too painful forthem to deal with the fact that theyre not meant to last for long, so they decideto mask all the pain with doing a lot of things that can make them temporarilyforget.


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Tao cooks them brunch. Two plates of ham and cheese ?rench toasts resting onthe dining table, complete with orange juices. Its actually the rst home brunchthey ever had together, and it feels surreal for Tao as ;ris sits eagerly and grabsthe utensils. He watches as ;ris devours his meal with so much passion. -Is itthat good* Tao frowns jokingly.

-It looks very plain, actually. Enlike the ones I usually eat on my friends cafB,but, ;ris adds immediately when Tao raises a knife in his hand, -its somehowmore delicious.

-5robably the cheese.

->o, ;ris winks, -probablyyou.

Tao rolls his eyes. -Cenitely the cheese.

Its very easy to pretend that theyre just a normal couple, enjoying their rstday of honeymoon. Its very easy to pretend that theyre free from any burden,any conse0uences, and any responsibility. Its very easy to put up a smile and benonchalant of everything instead of facing the truth.

+t afternoon, ;ris smoothly slips something onto Taos ring nger when theyrewatching +vengers se0uel on the at screen TG. Tao stares at the foreign objecton his nger rst, then looks up at ;ris, demanding an answer.

-To remind you of me, ;ris smiles as he lifts his hand and shows the similarthing on his nger, -and to remind me of you.

Tao stares again at his hand. + plain, silver band wraps around his ring nger. -Toremind us of each other. To remind us of what we had and what we couldvebeen.

-To remind you, ;ris pauses shortly to glance at Taos ring, -that you will alwayshave all of my heart.

That sends a pang on his heart. Tao takes ;ris hand, where the ring restsperfectly. -To remind you, Tao replies, -that I wont be waiting, but I will alwaysbe ready to have you again if /od ever allow me to.

Tao nds an i5od doc in the bedroom. He brings it outside and places it at thedining table. He tells ;ris to move all the furniture aside to make a space forthem in the middle of the room and plays a cheap clubbing song 'aekhyun oncesneaked into his phone. ;ris gives him a judging look, but he laughs it o# andpulls ;ris to move his body. They end up dancing messily around the room,dragging each other aimlessly, laughing all the while.

Theyre in a trance, stuck in a limbo, smiling like they ever stood a chance.

;ris eventually pulls Tao into a kiss when the song ends, and somehow they

make it to the bedroom, and its like last night all over again. Tao falls back ontothe bed, clothes are being thrown away again, ;ris pauses for a while to stare


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and stare, Tao tugs gently on his hair to let him know that they shouldnt wasteany second, and ;ris proceeds. )omewhere along the rhythmic pressure belowhis waist and ;ris chant of his name, Tao reali$es that they are a bittersweet,tragic story. + tale of two souls wanting more than what they are fated for.

They were built to fall apart.

+t M 5%, ;ris e1cuses himself to go somewhere out of the area. -I wont be long.;ris tells him, and a wet kiss on the temple of his head follows suit. -&ust need totake care of something.

-


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-


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-Tell him how much of a coward you were,


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enlightenment because no, it cant be too tragic like this. -49yifan, he whispers,brokenly, as he holds onto ;ris shoulder, as if hes depending all his life on it, -ist9that true* Its ( 'aekhyun is lying, right* It cant be that dramatic, right* I (

4ifan, 4ifan*

;ris nally looks at him, with bloodshot eyes wet with fresh tears falling down. Hedoesnt say anything. %aybe its because he cant nd anything to say, be itright or wrong.

-4ifan* Tao calls again. -2ie to me then. Tell me it wasnt correct. Tell me'aekhyuns making up things. I will believe you. I will believe you.

-4oure done with him, Tao, now lets ( -

-4ifan@@ Tao screams, and ;ris looks away again, wincing. -2ie to me now@@@

)omewhere between his begs to ;ris and 'aekhyuns e#ort in pulling him away,he loses his balance and falls onto the oor. +nd just right before everythingturns black, he sees 'aekhyuns worried face and


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Tao wants to tell him that hes alright, but somehow, he cant even make asound.

!!

-Its the trauma that causes the muteness. (ut dont worry too much, itstemporary. 8nce he gets better mentally, he will be able to talk again.

His mothers face looks noticeably older in real life.

Tao stares up at her, who is sitting ne1t to the hospital bed, writing something onher note book. It has been 0uite long since the last time he can see her up closelike this. The wrinkle lines are clear at each corner of her eyes. + few of grayishlines colored her black hair.

He wonders, just how much of obstacles and dead9ends she had went through

her life.

)he turns to look at him and smiles warmly. + few seconds pass and she sayssoftly, -I think I owe you a story.

Tao wants to shake his head, because he knows what kind of story his motherhas for her and he doesnt want to hear the complete version of it.

-4our father, she starts, -he started working as the chau#eur for the late %rs."u when you were barely one year old. %rs. "u was a very noble lady. )he waskind9hearted, graceful, a perfect wife for the young %r. "u who just has just

earned his position as the


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-)he thought it would end after the child was born, but actually, it was the start.His mother sighs heavily. -The old %r. "u really loved his rst grandson. Heshowered him with a#ection and the best toys a kid could ever have. It made therich lady jealous, because to think of it, her son is his grandson as well, yet henever got the s

(i will try to) fix you

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