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Communicate to Influence

Cathy Shimmin, Senior Training Manager

© Directory of Social Change 2015 [email protected] 07967 027304

Communicate to Influence

Support Materials


Assumptions & strategies to overcome them Assumptions we make Race Nationality Religion Political affiliation What you don’t say Where you live Position at work Where you work Qualifications Where you study Sexual orientation Family/children Single/married

Friends Experience Music & interests How others perceive the

person Reputation Appearance Gender Clothes Hair & make‐up Weight Age Facial expressions

Body language Tone of voice Accent Feelings/mood Hobbies Confidence/networking Beliefs Background Ethnicity Disability

Strategies to overcome these assumptions Be aware of making assumptions Accept you are making assumptions Challenge your assumptions Check before acting on it Change your reaction Understand your reaction is only one possibility Ignore your assumptions, give space Act professionally Observe other people successful encounters

and learn their winning strategies Have an open mind Don’t make mind up on first impressions Listen actively Don’t stereotype Be aware people will behave diff in diff

situations – as you do Don’t look with favour because they are like

you – or vice versa Be influenced by positive as well as negative Be non judgemental Do not jump to conclusion Take note of your situation, that you are

responding from your own perception Understand that what you value might be

similar to what someone else values, but the way you show it might be different

Ask Questions


Communication style test explanations

Indirect People oriented Feeling

Direct Task oriented Thinking

Optmistic Extraverted

Pessimistic Introverted

Look for result Motivated by challenge What

Look for data

Motivated by procedures

Why

Who Motivated by experience Look for fun/experience

How

Motivated by appreciation

Look for trust/security

Characteristics o Fun

o Enthusiastic o Optimistic

o Unstructured o Can be mischievous

o Forms opinions from feelings o People-oriented

Possible approaches

o Use humour o Talk about feelings

o Be passionate o Focus on the positive

o Explain the why o Don’t take topic too seriously

Characteristics o Nice o Can be slow to change o Avoids confrontation and conflict o Wants harmony o Likes to know motivations o Intuitive Possible approaches o Take interest in them as people o Establish rapport o Speak calmly o Focus on people o Talk about ‘gut’ feelings o Explain the why

Characteristics o Direct

o Results-oriented o Loves change and challenge

o Decides quickly o Risk taker

o Seeks solutions o Can be hasty

Possible approaches o Be direct and to the point

o Focus on the new and exciting o Mix facts and feelings

o Focus on actions o Keep the how/whys brief

o Acknowledge desire for speedy results

Characteristics o Logical o Decides after evaluation o Wants appreciation for job done –

but does not want to be condescended to

o More concerned with ideas and principles than people

o May be self-critical Possible approaches o Acknowledge skill o Present facts and information o Present ideas logically o Speak calmly o Avoid over-emotion o Focus on benefits


Understanding communication & learning styles

Using NLP – Neuro Linguistic Programming Processing Order (Representation System)

Visual Auditory Kinesthetic

Common Characteristics

They memorise by seeing pictures, and are less distracted by noise. They often have trouble remembering verbal instructions because their mind tends to wander.

They typically are easily distracted by noise. They can repeat things back to you easily, learn by listening, like music, and like to talk on the phone.

They often talk slowly. They respond to physical rewards, and touching. They memorise by doing or walking through something.

Commonly used words

See Look

Appear View Show

Imagine Crystallise

HearListen Sound

Tune in/out Click

Ring a bell

Feel Touch

Touch base Get hold of Comfortable Catch on

Play, Together

Questions that engage each communication style.

Do you see what I mean?

Are you getting the Picture?

How does this look so far?

How does this sound so far?

This sound OK?

Is this clicking with

everyone?

Does this feel OK?

Is this comfortable?

Getting a Handle on this?

Ending Round Robin ‐ The Importance of Wrapping up.

What was your highlight? What became clear for you today?

What idea did you hear that you liked today?

What do you feel you learned today? What will you use in the future?

Adapted from original document © Copyright 1999‐2004 All rights reserved Michael Losier and Linda Storey


How to persuade and influence So, it’s all just about getting what you want? No, but it might be about how you get what you want. Persuading and influencing is part of our everyday communication. In our words, actions and gestures we all consciously or sub consciously persuade and influence. It’s about seeking positive outcomes Is it about influencing onions then? Hmmm … if you imagine people are just like onions with a ‘heart and soul’ in the middle and personal layers of values, attitudes and beliefs, feelings and behaviour. Can I assume then that if I know how they behave, then I ‘have their measure’.

Definitely not, certain values do not equal certain behaviour. Be aware of the following to avoid making assumptions:‐

o Don’t make your mind up on first impressions o Listen actively o Don’t stereotype o Be aware people will behave differently in different situations – as you do o Don’t look with favour because they are like you – or vice versa o Be influenced by the positive as well as the negative o Be non judgemental.

So what can I do? Acknowledge that people have different influences and therefore different styles. Always start with the other person – their perspective, needs, wants, desires. Be sure of the facts and state the facts – but do not ignore the feelings. Check for understanding – both ways. Learn and choose appropriate approaches and responses. Be consistent and congruent in putting across your message – people hate double standards. They will see through the Ivory Tower syndrome and where your body language belies your words. Most importantly ‐ if what you’re doing isn’t working, change your approach. So if I do the talking and say the right things – that should do it? Don’t be so sure. Effective listening with a considered response is a far better guarantee. Similarly, when you are talking, be aware of how others are listening – what are they seeing, hearing, feeling, remembering and associating – what expectations do they have? Good listeners get listened to – because they help to build rapport. But really ‘difficult’ people – there’s no point in bothering – you get nowhere! Most days – for most people – our everyday people skills do just fine. We might occasionally make mistakes or overreact or say the wrong thing and have to say sorry later – that’s just part of being human and fallible. But most days it’s ‘good enough’. However, it must be acknowledged that we will all at sometime meet with people with whom we feel we will ‘never get anywhere’. What counts is that you do what you can, you do your best and if it isn’t good enough – let this one go – go home and kiss your partner, walk the dog, cuddle the kids or watch Richard and Judy. Bottom line – you can change your ways and it can be a huge factor in helping you communicate with others ‐ but you can’t change other people. Top Tip ‐ Don’t make it personal, don’t take it personally!


Understanding what makes people tick – The Human Onion!

Values Built throughout life, primarily childhood – little control

Influenced by parents – friends, teachers, strangers, media.

Attitudes & Beliefs

Directly from values How we judge and

evaluate people and situations.

Feelings Influence by attitudes and beliefs. If situation/person validates our

Belief we feel good. If not we feel threatened or uncomfortable.

Behaviours

Response to emotions (feelings) The layer we CAN control

To influence others it helps to know what makes them tick. Avoid the trap of assumptions and truly consider the ‘basis’ of the person, who they are, what they like, how they like to communicate. When we build a relationship we are in a much stronger position to influence a win/win outcome, avoid conflict and maintain the relationship in the longer term. Primarily, if the communication you are engaging in is failing, try new ways to reach more positive results. Of course there will always be someone with whom we just don’t have any success – what we need to keep in mind is where we can and where we cannot influence change. Five Tips for communicating with influence Look beyond the immediate behaviour of the person – seek out meaning and feelings behind words and actions. Approach the communication being clear on what outcomes are desired – by all involved – and where flexibility is

possible – on either side. Look for areas of mutual agreement, mutual desire, common ground ‐ and build on these rather than the

differences. Engage in communication which is appealing to the other person while still being open and sincere. Try different

approaches to get attention. Beware of the five E’s of listening – ears, eyes, experience, emotion, expectation – and find ways to overcome

these barriers both when talking and listening


Seven Steps to E’sy Listening


Active Listening Active listening means understanding the real meaning behind the words. So rather than simply hearing the words, an active listener would work to be clear about what the speaker is saying: his / her sincerity; the topic; the complexities and the completeness. As this is hard to do, when listening, it will help if we use our spare mental capacity to do the following: Maintain eye contact without staring Look interested by learning slightly forward and by facial expression Using encouraging responses such as nodding, agreeing where you can, ‘I see’, ‘I understand’ Asking Questions:

‐ for further information on the topic being discussed ‐ for clarification ‐ for repetition

Summarising and Testing Understanding Suspending Judgement It is important to listen to what the other person has to say and not letting barriers get in the way so that you can consider ideas put forward with an open mind. Effective Listening

L Look interested I Inquire/enquire with questions S Stay on target T Test understanding E Evaluate the message N Neutralise your feelings


Listening and Engagement Skills To listen more effectively

Make eye contact Don’t interrupt Don’t talk over Don’t finish their sentences Remove – or acknowledge – any audio or visual distractions Be ‘present’ – quiet your mind Look out for visual cues and clues – non verbal behaviours Paraphrase back to the talker to check your understanding Check – by asking – the intended meaning of words the talker uses – don’t assume your

understanding is the correct interpretation Be open to new ideas and experiences rather than assuming the past dictates the future Prepare yourself and your environment to be conducive to listening

To engage others when you want them to listen

Summarise regularly any key points Know your audience and adapt to suit – language, timing, emotion, detail, approach Provide information in step by step digestible chunks Minimise distractions – check the ‘comfort’ of the listener Plan what you’ll say – avoid launching in on a whim and a prayer. Think about the open,

the key points you need to make and the close Think about how you say it – pauses, tone and intonation, emphasis, peaks and troughs,

non verbal gestures Choose or lose jargon depending on the audience and how they will receive it Talk their language Show them the benefits to them Use and allow silences so that the listener can reflect and consider their response Use visual supports to illustrate key points Use evidence/source if you are providing/presenting facts and stats


Questioning Effective questioning is essential. Use open questions ‐ good questions to use ask start with

‘WHAT?’ ‘WHEN?’ ‘HOW MUCH/HOW MANY?’ ‘WHO?’ ‘WHERE?’ ‘TELL ME ABOUT’

Use probing questions to gain understanding.

Are you saying You mentioned ‘x’ – can you tell me more about that You referred to ‘x’ – who/what is that? What are your thoughts/feelings/views on this so far?

Link questions – useful to move people on from a point ‘THAT’S REALLY USEFUL, I WOULD LIKE TO MOVE ON AND DISCUSS . . . ‘ Comparison questions – useful for if you are getting conflicting messages from your ‘report’. ‘As i understood it, last time we met you said . . . . now the situation is . . . could you please explain the difference so I am clear with what has happened?’ Be positive and constructive, do not be aggressive or negative. Focus on future and solutions, not problems and the past Avoid using some types of questions Be careful when using ‘WHY?’ It can come across as negative Closed questions e.g yes/no responses don’t allow conversations to open up. They can however be useful to confirm details Avoid asking multiple questions as they can cause confusion or you only the get the answer to the first or last question


Clear and Confident Messages Managing the Message Be clear on the message you want to give. Be specific and to the point. Don’t give long pre‐ambles – it makes people nervous – and may show your anxiety or lack of confidence. Use facts and evidence based information. Acknowledge potential feelings and responses – though don’t assume them. Be clear and honest about any negative factors and use these factors to highlight the need for future motivation/commitment/action. Acknowledge that in the real world ‘things do go wrong’ and people/things do move on. “Failure is not falling down, but staying down”. Don’t try to wing it. Really think it through and practice out loud how different words, phrases and tones sound. Managing the impact Ensure that the timing and conditions are right. Who needs to know what, when and how will you communicate it. Do certain people need to hear the message at the same time. Should some people hear the message before others. Anticipate responses – or reactions! Consider how you will manage them. Be prepared to listen, answer questions, offer support if appropriate. Set the tone letting people know whether you are having a conversation, whether you are briefing them and they can reply, whether you are briefing them and there won’t be opportunity to reply (should be rare if ever) or whether you are giving them information on a need to know basis. Managing your delivery Consider the communication style preferences of those receiving the message and pitch accordingly. You may need to think about the proportion of facts, emotional impacts, ways forward etc. contained in the message. Use confident behaviours: Be ‘to the point’. Don’t waffle and ramble. Maintain eye contact with individuals. ‘Roam’ eye contact in groups. Do you need to stand, sit, roam around – whichever, ensure your body language is still, expressive where necessary, ‘open’ and mostly, congruent with the words you are saying. Use ‘I’ or ‘we’ statements as appropriate. You may need to open on a serious note but finish with words of motivation – ensure your tone and words communicate this. Keep your head up right, your eyes focussed, your body and hands and feet still and your voice at the right volume in the right tone. Finally, don’t remove your personality from the message – you risk trust!


Seven things to consider when dealing with conflict 1 Conflict Happens

Disagreement is an essential part of team work

If a team does not have strong feelings and emotions but relies simply on facts it is a less intelligent team (see Daniel Goleman on Emotional Intelligence)

The best decision makers use both facts and feelings.

2 Clarify Expectations

Is the team clear what its purpose is? Do you have ground rules governing behaviours?

Have you talked about how to depersonalise conflict?

Is everyone clear about the level of authority / decision‐making / accountability of others within the team?

Do you have a structured way of dealing with discussions?

Are performance expectations clearly defined and understood by everyone?

3 Identify the Type of Conflict

Is it personal to the individual which is hampering their ability to be part of the team?

Is it conflict between individuals? Is it conflict with the whole team? Is it conflict between several individuals? Is it conflict with someone or group outside the team?

4 Identify the Team Needs

Situation – what is the problem to be solved?

Options ‐ What are the possible solutions? Long term consequences – what would resolve the problem?

Victory – what would a positive result look like?

Execute – Carry out the actions required. 5 Depersonalise the conflict

Create the environment for solution by getting the team to address the following:

What happened/is happening? What were/are the consequences (facts and feelings)

What would/will it take to move on? 6 Structure the Discussion

Let each person have their say. Engage neutral team members to reflect on areas of agreement and disagreement.

Explore areas of disagreement to identify specific issues.

Have opponents suggest modifications to their own points of view as well as others.

If you can’t get agreement – go for alignment.

7 Key Questions for resolving conflict

What are we trying to accomplish as a team?

What are each of our roles and responsibilities in accomplishing it?

Who and when and what information do we need?

If we get into trouble who can help us? How will we arrive at decisions? What strengths do we bring to establishing our goals?

How do we make ourselves more accessible to each other?

What are we doing that is blocking resolution to this problem?

How can we express differences without blaming others?

What behaviours are unproductive? How can we help individuals to take ownership of their behaviour?

Challenge unhelpful behaviours

© Directory of Social Change 2015 [email protected] Communicating to influence

Collaborate to Influence – Class of Feb 2014 These are the statements previous DSC classes identified as being collaborative and influencing behaviours. You can use these as a self‐assessment, scoring yourself 1(low) to 10(high) on how well you do at each. Once you have scored, identify some action you can take around each area for improvement. I target the message well and clearly I clarify my vision to myself and share it with others in a way that is digestible for

them I invite feedback from others on my own behaviours and actions I listen effectively, silencing the inner talk and being present for others I am generous with my time and clarify to others when I am and am not available I come to meetings and discussions prepared and ready I consider my own role within the team acknowledging my strengths and areas for

improvement I consider and acknowledge the role and contributions others bring to the team I ask effective questions, purposeful and free from judgement. I reflect on my own practices and behaviours and identify areas form

improvement I provide information clearly enabling others to make informed decisions and

choices I am open to change and prepared to see and hear new ways of doing things I recognise different personalities and adapt communication style I look for common ground to build rapport, share interests and seek solutions I focus on the cause/need in the situation not my own position or gain within it I prepare myself for meetings or presentation through practice and ‘dry runs’ I consider the needs and concerns of all stakeholders, aiming for a win win for all

outcome I develop my ‘gift of the gab’ ensuring that I articulate what I mean in a way that

will land well. I am sincere in my feedback, expressions and opinions I used evidence based facts to back up propositions or ideas. I own up to mistakes or miscalculations and move myself and others forward

© Directory of Social Change 2015 [email protected] Communicating to influence

A Word to the Wise

All I ever needed to know, I learned in Kindergarten

Most of what I really need to know about how to live, and what to do, and how to be, I learned in kindergarten.

Wisdom was not at the top of the graduate school mountain, but there in the sand box at nursery school.

These are the things I learned …

Share everything. Play fair. Don't hit people. Put things back where you found them. Clean up your own mess. Don't take things that aren't yours. Say you are sorry when you hurt somebody. Wash your hands before you eat. Flush. Warm cookies and cold milk are good for you. Live a balanced life. Learn some and think some and draw some and paint and sing and dance and play and work everyday.

Take a nap every afternoon. When you go out in the world, watch for traffic, hold hands, and stick together. Be aware of wonder. Remember the little seed in the plastic cup? The roots go down and the plant goes up and nobody really knows how or why. We are like that.

And then remember that book about Dick and Jane and the first word you learned, the biggest word of all: LOOK! Everything you need to know is there somewhere. The Golden Rule and love and basic sanitation, ecology, and politics and the sane living.

Think of what a better world it would be if we all, the whole world, had cookies and milk about 3 o'clock every afternoon and then lay down with our blankets for a nap. Or we had a basic policy in our nation and other nations to always put things back where we found them and clean up our own messes. And it is still true; no matter how old you are, when you go out in the world, it is best to hold hands and stick together.

Robert Fulghum

Communicate to Influence Workbook

Name:___________________________________ Trainer: Cathy Shimmin, Senior Training Manager [email protected]

Communicating to Influence Duration: 1 day Why Come?

You haven’t communicated effectively if you haven’t been understood. You haven’t been understood if you haven’t influenced someone’s attitude or behavior. So getting it right matters. Aims: For participants to explore ‘what makes people tick’ and identify techniques for influencing others positively. Who Should Attend? Anyone who wishes to develop their skills in influencing and persuading others Outcomes By the end of the course participants will have

Identified ‘what makes people tick’ Assessed own preferred communication styles Explored ‘best approach’ to appeal to others’ styles Identified how to overcome barriers to listening Identified ways to appear confident when communicating Explored what gives way to conflict and how to ensure win/win Considered imagery, language and approach when influencing others Identified ways to give a clear and effective message

Content: Influencing/motivating factors Communication Styles and Behaviour The 5 E’s of Listening Building Rapport Self Presentation (Handling Conflict) Communicating the Message

Methods Input, discussion, exercises, games, simulations, practice, reflection Timings: 0945 Registration and Coffee 1000 Course Starts 1630 Course Finishes

Action Page

Point for Action

When I will do this

Support I may need

Assumptions & strategies to overcome them

Assumptions we make Ways to overcome this

How someone will behave Accept that people behave differently on different days – we all do

Communication style test Instructions Look at one row at a time. Give each word a value from 1 – 4 with 4 representing the word most like you and 1 representing the word least like you. You must have one of each number only in every row so that each row adds up to 10. In other words every line must contain a 4 a 3 a 2 and a 1. Example Funny 4 Interesting 2 Quiet 1 Determined 3 The test Accurate

Patient Friendly Direct

Adventurous

Systematic Loyal Persuasive

Impulsive

Determined Analytical Accepting

Neighbourly

Confident Self‐reliant Competent

Forceful

Optimistic Gentle Conventional

Colourful

Even‐tempered

Level Headed

Quick

Reliable

Practical Outspoken Feeling

Perfectionist

Action ‐ orientated

Talkative Trusting

Good listener

Law‐abiding

Self‐directed

High‐spirited

Playful

Risk‐taker Cautious Content

Communication Style Test ‐ Scoring Copy your score from the original sheet on to this one. Now add up your scores for each different colour and mark them against the boxes below.

GREEN

BLUE

YELLOW

RED

Accurate

Patient Friendly Direct Adventurous

Systematic Loyal Persuasive Impulsive

Determined Analytical Accepting Neighbourly

Confident Self‐reliant Competent Forceful

Optimistic Gentle Conventional Colourful

Even‐tempered

Level ‐headed

Quick Reliable

Practical Outspoken Feeling Perfectionist

Action orientated

Talkative Trusting Good listener Law‐abiding Self‐

directed High‐spirited

Playful

Risk‐taker Cautious Content

Reflection/Action Planning Think of the person/people you would like to influence …

Do you know what makes them tick? Can you find out? How? What will you need to consider in your approach based on this?

What assumptions might you have made about them? How can you overcome these assumptions/put them aside? What difference will this make to your communication approach?

Regarding your communications style approach, what can you build on and what new approaches can you try?

What can you do to …. Listen more effectively Engage others more effectively

What action can you take when preparing for difficult conversations?

Asking the right questions … the right way. Right down a few questions you would like to ask the other party. Questions I’d like to ask

Taking one question at a time, consider the impact of how this question might ‘land’ with the other person Will it cause offence, defensiveness, confusion, withdrawal from discussion/close down? Does it provide the person with the opportunity to give you the information you need? Does the question ‘trap’ the other person in to an answer or back them into a corner? What is your purpose in asking this question? Desired outcome? How likely is it that the question will help you achieve this outcome? How might you rephrase this question? How will it land now? Check the question for ‘trigger’ words, judgement, ambiguity.

Plan Your Communications Some questions to ask yourself 1. What is your overall goal? What is your ideal outcome?

2. How does it relate to other things going on – in line with their goals, objectives, in their role, in the organisation, outside, in line with responsibilities?

3. Who do you need to influence? What do you know about them?

4. How would your goals impact them/the business etc.?

5. What could some of their objections be? What could your response be or how could you anticipate some of these in your approach?

(Consider their objections and genuine needs and concerns – how can you address them?)

6. What is your identity/image with them? What perception may they have of you? What have you done to influence this? What can you do to help them form a new perception of you?

7. What is your Unique Selling Point? Is there anything you can offer or support them with that no one else can.? Is there skill or knowledge that you bring that no one else has? Is there a connection you have with others that is key in the context?

8. What does the above tell you about your best chances of success?

One method of stating a case

• Proposition

• Reason

• Objections/Concerns

• Examples

• Proposition

Another framework you could use

Opening BANG > 1 line opener to catch attention

Make it relevant

Max 3 facts & figures for maximum impact – select carefully

Use rhetorical questions

Keep it focused

Inspire

Plant seeds of different information

KISS (Keep It Short and Simple)

Keep your mind on the outcome

Short story > max 50 words

What is your USP (Unique Selling Point)?

What can you give?

What do you want from them?

Closing BANG > call to action

Worksheet Self‐presentation ‐ Confidence Think of people you regard as confident – even better if you think they are ‘positive influencers’.

Discuss in pairs/groups and write down 1 How did they speak– words, language, tone? 2 How did they behave – manners and mannerisms, actions, gestures, body language? Note: You do not need to list the person/situation – just an adjective ordescriptive words. Consider why confidence can have a positive influence

Why don’t we listen? 1. Selective listening: Tendency for selective listening Concentrate on what we think is important Anticipating questions! 2. Talking speed versus speed of thought: Differences in our talking speed and our thinking speed ‐ Average words per minutes We speak at around 125 words per minute We think at around 500 words per minute So we jump ahead before we realise ‐ waiting for the speaker to “Catch up!” 3. Lack of interest: How often do we listen when we are not really interested? Our interest is based on: personal interests, feelings towards the speaker, pre‐occupation with

other matters, tiredness 4. Personal Interest: We have subjects we’re not interested in when we automatically switch off Do we listen? Do we turn off! ‐ next time check how long you listen for! 5. Beliefs and attitudes: We all develop our own beliefs and attitudes about ourselves, our life, others How do you feel if someone challenges your beliefs? Become emotionally involved, argue, not

listen… 6. Reactions to speaker: Stereotypes...we often turn off from people we don’t respect Often too busy criticising language, background, etc.. to listen 7. Words we hear: Pet phases ‐ e.g.. Now...Right...At the end of the day... Becomes a competition to see how many times they use that phrase! 8. Listening expectations: What we hear and understand is largely shaped by our own expectations and background Tendency to hear what our minds tell us 9. Physical distractions: Noise ‐ only half listening! Something distracting outside etc

Taking things forward and action planning We believe that learning is about much more than just the training day. In support of that belief we encourage you to reflect on your learning and decide what you to need to think about and do differently in the future. We would also encourage you to seek opportunities to implement your learning, further your learning and have discussions with your line manager to support you and your learning. From this course I have learned

As a result of this course I will

Introductions and Aims

What you’d like to change or improve

Who you want to

Influence

and why

Areas you are comfortable with

Name,

Role and

Organisation

Working Together Today

• Mobiles off• Timekeeping• Confidentiality• There’s no such thing as a silly question• Experiment and take risks• Respect – space and values • Participation – involvement/contribution• Bit of fun!

What makes us tick?

… and what’s that got to do with onions?

THE

HUMAN

ONION

Values

Influenced from early on in our

childhood – by the ‘big’ people.

Values



Attitudes and Beliefs

Influenced by our values

Values





Feelings

An internal response, related to our attitudes and beliefs

Values





Feelings

An internal response, related to

our attitudes and beliefs

Behaviour

An external reaction to all

of the above

A thought someone shared with me“Isn’t it funny how we judge others

by their behaviour,

but we judge ourselves by our

motives”

Choose a babysitterCHARACTER A CHARACTER B

Actively rebellious

Showed disregard for law and authority

Described as a promoter of violence and symbol of resistance

Imprisoned, accused of terrorist type activity

Married 3 times

Consistently absent as a father and husband

Brought up with a religious education

Interested in the arts

Described by many as studious and ambitious

A willing volunteer and missionary

Loyal serviceman

Awarded for bravery

Respected as an authority in his field

Actively rebellious

Showed disregard for law and authority

Described as a promoter of violence and symbol of resistance

Imprisoned, accused of terrorist type activity

Married 3 times

Consistently absent as a father and husband

Brought up with a religious education

Interested in the arts

Described by many as studious and ambitious

A willing volunteer and missionary

Loyal serviceman

Awarded for bravery

Respected as an authority in his field


Communication Style Preferences

FACTS & FIGURES

PEOPLE & FEELINGS

NEW IDEAS & CREATIVITY CHALLENGE & RESULTS


FACTS & FIGURES

PEOPLE & FEELINGS

Logical Decides after evaluationWants appreciation for job done – but does not want to be condescended to More concerned with ideas and principles than people May be self-critical



FACTS & FIGURES

PEOPLE & FEELINGS

Logical Decides after evaluationWants appreciation for job done – but does not want to be condescended to More concerned with ideas and principles than people May be self-critical

Nice Can be slow to change Avoids confrontation and conflictWants harmony Likes to know motivations Intuitive



FACTS & FIGURES

PEOPLE & FEELINGS

LogicalDecides after evaluationWants appreciation for job done – but does not want to be condescended toMore concerned with ideas and principles than peopleMay be self-critical

NiceCan be slow to changeAvoids confrontation and conflictWants harmonyLikes to know motivationsIntuitive

NEW IDEAS & CREATIVITY CHALLENGE & RESULTSFunEnthusiasticOptimisticUnstructuredCan be mischievousForms opinions from feelingsPeople oriented


FACTS & FIGURES

PEOPLE & FEELINGS

LogicalDecides after evaluationWants appreciation for job done – but does not want to be condescended toMore concerned with ideas and principles than peopleMay be self-critical

NiceCan be slow to changeAvoids confrontation and conflictWants harmonyLikes to know motivationsIntuitive

NEW IDEAS & CREATIVITY CHALLENGE & RESULTSFunEnthusiasticOptimisticUnstructuredCan be mischievousForms opinions from feelingsPeople oriented

Results orientedDirectLoves change and challengeDecides quicklyRisk takerSeeks solutionsCan be hasty

Reflection and Action

Thinking about communication stylepreferences ….

• What strengths do I have in my communication style approach?

• Which new approaches could I try to communicate with more influence?

In order to be understood,Seek first to understand

Stephen Covey7 Habits of Highly Effective People

A Listening Exercise

• You will need a pen and a piece of paper

• Work on your own – no comments or questions

• Instructions once only• Follow instructions and do exactly what I say

Mummy Bull?

E’sy Listening?EARS

EARS

EYES

E’sy Listening?

EARS

EYES

EXPERIENCE

E’sy Listening?

EARS

EYES

EXPERIENCE

EXPECTATION

E’sy Listening?

EARS

EYES

EXPERIENCE

EMOTION EXPECTATION

E’sy Listening?

EARS

EYES

EXPERIENCE

EMOTION EXPECTATION

EGO

E’sy Listening?

EVALUATIONEARS

EYES

EXPERIENCE

EMOTION EXPECTATION

EGO

E’sy Listening?

7 Ways To Listen More Effectively

• Silence the inner talk• Don’t interrupt• Don’t plan you answer half way• Avoid assuming the end• Sum up and reflect back • Check for understanding• Ask questions

Assertive beliefs:• I am responsible for what happens to

me• I can chose how to behave• I am in control• I can change• I can initiate actions• I can learn from feedback• I believe assertiveness gets positive

results

Three Step Approach3. Focus on the futureCould we agree that in future if you need to extend a deadline we could talk about it and agree the best way forward

2. Focus on feelings/ fallout/impactBecause I didn’t get x in time, I had to stay late to compile data myself and had to delay my report to/meeting with ….

1. Focus on factsJo, we agreed I’d have x by ‘date/time’ and I didn’t get it from you. I appreciate you have competing priorities and so do I.

7 Ways To Engage More Effectively

• Consider opener• Clarify goal – to you and them• Use 3 point frameworks• Plan the opener – get attention• Show benefits to them• Choose language and jargon• Ask effective questions

Monroe’s Motivated Sequence:

• Step One: Get Attention• Step Two: Establish the Need• Step Three: Satisfy the Need• Step Four: Visualize the Future• Step Five: Inspire Action

Conflict – A Definition

PEOPLES’ DIFFERENCESWORKING AGAINST

EACH OTHER

Dealing with conflict

Concern with others’ needs

Concern with owngoals

Dealing with Conflict

Competing Collaborating

Avoiding AccommodatingCompromising

Assertive

Non‐Assertive

Non‐Co‐operative Co‐operative

Dealing with conflictCompeting ‐ can be useful when…• A quick decision is vital e.g. an emergency• An unpopular course of action needs implementing

Avoiding – can be useful when…• Others can resolve the conflict more effectively• More important issues are pressing• Potential costs outweigh potential benefits

Accommodating ‐ can be useful when…• You realise you’re wrong!• Preserving harmony is particularly important• Allowing someone to experiment to develop

Compromising ….. Can be useful in short termBut …• I win, you win – but I also lose and you also lose• Can fail to satisfy anybody


Collaborating – can be useful when…• Concerns of both parties are too important to be

compromised• Merging insights to gain a consensual decision• Striving for commitment to the outcome


Useful Influencing Behaviours

I demonstrate listening by giving attention, reflecting data and

feeling and summarising

I express my views and opinions backed by reasons, forcefully enough to be taken

seriously

I focus and build on common ground

I spell out the benefits or consequences of meeting … or not meetingmy expectations

I disclose personal and work information appropriate to the relevant situation

I state what I want or what action I want

taken

I use questions to increase understanding

of your position

I openly express my feelings about the current situation

Addressing Needs and Concerns

S

Stakeholder

StakeholderStakeholder

Stakeholder

NEEDS

NEEDS

NEEDS

NEEDSCONCERNS

CONCERNS

CONCERNS

CONCERNS

TOPIC

Planning Your CommunicationConsidering the models available, work through one of them. Think about …

What is in your way and within your influence?What is in your way but outside of your influence?What steps can you take now?

Portraying Confidence

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,

I will fear no evil.

PS. 23:4

You CANNOT change

other people,

but you can

communicate with influence

Further Reading

• The Pleasure and The Pain Debra Allcock Tyler, Directory of Social Change

• 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. Stephen R Covey

• I’m OK, You’re OK. Eric Beirne

Further Training from Directory of Social Change• Becoming and Assertive Professional• Confidence at Work• Selling from the Heart

Next Steps

Thank you for choosing DSC for your training.

Evaluation Forms will be emailed to you separately. Please complete and return so that we can continue to improve our courses

Did you know DSC offer an In House Training Service on a huge range of topics?

Or that we can provide Performance Coaching and Mentoring?

Contact me to find out more or visit www.dsc.org.uk

Cathy Shimmin, Senior Training [email protected] 07967 027304

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