Academic Word Choice

Never write “thing” in an academic essay. How could you rewrite the following examples with more formal, specific, and effective word choice

1. One thing to never do is procrastinate.

2. Things have been hard without my mother's guidance.

3.When you are born into this world, life doesn't equip you with the things you need to succeed.

4. Making tough decisions, oververcoming obstacles, and accepting consequences becomes an everyday thing.

Academic Word Choice

Avoid writing “it,” when it's not clear what “it” is. How could you rewrite the following examples with more formal, specific, and effective word choice?1. In order to stay in school, you have to stay committed and put it before everything else.

2. In the end, it will all be worth it.

3. It got to the point that my friends wouldn't invite me anymore. (Because they knew I would be studying...)

Academic Word Choice

Don't start sentences with conjunctions. “FANBOYS” How could you rewrite the following examples to avoid creating these informal/incorrect sentence fragments?

1. But to me, an ambitious attitude is always the way to go.

2. But because of my attitude, I did not graduate the 8th grade with all of my classmates.

3. So that's exactly what I did.

* Note that “for” can be also be used in a prepositional phrase, so it can start a sentence sometimes!

Effective and meaningful thesis that responds to prompt

Assess each the following thesis statement samples to see if they clearly respond to one of prompts, or if they need more information. A successful person needs character, curiosity, and willingness to do more than what's expected. I know that if I graduate college, my daughter will be more likely to graduate college and be successful in life. The right attitude is important in order to be successful and do great things. Sometimes you're left second-guessing yourself, wondering if it's all worth it in the end.

You MUST reference the text with IQE

This is especially important in college, where you are on your own and, like Grant Berry emphasizes, “making choices, some of which bring criticism.” The choices we make in college can follow us into our careers and affect us for the rest of out lives. Having the right attitude—an empowered, self-motivating, enthusiastic attitude—can lead to positive decision making. Grant Berry, in “A Change of Attitude,” writes about his daughters and that he cannot afford to fail: “But I Keep on Keeping on because I must set a good example for the four little eyes that are keeping watch over their daddy's every move.” I too have four eyes watching me; my parents look after me to ensure that will have the prosperous life that they intended me to have.

Support thesis (and all ideas) with specific personal examples and observations

Highlight the specific examples from your life that you use to support that you either used to a) illustrate the right attitude to succeed in school or b) describe and explain the choices and sacrifices you made to be a student in college If it's not about one specific event/time, it's not specific enough If it's not personal to your life and doesn't help us get to know you on a deeper level, it's not personal enough If it doesn't help you do a or b above, it is off topic

EDIT and REVISE

Remember that I did not edit your essay. That's YOUR job! I did not mark all of your errors, just some of them. I made lots of comments provided lots of feedback to help you get started with your revision, but I did not comment on everything that you will need to fix. Now it's up to you to locate the remaining errors, correct them, and improve upon your essay content and organization as much as you can! Refer to the Essay Scoring Guide (rubric) and the “Revising Your Writing Assignments” pages in your syllabus packet. Share and discuss your essay with your peers, family members, tutors, etc. to get other opinions and feedback as well. Type and submit your essay revision via Turnitin.com by next Wednesday before class. Get it done early!!