LOVING YOUR WIFE – A HUSBAND’S ROLE, Part II

Twin City FellowshipOctober 2, 2011

R. A. Kuffel

SUMMARY OF PART I

EPHESIANS 5:25 – PERFECT HUSBAND MARITAL VOWS

NO IFS

SHE’S A TREASURE HAS TO KNOW IT EVERY DAY

EYES-EARS-LIPS-HANDS FOR HER ALONE

WIFE SHOULD FEAR NO COMPETITION

WHERE IS CHRIST IN ALL THIS?

ROMANS 8:14 FOR ALL WHO ARE BEING LED BY THE SPIRIT OF GOD, THESE ARE SONS OF GOD.

“The second major way in which the Spirit leads God’s children is by their sanctification. The Spirit not only illuminates our minds to understand Scripture but divinely assists us in obeying it, and that obedience becomes another testimony to our salvation.”

WHAT GOES WRONG?

CALLED TO WORSHIP GOD ALONE Psalms 119:2 How blessed are those

who observe His testimonies, who seek Him with all their heart. The heart – man’s thoughts,

intentions, beliefs, desires, attitudes

CHOOSE TO WORSHIP IDOLS

WHAT WE WORSHIP WE…

ADORE SACRIFICE FOR FOCUS ON SUBMIT TO SEEK AFTER HOPE IN SERVE/GIVE TO SPEAK ABOUT LOOK TO FOR PEACE, MEANING, HAPPINESS SPEND LOTS OF THOUGHT, TIME, ENERGY,

AND RESOURCES ON…

NOW, REMEMBER OUR PRIORITIES

GOD WIFE AND FAMILY WORK CHURCH/MINISTRY

EXAMPLES OF IDOLS

SECURITY WEALTH/JOB/WORK/SUCCESS MATERIAL THINGS GOOD HEALTH KNOWLEDGE CONTROL OTHER GODS OF THE CULTS OURSELVES ANOTHER PERSON

OR THESE

FAIR TREATMENT AMBITION AN ACCOMPLISHMENT GOOD OPINION OF OTHERS PHYSICAL APPEARANCE PLEASURE/COMFORT SPECIFIC CIRCUMSTANCE OF LIFE PAIN-FREE TROUBLE-FREE LIFE FISHING/GOLF/SPORTS ACTIVITIES A GOD OF OUR OWN MAKING

IDOLATRY CAN LEAD TO SEEKING FALSE REFUGES IN MARRIAGE

Food Sleep Drugs Travel Sports Music Reading Television Another person (man

or woman)

Strong drink Sex/pornography Fantasies/imaginations Shopping/spending

money Fleeing (leaving,

driving Busyness at work or

church or hobbies.*Scott, p.94

ACTION PLAN: WE MUST BREAK THIS CYCLE

FORSAKE THOSE FALSE IDOLS*Scott, p.96

DEVELOP THE RIGHT PASSIONS

GET THE RIGHT HEART BEFORE THE RIGHT LIFE.

THE DREADED ‘S’ WORD – SUBMISSION

SPEAKING OF A RIGHT HEART IN THE CHURCH

Ephesians 5:21 and be subject to one another in the fear of Christ.

IN MARRIAGE Ephesians 5:22 Wives, be subject to your own

husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body. 24 But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything.

REMEMBER, THE CONTEXT IS LOVE

WHY THE PROBLEM?

CULTURAL QUESTION: IS MARRIAGE OUTDATED? 9/10 Adults think so That’s our culture

BIBLE QUESTION: ARE HUSBAND AND WIFE EQUAL?

EQUAL – YES:IN NATURE AND INTELLECT

BOTH ARE CREATED IN THE IMAGE OF GOD

Genesis 1:27 God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them.

Galatians 3:28 There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free man, there is neither male nor female; for you are all one in Christ Jesus.

NOT EQUAL – NO:IN THE AREA OF AUTHORITY

HUSBAND – LEADS Authority not unlimited Must be administered lovingly

WIFE – SUBMITS/IS SUBJECT TO Submission expressed in her obeying Christ by

respecting her husband’s position

WORKS, HOW? Flows out of a love relationship

He is called to love She is called to respect

THE LOVE RELATIONSHIP

BIBLICAL LOVE

BIBLICAL LOVE IS NOT –

Romantic feelings Physical attraction Sex Needing Benefiting (I like what you do for me) Loving words alone Loving actions alone Being ‘in love’ … like in and out;

that’s not true love.

BIBLICAL LOVE IS –

Enduring Verbalized Compassionate Demonstrated by action Does what is best for us Self-sacrificial Involves treasuring one another

even though we are not worthy Is not performance based.

BUT WHAT IF…?

SOMETHING WENT WRONG…YOU’VE GROWN APART SHE HAS BECOME AN ENEMY

Matthew 5:44-45 44 "But I say to you, love your enemies and

pray for those who persecute you, 45 so that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven; for He causes His sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous.

WE NEED GOD’S KIND OF LOVE

OUR WORKING DEFINITION: A selfless and enduring commitment of

the will to care about and benefit another person by righteous, truthful, and compassionate thoughts, words, and actions. No ulterior motives. Always thinking of the other person.

REMEMBER THIS FROM 1 JOHN: 1 John 4:8 The one who does not love does

not know God, for God is love.

THE LOVE RELATIONSHIP

PRACTICAL LOVE

PRACTICAL LOVE – LOAD SHARING

MOW THE GRASS TRIM THE HEDGES CLEAN THE GUTTERS CHANGE THE BATTERIES IN THE SMOKE DETECTORS CARRY THE LAUNDRY TO THE MACHINE CLEAR THE DIRTY DISHES HELP WITH THE DISHES VACUUM THE HOUSE WASH THE WINDOWS HELP THE KIDS WITH HOMEWORK ATTEND CONFERENCES, COACH PLAY WITH THE NEIGHBORHOOD KIDS

PRACTICAL LOVE – PROTECTION

DOES YOUR WIFE FEEL YOUR PROTECTING LOVE? PHYSICALLY EMOTIONALLY SPIRITUALLY

PROTECTION: PHYSICALLY

HOME IS SAFE CHIVALRY ALIVE TAKE CARE OF HER CAR CARE FOR HER PERSONAL HEALTH SET AN EXAMPLE IN HEALTH

MATTERS

PROTECTION: EMOTIONALLY

FROM THE STRESS OF OVERWORKING FROM UNNECESSARY WORRIES

REGARDING FINANCES AND FAMILY’S WELL-BEING

FROM THE EMOTIONAL STRAIN OF HARMFUL PEOPLE

FROM SEXUAL TEMPTATION – IF NEGLECTED ROMANTICALLY AND SEXUALLY

PROTECTION: SPIRITUALLY

MAKE TIME TO NOURISH HER SPIRITUALLY PRAY WITH HER READ THE BIBLE AND OTHER CHRISTIAN BOOKS

WITH HER BLOCK OUT DEVOTIONAL TIME WITH HER

CONVERSE WITH HER DAILY ABOUT CHRIST AND HIS PROMISES OF GRACE

STUDY HER GET TO REALLY KNOW HER – SHE’S WORTH

KNOWING – AND HELP HER

DO ALL THIS REGULARLY

STEWARDSHIP

FINANCES

BE FAITHFUL STEWARDS

SURRENDER DAILY ALL DECISIONS, PROBLEMS, OR SUCCESSES – Be willing to accept God’s direction

Proverbs 3:5-65 Trust in the LORD with all your heart And do not lean

on your own understanding. 6 In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He will make

your paths straight. Philippians 4:6-7

6 Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and Supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. 7 And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

KEY FINANCIAL PRINCIPLES

GIVE TO GOD FIRST LEARN TO BE A SAVER LEARN TO SPEND LESS THAN YOU EARN HAVE CASH IN AN EMERGENCY FUND DON’T FINANCE PLEASURE ITEMS PROTECT THE FAMILY WITH ADEQUATE LIFE

INSURANCE HAVE A RETIREMENT PLAN IN PROGRESS BY

AGE 40 OWN YOUR HOME BY AGE 65 OR RETIREMENT

THINGS TO THINK ABOUT

CREDIT CARD ISSUES Credit card debt is a killer < 30% of credit card holders pay off entire balance each month Credit card purchasers spend 30-40% more than cash

purchasers

WE TREAT THE SYMPTOM, NOT THE LARGER PROBLEM IF… Consolidate bills into a new loan Put wife to work Respond to pressure by buying something expensive

BEWARE OF THIS: IN 95% OF FAMILIES, MAJORITY OF DEBT COMES FROM HUSBANDS. Women tend to fear debt. Women take family into debt in little bits and pieces BUT MEN DO IT IN GIANT LEAPS

IF PEOPLE HAVE FINANCIAL PROBLEMS…

THEIR PROBLEMS ARE REAL 60% have borrowed more money than they

can realistically repay in a lifetime 40% have borrowed more money than they

can even make payments on

WHY ARE WE DISCUSSING MONEY? In 85% of divorces, the reason has

something to do with money

ACTION SUMMARY

STEWARDSHIP OF TIME AND MONEY SCOTT’S BOOK, CHAPTER 12 AND APPENDIX 8.

A BUDGET: DO YOU HAVE ONE? YOU SHOULD. Takes 4 hours to set up Takes 30 minutes a week to maintain Takes 9 months for it to work efficiently And it’s not a plan for husband to punish wife

MUSTS Once in place – use it! Keep it simple enough to be practical or

you won’t live within it

ACTION BEGINS HERE

START HERE Fix maximum levels based on current

income and current spending Match it up – income must exceed outgo

ITEMS – AND PERCENTAGES CAN BE ASSIGNED Giving Housing Food Auto Insurance Entertainment Clothing Medical/dental Savings Credit Household/misc

THEN…

NEXT STEPS Set it up Track it Adjust your spending accordingly Be honest

BEHAVIORAL ADJUSTMENT Shop alone Evaluate your standard of living Establish your long term goals

Get out of debt Stay out of debt

Plan your estate Guard your financial integrity

CHALLENGE QUESTIONS

DO YOU LEAD BY EXAMPLE? DO YOU TEACH AS BEST YOU CAN? DO YOU ENCOURAGE?

WHERE WE STARTED

EPHESIANS 5:25 HUSBANDS, LOVE YOUR WIVES, JUST AS CHRIST ALSO LOVED THE CHURCH AND GAVE HIMSELF UP FOR HER.

AMEN.

BOOK LIST: EXERPTS DRAWN LIBERALLY FROM …

THE EXEMPLARY HUSBAND by Stuart Scott

LOVING YOUR WIFE As Christ Loves the Church by Larry E. McCall

LASTING LOVE How to Avoid Marital Failure by Alistair Begg

THE FULFILLED FAMILY by John MacArthur