harrassment: the odds against women

Maria de Lourdes Sampaio Riça

1 www.milu-ramalho.org

Harassment: The Odds Against Women

“When I see how women are treated, I really don’t

want to become one.”—ZAHRA, 15 YEARS OLD, quoted

in the magazine GEO, French edition.

THE words of the young girl, reveal a grim reality—

worldwide, violence and discrimination affect girls and

women throughout their lives. Consider these facts.



Gender discrimination. In Asia, most parents prefer

boys to girls. A 2011 UN report estimates that in that part

of the world, nearly 134 million women are missing from

the population as a result of abortion, infanticide, and

neglect.

Education. Worldwide, women and girls make up two

thirds of those who had less than four years of schooling.

Sexual harassment. Over 2.6 billion women live in

countries where marital rape is still not considered a

crime.

Health. In developing countries, about every two

minutes, a woman dies from pregnancy or childbirth

complications as a result of the lack of basic medical

care.

Property rights. Although women cultivate more than

half the world’s crops, in many countries they have no

legal right to own property or inherit land.

A distressed woman

Why have women been deprived of such basic rights?

Some cultures follow religious beliefs and practices that

foster or even justify abuse of women and violence

against them. A French daily quoted Indian lawyer

Chandra Rami Chopra, who noted: “All religious laws

have something in common: They support

discrimination against women.”



The offender gets away with harassment crime

because there is still a dull fear of revealing the stories

as basically all religions say nothing about that.

How Can I Deal with Sexual Harassment?

What is sexual harassment?

What if I’m being sexually harassed?

What would I do?

What is sexual harassment?

Sexual harassment includes any unwanted sexual

behavior—including touching or even making

comments of a sexual nature. But sometimes the line

can be blurred between teasing, flirting, and sexually

harassing.

Do you know the difference between them? Take our

sexual harassment quiz and find out!

Sadly, sexual harassment doesn’t always stop when you

graduate from school. However, if you develop the

confidence and skills you need to deal with sexual

harassment now, you’ll be prepared to deal with it

when you enter the workforce. And you might even

stop a harasser from hurting others!



Olivia

“You really have to stand up for yourself. People

usually don’t back off unless you give them a clear

message. Just stand up and say, ‘No!’ If that doesn’t

work, tell someone!”

Tanisha

“Don’t laugh at jokes with sexual innuendo or get

involved in sexually charged conversations. If you do, or

if you hang around people who enjoy a lot of attention

from the opposite sex, others will assume that you want

that attention too.”

What if I’m being sexually harassed?

Sexual harassment is more likely to stop if you know

what it is and how to react to it! Consider three

situations and how you might deal with each one.

SITUATION:

"At work, some guys who were much older than I am

kept telling me that I was beautiful and that they wished

they were 30 years younger. One of them even walked

up behind me and sniffed my hair!"”—Tabitha, 20.

Tabitha could think: ‘If I just ignore it and tough it out,

maybe he will stop.’

Why that probably won’t help: Experts say that when

victims ignore sexual harassment, it often continues and

even escalates.

Try this instead: Speak up and calmly but clearly tell your

harasser that you won’t tolerate his speech or behavior.

“"If anyone touches me inappropriately,"” says 22-year-

old Taryn, “"I turn around and tell him not to touch me



ever again. That usually catches the guy off guard."” If

your harasser persists, be firm and don’t give up. "Stand

firm, mature and confident”.

What if the harasser threatens to harm you? In that

case, don’t confront him. Escape the situation as

quickly as possible, and seek the help of a trusted adult.

SITUATION:

"When I was in the sixth grade, two girls grabbed me in

the hallway. One of them was a lesbian, and she

wanted me to go out with her. Although I refused, they

continued to harass me every day between classes.

Once, they even pushed me up against a wall!"”—

Victoria, 18.

Victoria could have thought: ‘If I tell anyone about this,

I will be labeled as weak, and maybe no one will

believe me.’

Why that thinking probably would not have helped: If

you hold back from telling someone, the harasser may

continue and even go on to harass others.

Try this instead: Get help. Parents and teachers can

give you the support you need to deal with your

harasser. But what if the people you tell don’t take your

complaint seriously? Try this: Every time you are

harassed, write down the details. Include the date,

time, and location of each incident, along with what

the harasser said. Then give a copy of it to your parent

or teacher. Many people treat a written complaint

more seriously than a verbal one.



SITUATION:

"I was really afraid of this one boy who was on the rugby

team. He was almost two meters (6.5 ft.) tall, and he

weighed about 135 kilograms (300 lb.)! He got it into his

head that he was going to ‘have me.’ He pestered me

almost every day—for a whole year. One day, we were

the only people in the classroom, and he started closing

in on me. I jumped up and ran out the door."—Julieta,

18.

Julieta could think: ‘That’s just the way boys are.’

Why that probably won’t help: Your harasser is unlikely

to change his behavior if everyone thinks it’s

acceptable.

Try this instead: Resist the temptation to laugh it off or to

respond with a smile. Rather, make sure that your

reaction—including your facial expression—makes it

clear to your harasser what you will and will not tolerate.

What would I do?

TRUE STORY 1:

"I don’t like being rude to people at all. So even when

guys kept harassing me, I would tell them to stop—but I

wasn’t very firm, and I often smiled as I spoke to them.

They thought I was flirting."”—Tabitha.

If you were Tabitha, how would you have dealt with

those harassers? Why?

What may cause a harasser to think that you are flirting

with him or her?

TRUE STORY 2:



"It all started with just a few sleazy comments from some

boys in my physical education class. I ignored what

they said for a few weeks, but it just got worse and

worse. Then the boys started to sit beside me and put

their arms around me. I pushed them away, but they

kept it up. Finally, one of the guys handed me a piece

of paper with a derogatory message. I gave it to my

teacher. The boy was suspended from school. I realized

that I should have gone to the teacher at the

beginning!"”—Sabina.

Why do you think that Sabina decided not to go to her

teacher earlier? Do you think that she made a good

decision? Why or why not?

TRUE STORY 3:

"My brother Greg was approached in the bathroom by

another boy. The boy got very close to Greg and said,

‘Kiss me.’ Greg said no, but the boy wouldn’t go away.

In fact, Greg had to push the boy away from him."”—

Suzanne.

Do you think that Greg was a victim of sexual

harassment? Why or why not?

Why do you think some boys are reluctant to speak up

when they’ve been sexually harassed by another boy?

Do you agree with the way Greg handled the

situation? What would you have done?

Sexual harassment quiz



“In middle school, boys would pull on the back of my

bra and make derogatory comments—like how much

better I would feel once I had sex with them.”— Coretta.

Do you think that those boys were?

A Teasing?

B Flirting?

C Sexually harassing her?

“On the bus, a boy started saying nasty things to me

and grabbing me. I smacked his hand away and told

him to move. He looked at me like I was crazy.”—

Candice.

What do you think that this boy was doing to Candice?

A Teasing?

B Flirting?


“Last year, a boy kept telling me that he liked me and

that he wanted to go out with me, even though I

constantly told him no. Sometimes, he rubbed my arm.

I told him to stop, but he wouldn’t. Then, while I was

tying my shoe, he smacked my rear end.”— Bethany.

In your opinion, was this boy:

A Flirting?

B Teasing?




The correct answer to all three questions is C.

What makes sexual harassment different from flirting or

teasing? "Sexual harassment is one-sided, “says a girl

named Eve. "It continues even when you tell the person

to stop." Harassment is serious. Not only can it affect

your grades and health but it can also lead to sexual

violence.

How Can I Protect Myself from Sexual Harassment?

Consider these practical suggestions:

Be businesslike. Be pleasant and respectful to

workmates, yet avoid the sort of friendliness that implies

that you would accept their sexual interest.

Dress modestly. Wearing provocative clothing sends

the wrong message. Is high recommended dressing

“with modesty and soundness of mind”.

Choose your friends wisely. If you spend time with those

who tolerate or even welcome flirting or sexual

advances, you are more likely to receive the same

treatment.

Reject offensive talk. Excuse yourself if a conversation

turns to “dirty stories, foolish talk, or obscene jokes”.

Avoid compromising situations. For example, beware

of invitations to stay at work after hours without a valid

reason.



Be firm and direct. If you are sexually harassed, clearly

tell your harasser that his or her behavior is unwelcome.

For instance, you could say: “You keep brushing against

me, and it makes me very uncomfortable. I want you to

stop.” You could write a letter to your harasser

describing what happened, how it made you feel, and

what you want to happen next. Make clear that your

stance is based on your moral, identity or religious

convictions.

Get help. If the harassment continues, confide in a

trusted friend, family member, or coworker or in

someone experienced in helping victims. Many victims

of sexual harassment have found support through

therapy.

Sexual harassment creates a hostile work environment

for millions, but therapy can help.

harrassment: the odds against women

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