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7/28/2019 Dealing with Noncompliant Children
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Dealing with
Noncompliant Children
How can you help noncompliant children who are in your
DC4K group?
by Nancy Bell
any of us who work with children in
DC4K are frustrated when weencounter a noncompliant or
oppositional child. Dr. Russell Barkley,
authority on disruptive behavior disorders in
children, identifies the following examplesof noncompliant behavior:
Yells, whines, complains, defies,
screams, throws tantrums, throwsobjects, talks back, swears, steals, lies,
argues, humiliates, teases, ignores
requests, runs off, cries, fails to complete
chores, physically resists, destroysproperty, physically fights with others,
fails to complete school homework,
disrupts others activities, ignores self-
help tasks.i
Perhaps you have encountered children with
these characteristics in your DC4K group.
According to Dr. Barkley, noncompliance in
a child can be the result of ineffective child
management methods by the parents,depression or mental illness in the parents,
or noncompliant behaviors modeled by the
parents. He says, It is also possible that
frequent or chronic stress events within afamily create such inconsistency in child
management methods by parents that the
children are further predisposed to develop
or sustain noncompliance within familyinteractions. ii
Separation and divorce are very stressful for
families. The children in DC4K may also beexperiencing other stressful events such as
death in the family, parental job loss, change
of neighborhoods or schools, substance
abuse, family violence or neglect. Childrenoften react to stress by displaying
inappropriate behavior, especially younger
children whose language skills are still
developing. The ability to use language is ameans for people to get their needs met. If
children cannot communicate well, they
often become frustrated and will express
their feelings by acting out. This is also truefor children with language or
communication disorders.
How can we help noncompliant children inDC4K? Below are some recommendations
for dealing with these children.
1. Provide a highly structured environmentwith clearly defined routines, rules and
procedures. Be consistent. This will help
children understand what is expected of
them and what will happen to them if theycomply or dont comply. Changing
schedules or rules or not following them all
of the time is confusing to children and canmake them feel anxious and insecure, which
may result in noncompliance.
2. Provide close supervision. Anticipate andplan for those situations in which the
noncompliant child has difficulties. Sit next
to the child to help him or her calm down.
3. Use vocabulary that the children can easilyunderstand. Speak softly. Use short phrases
and sentences, look them in the eye and stay
calm and rational.
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4. Give children choices or a set of options.Explain clearly the consequences (bothpositive and negative) that accompany the
choices.
5.
Avoid threatening the noncompliant child.Do not be too critical or strict, but maintain
firm limit setting.
6. Aggression and angry outbursts are oftenrelated to the feelings of frustration or fear.
Sometimes talking about negative events in
the family will trigger feelings of anxiety or
fear in children. Reassure these children, andhelp them to feel safe.
7.
Teach children to label emotions correctly.Provide examples of emotions in others.Discuss the situations that provoke certain
emotions as well as ways of handling those
emotions.
8. Provide warmth and positive discipline.9. Teach problem solving techniques. (What is
my problem? What are my choices? Which
is the best choice? How did my choice turn
out? What could I have done differently?)
Safekeepers, does any of this sound familiar?
It should if youve read the DC4K Leaders
Guide, articles in the DC4K LeaderZoneLibrary (www.dc4k.org/leaderzone) and Linda
Jacobs (DC4K creators) posts on the DC4K
Leaders Forum. If you have not done so, please
utilize these important resources. I recommendthe following articles from the LeaderZone:
Disruptive Children and What to Do Empowering Children Through Choices Movement and the Brain Tips for Accommodating the ADD/ADHD
Child
Using Music in DC4K What Do You Do with the Whirlwind Kids?
All of Lindas ideas are wonderful for children
in pain due to a variety of reasons. She truly hasa God-given talent, and we should be soaking
up her knowledge like a sponge! Thank you,
Linda, for everything youve done for children.
I recommend that you develop a list of mental
health resources in your area that you can give
to parents. Many parents do not know how to
access mental health and educational services.Sometimes they dont even know what to ask
for or whom to ask.
Also, encourage your church to offer parentingclasses for parents of children with
ADD/ADHD, learning disabilities and
Oppositional Defiant Disorder. There areprofessionals in the community who often dosuch classes free of charge if you provide the
space. Call around and find out.
If your church does not have a pastoralcounseling ministry, introduce the idea to the
administrators.
God bless you all for everything you do for His
children!
Nancy Bell, M.A., is a Licensed Professional Counselor
and DC4K volunteer coordinator for Christ United
Methodist Church in Mobile, AL.
MMVII by the author and/or Church Initiative. All
rights reserved. Reproducible only when used with a
Church Initiative ministry program.
For more information about DivorceCare for Kids or
to find a DC4K group near you, go to www.dc4k.org.
i
Barkley, RussellDefiant Children: A CliniciansManual for Parent Training(New York: The
Guilford Press, 1987), 11. Dr. Barkley is a
psychologist who works at Massachusetts Medical
Center, which is affiliated with Harvard University.
He is an authority on disruptive behavior disorders in
children, including ADD/ADHD, Oppositional
Defiant Disorder and Conduct Disorder.ii Ibid., 2122.