Download - LOVING YOUR WIFE – A HUSBAND’S ROLE, Part II Twin City Fellowship October 2, 2011 R. A. Kuffel
SUMMARY OF PART I
EPHESIANS 5:25 – PERFECT HUSBAND MARITAL VOWS
NO IFS
SHE’S A TREASURE HAS TO KNOW IT EVERY DAY
EYES-EARS-LIPS-HANDS FOR HER ALONE
WIFE SHOULD FEAR NO COMPETITION
WHERE IS CHRIST IN ALL THIS?
ROMANS 8:14 FOR ALL WHO ARE BEING LED BY THE SPIRIT OF GOD, THESE ARE SONS OF GOD.
“The second major way in which the Spirit leads God’s children is by their sanctification. The Spirit not only illuminates our minds to understand Scripture but divinely assists us in obeying it, and that obedience becomes another testimony to our salvation.”
WHAT GOES WRONG?
CALLED TO WORSHIP GOD ALONE Psalms 119:2 How blessed are those
who observe His testimonies, who seek Him with all their heart. The heart – man’s thoughts,
intentions, beliefs, desires, attitudes
CHOOSE TO WORSHIP IDOLS
WHAT WE WORSHIP WE…
ADORE SACRIFICE FOR FOCUS ON SUBMIT TO SEEK AFTER HOPE IN SERVE/GIVE TO SPEAK ABOUT LOOK TO FOR PEACE, MEANING, HAPPINESS SPEND LOTS OF THOUGHT, TIME, ENERGY,
AND RESOURCES ON…
EXAMPLES OF IDOLS
SECURITY WEALTH/JOB/WORK/SUCCESS MATERIAL THINGS GOOD HEALTH KNOWLEDGE CONTROL OTHER GODS OF THE CULTS OURSELVES ANOTHER PERSON
OR THESE
FAIR TREATMENT AMBITION AN ACCOMPLISHMENT GOOD OPINION OF OTHERS PHYSICAL APPEARANCE PLEASURE/COMFORT SPECIFIC CIRCUMSTANCE OF LIFE PAIN-FREE TROUBLE-FREE LIFE FISHING/GOLF/SPORTS ACTIVITIES A GOD OF OUR OWN MAKING
IDOLATRY CAN LEAD TO SEEKING FALSE REFUGES IN MARRIAGE
Food Sleep Drugs Travel Sports Music Reading Television Another person (man
or woman)
Strong drink Sex/pornography Fantasies/imaginations Shopping/spending
money Fleeing (leaving,
driving Busyness at work or
church or hobbies.*Scott, p.94
ACTION PLAN: WE MUST BREAK THIS CYCLE
FORSAKE THOSE FALSE IDOLS*Scott, p.96
DEVELOP THE RIGHT PASSIONS
GET THE RIGHT HEART BEFORE THE RIGHT LIFE.
THE DREADED ‘S’ WORD – SUBMISSION
SPEAKING OF A RIGHT HEART IN THE CHURCH
Ephesians 5:21 and be subject to one another in the fear of Christ.
IN MARRIAGE Ephesians 5:22 Wives, be subject to your own
husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body. 24 But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything.
REMEMBER, THE CONTEXT IS LOVE
WHY THE PROBLEM?
CULTURAL QUESTION: IS MARRIAGE OUTDATED? 9/10 Adults think so That’s our culture
BIBLE QUESTION: ARE HUSBAND AND WIFE EQUAL?
EQUAL – YES:IN NATURE AND INTELLECT
BOTH ARE CREATED IN THE IMAGE OF GOD
Genesis 1:27 God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them.
Galatians 3:28 There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free man, there is neither male nor female; for you are all one in Christ Jesus.
NOT EQUAL – NO:IN THE AREA OF AUTHORITY
HUSBAND – LEADS Authority not unlimited Must be administered lovingly
WIFE – SUBMITS/IS SUBJECT TO Submission expressed in her obeying Christ by
respecting her husband’s position
WORKS, HOW? Flows out of a love relationship
He is called to love She is called to respect
BIBLICAL LOVE IS NOT –
Romantic feelings Physical attraction Sex Needing Benefiting (I like what you do for me) Loving words alone Loving actions alone Being ‘in love’ … like in and out;
that’s not true love.
BIBLICAL LOVE IS –
Enduring Verbalized Compassionate Demonstrated by action Does what is best for us Self-sacrificial Involves treasuring one another
even though we are not worthy Is not performance based.
BUT WHAT IF…?
SOMETHING WENT WRONG…YOU’VE GROWN APART SHE HAS BECOME AN ENEMY
Matthew 5:44-45 44 "But I say to you, love your enemies and
pray for those who persecute you, 45 so that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven; for He causes His sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous.
WE NEED GOD’S KIND OF LOVE
OUR WORKING DEFINITION: A selfless and enduring commitment of
the will to care about and benefit another person by righteous, truthful, and compassionate thoughts, words, and actions. No ulterior motives. Always thinking of the other person.
REMEMBER THIS FROM 1 JOHN: 1 John 4:8 The one who does not love does
not know God, for God is love.
PRACTICAL LOVE – LOAD SHARING
MOW THE GRASS TRIM THE HEDGES CLEAN THE GUTTERS CHANGE THE BATTERIES IN THE SMOKE DETECTORS CARRY THE LAUNDRY TO THE MACHINE CLEAR THE DIRTY DISHES HELP WITH THE DISHES VACUUM THE HOUSE WASH THE WINDOWS HELP THE KIDS WITH HOMEWORK ATTEND CONFERENCES, COACH PLAY WITH THE NEIGHBORHOOD KIDS
PRACTICAL LOVE – PROTECTION
DOES YOUR WIFE FEEL YOUR PROTECTING LOVE? PHYSICALLY EMOTIONALLY SPIRITUALLY
PROTECTION: PHYSICALLY
HOME IS SAFE CHIVALRY ALIVE TAKE CARE OF HER CAR CARE FOR HER PERSONAL HEALTH SET AN EXAMPLE IN HEALTH
MATTERS
PROTECTION: EMOTIONALLY
FROM THE STRESS OF OVERWORKING FROM UNNECESSARY WORRIES
REGARDING FINANCES AND FAMILY’S WELL-BEING
FROM THE EMOTIONAL STRAIN OF HARMFUL PEOPLE
FROM SEXUAL TEMPTATION – IF NEGLECTED ROMANTICALLY AND SEXUALLY
PROTECTION: SPIRITUALLY
MAKE TIME TO NOURISH HER SPIRITUALLY PRAY WITH HER READ THE BIBLE AND OTHER CHRISTIAN BOOKS
WITH HER BLOCK OUT DEVOTIONAL TIME WITH HER
CONVERSE WITH HER DAILY ABOUT CHRIST AND HIS PROMISES OF GRACE
STUDY HER GET TO REALLY KNOW HER – SHE’S WORTH
KNOWING – AND HELP HER
DO ALL THIS REGULARLY
BE FAITHFUL STEWARDS
SURRENDER DAILY ALL DECISIONS, PROBLEMS, OR SUCCESSES – Be willing to accept God’s direction
Proverbs 3:5-65 Trust in the LORD with all your heart And do not lean
on your own understanding. 6 In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He will make
your paths straight. Philippians 4:6-7
6 Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and Supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. 7 And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
KEY FINANCIAL PRINCIPLES
GIVE TO GOD FIRST LEARN TO BE A SAVER LEARN TO SPEND LESS THAN YOU EARN HAVE CASH IN AN EMERGENCY FUND DON’T FINANCE PLEASURE ITEMS PROTECT THE FAMILY WITH ADEQUATE LIFE
INSURANCE HAVE A RETIREMENT PLAN IN PROGRESS BY
AGE 40 OWN YOUR HOME BY AGE 65 OR RETIREMENT
THINGS TO THINK ABOUT
CREDIT CARD ISSUES Credit card debt is a killer < 30% of credit card holders pay off entire balance each month Credit card purchasers spend 30-40% more than cash
purchasers
WE TREAT THE SYMPTOM, NOT THE LARGER PROBLEM IF… Consolidate bills into a new loan Put wife to work Respond to pressure by buying something expensive
BEWARE OF THIS: IN 95% OF FAMILIES, MAJORITY OF DEBT COMES FROM HUSBANDS. Women tend to fear debt. Women take family into debt in little bits and pieces BUT MEN DO IT IN GIANT LEAPS
IF PEOPLE HAVE FINANCIAL PROBLEMS…
THEIR PROBLEMS ARE REAL 60% have borrowed more money than they
can realistically repay in a lifetime 40% have borrowed more money than they
can even make payments on
WHY ARE WE DISCUSSING MONEY? In 85% of divorces, the reason has
something to do with money
ACTION SUMMARY
STEWARDSHIP OF TIME AND MONEY SCOTT’S BOOK, CHAPTER 12 AND APPENDIX 8.
A BUDGET: DO YOU HAVE ONE? YOU SHOULD. Takes 4 hours to set up Takes 30 minutes a week to maintain Takes 9 months for it to work efficiently And it’s not a plan for husband to punish wife
MUSTS Once in place – use it! Keep it simple enough to be practical or
you won’t live within it
ACTION BEGINS HERE
START HERE Fix maximum levels based on current
income and current spending Match it up – income must exceed outgo
ITEMS – AND PERCENTAGES CAN BE ASSIGNED Giving Housing Food Auto Insurance Entertainment Clothing Medical/dental Savings Credit Household/misc
THEN…
NEXT STEPS Set it up Track it Adjust your spending accordingly Be honest
BEHAVIORAL ADJUSTMENT Shop alone Evaluate your standard of living Establish your long term goals
Get out of debt Stay out of debt
Plan your estate Guard your financial integrity
WHERE WE STARTED
EPHESIANS 5:25 HUSBANDS, LOVE YOUR WIVES, JUST AS CHRIST ALSO LOVED THE CHURCH AND GAVE HIMSELF UP FOR HER.
AMEN.