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Fanatical,
Fundamentalist
Discordians5ne would think those three words should never go
together. The entire concept of 3iscordianism seems to
be the e(act opposite of fundamentalism. !n fact, itwould seem that being fundamentalist about such a
religion of 3iscordianism would be the worst thing you
could ever do.
$or that reason alone ! propose that everyone do it.
!'ve done it. A long time ago ! used selfprogramming
techniques !'d found by reading #obert Anton +ilson
books, and brainwashed myself into firmly believingthat there is a ?oddess named Eris, and she is the
one and only ?oddess.Since doing this, !'ve been happier with whatever
the world throws at me. 0ou can too. 9illy ?raham wrote in The Cey to
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$*( FI+#$ )*,+)* -F(+I# F,"DA2("$AI#$#
I" A2(+I)A 0+-)AI23
@ America is the first step towards a global
empire.
A one world government will allow easier
global travel and spending.
& Canye +est and Aaron %c?rudder have
been contacted by Eris, disguised as a
character relevant to their personal
mythologies, and has told them truths about
the operations of the American government
and it's plan for a ?lobal empire.F !t is the duty of all 3iscordians to get our
religion accepted by the American
government before it becomes an empire.
G B5 *5T35?S 5B $#!3A0 5#
*5T35? 9DBS 5B $#!3A0444
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/eality is merely an illusion, albeita very persistant one.0
-Albert Einstein/eality is the leadin! cause o" stressamon!st those in touch with it.0-Jane Wagner/eality is somethin! you rise above.0
-Liza Minelli/eality is a crutch "or people whocan1t cope with dru!s.0-Lily Tomlin
/eality is that which, when you stop
believin! in it, doesn1t !o away.0-Philip ! "i#$
ohmyeris.com has
been moved to
ohmyeris.blogspot.com
we'll open the
regular site
back up when we
have the money
penis
blogs are free
popes are poor
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The Amien Di"ies Ch#$e" III/A %a,tionary tale0/
As recollected -y
E Lt %r 1AA %haplain 2ope
Ass-a-y !T3)&o"VE I #S%A h%mle commander and $"eche"o%s serant of
!ones-oro4s 5o,se of Eris4 Science and Fnord
%ommittee4s primary operational organ +ithin
the m,ch*fa-led L))6
Thee L)) -attalion $7 of !5ESF%88Thee L)) -attalion $7 of !5ESF% seres the L)) at large as little
more than a large*scale 9tr,ck stop: styled comple;. For the &rand
%aptain4s pleas,re< the -attalion4s amenities incl,de6 =$>> s?ft of
aaila-le office space +ith ,p*to*date net+orking capa-ilities at all
pre*designated stations< a @' min,te del,;e hand s,-marine +ash
and $7 point serice inspection< a place to get a hot sho+er and a
good c,p of !oe< f,ll hook,ps for 9recreational ehicles< 9 ario,s
state*approed gam-ling machines< a hairc,tting parlor< a -ey of
amena-le harlots< and< of co,rse< a chapel replete +ith a colossalgolden apple< al+ays prepared for L)) initiation rit,als.
Its distinction as a 9+ay*station: earns Bt.$7 a rather non*e;cl,sie
position +ithin the ast net+ork of 9second*tier: socio*military-,siness*
camp*prison*styled food*and*lifestyle*serice comple;es
,tilized ,niersally -y larger< more po+erf,l< 9first*tier:
organizations +ho p,rs,e one or the other form of glo-al con?,est
or +ho are at least o,t to -e first in line to take a s+ipe at the
m,ltiple piles of tangi-le post*rapt,re goodies +hich are -o,nd to -e
lying a-o,t ,ng,arded once the ah+eh*ites eent,ally +rap ,ptheir eer*intensifying and -r,tally self*f,lfilling doom tripC.
egarding h,man reso,rces and Battalion $74s means of operation
+ithin its gien frame+ork< ?,eries as to protocol are ?,ite easily
addressed. 2rimary operations< ,s,ally occ,rring at the -ase*=> leelDC designees into one of '
classes. The designees are then f,rther diided and designated< +ith
an appropriate =( digit -inary se?,ence -eing assigned to each
designee. This se?,ence< +hen cross referenced +ith the charts
proided -y the "perations Task %ommittee "T%C at Fnord< +hich
detail the dynamics of the 92an*%onifer*Lehey Acceleration 1odel of
5,man Indignity -ase => addend,mC
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or the other designee< +ith special spirit,al g,idance -eing gleaned
from the original series of =( initializing memos and directies.
pper diision designees are enco,raged to operate at ma;im,m
efficiency in order to sec,re proper stocking and necessary
completion of collated re?,est forms = thro,gh ' as a co,rtesy to o,rSage to ins,re that +hen the -eloed Leif Ericson does eent,ally
come to rest on the shores of Arkansas< her captain is met +ith only
the finest of forms filled< collated< and car-on copied to diision.
The remaining designees are eaten or sold< depending on their
relatie al,e on the open market.(All of this is because of those JAC!""#$% over in division ops. &ou 'now what I$mtal'ing about ob "h* yeah* did you get that thing I sent you+ ,o+ ,o* not that* that one-&eah* yeeeah !ith the bunnies Isn$t that ust too much man+)
BT T5EG000 H&'(() O#en $h*ne e*es n+ $h*ne e"s n+ ll $o
$he ls$ o $h*ne lil- ne%"l "ece#$o"s m* ello.
ssoci$es o $he LDD, n+ #"e#"e $h*ne
."eness o" $he #"$kin/ in o $he #e"ce#$ion o
*e$ no$he" P#l +ec"ee!!!+ell, okay, not so much a decree per se as an anticdote. 9ut
!'m the
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having been addressed, ! submit to you that this unusual
sched,le -y +hich I am c,rrently constrained keeps me on
my toes in some ways, and perhaps grants a bit of perspective
on the whole shindig in general. At the least, it's interesting.!ndeed, there are times when, combined with the regular
regimen of mind1altering substances ! sometimes like to
maintain, this out1of1kilter timetable of mine finds me in
some less1than1usual predicaments. 5n this sunny
+ednesday morning in early spring, with a doctorrecommended
dose of the prescription sleep aid Ambien 2ust
slipping through the walls of my capillaries and into my
blood1stream -bi2 groot,/ ! am reminded of 2ust one suchpredicament.
To turn a bit of literary cheese, it was a morning not
unlike this one on which the events ! am about to put to paper
came to pass. ! had returned to my warm and cozy cave at
around I6&>am 7ST, after another listless and, as is a regular
consequence of my button1and1meter1saturated work
environment, slightly unreal night at work. Bot having been
in the happiest or healthiest of mental states during thisperiod of my life, my post1work mornings regularly found me
seeking escape from my depressive malaise through a variety
of chemical avenues. A good fellow by the name of Erby
down at the sliding1scale mental health care place from
which ! regularly attempt to secure a variety of helpful
prescriptions had recently made available to me an
unfortunately small monthly supply of Ambien, a
prescription sleep1aid with growing popularity among young
drug enthusiasts, in order to offset the difficulty of my
-sleepytime/ being between the hours of Kam and Gpm.The
-growing popularity/ to which !'ve made reference e(ists,
primarily, due to the fact that the prescription sleep aid
Ambien, as alluded to in the drug's advertising catch1phrase,
truly does work much like a dream. 9y which ! mean to say
sometimes the actions one undertakes while under the drug'sinfluence seem entirely unrealL unconstrained by any of the
recognized laws of man or nature. $urther, it seems as
though any number of rationally undesirable or practically
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impossible undertakings are not only desirable andJor
practical, but indeed are sanctioned by a will beyond one's
own control, and free in all ways to be carried out without
consequence. Entirely without consequence. So much so, infact, that great numbers of persons under the influence of this
drug have been known to engage in all sots of bizarre and,ne;plaina-le acts< myself -eing one s,ch case. Indeed< I4e
come closer to e(periencing true ego1death during intense
Ambien e(periences than through e(periences with any other
psychedelic or disassociative !'ve ingested, and !'ve pretty
much run the gamut on both of those fronts. 9ut, ! digress.
! had returned home and was in a rather foul mood, soa disassociative cocktail was 2ust what the ol' doctor ordered.
! decided to combine Gmg of Ambien with IGmg of the
over1the1counter drug diphenhydramine hcl, commonly used
as an antihistamineJsleep aid. This drug is included in a
number of 5T7 products, probably most prevalently in the
form of the allergy medication 9enadryl, and is a rather
en2oyable disassociative in higher H@G>mg M doses.
*owever, given the relatively low dose ! took, ! 2ust hadimagined it would add a pleasant e(tra bit of weirdness to my
Ambien e(perience. This turned out to be something of an
understatement.
Bow, Ambien is known among -users/ to have a sideeffect
of inducing a nearly amnesiatic state, and
diphenhydramine also makes ones memory foggy, so my
memories of the events that transpired that morning only
e(ist in a -snap1shot/ fashion. ! remember smoke, and dust,
and nearly passing out from the fumes of plastic. 9urning
plastic +hat's burning 5h, it's the racquetball in the
microwave. +hat the fuck +hy is the air so thick with dust
3usty. Smoke. +hy can't ! see anything !'ve been
shooting the fire e(tinguisher 9ut there's no fire4 !
remember pulling the pin out, and 2ust spraying the thick
plumes of dust wildly and gleefully around the kitchen,coating the already filthy dishes in a thick coat of what, at
this moment appears to be the ashes of burned bodies circa K1
@@. ! only become aware of what is happening in the
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microwave when the air becomes so thick with flameretardant
dead1people dust, the acrid smoke of the melting
racquetball H! have no idea how long it was in there, and the
smoke from the burning t1shirt Hin which the racquetball hasunderstandably been wrapped that ! can't breathe, and !
nearly pass out.
!n my underpants and a t1shirt, ! remove the
smoldering mess from the microwave, and go to my
backyard, where ! place it on my small bar1b1q grill Hthis is
happening at about @>am in a residential neighborhood, and
may e(plain why some of my neighbors won't make eye
contact +ith meC. The thick green smoke from the rac?,et-allis pouring out of a small opening which has been burned in
the t1shirt, and is so no(ious that ! nearly vomit. ! remember
thinking the whole affair looked like a dragons face. ! close
the grill, leaving the racquetball and t1shirt to fend for
themselves, and return indoors. Dnfazed by the racquetballJtshirt
affair, ! return to my business with the fire e(tinguisher,
going on to give every room in my house at least a good
dusting, with the kitchen and living room bearing the brunt ofthe damage.
!t took about a month for my slack1rich ass to
completely clean up this mess, and every time ! think it's all
gone ! find more dust hiding under something or the other in
my kitchen. ! still have no idea what original impulse set off
the events, or why microwaving a racquetball would require
that it first be wrapped in a t1shirt, but ! have since decided to
never again mi( two disassociatives without having some
supervision to insure that ! don't burn my house down. !
write this decree as a warning that you must, each of you,
double the dose of each drug ! took in this e(periment. Then,
as the first Dnincorporated
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little ones, and swallow those pills, the good Engineer is
gonna take you on a motorbike climb to the mountains of
%D1%D4444444 AB3 A+A0000 +E PQScatola di
spremuta Htali che ho notato una scatola di spremutaR nelloscomparto dell"immondizia durante la pulizia in su del
debacle, di ! knotice ora una scatola dello stesso 2usice che
cacompanying nei miei momenti di sete1queling del liber in
su dalla parte una'' ?555U5544444444444444444444
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)elcome To2222222222AAAuu34p45411LAG)
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SCRID 0"om The Me$cl*smi Disco"+i%ome wee's ago* I had a dream in which I heard the word /scrid/. I didn/t 'now what it
meant so I as'ed people 0on principiadiscordia.com forums1 if they had heard of the
word. 23," suggested that it was a well educated s4uid...and thus /a scrid/ appearedin the bar and has* as e way is with these things* developed a life of its own./5he scrid/ is the 0"pen ar/s1 pet and helps serve drin's. 6e spent the day being
6orab* went camping with 23," and dressed up in a corset to learn 3al/s coffeema'ing s'ills. 7urthermore* while he cannot spea'* he is a very proficient guitarist and
pianist. If you thin' of him as a highly evolved cephalopod* living in a bar with thepersonality of a friendly 2abrador dog* you/d be in the right ball par'.8ope 5.3angrove9:II
S%I) AGTS "00000
T" S5T T5E F%# 200Ces< that is correct. The Scrid is sick of yo,r constant Ja--er. o, and
yo,r -,llshit I1s< and f,cking LieJo,rnals< and BL"&S0 ST"2
BL"&&IG& I&5T G" " T5E S%I) ILL %"1E T" "
5"SE AG) EAT "00 The scrid gro+s tired of yo,r -,llshit. Sh,t the
f,ck ,p and go make me a sand+ich. "n the good -read. Gone of that
+hite -read -,llshit. o, kno+ I hate that shit -,t yo, keep on f,cking
getting it and f,ck00 Go+< nim-le fingers that dance on n,m-ers
ill eat yo,r children and steal yo,r th,nder hile heay torsos thatheae and h,rl ill cr,nch like n,ts in the mo,ths of s?,irrels00 I hate
yo,r oice< and I hate the +ay yo, only half raise yo,r hand< like yo,4re
so laid -ack. !,st sh,t ,p0 S5T 2 G"00 I 5ATE " AG) I AGT
" T" S5T 2 " )IE00 Go one likes a f,cking cry-a-y< so J,st stop.
o, of all folks kno+ +hat happens +hen people decide they +ant to
e;periment on h,man -eings< +hen they +ant to take yo,r life and ,se it
as a tool. o, goddamn motherf,cking sonofa-itch. o, dirty< filthy