Chapter 3

The Difference Between

Hearing & Listening

Hearing is one of the body’s five senses, but listening is an art.-Frank Tyger cartoonist, columnist, and humorist

Hearing is NOT Listening!

HearingThe ear’s physical reception of

sound waves

AccidentalInvoluntaryEffortless

ListeningThe brain’s reception and

interpretation of surrounding stimuli

FocusedVoluntary

Intentional

Listening...It’s a Process

Step 1: Receipt of stimuli-actually hearing the auditory stimuliStep 2: Filter out stimuli-tuning out unwanted stimuliStep 3: Focus on stimuli-tuning in to wanted stimuliStep 4: Grasp stimuli-give meaning to the messageStep 5: Remember stimuli-storing the messageStep 6: Consider stimuli-deciding what to do with the messageStep 7: Respond to stimuli-acting on what you have decided to do with message

Types of Listening

• Discriminative Listening• Comprehension Listening• Critical Listening• Biased Listening• Appreciative Listening• Sympathetic Listening• Empathetic Listening• Dialogic Listening

Discriminative Listening

• Discriminative listening is the most basic type of listening, whereby the difference between difference sounds is identified. If you cannot hear differences, then you cannot make sense of the meaning that is expressed by such differences.

• We learn to discriminate between sounds within our own language early, and later are unable to discriminate between the phonemes of other languages. This is why it is difficult to speak another language perfectly, as it’s hard to distinguish the subtle sounds that are required in that language.

• Likewise, a person who cannot hear the subtleties of emotional variation in another person's voice will be less likely to be able to discern the emotions the other person is experiencing.

Comprehension Listening

• The next step beyond discriminating between different sound and sights is to make sense of them.

• To comprehend the meaning requires first having a lexicon of words at our fingertips and also all rules of grammar and syntax by which we can understand what others are saying.

• The same is true, of course, for the nonverbal communication, and an understanding of body language helps us understand what the other person is really meaning.

• In communication, some words are more important and some less so, and comprehension often benefits from extraction of key facts and items from a long message.

• Comprehension listening is also known as content listening, informative listening and full listening.

Critical Listening

• Critical listening is listening in order to evaluate and judge, forming opinion about what is being said. Judgment includes assessing strengths and weaknesses, agreement and approval.

• This form of listening requires significant real-time cognitive effort as the listener analyzes what is being said, relating it to existing knowledge and rules, whilst simultaneously listening to the ongoing words from the speaker.

Biased Listening

• Biased listening happens when the person hears only what they want to hear, typically misinterpreting what the other person says based on the stereotypes and other biases that they have.

• Such biased listening is often very evaluative in nature.

Appreciative Listening

• In appreciative listening, we seek certain information which will appreciate, for example that which helps meet our needs, wants, and goals.

• We use appreciative listening when we are listening to good music, poetry or maybe even the stirring words of a great leader.

Sympathetic Listening

• In sympathetic listening we care about the other person and show this concern in the way we pay close attention and express our sorrow for their ills and happiness at their joys.

Empathetic Listening

• When we listen empathetically, we go beyond sympathy to seek a truer understand how others are feeling.

• This requires excellent discrimination and close attention to the nuances of emotional signals. When we are being truly empathetic, we actually feel what they are feeling.

• In order to get others to expose these deep parts of themselves to us, we also need to demonstrate our empathy in our demeanor towards them, asking sensitively and in a way that encourages self-disclosure.

Dialogic Listening

• The word 'dialogue' stems from the Greek words 'dia', meaning 'through' and 'logos' meaning 'words'. – Thus dialogic listening mean learning through conversation and an

engaged interchange of ideas and information in which we actively seek to learn more about the person and how they think.

• Dialogic listening is sometimes known as 'relational listening'.

Ten Tips for Good Listening• Find something interesting in what you are listening to• Listen and judge based on the content of the message-not the

delivery• Make sure to listen to a message in its entirety before providing

feedback• Focus on the ideas within the message• Practice flexibility• Listening is work, so work at it• Avoid giving in to distractions around you• Flex your mental muscle• Open your mind and your ears will follow• You have the ability to think quickly...capitalize on it

Five Ways To Listen Better

• Julian Treasure– Julian has been widely

featured as a sound and communication expert in the world’s media, including TIME Magazine; The Economist; The Times; TV and radio in the UK, US, Canada, Australia and Netherlands, as well as many international trade and business magazines and websites.

• https://www.ted.com/talks/julian_treasure_5_ways_to_listen_better

Chapter 4:Interpersonal Communication

Interpersonal Communication

• The exchange of messages to create meaning between at least two people

• Two sub-levels– Dyadic– Small group

Dyadic Communication

• Occurs between two people, or a dyad– Can form friendships, romantic relationships,

professional relationships

• Can be divided into two groups– Complementary

• When each member brings something to the table the other lacks

– Symmetrical• When each member shares similar

qualities

Self Disclosure • Self-disclosure is a process of communication by which one person reveals

information about himself or herself to another.– The information can be descriptive or evaluative, and can include thoughts, feelings,

aspirations, goals, failures, successes, fears, and dreams, as well as one's likes, dislikes, and favorites.

Social Penetration Theory

Proposes that, as relationships develop, interpersonal communication moves from relatively shallow, non-intimate levels to deeper, more intimate ones.

Four Dimensions of Satisfying Interpersonal Relationships

• Investment– Time and effort spent building the relationship– Relational satisfaction is dependent on equality of

investment• Commitment– The choice to continue or pursue the relationship

• Trust– Reliability and trustworthiness

• Comfort with relational dialectics– Oppositions in a relationship that can cause tension

Stages of Relationship Development

Stage 1: Initiating

• This very short stage is all about making an impression and saying hello.– Example 1 – If a man finds a woman attractive, he

will introduce himself .– Example 2 – Two professionals see each other at a

conference and strike up a conversation.

Stage 2: Experimentation

• In this stage, it’s all about exploring to know each other better. Experimentation is also called as the probing stage because each person will analyze the other for information or a common interest so that they can decide whether to maintain a relationship among them. Most of the relationships end here due to the different interest levels.– Example 1 – When the man and woman speak to find out

further information regarding their common interests- Which is your favorite food? Which is your favorite band?

– Example 2 – An exploration into how the partner will add benefit to the business of another person in business relationships..

Stage 3: Intensifying

• In this stage the relationship intensifies and becomes less formal. People will start revealing their personal information and will analyze the impression on the other person. They find various ways to nurture a relationship in order to strengthen interpersonal development such as gifts, spending more time together, asking for dates, expecting a relationship commitment, etc.– Example 1 – The man asks woman begin dating. They talk about

their lives and how the he got his job and his personal experience and the woman also reveals about her parents, her previous experiences, etc.

– Example 2 – In this stage in business, negotiation and commitment activity may be involved.

Stage 4: Integrating

• At this stage, the people will start to make their relationship closer than before and act as a unit. The level of intimacy can progress to a further relationship.– Example 1 – After several months they labeled their

relationship as boyfriend and girlfriend.– Example 2 – In this stage in business relationships they

will start getting profit for their agreement which results in financial benefit.

Stage 5: Bonding

• In this stage, a person will announce to the world about their relationship. They make their relationship recognized and will honor their commitment legally. The relationship is indefinite and only to be broken through a formal notice, agreements, or death etc.– Example 1 – The man and woman marry.– Example 2 – The bonding stage of business relationships

comprised of partnerships and durable relationships which can lower business expenses and can result in more profit.

After this stage is RELATIONSHIP MAINTENANCE.

Stage 6: Differentiating• When people progress in a relationship they sometimes due to other

external pressures will start thinking individually rather than with the partner. They may start developing hobbies or other endeavors bringing them back to their individual identities. – Example 1 – The man begins surfing, and the woman is afraid of water

and never goes with him. He starts hanging out with a new group.– Example 2 – In business, meetings are crucial to know the partners

stands and other opinions. Due to work pressure, dealers and other costumers, the meetings are reduced. They start to think more as individuals than as partners.

Stage 7: Circumscribing• After differentiating partners will limit their conversations and will set up

boundaries in their communication. Often people will never communicate about serious topics, fearing an argument. They will have their own personal space and activities.– Example 1 – The woman starts talking more about the general topics

like the food, climate etc. and started avoiding conversations about feeling less connected. The man does the same.

– Example 2 – In business, the issues regarding the quality might arise due to the communication gap and the conflicts can lead to alternative contract units.

Chapter 8: Stagnation

• The relationship will decline even more if it reaches the stagnation stage. The communication will very limited. Mostly the relationships in this stage will not continue or improve.– Example 1 – The married couple barely speak anymore

even though they live in the same house..– Example 2 – In business relationships, there will be a

communication gap when one party or both the partners feel neglected or they feel insignificant.

Chapter 9: Avoiding

• At this stage, the partners intentionally avoid any contacts and they are physically detached. They restrict themselves from any forms of communication to avoid a conversation or an argument.– Example 1 – The woman leaves for work before the man

gets up so she doesn’t have to talk to him. – Example 2 – Both partners avoid each other as it affects

their fundamental functioning.

Chapter 10: Terminating

• This is the final stage. The relationship completely terminates. The partners will take different paths and will go on with their lives.– Example 1 – The man approaches a lawyer for a divorce.– Example 2 – In termination stage the partnership is broken

and will go on with their ventures.

Interpersonal Communication Skills

• Empathy– Putting yourself in someone else’s shoes– Allows you to relate on a more personal level

• Openness– Sharing your true self with others, and being open

minded when they share with you• Flexibility– Being able to communicate in a variety of ways

and situations

Conflict Resolution• Accommodating

– One person gives in to the other• Compromising

– Both parties make concessions to get an agreed upon end result• Avoiding

– One person withdraws from the conflict• Competing

– One person wins, one loses• Collaboration

– Both parties work to find solutions to meet all their respective wants and needs

• Negotiating– The use of communication to reach and agreement (used in compromising

and collaborating)

Six Functions of Nonverbal Communication

• Accentuation– When a nonverbal code is used with a verbal code to strengthen the message (a high

five with a “Good Job!”)• Complementation

– When a nonverbal code is used with a verbal code to complement the message (falling on couch while saying “I’m tired.”)

• Contradiction– When a nonverbal code and verbal code don’t match (saying “I’m fine” but you’re

tearing up) • Repetition

– When nonverbal code and verbal code send same message (waving whole saying “hi”)• Regulation

– Using nonverbals to monitor and control interactions (leaving a room when angry) • Substitution

– Using nonverbal code instead of verbal code (just giving a thumbs up)

KinesicsHow bodily movements communicate messages

• Emblems– Nonverbals that represent a word or phrase (thumbs up means that you

approve)• Illustrators

– Nonverbals meant to reinforce verbal message (waving while saying “Hello”)• Affect displays

– Nonverbals of face and body to show emotion (frowning when you are sad) • Regulators

– Nonverbals that control the pace of communication (leaving a room when upset)

• Adaptors– Nonverbals that relieve tension or relax nerves (tapping foot, twirling hair)

ProxemicsHow we use space and distance during communication

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NGVSIkEi3mM

• Intimate distance– 18 inches – Only for close relationships

• Personal distance– 18 inches to two feet– Casual interactions

• Social distance– 4 – 12 feet– Formal settings, workplace

• Public distance– 12 feet– Impersonal, used for public speaking

• Chronemics– The study of time in communication

• Haptics– How physical touch affects communication

• Vocalics– Study of our voice

• Volume- how loud or soft you speak• Rate- the speed in which you speech• Pitch- how high or low you speak• Inflection- changing pitch or loudness of speech• Vocal fillers- ex. Um, like, ah• Resonance- richness or thickness

Other aspects of communication

• Clothing• Tattoos• Car we drive• Music we listen to• Way we walk• Color

Goals of Communication

• Goal 1: Effective CommunicationMore than just the words you use, effective communication combines a

set of skills including nonverbal communication, engaged listening, managing stress in the moment, the ability to communicate assertively, and the capacity to

recognize and understand your own emotions and those of the person you’re communicating with.

• Goal 2: Ethical Communication Ethical communication encompasses being honest in all communications, keeping confidential information confidential, and not discussing the personal or business situations of others in public or in front of a third

party.