7/28/2019 Dealing with Noncompliant Children

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Dealing with

Noncompliant Children

How can you help noncompliant children who are in your

DC4K group?

by Nancy Bell

any of us who work with children in

DC4K are frustrated when weencounter a noncompliant or

oppositional child. Dr. Russell Barkley,

authority on disruptive behavior disorders in

children, identifies the following examplesof noncompliant behavior:

Yells, whines, complains, defies,

screams, throws tantrums, throwsobjects, talks back, swears, steals, lies,

argues, humiliates, teases, ignores

requests, runs off, cries, fails to complete

chores, physically resists, destroysproperty, physically fights with others,

fails to complete school homework,

disrupts others activities, ignores self-

help tasks.i

Perhaps you have encountered children with

these characteristics in your DC4K group.

According to Dr. Barkley, noncompliance in

a child can be the result of ineffective child

management methods by the parents,depression or mental illness in the parents,

or noncompliant behaviors modeled by the

parents. He says, It is also possible that

frequent or chronic stress events within afamily create such inconsistency in child

management methods by parents that the

children are further predisposed to develop

or sustain noncompliance within familyinteractions. ii

Separation and divorce are very stressful for

families. The children in DC4K may also beexperiencing other stressful events such as

death in the family, parental job loss, change

of neighborhoods or schools, substance

abuse, family violence or neglect. Childrenoften react to stress by displaying

inappropriate behavior, especially younger

children whose language skills are still

developing. The ability to use language is ameans for people to get their needs met. If

children cannot communicate well, they

often become frustrated and will express

their feelings by acting out. This is also truefor children with language or

communication disorders.

How can we help noncompliant children inDC4K? Below are some recommendations

for dealing with these children.

1. Provide a highly structured environmentwith clearly defined routines, rules and

procedures. Be consistent. This will help

children understand what is expected of

them and what will happen to them if theycomply or dont comply. Changing

schedules or rules or not following them all

of the time is confusing to children and canmake them feel anxious and insecure, which

may result in noncompliance.

2. Provide close supervision. Anticipate andplan for those situations in which the

noncompliant child has difficulties. Sit next

to the child to help him or her calm down.

3. Use vocabulary that the children can easilyunderstand. Speak softly. Use short phrases

and sentences, look them in the eye and stay

calm and rational.

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4. Give children choices or a set of options.Explain clearly the consequences (bothpositive and negative) that accompany the

choices.

5.

Avoid threatening the noncompliant child.Do not be too critical or strict, but maintain

firm limit setting.

6. Aggression and angry outbursts are oftenrelated to the feelings of frustration or fear.

Sometimes talking about negative events in

the family will trigger feelings of anxiety or

fear in children. Reassure these children, andhelp them to feel safe.

7.

Teach children to label emotions correctly.Provide examples of emotions in others.Discuss the situations that provoke certain

emotions as well as ways of handling those

emotions.

8. Provide warmth and positive discipline.9. Teach problem solving techniques. (What is

my problem? What are my choices? Which

is the best choice? How did my choice turn

out? What could I have done differently?)

Safekeepers, does any of this sound familiar?

It should if youve read the DC4K Leaders

Guide, articles in the DC4K LeaderZoneLibrary (www.dc4k.org/leaderzone) and Linda

Jacobs (DC4K creators) posts on the DC4K

Leaders Forum. If you have not done so, please

utilize these important resources. I recommendthe following articles from the LeaderZone:

Disruptive Children and What to Do Empowering Children Through Choices Movement and the Brain Tips for Accommodating the ADD/ADHD

Child

Using Music in DC4K What Do You Do with the Whirlwind Kids?

All of Lindas ideas are wonderful for children

in pain due to a variety of reasons. She truly hasa God-given talent, and we should be soaking

up her knowledge like a sponge! Thank you,

Linda, for everything youve done for children.

I recommend that you develop a list of mental

health resources in your area that you can give

to parents. Many parents do not know how to

access mental health and educational services.Sometimes they dont even know what to ask

for or whom to ask.

Also, encourage your church to offer parentingclasses for parents of children with

ADD/ADHD, learning disabilities and

Oppositional Defiant Disorder. There areprofessionals in the community who often dosuch classes free of charge if you provide the

space. Call around and find out.

If your church does not have a pastoralcounseling ministry, introduce the idea to the

administrators.

God bless you all for everything you do for His

children!

Nancy Bell, M.A., is a Licensed Professional Counselor

and DC4K volunteer coordinator for Christ United

Methodist Church in Mobile, AL.

MMVII by the author and/or Church Initiative. All

rights reserved. Reproducible only when used with a

Church Initiative ministry program.

For more information about DivorceCare for Kids or

to find a DC4K group near you, go to www.dc4k.org.

i

Barkley, RussellDefiant Children: A CliniciansManual for Parent Training(New York: The

Guilford Press, 1987), 11. Dr. Barkley is a

psychologist who works at Massachusetts Medical

Center, which is affiliated with Harvard University.

He is an authority on disruptive behavior disorders in

children, including ADD/ADHD, Oppositional

Defiant Disorder and Conduct Disorder.ii Ibid., 2122.