How to Take Feedback

By Steve M. Friedman, MFA

stevefriedman@gmail.com

BIL Conference

Long Beach, CAMarch 2-3, 2013

Why do we need feedback?

As BILders, we always have projects we're working on

Nothing is ever perfect. This includes you and your work

Everyone has their own unique insights and perspectives

You can't smell your own farts

Who to ask for feedback

Smart, helpful, diligent

Avoid people at a lower level than youThey'll only be able to give you very general comments

Also avoid people at higher level

Probably won't want to put in the effort to give solid feedback(Unless it's an instructor you're paying to help you)

Sacrificing an opportunity to impress them with your best work

Probably more useful to ask for help in other ways

Get feedback from people at about the same level as you

They know they can ask you for feedback at some point, so they're more willing to put in effort

Can learn from each other

Best to get oral feedback from a small group

Preferable to written or one-on-one feedback

Can build on each other's notes

Can brainstorm solutions to problems

Can ask questions

In person, phone, or video-conference

Avoid big groups

Dominated by the loudest members, not those with the best ideas

People wait to make their point, rather than build on the conversation

Too many cooks push you in different directions.

Ideal size is 2 or 3 people (plus you.)

Rules of Feedback

NEVER ARGUE

Remember that you want to know what's wrong

Reductive feedback is almost always correct

Additive feedback is often reductive feedback in disguise

Don't be afraid to ask questions

Don't use questions as a stealth means of arguing

Get feedback from multiple groups

Rule #1: NEVER ARGUE

You're asking people for their opinion. They're giving their opinion. They know what their opinion is, so they are right and you are wrong.

Arguing shuts them down. Stops them from giving more notes

Makes them less interested in helping in the future

Rule #1: NEVER ARGUE

Arguing closes yourself down to listening

If someone doesn't get something, it's YOUR fault for not making it clear enough.

If a comment is stupid, you can always smile, nod, write it down, and then ignore it.But can usually find value in stupid comments

Small groups can sanity-check comments

Rule #2: Remember that you want to know what's wrong

Criticism is much more valuable than praise

You can only improve by finding the problems

Opposite of our normal livesWe're generally happy when people tell us we're doing a good job, and sad or angry when people tell us we suck

Rule #2: Remember that you want to know what's wrong

Avoid grade-school insistence that feedback must be positive

This isn't kindergarten. We aren't trying to boost our self-esteem

Want to find out where, how, and why we suck, so we can fix it

Natural tendency to defend ourselves when we feel attackedDo not give in to this temptation

Make sure the people giving feedback understand thisPick people capable of doing it

People who only give positive feedback are worse than useless

Rule #2: Remember that you want to know what's wrong

Additive vs. Reductive Feedback

Additive feedback is when someone tells you you should add something

Reductive feedback is when someone tells you something isn't working

Rule #3: Reductive feedback is almost always correct

If someone doesn't think something works, it's because it truly doesn't work

They aren't just complaining to complainOr if they are, find better people to give you feedback

Rule #4: Additive feedback is often reductive feedback in disguise

Additive feedback may or may not be correct

Think about the additive suggestion. If it is a good idea, use it.

If you recognize reasons why it is a bad idea, don't just dismiss it

Often people propose an additive solution to a reductive problem

Rule #4: Additive feedback is often reductive feedback in disguise

Natural for some people to try to fix something that's wrongThat's exactly the sort of person you want giving you feedback

Just because their solution doesn't work is not a reason to dismiss their concerns

Try to figure out the underlying problem

Rule #5: Don't be afraid to ask questions

Necessary to clarify confusing reductive feedback

Helpful in finding reductive problem behind additive solutions

You can suggest solutions that might fix the problem

Often leads to getting more and better pieces of feedback

If a solution you're thinking of is off-base, better to learn that through minutes of talking than months of work

Rule #6: Don't use questions as a stealth means of arguing

You're only cheating yourself

Oh yeah, well... principle

Rule #7: Get feedback from multiple groups

Especially as you move to different stages of a project

Avoid group-think

People who are already familiar with your project can become blinded to problems

How to deal with stupid feedback

Sometimes someone gives you a suggestion, and you immediately recognize it as incredibly stupid. How do you respond?

Argue

Smile and nod, and then ignore it

Really think about it

How to deal with stupid feedback

If it's reductive feedback, it's almost always correct

Did the person giving feedback miss something obvious? Or is it not as obvious as you thought?

In a small group, a third party can weigh in

If it's additive feedback, try to figure out what reductive feedback it is a reaction to

Ask questions!

The dog and the motorcycle

When do you stop taking feedback?

Since nothing is ever perfect, could theoretically keep taking feedback/revising for rest of your life

If you have a deadline, then don't have a choice

But what if you're working for yourself?

At some point, iterations are more likely to degrade project than improve it

Learn to recognize when you're in an upswing

Weigh improvements against time

Your time could be spent doing something else

Lost revenue, career opportunities, risk of someone else beating you to the market

Depriving the world of your creation

When to stop is more art than science

Summary

NEVER ARGUE

Remember that you want to know what's wrong

Reductive feedback is almost always correct

Additive feedback is often reductive feedback in disguise

Don't be afraid to ask questions

Don't use questions as a stealth means of arguing

Get feedback from multiple groups