Conflict Management Resolution Strategies

Bullying Decision Making

“I’m SO Angry!”

Which movie to go see Cut off in traffic Someone spreading rumors ‘Stay at home mom’ or a career How late you can stay at a party Spending money How and where to spend your time Parents disagree with clothes/ hairstyle Can’t go to a school event because it falls on a

religious holiday You were excluded from a group

“What are we so mad about anyway?(examples)

◦ Conflict: a disagreement between people with opposing view points, ideas, or goals.

◦ Conflicts can be an exchange of words◦ Group confrontations can be ongoing◦ Conflicts that involve weapons can be serious

What is Conflict

Some conflicts are with YOURSELF!

1. Resources: something usable, such as goods , property, money or time.

Examples??? Couples who fight over finances, which restaurant, study or go mall with mom, fighting over the computer…

2. Values: your beliefs and ideas you consider important

Examples??? Browns fan, daily PE class, politics,

3. Emotional Needs: the need to belong and feel respected and worthwhile

examples??? Left out, dis-respected, put down, feel it’s unfair didn't make the science Olympiad, sports team etc…

What Causes Conflict? 3 major reasons

Think of a conflict you’ve had recently and briefly describe.

Answer the following questions in your notes.

1.What was it about?2. What caused it? (Resources, Values, Emotional)

3. Was it resolved? Explain.

Activity

Managing my Anger/ConflictIf I learn to manage my

anger then…If I don’t and conflicts get

out of hand then…

Release frustrations of life.

Calls Attention to Problems

Helps us understand self and other’s values

Increases motivation to take action

Brings about change Healthier relationships

Anger can build and boil over

Can lead to violence Irrational thinking Not pleasant to be

around Lead to depression

(esp.boys)

Qualities, characteristics or ideas about which we feel strongly.

Our values affect our decisions, goals, and behavior.

Values make us feel and believe someone or something is worthwhile.

Values define what is of worth, what is beneficial or harmful.

Values are standards that guide your action, judgments and attitudes.

What Are Values?

Give direction and consistency to behavior Values help you know what to and to make time

for Values establish a relationship between you and

the world Values set the direction for one’ life

Values are like a map

Home School Society Friends TV Church Music Books Families Culture

Employers Time period you were

raised in

Where do we get Values?

1. honesty ----truthful and sincere 2. integrity ----being consistent with beliefs3. trustworthiness ---keep promises/ fulfill commitment 4. loyalty ---provide support and commitment based on ethical

needs5. fairness ----committed to justice, equal treatment, and respect

for diversity 6. caring ---concern for well being of an individual, self, and

environment 7. respect ----confidence in beliefs and values and knowledge you

understand and support the rights in others to express their beliefs

8. responsibility ----contribution to society in a positive way and encourages participation of others

9. pursuit of excellence ----pride in work, best effort, and reflection of work

10. accountability ----consider and accept the impact and consequences of personal actions and decisions

Common Universal Values

Personal ( never curse, exercise everyday)

Family ( kids have chores, eat at table every night)

Work ( punctuality, hard worker, loyal) Moral ( do the right thing, i.e. find

money) Spiritual ( church every week, marry

someone same faith) Monetary ( spendthrift, saver)

…Types of Values

Ages 1-7------parents

Ages 8-13-----teachers, heroes(sports TV)

Ages 14-20----peers( values because of peers or peers because of values?

Ages 21+---your values are established, but you may test your values from time to time.

Your age greatly influences your values.Different people and things influence you at different ages.

You were just presented with a check for:

$1,000.00 List all the things you would do with the

money.

Activity #1

Hypocrite- One who subscribes to one set of values,

and does another.

Immaturity- one who has not defined their values, flighty, drifters, uncertain

Maturity-clear values, life of purpose, meaning and direction

What you choose to do with your time also has everything to do with what you value.

Calm. It. Down.

Brainstorm

Ask Questions; to learn the other

person’s point of view

Attack the Problem- not the

person!

Explain how you feel; Let each

person tell their side

Talk to a trusted adult

Positive Ways to Manage Anger

Take a time out to cool down

COOL OFF– Calm Down

Attack the Problem not the person No name calling or put downs

Make a list Find a middle ground Find a creative solution

Brainstorm reasonable ways to handle the situation

Explain how his or actions make you feel

“I Feel…”

“hmmm how would I feel”Ask Questions

Learn the the other person’s point of view

If you cannot resolve problem yourself.

Ask for Help

  Take a time out        to calm down and think through my anger.  Allow each person to tell his or her side       then paraphrase the other persons position. Let each person ask questions       in order to view the issue from the others point of view.

  Keep brainstorming solutions       either to find the middle ground or creative solution  

Effective Conflict Management or Resolution Strategies T.A.L.K.

1. Identify the Problem◦ (Identify, ask yourself questions, what choices do you need to make and who

else if anyone is involved) What are the choices

◦ (List everything, ask for suggestions and make sure they are safe.) Gather Information- what’s helpful to know before making a decision

Consider outcomes and values ◦ (honesty, respect and trust) Consequences of each options Healthful Ethical

Legal and Parent approval) Make a decision and act.

◦ (Ready to take action, choose a course that supports your values, the impact of all choices on self and others and ask a trusted adult if unsure.)

Evaluate your decision ◦ (Reach expectations, how did it affect others, how you feel about yourself and

what could you do differently)

Decision-making skills

Make a list of different ways people communicate.

Pre Game-Warm Up

Skills don’t just happen…Need to practice! Start and Keep Relationships strong Help people grow closer( shared interests..) Vital to many areas of your life( work place,

marriages)

The Importance of Communicating

What is communication?

What is body language and why should I care?

How can I communicate better?

Identify ways of being a good listener

Communicate using “I messages”

Practicing Communication Skills

Communication:The exchange of thoughts, feelings, beliefs

and wants between two or more people.

Communication Skills

Communication SkillsNon Verbal (without words)

Tone of VoiceHow you say something as important as

WHAT you say.

Body LanguageGestures

Facial expressions

posture

Sometimes verbal and non verbal messages can send two different messages. For that reason, be aware of the non verbal messages you send=

MIXED MESSAGE: occurs when your words say one thing but

your body language says another. (i.e. “sorry” while grinning) What does that tell the other person? Other examples??????

Communication Skills

You Messages: (blame /aggressive)“You can’t do anything right!”

I Messages- A statement that presents a situation from the speaker’s personal feelings/viewpoint:

“I’m mad because I wanted to work on the project together”

Communication Skills

Effective Verbal Communication:

Speaking Skills Listening Skills

Be clear Active Listening Use “I messages” Pay attention Stay Calm Use correct BL Stick to the point THINK first Choose the right time/place Ask open Questions Be aware of tone and B Language

Communication Skills

Partner B:

while they are telling you story, look at the clock, tie your shoes, don’t talk fiddle with your paper. Roll your eyes…in other words don’t pay attention!

Listen attentively. Make eye contact. Nod head approvingly. Lean forward. ask open ended questions such as, ’then what happened?’ ; “how did that make you feel?”

PARTNER ‘A’

Partner A: Describe in full detail, your last family

vacation- where you went , who, fun? Why…

Communication Skills:PRACTICE:

Describe your most proud or embarrassing moment thus far in your life.

PARTNER ‘B’

Complete the work sheet by converting the following sentences from You Messages to I messages.

Communication Skills

Active Listening is hearing, thinking about and responding to the other person’s message.

More Listening Tips!1. Concentrate on what the other person is saying. Don’t be thinking

about what you are going to say next or interrupt. 2. Nod your head to show you are listening- give feed back”(then

what happened?”3. Let the person finish speaking!4. Stay calm- even if you’re hearing something you don’t like5. Keep an open mind; Listen even if you disagree accept that others

won’t always think the same way you do.

Listening

While sitting at lunch with your friends everyone starts making fun of another friend.

You…

Pre Game Warm up

ppt

  Pressure pushed toward making a certain choice.

  A Peer is someone in your own age group.

  Peer Pressure someone your own age, is pushing you

toward making a certain choice

Peer Pressure & Refusal Skills

Spoken vs. Unspoken

Peer Pressure

Spoken: Something said to you directly

Unspoken: When you feel you are supposed to do something

Sometime the pressure we put on ourselves can be the hardest!!

Examples of Positive Peer  Pressure

•Honor Roll•    •Make a team/club•  Follow the rules•  Respect others• Group Fitness• Running group

Examples of Negative Peer Pressure

•  Underage drinking/smoking• Gossiping • Stealing•  Fighting•  Bullying•Ditching a friend

I ….

List reasons it is difficult to say no…

…  want to be accepted and liked by people my own age.

… are afraid of being rejected  …don’t want to lose a friend

…  want to appear grown up

…  don’t want to be made fun of

…don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings

…  aren’t sure of what they really want

…  don’t know how to get out of the situation

(

Spoken Pressure)

PUT DOWN Insulting or name calling to make someone feel

bad

Peer Pressure Bag of tricks

REASONING Giving reasons to do something or why it

would be OK

(Spoken pressure)

Threatening to leave someone out or end a friendship

(spoken pressure)

REJECTION

A GROUP STANDS TOGETHER LAUGHING OR TALKING, WITH THEIR BACKS TO OTHERS

(UNSPOKEN)

The Huddle

Popular kids simply buy or wear something, because they set an example, others want to

follow (unspoken)

The Example

Kids who think they’re cool give a look that means: we’re cool, and you’re not”

(Unspoken pressure)

The Look

S.T.O.P.Say no in a firm voiceTell why notOffer other ideasPromptly leave

Refusal and Negotiation Skills

“Everyone’s Doing it” You’re wrong… I’m not doing it” “ A real friend would do it” “A real friend wouldn't ask”“Are you afraid?”“No, just smart”

Refusal Responses

Aggressive: Overly forceful, pushy, hostile

PassiveGiving up, giving in, backing down, easy to

persuade.

Assertive Confidence and clearly stating your

intentions

A clear message depends on the way you communicate

Learning how to take charge of your own emotional and physical safety, how to act safely and respectfully towards others even if you feel frustrated or upset, how to set boundaries and respect the boundaries of others

Conflict vs. Bullying

Steps to reduce cyber bullying 1. Do not respond or reply electronically2. Save the evidence3. Tell a trusted adult4. Report the issue to the cite

Cyber Bullying

◦ Conflict is a normal part of most relationships because people have different perspectives and priorities

◦ People can also be hurtful to each other because of thoughtlessness, annoyance, poor boundaries, and experimenting with negative uses of their power without realizing the impact

Conflict vs. Bullying

Bullying – a more powerful person who picks on a less powerful person or group of persons.◦ Forms of bullying

Including physical threats or violence; name-calling and teasing; ostracism; and social attacks on someone’s reputation

People can bully others directly, in person; indirectly, such as by gossiping or ‘badmouthing’ by voice to others; or through any form of communication technology including talking on the phone, writing, texting, emailing, tweeting, facebook (and other social media), and recording

Bullying