XMAS ISSUE

C O M E O N E

C O M E L-4 A l l that was expected to happen d i d happen

t h i s Saturday n i g h t , with the p o s s i b l e exception of a demonstration of the Trudge by Messrs, T. & D.Hudge of the R.C.S. The bar extension u p s t a i r s was kept very busy a l l the time, though we sus­pect that the barmen themselves had something to do with i t .

On the stage, l e a n i n g against the mike, was a yellow enamelled s i g n that had been mocking some members of the F E L I X Board f o r a considers—, b l e time, and they f i n a l l y managed to get I t at an almost nominal p r i c e ( 34 p i n t s of beer ) f o r the b i g nig h t . The p r i c e , one must add, was not paid t o the owners, a respectable book-shop near Sth. Ken s t a t i o n but to the procurers who showed great energy and ingenuity. This sig n may i n the fu t u r e become our mascot, r e p l a c i n g the paper head that we l o s t to 1 Northampton, an year ago.

The Dance i t s e l f was remarkable f o r .he number o f p r i z e s : 108; the c o n t i n u o u s i n t e r r u p t i o n s ; t h e f i l m show; and the u t t e r c h a o s t h a t t h r e a t e n e d o u r I.C. Superman and Superwoman c o n t e s t . K e i t h M i l l e r i s g o i n g t o s t a r t Superman c l a s s e s i n t h e O l d Hos­t e l basement f r o m S a t u r d a y 12th D e c , at a f e e o f a p i n t o f b i t t e r p e r l e s s o n . 3 e e r r e t u r n e d i f r e ­s u l t s do n o t p l e a s e y o u a f t e r 5 l e s s o n s . A l l pro-" s p e c t i v e s t u d e n t s a r e i n v i t e d t o a C h r i s t m a s brew-up i n h i s room the same n i g h t .

The L i m e r i c k C o m p e t i t i o n r e s u l t s a p p e a r i n s i d e . P.S. Has anybody f o u n d t u e s h e e t t h a t was d r a ­

ped r o u n d Mark Antony l a s t nig.-it? The p o o r chap i s f e e l i n g v e r y c o l d .

"FELIX" wishes i t s readers a very happy Christ­mas and a happy new year, greater glories in the year to come, especially by way of literary inspiration. A merry Christmas too to the worried citizens of South Kensington who w i l l have a quiet time for a wnile, to London Transport who helps us in emergencies, and the I.C. men on the moon.

ft HC K R V C r f i i S r M A ? ftMP H 'H « i r C * i ci wev Venn.'

^ E L I X

P R O F I L E

ALISON

ENTWISTLE

The President of Imperial College Women's Association likes to consider h e r s e l f a Londoner, f o r although born in St. Helens, Lancashire she could not stand the northern accents for more than the f i r s t year of her l i f e . She finds much to her annoyance, that her family takes her scholastic successes f o r granted, f o r her s i s t e r i s a chemist and her brother a physicist, which explains why A l i s o n i s a Mathe­matician. Her father was a minister of r e l i g i o n , but we have too l i t t l e space to explain Alison's own complex views on religion here.

Alison's education was Li a normal g i r l s ' school, where they thought her b r i l l i a n t . They gave her no choice as to which college to attend, bringing her streak of obstinacy to the fore by t e l l i n g her she would never get a place at I.C. A l i s o n triumphed with a State Scholarship and i s now vrell installed i n her f i n a l year.

Apart from organising the a f f a i r s of ICY/A, A l i s o n remains one of :he few members "^wrtl&ve represented I.C. i n a l l the possible wcraen's te>ms - although she admits she only really enjoys playing tennis.

In s p i t e of her s i z e , A l i s o n i s a keen mountaineer and in past years has been a c y c l i s t over large areas of England and Ireland. This summer however she found a more e x c i t i n g form of transport i n Sweden. She spent several weeks taking the tops off strawberries and picking bad peas o f f a conveyor beit,'in order to earn enough money BO h i t c h ­hike to Stockholm, although this necessitated s i t t i n g on lorry driver's knees. One of the few words A l i s o n learned was the Swedish for 'no'.

Alison's artistic gifts range from the care of one ivy plant which she i s training along a crack i n her hostel room wall, to a love of music, particularly piano music. She has had seven years tuition in piano playing and can occa­sionally be heard in the early hours of the morning bashing duets on the gym piano.

When asked for some likes and dislikes our President told us that when young the way to gain her attention was to sit on a plate and make a noise like a chocolate biscuit. Though this delicacy i s s t i l l a favourite we find that she .also likes collecting things, the most notable being a collection of teaspoons gathered, honestly, from many parts of Britain and the Continent. These are stock equipment for a l l ICVfA coffee parties. Among her other l i k e s we have crumpets, corncobs, astronomy (looking at stars - alone), bridge (in an amateur fashion) and some men. We found she ha3 indifferences including politics, mathematics and some men. Her dislikes are chiefly intolerance and propoganda, marmalade, people who smoke in buses, and some other men.

The President of the most select group in the college is an interesting and amusing person, though always funniest when she does not mean to be. We can also proudly say that Alison i s respectable - at least we thought so u n t i l we discovered her knitting a baby's cardigan and the presence of a pram in' the corridor outside her room. However this was satisfactorily explained by the pram belonging to the Dramatic Society and the cardigan was for Alison's niece. We heaved a sigh of relief - or was i t disappointment?

HEIGH HO!

What would you do If you were me? I can't remember My A.B.C. Just keep an smoking the whole day long.

Fluid flow's bad, Heat transfer's worse, I daren't write down What I think in verse Looks like I ' l l f a i l my exams again.

I'm fed up with l i f e . And scared of death, I've run out of paper And run out of breath. Reckon I ' l l go and have another drink.

TEAPOT.

HOW TO GET RICH QUICK" by

rt Blank Squiggle Perhaps, you may say, money grows on gooseberry bushes. Well, l e t me assure you, i t most c e r t a i n ­l y does not.

However, there are one or two ways in whioh l e lucre (as the French say) may be obtained at a s l i g h t discount. These ways f a l l i n t o two c l a s s ­es :-

1. Class F. Methods by which money i s actual­l y made,

2. Class S. Methods by which one's petty cash r i s e s by not spending what one already has. It is possible to prove, however, that i f one has an am­ount of money x, and Class S. i s employed, the tot­a l r esultant cash stock being TL,

x 4 x, whereas the desired r e s u l t i s

x »> x

We s h a l l , therefore, discount Class S. as u.f . f . u . , or "useless f o r f u r t h e r use".

Class F. may be divided into (a) Manufactur­ing processes, and (b) Recovery processes.

P. (a)(1) The d i r e c t manufacture process:

For t h i s you w i l l need a couple of panteoh-nicons, an i s l a n d i n the A t l a n t i c , a private army, a motor c r u i s e r , a papermill or s i l v e r mine, (we discount copper as not l u c r a t i v e enough) and a few other odds and ends which you can pick up i n Wool-worth's or L e s l i e ' s . The idea i s to borrow the coi n presses i n the Royal Mint, ship them to your i s l a n d and get to work. A small bribe should fix i t with the o f f i o i a l s concerned.

P. (a) (11) Expansion process :

The essence of this method i s to cut each coin neatxy i n two edgeways. Now cut away the centre and f i l l the gap with glue to hold the coin togeth­er again. Apply method (1) to the coin-metal gain­ed, or s e l l to other dealers f o r a small fee.

Now we come to the recovery processes. These f a l l i n t o two olasses : -

F.(b) (1) Dishonest methods :

These are by f a r the most moneymaking, but are frowned upon by the constable;

F. (b) (11) S l i g h t l y honest methods ;

These include

F. (b) (11) A. Horse-race betting. For this you w i l l need ( i ) a horse-race, ( i i ) some c a p i t a l , ( i i i ) no sense, (iv) a pin. There are several text books on the subject, so I s h a l l not enter into great d e t a i l . S u f f i c e i t to say that, pro­vided you use the'pin sensibly, you cannot lose. P. (b) ( i i ) B,. F o o t b a l l "pools". A clever idea. You cannot lose (see MoGugglebreck: "The Luck of the Pools, Waddle & Turnback, Is.). One thing, though — y o u w i l l have to j o i n the F o o t b a l l Pool Promoter's Association.

P. (b) ( i i ) C . Crown & Anchor. This is another good way i f you can a f f o r d tne b i t s and pieces. Mak­ing 14s. per hour i s not hard, provided you are the banker. Be c a r e f u l ! Keep your cash i n your pocket and wear a b e l t and braces, otherwise the weight of your winnings may be given away to the other play­ers. A l t e r n a t i v e l y , you may take a wheelbarrow.

That completes the l i s t . I t r u s t that you now have no fea r s about what w i l l happen when you get thrown out of I.C.

(copyright reserved)

PYTHAGORAM

E 6

t

* 4 t

»

t

Across: ( l ) 4 a + a (3) a + b

(5) 6a (7) 2c/3 + 2

(8) 5b,+ c/3 (9) b 3

Downs (1) (c+10) 2- b/6 (2) 7ab

(4) b 2 + 3 (6) 2 c 2 + (a-1)

FELIX 3

NON-SMOKER

Felix n i E NEWSPAPER OF IMPERIAL COLLEGE

EditoriD.C.Kale. C i r c u l a t i o n : 1200.

The success_of the Birthday Dance was due e n t i r e l y to the hard work put i n by several peo­p l e . The E d i t o r wishes to thank i n p a r t i c u l a r Messrs. P i g g o t t , Bray (the M.C.), Seeley, Grim-shaw, Starmer, Thomas, Deacon and Grasham; Misses Hamilton and McKenzie; Stan Wardle and t h e Enter­tainments Committee; Dave Cox and Paul Harding f o r s e rving behind the Bar; and the s e v e r a l oth­ers who o f f e r e d help and suggestions.

COMPETITION RESULTS

Nobody - but nobody - submitted an entry f o r the I d e a l Dinner competition announced i n the l a s t i s s u e of FELIX, and n a t u r a l l y there are no r e s u l t s to announce. The E d i t o r considers i t

a v i n d i e a t i o n of n i s v i e w s , e x p r e s s e d l a s t year i n an unpublished viewpoint, that people i n I.C. do not c a r e a h i t f o r t h e i r p a l a t e s , and therefore deserve the t a s t e l e s s food they used to get i n the Refectory. Perhaps you cannot a f ­f o r d very good food i n restaurants; but at l e a s t dreaming up a good meal should not be t o o d i f f i ­c u l t f o r i n t e l l i g e n t people who boast of a U n i ­v e r s i t y education, developed t a s t e s , and a l l t h e r e s t of i t . Be that as i t may, l e t us go on to the next Competition.

T h i s was the Limerick Competiibion announced on the Dance t i c k e t , where two l i n e s o f a lime-riok were given and you were asked to f i n i s h i t . The pr e l i m i n a r y s o r t i n g o u t was done while the" Dance p e o p l e were b u s y l o o k i n g a t the f i l m show. The reduced entry was then f u r t h e r s c r u t i n i s e d by a panel under a s l i g h t m e n t a l fog, and a v e r y much reduced number - 5 t o be exact - was then read out by the r e s p e c t i v e p o e t s to t h e a u d i e n c e . ( T n i s was necessary because t h e E d i t o r r e f u s e d to read out two o f them, and a l s o b e c a u s e i t was better from the c o m p e t i t o r s ' p o i n t o f v i e w . ) A u d i e n c e a p p l a u s e was made t h e b a s i s f o r t h e f i n a l d e c i s i o n , and i t u n m i s t a k a b l y s e l e c t e d one by Ray B o n n e t t , our T h e a t r e c r i t i c :

An amorous s t u d e n t f r o m F r a n c e Who went to t h e l a s t F E L I X d a n c e , Because o f the f o g Made l o v e to a dog Whioh a c c o u n t s f o r t h e p o o d l e s o f F r a n c e .

The d i f f i c u l t y e n c o u n t e r e d i n r h y m i n g 'dance' was well e x p r e s s e d by a n o t h e r :

I ' v e t r i e d day and n i g h t To g e t t h i s b - v e r s e r i g h t Damn F E L I X damn t h e s t u d e n t damn romance.

A l a r g e number o f l a d i e s a l s o s u b m i t t e d q u i t e strong e n t r i e s , one f r o m B e d f o r d g o i n g :

Thought love i n a m i s t Meant more t h a n j u s t k i s s e d And went home w i t h a k i c k i n h i s pan*e.

A Westfield s t u d e n t p r o d u c e d t h i s one: To the gay l i f e u n u sed, Became q u i t e , q u i t e bemused, And r e t u r n e d t o h i s home i n a t r a n c e .

These show a l m o s t a l l t he rhymes f o r 'dance' that were offer e d , t h e o t h e r s b e i n g g l a n c e and advance, o f w h i c h t h e l a t t e r was e x p l o i t e d i n many subtle ones.

Many good rhymes were s p o i l t by n o t h a v i n g a good enough s i t u a t i o n . M e s s r s . D. and V. At­kinson, McChesney, Berenbaum and S t u a r t s u b m i t ­ted good veree, b u t were n o t i j u i t e up t o t h e mark.

F i n a l l y , t h a n k s t o t h e man who s t a r t e d a l l t h i s : Watt A Wordsworth, who composed t h e f i r s t two l i n e s and r e f u s e d t o do any more.

"wr.TT" Editorial Board: Editor Emeritus: A.E. Bray; News: G.H. Stermer;

Features: D.A. Deacon; Sports: L.P.R. Harding; Photography: J. Kosky; Coming Events: G. Grimshaw.

Production: J.S. Seeley; Circulation: W.J. Hudson; Publicity: D. Grasham: Advertising: A.R. Blake.

Treasurer: J.H. Pownall; Secretary: Elizabeth Hamilton. Vacancies: Art Editor, two sub-editors. (Preferably

one from R.C.S. and one from Guilds.)

Last Tuesday evening a party of a dozen Guildsmen found themselves i n the Bar of Univer­s i t y College with the i n t e n t i o n of enjoying what had been b i l l e d as a " J o i n t Smoking Concert". This was the f i r s t venture of i t s kind and was an attempt by the Engineering S o c i e t i e s of Kings, Q.M.C., U.C. and Guilds to bring about c l o s e r con­t a c t berween t h e i r members. U.C. offered to be the hosts at the f i r s t o f what i s hoped w i l l turn out to he an annual event. Unhappily, as a Smok­ing Concert, the event was a f a i l u r e since nothing had been done to organise any form of entertainment other than a supply of beer (not f r e e , but much cheaper than at I.C.) and a piano. The evening degenerated i n t o a beery sing-song whose only merit lay i n the large r e p e r t o i r e that i s forthcoming when the experts of four colleges get together. The h i g h l i g h t of the evening was a s p i r i t e d ren­dering of the escapades of D.E. Dick, and Others -a rare enough event these days. Five minutes before c l o s i n g time the handful of Guildsmen l e f t showed the others how a College Y e l l should be done and the evening came to a c l o s e .

It i s hoped that next year, Guilds w i l l be the hosts and perhaps then we w i l l have a Smoking Concert.

THE GREAT QUESTICN-(With apologies to the Bard.)

HAMLET. Act I I I . Scene I. Servant: I hear his coming. Let's withdraw.

(Exeunt the two. Enter Hamlet. (Goes to the mirror.

To shave, or not to shave, - that i s the question:-Whether ' t i s nobler i n the mind to suffer The stings and harrows of outrageous blades, Or to take no arms against a sea of whiskers, And by growing end them? - To brush - to shave -No more; and by a beard to say we end The skin-ache, and the thousand natural shocks That flesh i s heir to, 'tis a consummation Devoutly to be wish'd. To brush - to shave; -To shave.' perchance to out: ay, there's the rub; For in that sweep of blade what screams may come, When we shuffle o f f this mortal c o i l , Must give us pause: ....

....who would fardels bear, To grunt and sweat~uh5er a weary"razor, But that the dread of something after beard, -The undiscover'd country, .. puzzles the will, And makes us rather bear those i l l s we have Than f l y to others that we know not of? Thus conscience does make cowards of us a l l ; And thus the native hue of complexion Is s i c k l i e d o'er with the pale cast of soap;

(Does so. And enterprises of great p i t h and moment, With t h i s regard, t h e i r currents turn awry, And lose the name of action. - Ow.' Soft you now.' The f a i r Ophelia.' - Nymph, i n thy orisons Be a l l my scars remember'd.

EXPERIENCE

I was enjoying my d a i l y a p e r i t i f of Harpic and Orange i n the l i t t l e Comer seat that I usually occupy at Sarspa-r e l l a ' s Spaghetti Emporium, my thoughts were elsevhere, winging away i n the great beyond, i n the lofty plane of the upper mind, the imagination.

Then Lola came in t o my l i f e . No words can describe Lola. She was jus t magnificent,

as she slunk seductively towards me, her hips swinging with that smooth, sophisticated, rhythmic motion, I knew that I was experiencing scmething new, something daringly different. My hand trembled, my mouth went dry, my heart ceased to beat; I was her slave completely and there was nothing I could do about i t . She was not blonde, or raven haired, or even a brunette; she was a dazzling, vivacious, enchanting red­head. Her eyes were large and limpid, i n t e l l i g e n t eyes set as a p a i r of jewels i n the heart shaped frame of her face. She was slim; and she was sleek; her legs were long and w e l l proportioned, and v/ith every movement you experienced v i r i l i t y - v i r i l i t y - v i r i l i t y Her whole demeanour gave you a sense of the jungle, a sense of primi­t i v e force which at a moments notice would buisst out to throw aside the cloak of c i v i l i z e d r e s p e c t a b i l i t y whioh now concealed her character. And yet you f e l t you wanted to take her in t o your arms and caress her, and to whisper sweet nothings i n t o her ear w h i l s t she stroked up against your cheek.

I have since bought Lola and I intend exhibiting her at next year's C r y s t a l Cat Show.

Dead Eyed Dick

S o l u t i o n t o Pythagoram: a = 9; b = 12; c = 15;

2 2 2 & + b = o The S i r Arthur Ackland ENGLISH ES3AX PRIZE.

This Competition, Ttiich i s restricted to under­graduates, has the 15th of January, 1954, as the final date of entry. The candidate must submit an original Eng­l i s h essay not more than 5000 words on any subject. Some of the winning titles have been: The Problem of Progress; An excursion in E t h i c s ; Tftiat's in a Name.

4 FELIX LETTERS TO THE EDITOR

S i r ,

Members o f t h i s department were curious to see the " F e l i x Poster" displayed i n the Onion which shows F e l i x i n the company of a r e a l l y b e a u t i f u l "ginger" lady.

You w i l l be i n t e r e s t e d to know, S i r , that the orange/yellow coat colour i n oats i s a sex-linked oharacter. Sex-linked characters show up much more frequently i n the heterogametic sex than i n the homogametic sex. In mammals, the heterogamet­i c sex i s the male. * ^

Therefore, i n choosing a "ginger" lady f r i e n d , F e l i x has, once again, shown exoellent taste and an i n t e r e s t i n what i s out of the ordinary.

Should F e l i x be thinking of engagement and possible marriage, I f e e l he should be p r i v a t e l y i n ­st r u c t e d that he may expect "ginger" sons and " t o r t ­o i s e " daughters. - 4 - ^ ^ ^ .

I am, Yours t r u l y ,

E.F. GEORGE

Botany Dept., R.C.S. •Bibliography Doncaster, L.,"On the Inheritance of T o r t o i s e s h e l l

and r e l a t e d Colours i n Cats", Proo. Camb. P h i l . Soc. x i i i , p t . l , p.35 1904

Dear S i r ,

I should l i k e to enquire why the R.C.S. Interplanetary Sooiety found i t neoessary to go to the moon to gain the benefits of nights a mere twenty«eight days long, when i t i s w e l l known to students of epic poetry that, merely by t r a v e l l i n g to a not-so-remote part of t h i s earth, nights s i x months long oan r e a d i l y be e^jerienoed.

Yours f a i t h f u l l y JOHN C. HENDY

)C=0URT1N6

An Isobutane sadly said Nodding his isomeric head,

• It's really time that I wed, But who?

He searched i n vain for a beauty queen, Then metanormal butylene, Unsaturated, poor and mean She'll do.*

He pursued her with a l l haste He the handsome, she the chaste, They hadn't any time to waste These two.

And now you'll find him and his mate, • i Mr. and Mrs. Alkylate i, Homologously intimate ,

And true. / J ^ J.S.O.

FRIDAY DEC. 11TH; 5.15 p.m. i n Committee Room 'A' I.C. C a t h o l i c Soc. "Some Aspects i n the L i f e of C a r d i n a l Newman", by the Very Rev. Mgr. Gordon Wheeler M.A. DEC. 11-13TH: Union of C a t h o l i c Students, "Catho­l i c a c t i o n i n the U n i v e r s i t y " , e n q u i r i e s Miss Agnes Bray, 11, Cavendish Square, W.l. DEC. 11TH & 12TH: I.C. Dram. S o c , "The Hollow" by Agatha Christ.'.e. TUESDAY DEC. 15TH:, 7.30-11.30 p.m., U.C.L. Union "Christmas B a l l " at Seymour H a l l , W.l. T i c k e t s 6/-s i n g l e , 10/- double. 'WEDNESDAY DEC. 16TH: 5.45 p.m., R.C.S. Nat. H i s t . Soc. Staff-Student "Quiz-cum-Brains-Trust" i n Bo­tany Lecture ^Theatre. 7 . 3 0 p.m., R.C.S. Nat. H i s t . Soc. "Christmas P a r t y " Upper Dining H a l l . T i c k e t s 2/6 s i n g l e , 4/6 double. THURSDAY DgS. 17TH: 1.15 p.m., I n t e r n a t i o n a l Rela­t i o n s Club General Meeting i n Committee Room 'A'. 7 . 3 0 -11 . 45 p.m., Acton T e c h n i c a l College Students' Union "Christmas Dance" at Acton Town H a l l . Admi­s s i o n 3/6 at door. 1.15 p.m., i n C.&G. Council Room, I.C. Music Soc., Cantata 0 2 — " I t i s enough"—by Bach. D.B. Fry ( b a r i t o n e ) , John Barnett (oboe). Also oboe quar­tet by Mozart. FRIDAY Peg. I8TH1 9 p.m.-6 a.m., "ORGIA ROM AN A.' " 11 p.m.-5 a.m. i n the Royal F e s t i v a l H a l l , "The Swots' B a l l " . T i c k e t s 21/-.

Dear Sir, The R.C.S. has made up it s mind. We do not intend to

participate in a Morphy Day Rag. In the past few years the Rags have developed into vulgar brawls, as witnessed in the R.C.S. building this year after the mobs had returned to South Ken., and i t i s felt that i f a Rag i s desirable a more suitable day could be chosen.

This year the R.C.S. assembled on the towpath to support the Morphy and Lowry crews and for no other reason. You, Sir, obviously regard the races of minor importance and suggest that i t i s only the Rags on which the success or failure of Morphy Day depends. The R.C.S. Boat Club cap­tain appealed to a Union Meeting for support of his crews and this he got with very pleasing results which made i t a very successful Morphy Day as f a r as the R.C.S. was con­cerned.

Unfortunately your Editorial attacked me personally and I should like to point out how unfair you were in your comments. Because of my association with the Soccer Club my loyalties on that day were regretably divided. As President of R.C.S. I should have liked to have given vocal support to the R.C.S. crews but as Captain of the R.C.S.A.F.C. I honestly thought that my presence on the Soccer f i e l d was more urgently required. The results proved my case. Many other R.C.S. Union officials were in the same predicament as myself and they too decided to support their respective Clubs.

The attitude of the R.C.S. on the question of the Morphy Day Rag must not be misconstrued as a general attack on a l l forms of Rags. This is definitely not so. We hope to take part in some, well conducted, good humoured, Rags in the future and, indeed, correspondence to this effect has been exchanged between the President of Guilds and myself.

Tours Sincerely, J. Anderson.

Whisky Song The Lecturer stood in the theatre, But the benches were barren and cold, For Christmas had came to the college, And students had left for the fold.

The Lecturer went to the Staff room. It also was chilly and bare. But there was a bottle of whisky.' - Having a nap in a chair.

The Lecturer woke up the whisky, He'd never drunk any before. He quaffed this fortified spirit And tumbled inert to the floor.

They found his corpse next half session, The moon was then at the f u l l . And the moral derived from this story, Is to wear* socks of cotton - not wool.

J.V.B.

*OSSWOF

by

M U C K

m 1i

1 1

f/fi

1 h

ACROSS; -(1) I t ' s a l l wrong and r a t h e r , , boring. ( 5 ) J e s t e r a l a Shakespeare. (6) A perpetual question.

DOWN:-C2) Nervous movement without t e a . (3) A recent discovery} t h i s b i t

i s a l l jaw. (4) He's r a t h e r confused.

WISH i co«n> S E E T H E Bft<K. e P

F E L I X s NOW?DANCE ~ THE T R U D G E

Many of us who have attended recent s o c i a l functions i n the University have no t i c e d a growing d i s s a t i s f a c t i o n with dancing i n i t s present foriu.

Pleasure i s o u r t a i l e d by the possession of large, ungainly feet or the i n a b i l i t y to oomprehend complex dance patterns; and, too, the tempo of many modern dances i s such as to r a p i d l y induce a state of acute fatigue. It i s with t h i s i n mind that we bring to the notice of Imperial College t h i s new and e n t h r a l l i n g s o c i a l pastime, The Trudge.

The Trudge i s , e s s e n t i a l l y , pure dancing i n which the r e s t r i c t i o n s of physiology and anatomy are eliminated, and the pleasures of f r e e , rhythmio movement can be enjoyed to the f u l l .

P r e -existing forms of danoing are disregarded to achieve the supreme object of any a r t , s i m p l i c i t y .

Now that the Trudge i s here, there can be no excuse f o r the person who "can't dance t h i s one". The Trudge i s danoed i n s t r i c t time to any tune and any rhythm, at qne step per bar.

In contrast to that extremist offshoot, the "Creep", no uniform i s neoessaryj but f o r those who wish to dress f o r the occasion, c l o t h caps and muf­f l e r s are to be recommended and, f o r the l a d i e s , gypsy soarves or turbans.

Those of us who are old enough to r e c a l l the days of the "old s o f t shoe" w i l l f i n d a n o s t a l g i a i n i t s elegant promenade, whereas the more youthful element oan "go to town" i n such v a r i a t i o n s as the " A l l aboard" and the "Burly". In f a c t , a l l moodB and caprices oan f i n d expression i n t h i s unique recreation. Here i s a danoe which lends i t s e l f to innumerable spontaneous innovations but, f o r the bene f i t of the beginner, we set f o r t h below some of the more important steps i n d e t a i l . The average person should encounter no d i f f i c u l t y once the fun­damental step i s mastered.

BASIC TRUDGE : Commence: fe e t together, f a c i n g partner. 1. On any beat of bar place r i g h t f o o t 12

inches i n f r o n t of l e f t f oot, transfer­r i n g weight to r i g h t foot.

2. On corresponding beat of next bar place l e f t foot 12 inches i n f r o n t of r i g h t foot bringing weight onto l e f t foot.

Repeat "ad l i b " . Lady contra.

For advanced dancers, we recommend THE "LOGRYTHMI01:

Commence: B a r one.

B a r two.

B a r t h r e e .

B a r f o u r .

B a r f i v e .

f r o m t h e B a s i c T r u d g e . P u t r i g h t f o o t 4 i n c h e s i n f r o n t

o f l e f t f o o t . P u t l e f t f o o t 8 i n c h e s i n f r o n t

o f r i g h t f o o t . P u t r i g h t f o o t 16 i n c h e s i n f r o n t

"of l e f t f o o t . P u t l e f t f o o t 32 i n c h e s i n f r o n t

o f r i g h t f o o t . P u t r i g h t f o o t 64 i n c h e s i n f r o n t

o f l e f t f o o t . R e p e a t t o t h e ' n ' t h .

To c o n c l u d e , l e t u s ( t h e a u t h o r s ) s a y t h a t we e n v i s a g e t h e advance o f T r u d g i n g on a n a t i o n - w i d e b a s i s . We see t h e i n s t i t u t i o n o f Trudge Hops, Trudge B a l l s , S q u a r e T r u d g e s and B a r n T r u d g e s , and y e s , e v e n t h e a n n u a l e l e c t i o n o f many a M i s s Trudge

We i n v i t e you to the Trudge i n the words from the Trudge Hoe-down (to be presented shortly) :

I n t r o d u c t o r y Chord) C a l l e r : D i s h o n o u r y o u r p a r t n e r s ! ( C r a s h i n g Chord) C a l l e r : R o s i n on t h e bow

And away we g o j ( J o l l y t u n e )

Take y o u r p a r t n e r b y t h e hand, Trudge down t h e room t o w a r g g ^ J h e When y o u g e t t h e r e , d o n ' t r e m a i n , Butv Trudge a r o u n d and back a g a i n .

D. Rudge. T. Rudge.

S e n t i m e n t a l V a l u e * p e r b o n who 'borrowed' a c i g a r e t t e c a s e f r o m t h e H a l l P o r t e r ' s O f f i c e on Mon. 3 0 t h Nov p l e a s e r e t u r n same t o owner.

D.S. COX., R.S.M.

SECONDHAND BOOKS.

The following books are offered for sale;if you are interested in buying any of them do NOT communicate with FELIX .Instead,contact the seller through the I.C. Union Rack (unless otherwise stated).

A.M.Ehillips - Chem. Eng.(c/o Guilds Rack.) J.T.Boot - " " . ' K.W.Glover - Chem. Tech.(P.G.) M.A. Kennelly- Chem. 2. M.J. Weston - C i v i l Eng.

CHEMISTRY Physical Chemistry

numerical Problems in P.O. Textbook of P.O. Elementary P.C Practical P.O.

WOLFENDKN GLASSTONE

TAYLOROTAYLOR FINDLAY

Introduction to P.C. FINDLAY Surface Chemistry I ALEXANDER Physics and Chem. of Surfaces ADAM

Nature of Chemical Bond , PAULING

Valency Acids & Bases Kinetics of Chemical Change Inorganic and Organic

Inorganic Chemistry

PALMER TTTCT.T.

mNSHELWOaD

EHffiAXM Struotural Inorganic C.(2nd.Ed) WELLS Modern Theories of Org. Chem. WATSON Qualitative Ch. Analysis PAWKIN Miscellaneous Chemical Spectroscopy Modern Radiochem. Practice MATHEMATICS

Infinite Series Infinitesimal Calculus Differential Equations Pure Mathematics PHYSICS

Introduction to Ph. Optics Eleto. 4 Mag.(For Degree Students)

_ STARLING Gen. Properties of Matter Wave Mechanics ENGINEERING

Bydraulios Thermodynamics applied to Heat Engines

| LEWITT Testing of Internal Combustion Engines

I YOUNG & PRY0R SPECIAL AND UNREPEATABLE OFFER.'

German Dictionary |

THOMSON COOK * DUNCAN

HYSLCP LAMB PIAGGIS HARDY

ROBERTSON

NEWMAN & SEARLB HEITLER

LEWITT

10/-(d) 10/-(d) 8/6(e)

15/-(d)

20/-(d) 20/-(d) 5/-(b)

5/-(c)

5/-(c)

5/-(c)

7/6(d)

AN ODE TO A LONG-PLAYING RECORD "(In the Whitchurchian Modernistio Style)

Oh; Oh: Oh, how b e a u t i f u l Are the raucous noises That you make. Oh, long-playing record, long-playing record; Why? Why should I Write an ode ,to you, Long-playing record? Dear! And through i t a l l the Red Cow sat and thought And waved her hammer And S i c k l e .

F u n d a m e n t a l s o f O p t i c s JENKINS & WHITE G e n e r a l P r o p , o f M a t t e r . NEWMAN & SEARLE

L .P . R.Harding.

38/-23/-

Headers are reminded that personal advertisements are accepted at 6d. for 20 words. a a v e r t l 5emeats

6 F E L I X

f P i l T

U.L.RUGBY CUP 2nd ROUND

Westminster College 6 pts. Imperial College 9 pts.

This time the College XV really began lik e cup-holders. The Westminster defence was severely tested when Ferris made a well-judged diagonal punt ahead, and again when Spooner ran strongly on the right wing. There was no early score, but after twenty minutes some fast, accurate passing by the back line brought the b a l l to Palmer with room to run, and be crossed in the corner for an excellent try. Further attacks included a passing movement by the forwards from a lineout, completed by a kick to the corner fl a g ; but this effort was stopped by the half-time whistle. Soon after tbe interval, from a heel on the Westminster '25' Holnan cut through i n splendid style and handed on to Jones and Palmer for the l a t t e r to score again. Then Lewis, who had been just short with the two conver­sions, kicked a penalty goal to make i t 9-0. At this stage a thick mist began to blot out the f i e l d and the play became only intermittently v i s i b l e . The touch-line theory that I.C. were coasting com­fortably home was rudely shaken by two penalty goals to Westminster froa quite unnecessary infringements. With ten minutes l e f t anything could have happened in such strange conditions, but fortunately the forwards monopolised the ball from a series of l i n e -outs, and regained control of the proceedings.

This was a greatly improved performance, although the team i s s t i l l slow to seize on defensive fumbles, and more variety i n attack would turn scor­ing potential into points. Tha backs were well-served by Pontin and handled e f f i c i e n t l y . The forwards, though sometimes ragged i n the loose scrums, generally held the upper hand and won a satisfactory share of the b a l l .

S Q U A S H C L U B C U P R U N E N D E D

After a record breaking season last year, most of the stalwarts of the Squash Club disbursed to far corners of the globe; leaving the Club practically devoid of exper­ienced players. Although a number of good clas3 freshmen Joined iur ranks there were no"windfalls" oomparable to •that of last year and aa a result, i t was realised that the role of the club would be to maintain the fixtures and build up a fresh team in the hope of another record season later on.

So far this term both teams have won several matches and lost rather more, but a l l have been well fought and thoroughly enjoyed. Unfortunately, in common with a number of other I.C. clubs, our hold on the U.L. Cup was relin­quished i n the f i r s t round.

The club i s evidently as popular as ever this year; this being shown by the very large entry of 46 for the Whiteley Cup tournament and the fact that a l l coaching dates for the term had been fully booked within the f i r s t week.

Finally, the Club would like to pat its tribute to that 'Grand Old Man* of squash, Jeff Kenyon, who left I.C. for Africa earlier this month. Jeff, had captained the Club twioe, won the Whiteley cup six years running, played as the College f i r s t string for the same number of years and add­ed greatly to the prestige of the Club and College by his sportsmanship. Thank you, Jeff.

Cross-Country Club

The bad start to the season is gradually being recti­fied. We have now beaten Keble College, Oxon.,Queen Mary College and Exeter University in f i r s t team matches, although we have lost to Walton A.C., IJ.II.A. Sandhurst, and Reading and Southampton Universities.

The 'A* and second teams havu done better having a 60j£ record of .success.

Individually, Pain and Bailey have been U.L. f i r s t team regulars. Norman Huxford, our captain has been running well a l l season, but special mention must be made of Allnatt, whose improvement of form over last year has amazed us a l l .

We must await the U.L. Championships next Saturday -12th December.

SHOOTING Again this season, despite strong efforts to

avoid i t , none of the I.C. teams shot well at f i r s t . But the Lady Fortune has been on our side, and despite low scores, 8 of the 9 matches whose results are published have been won, and the other tied.

In the Inter-Varsity League, I.C. "A" heads the table with 2 wins in 2 matches, although not leading on aggregate score. This may be put right with the next score-sheet, however, for i n i t s 3rd. match the "A" team obtained the record score of 790 out of a possible 800; a great credit to a l l con­cerned. Without detracting from personal glory, this score i s a gratifying result of the recent purchase of 2 f i r s t - c l a s s target r i f l e s for the uee of the more skilled shots.

The "B" team beat Birmingham "B", but tied with Durham "B" and so must look to their laurels in the 2nd. Division. A l l three I.C. teams i n the U.L. League have won their f i r s t round matches.

On Wednesday 25th November, I.C.R.C. was at home to the Metropolitan Police 1st. Ten, who were narrowly beaten after an excellent match. Later, over beer and sandwiches, the v i s i t i n g Captain presented a silver spoon to 1.11. Abbott, who had made the highest score (a "possible") on the I.C. side. The evening eventually came to a reluctant close amid arrangements for a return match i n May.

Amid the spate of matches, club competitions continue as usual, and It bodes well for future years that a number of new members are showing promise. The Club Championship, Freshers' Handi­cap, P i s t o l Championship, and other annual compe­titions w i l l be shot next term; the Annual Dinner w i l l be held on Thursday 25th. Maroh.

IAE.S.EE Your announcement last week about two new

Social Clubs to be set up in I.C. have inspired a group of Miners to set up an organisation which, though i t cannot by any stretch of the imagination be included under the Social Clubs, dv'je perfo.rn a function very similar to, and i n fact much more fundamental than that performed by any of the others.

This i s provisionally named the Inter-Collegiate Association for the Exchange of Students for Social Functions. It i s not yet known i f any of the other Colleges would co-operate, but there ie no reason why they should. In that event, i t w i l l be renamed the I.C. Association . . . e t c . As readers w i l l no doubt have guessed by now, this exchange i s limited to female students only. It i e modelled on tha excellent International Association for the Exchange of Students for Technical Experience, which has been of so much use to I.C. students. Run along the same lines, i t w i l l have similar regulations and a comparable standard of efficiency, which means i t w i l l be very e f f i c i e n t .

Students need partners for various reasons: one which i s excellent for a Bridge party might not be quite the type to be invited to a 21st birthday celebration. One to whom you might enjoy reading Keats' (or for that matter your own) poetry would not be very suitable a partner for a Carnival, and so on. What we propose to do i s to set up a Register of names and details of several people. Just the same as the Vacation Work scheme, one w i l l have to pay a small registration fee. After a while, both of the parties concerned w i l l make reports on each other, and these w i l l be added to the f i l e s .

This of course i s only the germ of the idea, and considerable research and organisation w i l l have to be done before anything definite can happen. We need helpers to take this plan a stage further, and would invite any of your readers to contact us for details. A l l information, of course, remains secret.

Please address a l l letters to the Eon. S e c , I.A.E.F.F.S., via the Union Rack. A l l letters w i l l not be promptly dealt with, though some might be. The President's decision will be f i n a l in a l l cases.

Editor's Note: We found this in the Rack, with no signature or any indication of the identity of the author. Even i f i t was indicated, though, he (we presume that I.C.W.A. members wi l l not do anything of this nature, the sweet l i t t l e souls!) would wish to remain anonymous in any case. FELIX Kill'welcome any more information on the progress of this scheme.

Publ i shed by the fULIx B o a r d . Imper ia l Co l l ege U n i o n . L o n d o n . S. W . 7.

P r in t ed by i " II Vous Phil lid., 1. E s h i b i t i o n R d . . S. W . 7.