Download - Finishing well!, part 3
FINISHING WELL!PART THREE - FORGIVENESS
Calvary Chapel Refuge Married Couples Weekend, 2017
THREE KINDS OF FORGIVENESS
Garden Variety offenses - (70 x 7) “Your
Brother”
Selected Forgiveness – (Your enemy)
Possibility of reconciliation
Aggressive Forgiveness – (God’s justice) A
Form of Spiritual Warfare
GARDEN VARIETY FORGIVENESS
“Be kind and compassionate to one
another, forgiving each other, just as in
Christ God forgave you” (Eph. 4:32).
A spirit of generosity such as God shows us.
• Non-malicious, immature, personality quirks,
“oops”, mistakes,
GOD’S GENEROSITY – OUR EXAMPLE
“Matthew 18: 21, 22 –
“Then Peter came to Jesus and asked,
“Lord, how many times shall I forgive my
brother or sister who sins against me? Up
to seven times?”
Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven
times, but seventy-seven times”.
HELPFUL WAYS TO PROCESS
GARDEN VARIETY OFFENSES
1. Ask for “help”
2. Refer to one of your own quirks, mistakes, or habits on the front end
3. Dial things down on the front end. Use (appropriate) humor. Let spouse know they are “not in trouble”
4. Tell what makes it better
SELECTED FORGIVENESS
• Bigger, more life-impacting offenses or
mistakes
• Sins, compulsions, irresponsible behaviors,
inappropriate boundaries
• Lies, deceptions, betrayals, passive-
aggressive or aggressive-abusive behaviors
FOUR “C”S OF CONFRONTATION
1. Compliment
2. Confess
3. Confront
4. Commit
LISTEN TO THREE VOICES
1. Your own voice. (give a name to the offense, label it. What did the offender do or say that hurt you?)
2. Your partner’s voice. (let them express their feelings and thoughts EVEN IF YOU DON’T AGREE – tell them the message you are getting)
3. God’s voice. (He is calling you to choose forgiveness. He will give you the grace to follow through)
GOD’S VOICE -
“You have heard that it was said, “Love
your neighbor and hate your enemy.” But I
tell you: Love your enemies and pray for
those who persecute you that you may be
sons of your Father in heaven. He causes
His sun to rise on the evil and the good,
and sends rain on the righteous and
unrighteous.”
(Matthew 5: 43-45).
GOD’S VOICE
“So watch yourselves. If your brother sins,
rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him.
If he sins against you seven times in a day,
and seven times comes back to you and
says, “I repent”, forgive him”. (Luke 17: 3
– 4)
“…forgive us our sins, as we have forgiven
those who sin against us” (Matthew 6:12)
WHAT FORGIVENESS IS NOT:
* Condoning or Excusing
* Forgetting
* Justifying
* Calming Down
* Pseudo-forgiving
AN UNWANTED BOND
REAL Forgiveness is:
Comprehensive
Unconditional
Irreversible
It breaks an unwanted bond between your
partner’s weakness and your own
GOALS OF FORGIVENESS
To glorify God by obeying Him and choosing to imitate His example
To open the door for healing and reconciliation (ironically, the person who can heal us the most is the one who hurt us the most)
To close the door on Satan’s schemes to undermine us
To trade a bitter connection for a life-giving connection
To give God room to work in us and the offender
The battle to forgive does not BEGIN with
your partner’s behavior. It begins with your
own heart
Forgiveness is not the same as repair and
reconciliation. It is the first step in a process.
When you RELEASE, God can work.