FINISHING WELL!PART THREE - FORGIVENESS

Calvary Chapel Refuge Married Couples Weekend, 2017

THREE KINDS OF FORGIVENESS

Garden Variety offenses - (70 x 7) “Your

Brother”

Selected Forgiveness – (Your enemy)

Possibility of reconciliation

Aggressive Forgiveness – (God’s justice) A

Form of Spiritual Warfare

GARDEN VARIETY FORGIVENESS

“Be kind and compassionate to one

another, forgiving each other, just as in

Christ God forgave you” (Eph. 4:32).

A spirit of generosity such as God shows us.

• Non-malicious, immature, personality quirks,

“oops”, mistakes,

GOD’S GENEROSITY – OUR EXAMPLE

“Matthew 18: 21, 22 –

“Then Peter came to Jesus and asked,

“Lord, how many times shall I forgive my

brother or sister who sins against me? Up

to seven times?”

Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven

times, but seventy-seven times”.

HELPFUL WAYS TO PROCESS

GARDEN VARIETY OFFENSES

1. Ask for “help”

2. Refer to one of your own quirks, mistakes, or habits on the front end

3. Dial things down on the front end. Use (appropriate) humor. Let spouse know they are “not in trouble”

4. Tell what makes it better

SELECTED FORGIVENESS

• Bigger, more life-impacting offenses or

mistakes

• Sins, compulsions, irresponsible behaviors,

inappropriate boundaries

• Lies, deceptions, betrayals, passive-

aggressive or aggressive-abusive behaviors

FOUR “C”S OF CONFRONTATION

1. Compliment

2. Confess

3. Confront

4. Commit

LISTEN TO THREE VOICES

1. Your own voice. (give a name to the offense, label it. What did the offender do or say that hurt you?)

2. Your partner’s voice. (let them express their feelings and thoughts EVEN IF YOU DON’T AGREE – tell them the message you are getting)

3. God’s voice. (He is calling you to choose forgiveness. He will give you the grace to follow through)

GOD’S VOICE -

“You have heard that it was said, “Love

your neighbor and hate your enemy.” But I

tell you: Love your enemies and pray for

those who persecute you that you may be

sons of your Father in heaven. He causes

His sun to rise on the evil and the good,

and sends rain on the righteous and

unrighteous.”

(Matthew 5: 43-45).

GOD’S VOICE

“So watch yourselves. If your brother sins,

rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him.

If he sins against you seven times in a day,

and seven times comes back to you and

says, “I repent”, forgive him”. (Luke 17: 3

– 4)

“…forgive us our sins, as we have forgiven

those who sin against us” (Matthew 6:12)

WHAT FORGIVENESS IS NOT:

* Condoning or Excusing

* Forgetting

* Justifying

* Calming Down

* Pseudo-forgiving

AN UNWANTED BOND

REAL Forgiveness is:

Comprehensive

Unconditional

Irreversible

It breaks an unwanted bond between your

partner’s weakness and your own

GOALS OF FORGIVENESS

To glorify God by obeying Him and choosing to imitate His example

To open the door for healing and reconciliation (ironically, the person who can heal us the most is the one who hurt us the most)

To close the door on Satan’s schemes to undermine us

To trade a bitter connection for a life-giving connection

To give God room to work in us and the offender

The battle to forgive does not BEGIN with

your partner’s behavior. It begins with your

own heart

Forgiveness is not the same as repair and

reconciliation. It is the first step in a process.

When you RELEASE, God can work.