defining your role and expectations as a mentor ... · defining your role and expectations as a...

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Defining Your Role and Expectations as a Mentor: Facilitator’s Guide

Objectives: Clarifies proper and improper roles for mentoring relationships Dispels any previously held myths or misconceptions that participants may have about

mentoring relationships. Help participants identify realistic and unrealistic expectations about mentoring

relationships. Materials: Remember that the number of materials needed is dependent upon the number of participants

present at training. Pens Blank Paper Evaluations

Instructions for Guide:

Prepare and review this guide prior to giving presentation. The sentences in quotation marks indicate that the information will not be presented

visually to your audience on the Prezi presentation slide, and should be read aloud. Be aware of facilitator’s notes that will appear in italics throughout the guide.

o Everything that is not in italics will be spoken aloud by facilitator; including those sentences without quotation marks.

Outline:

Welcome and Introduction 5 minutes Prezi Presentation and Realistic Expectations Activity 70 minutes Questions and Closing 5 minutes Total Time 1 hour 10 minutes


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Welcome and Introduction 5 minutes

“Welcome everyone! My name is__________ and I will be facilitating this training today. Today we will be reviewing what kinds of roles that you as mentors should take on, as well as the kind of roles you should avoid. We will also identify some realistic and unrealistic expectations that are hand-in-hand with mentoring relationships. Let’s begin!”

Prezi Presentation 70 minutes

Slide 1: So What Is A Mentor? A Caring Guide

You are helping guide a young person through the difficult transition from childhood to adolescence, from middle school to high school or from high school to college.

“And since you yourself have completed this challenging journey before, you are also...” An Advisor

By using your own experiences, you will be able to provide vital support and counsel that will increase the youth's chances for success!

“Now some of you may been thinking, how can I do that? You’ll be able to take on this role because as a mentor you are also…”

An Advocate

You are there to expose the youth to new and valuable opportunities and resources within the community.

“Now some of you may be thinking, what kind of opportunities? What kind of resources are we talking about here?”

“Can anyone think of what kind of resources or opportunities would be valuable to share or expose to a youth who is being mentored in this type of program?”

This is a mentoring program that offers mentoring services to at-risk youth in order to get or keep them on track to obtain college admission & for continued academic success after admission. You are looking for such possible answers as….

SAT prep classes or books on how to prepare for the SAT (also practice exams, etc.)

Information on how to apply for scholarships

Information on how to pay for college, (FAFSA or financial aid etc. etc.)

Information on effective studying practices

Information on how to complete a college applications

Tours of college campuses, possibly.


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Career Days at the mentee’s school (or even at the mentor’s school because this can show the youth what kinds of jobs they can obtain by receiving a college degree.)

Etc. etc. etc…..

The potential mentors may also give general answers such as...

The internet/and or computers

Libraries

Tutoring services, etc. Remember: the goal of this exercise is to get the audience to consider the overall purpose of the program and what types of activities they could do with their future mentees. When an audience member gives a general answer, prompt them into providing a more specific answer by asking the following questions:

“Okay good. But what would your mentee use the internet for? What would they use the computer for? What would they use the library for? What would they use [insert answer] for?”

*If you’re still getting blank stares & silence try to use lines such as…

“Okay let’s think about this. What’s the name of the program you are participating in?” (Answer: Connect2Complete)

“So what are you trying to help you mentee prepare for?” (The difficult process of applying to college)

“So what does one do or what did you yourself do to help prepare for college?”

As a Facilitator you need to consider general answers as a sort of starting point. By prompting your audience with these kinds of questions, you are guiding them to produce generalizations of the more specific answers that you were previously looking for.

Also, be sure to remind the audience at some point that as a requirement of the program they are supposed to complete a service project with their mentee.

Be sure to ask the following aloud to your audience:

“Why this could be seen as an opportunity?”

“And what kind of opportunity would this activity bring?”

“How would it benefit the youth in the long-run?”

You will be looking for responses along the lines of:

This type of activity can be seen as an opportunity to help expose the youth to the rewarding experience of volunteering and, hopefully, help the youth understand why it is important for them as well to give back to their communities.


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Don’t forget to verbally remind the audience that this is something that will be further explored by completing the Citizenship Training that is also required for this program.

A Coach & Motivator

You are encouraging them to discover and develop their own strengths; allowing them to maximize their own potential.

“There will be some challenges and difficult times ahead. Your mentee may become frustrated with things and it is important to remember that you are there to cheer them on.”

“There will be times where your mentee is unable to accomplish their goals the first time or maybe ever at all. It is extremely important for you to always emphasize the process of progress to your mentee, not just the end goal.”

“It takes time to accomplish any goal; in fact you may not even be around by the time your mentee is able to do so! But, by consistently encouraging them, you will be able to help provide the means for them to build the self-confidence they will need to reach any of their goals!”

A Friend

By offering a safe and fun environment where your mentee can feel comfortable, and more importantly, respected as a person, you are also able to give emotional support to your mentee in a friendship-like capacity.

But wait!

There’s one more!

Can you guess what it is?

Allow for audience to answer the question. (Answer: A Positive Role Model). Please do not continue until someone has provided the answer. You can of course give hints and help the audience come up with the answer but it is important that they verbally come up with the answer and not you.

“Yes that’s right! A POSITIVE ROLE MODEL!”

You are an example for the mentee to see the possibilities of what they can become/what they are capable of.....

A SUCCESSFUL COLLEGE STUDENT!

“Now that you have an idea of what kinds of roles that mentors take on, let’s explore what types of roles that as a mentor you should not be taking on.”

Proceed to the next slide.


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Slide 2: A Mentor is Not…

A Playmate

Your role as a mentor is a unique one. As a role model you provide vital support and guidance to your mentee but as a mentor you are also there for the youth in a friendship-like capacity. It is extremely important for you to remember that there is a clear line between being a social supporter and being a playmate. It is your responsibility as a mentor to create firm boundaries for your relationship with your mentee.

“Now I know we just talked about how a mentor takes on the role of a friend but what do you think that the phrase ‘in a friendship like capacity’ means here?”

Allow for your audience to respond. You are looking for responses that indict that why mentors are “like” friends to their mentees. After hearing their answers and responding to each make sure to explain that:

“As a mentor you are like a friend to your mentee because you are there trying to establish a trusted bond, which in turn can create a feeling of attachment, a sense of equality and/or a mutual enjoyment of spending time together. (Just like any other development of a friendship) Since you are a mentor it is important to remember that there is also a clear line that dictates what is appropriate and what is not in your relationship with your mentee.”

Offer examples to illustrate what you mean:

“For example…”

“You and your mentee greatly enjoy spending time together and you think they would get along with your other friends wonderfully!”

o “As a mentor it would not be appropriate to invite your mentee to come spend time with you and your friends.”

“Your mentee mentions that they would love to go see a movie and you happen to want to see the same one!”

o “As a mentor it would not be appropriate to take them to see the film this weekend on opening night.”

“But of course this does not mean that that you have to be all work and no play with your mentee! You can always plan fun activities for the two of you to do in your allotted time together. Sometimes just simply joking around and laughing with your mentee is the best thing to do.”

Be sure to verbally mention that if they are having trouble finding fun things to do with their mentees to check out the Florida Campus Compact website for ideas!


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Solely a Tutor

Yes there will be times when your mentee may ask for help with schoolwork but this type of support should not be the sole focus of all your meetings. You are there to help the youth prepare and tackle the challenges of applying to college.

A Surrogate Parent

The role of a parent or legal guardian (as governed by law) is to provide food, shelter and clothing. Even if you believe that your mentee is not receiving adequate support for these needs, it is never your responsibility to provide them. It is extremely important to remember you are not there to take over the role as a parent; no matter how difficult home life may be for the youth.

“If you try to take on these types of financial responsibilities yourself, not only will you put an emotional strain on yourself and the mentee, you are severely jeopardizing the development of your relationship.”

“Even if you are able to afford to provide some of these things, what happens when the time comes when you can’t?”

“Let’s say that perhaps you let your mentee stay for the weekend because she doesn’t feel safe staying in her own home. Than the next weekend she shows up again but you have plans to go back home to see your own family. Or perhaps you or your roommates already have family or friends staying as guests and there is no more space for another person.”

“Or what if your mentee complains that he and his brothers are never able to have enough to eat at home and you decide to take him grocery shopping. What do you do the next week when your rent is due and you barely have any remaining funds for your own groceries?”

“What are going to tell your mentee to do then? Or perhaps these problems never arise and you are able to provide your mentee with whatever they may need.”

“But then what happens when you leave the program?”

“What happens when you graduate and move?” “Or worse, what if you do offer support and your mentee becomes incredibly hostile towards you and flat out refuses your proposal? The youth could than become closed off and even go as far as to stop showing up to arranged meetings, because they feel embarrassed or shamed or even in denial of the situation. Then the whole reason why you are there in the first place…”

“Which is?”(Answer: to mentor the youth)

“And what are some of those roles should a mentor take on?”


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(Answers: A caring guide, an advisor, an advocate, a coach & motivator and a friend.) Offer encouragement for the answers provided and make sure to repeat aloud each answer. Also if the audience is unable to name all roles make sure that you name them all.

“So now all those roles & objectives that you are there to undertake as a mentor have become all the more challenging.”

“The point of the matter is that while you may think or feel that you are helping the youth or fulfilling what you think you should be doing as a mentor, you are actually putting yourself and your mentee in an inappropriate and undoubtedly problematic situation.”

“But you are not completely powerless; you can help! You can discreetly report the situation to your site supervisor or Campus Coordinator and allow them to contact the right social resources and services. Do not ever contact these types of services yourselves; your supervisor must be the one to make the initial contact.”

A Savior

Sometimes people think that they should try to "reform" or "save" their mentee but this type of thinking can and will be disastrous for both you and your mentee.

“It’s often difficult for most teenagers to automatically befriend an unknown adult; especially if you try to approach the relationship as some all-knowing authority figure by repetitively telling the youth how you think they should behave or live their lives.”

“If you treat your mentee this way, you are jeopardizing the chance for your relationship to evolve into one of mutual trust; something that is essential for the foundation of any mentoring relationship.”

“Successful mentor relationships are able to develop under the acknowledgment that mentors understand that positive changes in the lives of young people do not happen quickly or automatically; if they are even able to happen at all.”

“So remember your mentee is not a project. You are not there to ‘straighten them out’ or transform your mentee into something you think they ought to be.”

“As you develop your relationship with your mentee, always keep in mind that these are the types of roles that as a mentor you should not be attempting to undertake. Because if you do, you may end up having these kinds of reactions from your mentee…”

Click four times slowly for four images to show on screen.


Slide 3: Healthy Objectives to Consider as a Mentor

Help to improve their self-confidence.

“Try to focus more on your mentee’s strengths, rather than trying to improve on a weakness.”


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“Always encourage them on their strengths.”

“Show appreciation for any efforts.”

“Encourage participation in decision-making. This can show that you have respect for your mentee’s opinions.”

Help improve their outlook on their own futures.

“Accept mistakes. Mistakes are something that happens to everyone (including you!). Don’t ever over react when they do occur. Try to teach them that sometimes failures can be the very stepping stones to success.”

“Always focus on positive”

“Hold aspirations for your mentee”

Increase their interest in successfully continuing onto higher education!


Slide 4: Owning our Expectations Activity 25 minutes

Split the room in half: One side will answer the questions in their role as a mentor and the other half will approach the questions as if they were the mentee in the situation. Ask volunteers to spend about ten minutes writing down the answers to the following questions:

Imagine you are meeting for the first time…

What are your initial feelings before the meeting?

How do you react and feel once you have met each other?

What happens during your first meeting?

Now imagine it is now the end of your assigned mentoring time commitment…

What did you and your mentor/mentee do together?

What happened during your year together?

What did you enjoy and like most about the relationship?

What were some of the challenges you faced?

Once the participants are done writing, ask them to get together with a partner on the opposite side of the room and spend about 10 to 15 minutes comparing their answers.

After the allotted time has passed, ask everyone to return to their seats.



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Slide 5: Let’s Review & Discuss

Ask the following questions, and then invite participants to answer and add feedback. These questions serve as an opportunity to provide participants with a paradigm of thinking about how different the mentee may feel about the match.

Was there anything that surprised you about your own hopes and desires for the relationship?

What were some similarities between the two points of view?

What were some of the differences?

What do you think stood out as the biggest difference?

Why do you think it is important to spend time doing an exercise like this? Debrief:

“Whether or not we like to acknowledge it we do have definite ideas, hopes, fears and wishes for our mentoring relationships.”

“It is important to realize that even after completing this kind of activity the majority of you may still actually be holding on to unrealistic expectations.”

“These unrealistic expectations can serve as barriers in the development of your relationship with your mentee.”

“So what are some common, misguided expectations?”


Slide 6: Unrealistic Expectations

We will get along always.

My mentee will show up for every meeting, or at least be able to notify me if they are unable to come.

My mentee will always be thrilled to spend time with me.

I will notice positive change.

I will be thanked for my service by my mentee.

I know my mentee’s wants & needs are.

I will always know what to do.

“All of these expectations can actually be held at such an unconscious level that, the majority of the time, the volunteer who has these types of expectations will end up feeling extremely discouraged about being a mentor. They also may start feeling resentment for the youth or the site supervisor or Campus Coordinator for setting them up with an ‘impossible kid.’”

“Challenges do and will come up with your mentee; but remember this: if the mentee did not need mentoring guidance, they would not be in a mentoring program. Crises should be seen as opportunities. This is where your work as a mentor starts!”


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“Even so, it’s very likely that during your time as a mentor, you may find yourself getting frustrated and overwhelmed at the situation.”

“You may even be stretched and pushed out of your comfort zone. Let’s take a moment and look at an example…”


Slide 7: Hobbes’ Story

Click once.

“Hobbes had just found out he is going to be a mentor in the Connect2Complete program!”

Click three times.

“He was very excited to start and couldn’t wait to help his mentee.”

Click once.

“But instead of the smooth sailing he envisioned…”

Click three times.

“Hobbes had an extremely difficult time connecting and working with his mentee.”

Click twice.

“Hobbes couldn’t understand what was wrong. This was nothing like what he had imagined.”

“Despite the fact that he regularly meets with his Campus Coordinator about how his mentoring relationship is going, Hobbes conceals his struggles.”

Click five times.

“Instead Hobbes repeatedly tells himself that he can “fix” the situation all on his own.”

Click twice for words and photo to appear.

“But his self-confidence fades quickly. Especially when his fellow mentors seem to get along wonderfully with their own mentees. More and more Hobbes becomes…”

Click once for word to appear.

“Disappointed.”

Click again for picture to appear.

Click again once for word to appear.

“Frustrated.”


Click again once for word to appear.

“And even angry.”


“Hobbes begins to feel that he just may not have what it takes to be a mentor.”

Click twice.

“He begins to think that maybe it would be a good idea to drop out of the program.”


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“So if you find yourself struggling or having problems like our friend Hobbes was having in the last slide, please remember…”


Slide 8 “You are not alone!”

Take advantage of other program staff, scheduled group activities, and ongoing training opportunities.

Regularly talk to your site supervisor or Campus Coordinator.

Utilize resources on the Florida Campus Compact website.

Utilize resources on your campus

Reach out to your fellow mentors for advice or ideas.

“Mentoring is about supporting and helping the youth. When you don’t allow yourself to ask for reinforcement and support when you need it, you are cheating the mentee from receiving the help they need!”

“So don’t work against yourself…ask for help when you need it!”

“Otherwise you may end up feeling like this…”

Click six times for images to appear.


Slide 9: In Conclusion:

Don’t compare yourself to others because each mentoring relationship is different. Your relationship with your mentee is one that is unique because you and your mentee are both unique individuals.


Slide 10: Some questions to consider

“Before you start your matches, here are some questions to think about or consider answering before you meet with your mentee….”

Why do you want to participate in this program?

What some of your own personal goals for participating in this program?

What are some of your strengths that you think will be valuable for you to bring to your mentoring relationship?

What challenges do you think will come up within your mentoring relationship and how do you think you will handle them?


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What are some other strategies that you think will work best for you if you begin to feel over whelmed?

To whom will you turn for advice?

Questions & Closing 5 minutes

Ask participants to share one insight they gained during the training that they found particularly valuable. Pass out session evaluation forms. Answer any questions.

Resources

Designing and Customizing Mentor Training, by E. Aevalo, with D. Boggan and L. West (Folsom, CA: EMT, 2004

Becoming a Co-pilot: A Handbook for Mentors of Adolescents. Effective Skills and Strategies for Researching and Encouraging Middle and High School Youth, by R.P. Bowman and S.C. Bowman (Chapin, SC: YouthLight, 1997).

Generic Mentoring Program Policy and Procedure Manual, by L. Ballasy, M. Fulop, and D. St. Amour (Portland, OR: Northwest Regional Educational Laboratory, National Mentoring Center, 2003).

A Training Guide for Mentors, by J. Smink (Clemson, SC: National Dropout Prevention Center, 1999).

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