celebrations bridal guide 2013

Journal & Courier | jconline.com | February 22, 2013

Yourseasontoshine

Stand out in winterwedding wear PAGE 2

Add personalityto your photosPAGE 4

A wedding onyour own dimePAGE 6

R2 Friday, February 22, 2013 CELEBRATIONS

With the aid of herseamstress step-mother, Lauren Sulli-van had an ‘80s wed-

ding dress transformed into agown fit for a modern bride.After alterations, the embossedivory dress featured pearl but-tons along the bodice and strapsto hold up her sweetheart neck-line.

“I loved the little details to it,”said 26-year-old Sullivan, of La-fayette. “I loved the pearlsaround the neck and the trainwas gorgeous.”

Fashion experts are of a simi-lar opinion. When it comes tochoosing the perfect winter wed-ding dress this year, it’s all aboutthe details. Although the weathermay be cold and icy, brides arenot afraid to don a dress withinteresting details, bare backs orintricate lace.

Kelli Goldsmith, store man-ager at David’s Bridal in La-fayette, said brides will still

CoolBRIDES

Lauren Sullivan models her wedding dress inside Duncan Hall. BY BRENT DRINKUT/JOURNAL & COURIER

By Taya [email protected]

IT’S ALL IN THE DETAILS FOR WINTER WEDDING DRESSES

See COOL, Page 3

CELEBRATIONS Friday, February 22, 2013 R3

choose a strapless dress in win-ter.

There’s also an interest inback detailing with lace overlayof a back cutout, buttons downthe back or open cutouts.

This doesn’t come as a sur-prise, given the bride’s back iscenter stage for most of the cere-mony.

Julie Sander, a bridal consult-ant at The Bridal Boutique &Mr.Penguin Tuxedo in Lafayette,said full dresses rather than slimor sheath-style dresses are pop-ular for winter weddings.

A white gown is also a goodoption for winter wedding dress-es because the color evokes the

hue of snow. White also workswell with details such as intri-cate beading.

“White just seems more win-tery,” she said. “Beading justpicks up the light a lot betterwhen it’s on a white dress.”

Satin and tulle gowns alsowork better in winter. They areheavier and can provide warmthin cooler temperatures.

“A chiffon sheath doesn’t lookvery seasonal,” Sander said.

Other ways to keep warminclude faux fur outerwear suchas a winter white bolero or furmuff for hands. If faux furdoesn’t appeal to the bride, shecan always opt for a hooded satincloak.

Brides also can have capsleeves added to a straplessdress or choose a dress with anillusion neckline for added

warmth.“Illusion neckline dresses are

gorgeous,” Goldsmith said.“They still give you modesty butalmost have a strapless feel tothem.”

Sullivan married her husband,Patrick Sullivan, Dec. 29 at theChurch of the BlessedSacrament in West Lafayette.The couple had their reception atDuncan Hall in Lafayette.

She initially wanted a dresswith a gold hue to match thewedding colors of black andgold, which were befitting for

the couple, who met as studentsat Purdue University.

“I went with the black be-cause I wanted my bridesmaidsto go buy little black dresses,”she said.

Also, the gold and black com-bination is a popular color pair-ing during the holiday season.

But Sullivan couldn’t pass upa gifted dress and after the wed-ding, she is happy with herchoice.

“The material was a thickermaterial,” she said. “It workedout really nicely.”

WINTERWEDDING DRESSESStyle and preservation tips for brides getting married in the winter:

Bustle:Make sure you have someone with you at the wedding who knows howto bustle your dress. A quick bustle of your train before leaving the church willprevent the dress from dragging in the snow.

Clean and preserve: After the wedding and reception, the dress will be dis-gusting from snow and salt. So be sure to have the dress professionally cleanedand preserved after the wedding. A professional cleaning will prevent yellowingof the fabric and beads.

Pass it on: Cut it up to make communion dresses, sell it, or pass it down to yourdaughter. Just remember, it’s important to keep it preserved.

Source: Kelli Goldsmith, store manager at David’s Bridal in Lafayette

Lauren Sullivan had a 1980s-style wedding dress altered to suit her moderntastes. BY BRENT DRINKUT/JOURNAL & COURIER

COOLContinued from

ON THECOVERTabitha Spencemodels a weddingdress suitable for awinter ceremony inHappy HollowPark. Photo byJohn Terhune/Journal & Courier


Doug Booth and Kelsey Houinboth lived near the “Sidewinder”sculpture at Purdue Universityand passed it regularly on theirway to classes. And Bistro 501 iswhere the couple was engaged inDecember 2011.

So the two locations seemedlike obvious choices for the cou-ple’s engagement photos withMichael Meeks of MichaelMeeks Photography this fall.

Local photographers, includ-ing Meeks, agree that engage-ment photos aren’t necessarilybecoming more popular, butwe’re seeing them in a new for-mat.

“In the past, the photo wasmore of a studio shot for the

newspaper announcement, butnow it’s about their hobbies,”Meeks said. “It’s what they areinterested in.”

“Some people think of it asgoing to a park and walkingaround for a while, but that’s notit,” he said.

Both Christy Marks ofMcGreevy-Marks Photographyand KimDavis of Kim DavisPhotography said couples seeengagement photos on socialmedia and use ideas they findthere.

Marks said the goal is to find apersonal setting in their favoritespots or doing their hobbies. Andsometimes that includes a studiophoto, too.

An engagement session is

Doug Booth and Kelsey Houin had engagement photos taken this fall. The couple is planning a June 1wedding. PHOTOS PROVIDED BY MICHAEL MEEKS PHOTOGRAPHY

Engagement photosabout more thana set of pictures

ByMaryJane [email protected]

See PHOTOS, Page 5


about more than photos beforethe wedding. It helps to capturethe couple’s personality andestablish a relationship with aphotographer.

Although they first starteddating at Plymouth High Schooland will graduate from Purdue inMay, Houin said she and Boothdon’t have a lot of photos togeth-er. To her, engagement photoswere a way to have photos ofthemselves before the big day.

“It’s nice to have professionalpictures while in college,” Boothadded.

Davis said the engagementsession is more relaxed than thewedding photos, and she alsotakes photos of the couple inter-acting with each other. Plus,Davis makes a point to take indi-vidual portraits during an en-gagement session.

“It’s important to capturewhat people look like and whothey are when they are young,”she said. In an engagement ses-sion, they look like they do everyday and aren’t all dressed up forthe wedding.

While the photos can be usedfor everything from save-the-date cards to guest books, a rela-tionship between the couple andphotographer is developing dur-ing the session.

Marks said if the couple al-ready knows her, they are morecomfortable with her at the wed-ding. Meeks added that usuallyhe only sees the couple oncebefore the wedding day, so tohave a session to figure out ifthey are camera shy or to coachthem on how to angle their facesis helpful.

“The florist and the cake bak-er are only with them for a shorttime, the photographer is withthem all day long,” he said.

Admittedly camera shy, Boothand Houin said their engagementsession made them feel comfort-able to laugh and have fun.

So by the time they got to thefountain at Riehle Plaza, Houinsaid they were goofing around,and Booth dipped her. She saidthat althoughMeeks said hedidn’t usually take dipping pho-tos, he thought the shot was ex-actly what an engagement photoshould be — the couple beingwho they are.

“Doug dipping me is some-thing he’d do,” Houin said.

Booth and Houin had photos shot in meaningful locations for the couple, including various spots at Purdue University.

PHOTOSContinued from Page 4


You’ve got each other, thering and the perfect wed-ding dream, and now, only

one question remains —who’sgoing to pay?

Tradition has the bride andher parents picking up most ofthe tab — including flowers,venue and reception expenses —with the groom and his family

pitching in for therehearsal dinner,groom’s attire andhoneymoon. Butmany people saythat way of split-ting financial re-sponsibilities ischanging.

Taia Alvarado isa wedding plannerfor White WillowEvents in GreaterLafayette, and sheworks with manybrides every seasonto make theirdream days a reali-ty. When it comesto working with abudget, she saidmore and more

people are avoiding the familydilemma altogether and actuallyfooting the bill themselves.

“Since people are gettingmarried later in life, they’re notas worried about sticking totraditional things,” Alvaradosaid.

She said the couple will oftenwait longer to get engaged ormarried, and many times, bothparties have established careers.That gives them an establishedfinancial life as well, she said.Regardless, Alvarado said, par-ents tend to chip in at least alittle.

“Lots of things are going halfand half,” she said. “But parentsstill have a role in paying forsomething.”

And when that’s the case, said

Andrea Stephens, the owner ofSharon’s Flowers in Lafayette, itreally depends on the family.They have to factor in howmanyother sons or daughters theymight have to save for and con-tribute to, whether there arestep-parents or other relativeswho want to help and whether it’sthe first of many weddings or thelast.

Many times, Stephens added,parents say, “Here’s what wehave. You can add what you wantto it.”

The parental budget can helpmake a more grand vision cometrue, Alvarado said, but it some-times comes with a caveat.

“If the parents are involved,they often have more say,” shesaid.

The bride and groommighthave more pressure to stick tothe budget absolutely.

But when the couple is incharge of the funds, Alvaradoand Stephens said, they tend toget creative and personalizethings.

That’s exactly how TrishaHolle tackled her wedding bud-get. She and her new husbandpaid for the entire thing them-selves, she said.

They saved money by havingfriends pitch in and skipping thesit-down dinner in favor of horsd’oeuvres and a make-your-ownnacho bar.

Holle said she’s not alone inher budget choices. Many of herfriends with upcoming weddingsare doing the same thing.

“I don’t know a whole lot ofpeople whose parents pay fortheir whole wedding anymore,”she said.

But though there’s much evi-dence to support a change intradition, Holle said there’s oneexpense that typically remainstraditional.

The bride’s family will oftenstill pay for or contribute to thebride’s dress, she said — so thatmight be one budget traditionthat sticks.

Modern couples forgo ‘Who’s paying’talk, now fund weddings themselves

By Lauren [email protected]

AndreaStephens

TaiaAlvarado

GETTY IMAGES


NEW YORK —No offenseto Cinderella, but she sortof had it backwards. Theshoe should be at the end

of the to-do list for a weddingfairy tale.

After the engagement, firstconsider the venue, then thedress— then the shoes and otheraccessories, experts say. Col-lectively, they should have a com-plementary vibe.

“It’s all a picture that comestogether,” says gown designerReemAcra.

No flip-flops for a formal set-ting and dress, and satin pumpswould be silly on the beach.

TanyaDukes, accessorieseditor at Bridesmagazine, sug-gests these practical questions:

»Howhigh for the heel? Thinkof the proportions of the dress,how tall you’ll stand and if youare used to wearing heels at all,she says.

» Is the wedding outside? Alawnwedding, for example, couldbe trouble for a spiky heel. Awedgewould fare better.

»How formal is the occasion?Fabricmatters here. “Satin is thetraditional choice, and it’s a safebet,” Dukes says.

And then there’s decidingwhether you ever want to wearthe shoes again.

“Most women don’t wear theirbridal shoes again not becausethey’re not wearable, but becausethey’re amemento,” says foot-wear designer StuartWeitzman,who got his start in business inbridal more than 25 years ago. “Imake every bridal shoe in dye-able satin, so you could wearthem again, but you’d lose the

memento, and then you’d wearthose dyed shoes once and ruinthose ‘bridal shoes.’ Most womennever throw them out.”

Weitzman says his success in

thismarket is due partly to anobservation by Judith Leiber,founder of the famous beadedbag collection, who noted an “ug-ly bluish tone” tomost wedding

shoes. He created a pair out ofSwiss lace, won a design awardfor them and the rest is history.

He sees asmuch variety inwedding-shoe styles as he does onthe street: Womenwant sandals,stilettos, platforms and lace boo-ties, but the traditional pump isthemost popular.

Shoes often spendmost of thebig day covered by the gown’shemline, but they can be aglimpse of the bride’s personality.Themoment the shoes will prob-ably get themost attention isright before she kicks them off todance, says Acrawith a laugh.

Crafting a head-to-toemood isa delicate balancing act betweenmodernity and timelessness, sheexplains. Now, the shoe? That’s aplace to have a little fun.

“If I have a bride in the show-room, Imight say, ‘Why not anorange shoe?’” Acra says. “It’sfun to have something different. Ilove playingwith shoes. I reallyprefer colored shoes or some-thingwith bling or fun.”

Metallics are a goodmiddle-of-the-road option, as is blush pink,and even black is doable, espe-cially if you add a black ribbonsash around thewaist of thedress.

Themost important thing, aswith all decisions on the bride’slook, is that she is happy andcomfortable in it, Acra says.“When you’re walking down theaisle, really no onewill be lookingat your shoe. But you’ll remem-ber what youwerewearing, andif it was bright red, when you talkto your children 20 years later,you can say, ‘I was ahead ofmytime.’”

Don’t forgetSHOESon your wedding to-dos

By Samantha CritchellAssociated Press

Naughtypave Coyhigh heelweddingshoe byStuartWeitzmanAP

R8 Friday, February 22, 2013 CELEBRATIONS CELEBRATIONS Friday, February 22, 2013 R9

Robert Pollock started hostingweddings at his Buttermilk FallsInn and Spa as a fluke. Hebought a 1764 house on about 100acres in the Hudson Valley, northof New York City, and one of theguys he hired to do work on theproperty needed a place for awedding, so Pollock agreed.

“Of course it poured rain butwe got through it,” he recalled.

Pollock accidentally becamepart of a trend— couples plan-ning weddings with locallysourced menus and taking placeat farms.

In Chicago, Paul Larson is afarm-to-table chef in the truestsense; he’s both executive chef atBlue Plate caterers and owner ofa farm in Cassopolis, Mich.,where he grows microgreens

and heirloom tomatoes.“When I moved out to Michi-

gan, they all laughed at me be-cause I was a city boy wanting tobe a farmer,” Larson said. Now,with the growing popularity oflocavore dining, he finds it anadvantage to offer catering cli-ents produce he’s grown, or themeat and dairy of his neighbors.

Because wedding clients tendto book far in advance, Larsoncan order seeds and grow anitem to order. He grew butternutsquash and leeks specifically forone menu last year, for example.

Larson estimates that most ofthe couples booking Blue Platefor weddings are interested infood issues on some level, fromdabblers to those serious aboutsourcing the entire meal fromsmall farms within a 100-mile

Chad Greer is executive chef at Henry’s at the Farm restaurant, in theMillstone Farm garden in Milton, N.Y. AP

HOW TO HOST A FARMWEDDINGIf you are considering a farm wedding, some tips from experts:» Keep the food fun and familiar. You can accommodate less adventur-ous diners (and vegetarians) with a baked potato bar, for example.» Plan for the season but stay flexible. If you want peaches and tomatoeson a locavore menu, that probably means July, not February. But weatherconditions the year of your wedding could speed up, slow down or wipeout a particular crop.» Prepare for outdoor conditions. Have extra wraps for cool evenings,and cheap sunglasses.» Have a bad-weather contingency plan. If you’re outside, have a backuplike a tent, and if you’re in a barn or other farm building, don’t assumethere’s heat or air conditioning.» Remember that guests might think of a wedding as dressy. Either spellout a casual dress code, or think about how you’ll keep high heels andfancy dresses clean.

Brides, grooms say‘I do’ on the farmBy Colleen Newvine TebeauAssociated Press

See FARM, Page 11



radius, donating leftovers, recy-cling wine corks and the like.

Blue Plate tries to accommo-date couples wherever they areon that spectrum, Larson said.That means communicatingclearly about a couple’s prioritiesand about what’s in season, andaccepting the need to adapt if aparticular item comes in early orlate.

Jane Eckert, who consultswith farms on tourism as ownerof Eckert AgriMarketing, in St.Louis, Mo., has seen an increasein farms wanting to host wed-dings but says “it’s the brideswho are driving it.”

“Brides are looking for uniquedestinations and farmers arelooking for ways to supplementtheir income,” she said.

Weddings are still a nichebusiness for farms, Eckert said;pumpkin patches, hay rides,apple picking and corn mazesare more popular.

But once a farmer has in-vested in the infrastructure to

make visitors comfortable, suchas putting in bathrooms and a bigparking lot, weddings can be alogical next step.

“This appeals to the next gen-eration (of farmers) that’s com-ing in. They have an opportunityto build a new business on thefarm,” Eckert said. “It takes theright personality,” she added,since hosting weddings meansworking with sometimes-de-manding brides, working into thenight, and dealing with the com-motion of big parties.

Other examples of the loca-vore wedding trend around theUnited States include the Jef-ferson Hotel in Richmond, Va.,which uses local Rappahannockoysters, Manakintowne Farmslettuces, Dave and Dee’s locallygrown oyster mushrooms; andproduce from the hotel’s owngarden on wedding menus. Thehotel recently installed beehiveson its roof and plans to harvestthe honey next spring.

Grande Lakes Orlando resortin Florida is preparing to open anoutdoor farm and event spacecalled Whisper Creek Farmwith7,000 square feet of fruit andvegetable gardens on the 500-

acre Grande Lakes estate, whichalso includes The Ritz-Carltonand JWMarriott hotels. Weddingguests will be encouraged toperuse the garden, and even pickand taste.

Mary Ellen Murphy, owner ofOff the Beaten Path Weddings, inNapa, Calif., has been a weddingplanner for about two decades.Although northern California haslong been a food-focused place,she said, she sees couples in-creasingly interested in makinggood food a focus of their cele-brations.

Farms appeal to couples get-ting married, she thinks, becauseso many people work indoors andare nature-deprived; it recon-nects them to the earth.

“Seeing elegance out in themiddle of nature brings backsome fond memory of childhoodand how good it felt to runaround,” Murphy said. “Peoplewant to bottle that feeling andgive that to their guests.”

She recently helped her pub-licist, Elana Free, plan her wed-ding, with a farm-like vibe thatdrew on Free’s childhood memo-ries of visiting her grandparents’ranch.

“We would pick mulberriesfor hours during the summerfromwhich my grandma wouldmake delicious jam and pie. Wegathered persimmons and wal-nuts, eggs from the chickens,pulled carrots from the garden,milked the goats, and even wentscouting for arrowheads,” Freerecalled.

Free said her wedding menufeatured local peaches and wa-termelon agua fresca at the wel-come table; locally sourcedchicken on the family-style,build-your-own-tacos dinnermenu; locally roasted coffee atan espresso bar; local wine; and adessert bar with family favou-rites made by relatives.

Buttermilk Falls, in Milton,N.Y., typically hosts about 10weddings a year, getting somemenu items from its nearbyMillstone Farm—10 acres oforganic herbs, vegetables andfruits — and its restaurant, Hen-ry’s Farm to Table.

Chad Greer, who recentlyjoined as chef, gears large-scalerecipes to what’s in season. Andhe is lobbying for an Argentinianbarbecue so he can do wholelocal pigs.

FARMContinued from Page 10


At Bernie and Jordan Hajov-sky’s wedding reception, it wasuseful to know details about thehappy couple: Guests had toanswer questions about thembefore they could join the buffetline.

The newlyweds hoped thetrivia game and other activitieswould make the reception morememorable.

“I really wanted people towalk away feeling they had beeninvolved and that it was the mostfun wedding reception they hadever attended,” said Jordan Ha-jovsky, of Austin, Texas.

Games, contests and othericebreakers have become in-creasingly popular at weddingreceptions, said Sarabeth Quat-tlebaum, spokeswoman for theAmerican Association of Certi-fied Wedding Planners, in Dallas.

“Couples want a party atmos-phere and have realized that themore guests mix and mingle, themore relaxed they’ll be,” saidQuattlebaum, owner of SarabethEvents in Keller, Texas. “Thisalso adds a personal touch totheir reception party.”

Disc jockey Peter Merry says

more and more couples are ask-ing him to help organize recep-tion activities, such as conteststo win table centerpieces or ask-ing guests to serenade the brideand groomwith songs that in-clude the word love in the lyrics.Other couples are incorporatingphoto booths, where guests canhave their pictures taken in sillyhats and holding goofy props.

With guests from differentphases of their lives who may notknow each other, brides andgrooms want to provide opportu-nities to interact.

“If you can break down anydiscomfort, guests will stay long-er and have more fun on thedance floor,” said Merry, of Dal-las, author of “The Best WeddingReception Ever” (Sellers, 2010).

DJ Jimmie Malone, who ownsthe company Exceptional Recep-tions in Binghamton, N.Y., en-courages couples to include ac-tivities to set the tone and helpbalance the wedding’s “pomp andcircumstance.”

“It keeps guests engaged,”Malone said.

Stephanie Goetz of Bingham-ton said the games at her 2011wedding “helped break the ice.Between the different familiesand friends, the majority of peo-

ple didn’t know each other. It wasa lot of fun.”

Malone sometimes leadsguests through an elaborategame in which they must pass adrink, a set of car keys and adollar bill around the table. Hekeeps the crowd laughing andguessing about what the itemsmean. At the end, he announcesthat the person holding the mon-ey is “$1 richer” and that theholder of the drink must serve asthe table’s bartender for theevening. The person with the carkeys? Malone tells them jokingly,“Congratulations you just won anew car.”

The centerpiece goes to the“generous person” who donatedthe $1.

If you can get guests “laugh-ing early in the night, it sets thetone for the rest of the recep-tion,” he said.

At other receptions, he hasorganized a version of “Let’s

Make a Deal,” rewarding guestswho can produce an expireddriver’s license or the oldestpenny in the room.

Of course, the games may notwork for all the guests.

“It’s very easy for people toduck out,” Malone said. “If atable chooses not to play,” it’s nota problem.

Most times, the games helpcreate a sense of camaraderie atthe table where guests may notknow one another, he said.

Along with trivia, the Hajov-skys arranged for an instructorto teach line dances. Jordan Ha-jovsky loved watching her newfriends interact with her collegefriends and family.

“It got everybody on thedance floor,” she recalled of herMarch 30 wedding.

Quattlebaum likened thetrend to decades-old traditionssuch as stealing the groom’sshoes at an Indian wedding, orlifting the bride and groom inchairs while dancing at a Jewishwedding.

“These are all examples ofwedding guests coming togetheras strangers and doing some-thing to unite each one of themby working together toward acommon goal or game,” she said.

For some brides, fun is thegame at their receptionsByMelissa Kossler DuttonAssociated Press

“If you can break downany discomfort, guests willstay longer and have morefun on the dance floor.”PETERMERRY

Glynis Abapo knew just whatshe wanted her dreamweddingcake to be: simple. Three or fourtiers. A rich, white confectionwith white peonies and peonypetals cascading down the mid-dle.

The problem? The handmadesugar flowers cost a fortune.

Abapo found her answer inplastic flowers — specifically,the quirky yet elegant creationscrafted by Tennessee artist Lau-ren Karnitz frommaterials thatmost people throw away: milkjugs, detergent bottles, straws,wires, medicine bottles, evensucker wrappers.

The flowers were relativelyaffordable, says Abapo, 31, ofAtlanta. And eco-friendly.

“And it was just beautiful andjust what I wanted,” she says.

Karnitz, a 42-year-old oilpainter, has been crafting roses,peonies, magnolias, sunflowersand other hybrid creations out ofrecycled materials for nearlytwo years. She stumbled into thewedding flower business as anexperiment, but since workingwith Abapo, Karnitz has filledorders for cake flowers, bou-

quets, corsages and boutonnieresfrom about a dozen brides.

“‘Can I have that?’ is nowmysignature phrase,” Karnitz says,laughing. “Meaning, can I havethat peculiar piece of plastic youare about to toss?”

Most of her clients are eco-conscious brides who like theidea of reusing materials fortheir flowers.

Other green-minded bridesare making or buying alternativeflowers made from fabric, paper,even old brooches. Martha Stew-art magazine has a tutorial onmaking paper flowers, whilewebsites like The Blue Petyloffer dozens of combinations ofbrooches, buttons, pearls andmore, from about $100 to $500.

Bridal designer Princess La-sertron sells a felted flower kit

A double beige bloom corsage/boutonniere made of recycled material. AP

Green-minded brideschoosing fake flowersfor cakes and moreBy SarahWolfeAssociated Press

See GREEN, Page 15

ONLINEwww.laurenkarnitz.comwww.theknot.comwww.marthastewart.com/274777/paper-flowers(hash)/241880www.bluepetyl.com/www.princesslasertron.com



There is no good way to referto an older person’s live-in com-panion. And by older, I meanolder than 30.

This came to my attention inreading the obituary for the manwho, after 18 years of living withmymother in a serious, commit-ted, loving relationship, died atage 95. That’s no boyfriend. She’sno girlfriend. But neither wasshe his wife. She was referred toin the obituary as his “domesticpartner.”

“Domestic Partner” is, insome state and local govern-ments, a legal designation thatclarifies benefits to unmarriedcouples. In general usage,though, “partner” might implyeither that they were gay or inbusiness together, neither ofwhich was true. “Partner” maybe the least romantic way todescribe your significant other— except for “significant other.”

“Boyfriend,” meanwhile,sounds juvenile and flippant.“Companion” calls to mind agolden retriever, or a paid posi-tion. “Gentleman friend” is old-fashioned and unserious. Swain?Beau? Lover? Plus One? Withdivorce rates high, and people

surviving spouses for decades,older Americans are commonlydating and cohabiting withoutany practical terminology.

“Of course we are in newterritory on relationships — thisis an ever-evolving reality, andthe over-50, not-married coupleneeds their ownmoniker,” saysFelice Shapiro, founder of thewebsite Betterafter50.com. “Theone I really like is ‘life partner.’It’s hopeful.”

Bob Levey, a Washington Postcolumnist who used to run amonthly contest to create newwords, once asked for sugges-tions on this topic. The winner:“geramour.” Runners up includ-ed “main geeze” and “slowtha-rio.”

“There is simply no goodterm,” says Julie Rosen, 46, wholives in Philadelphia with IraFingles, their 7-year-old daugh-ter and her 18-year-old son froma previous relationship. “‘Signifi-cant other’ is just too much of amouthful, too p.c., serious,” shesays. Rosen generally uses theterm “partner,” but “it feels mis-leading or just incorrect giventhat (it) implies gay.”

Fingles calls her his “fauxwife.” It started as a joke, but, asshe says, “if there was anotherbetter word, ‘faux wife’ may

have been a shorter-lived joke.”When will we get a workable

term that is not a joke? Are allthe terms uncomfortable be-cause we are still uncomfortablewith people living this way?

Wendy Kline, a history profes-sor at the University of Cincin-nati who looks at women’s histo-ry and social movements, thinksso. The label issue “stems fromthe larger historical discomfortwith crediting a woman with anysort of status outside of mar-riage,” she says.

For both genders, a commit-ted relationship outside of mar-riage begs “society’s understand-ing of what’s permanent andwhat’s not,” says Debbie Weiss, aclinical social worker in Louis-ville, Ky. Both members of thecouple may be seen as unserious,

even subversive.Without a useful and comfort-

able expression, introductionsare awkward, explanations tofamily members embarrassing.Partners need terms to commu-nicate their own expectations, aswell as convey the nature oftheir relationship to the world.

Marriage “is a convenientsocial shorthand,” says NickKing, 42, unmarried to JenniferFishman, his live-in partner, withwhom he has a daughter. “If youstrip away all the religious andlegal trappings of marriage, itcontinues to be a way to effi-ciently signal one’s commitmentand seriousness to others.”

There is less tension sur-rounding the issue in Montreal,where Nick and Jennifer, bothAmerican, are university profes-sors. They prefer the term “part-ner,” but note that in Quebec,where such arrangements arecommon, “spouse” signifies thesame thing. It is possible, inMontreal, anyway, to live togeth-er with your “spouse” and raise afamily without a marriage con-tract or even comment.

In France, Valerie Trierweileris not married to her partner,President Francois Hollande. She

Boyfriend? Partner? Over-40 crowdstruggles to name significant otherBy Laura JofreAssociated Press

See PARTNER, Page 15

“If you strip away all thereligious and legaltrappings of marriage, itcontinues to be a way toefficiently signal one’scommitment andseriousness to others.”NICK KING

for bridal bouquets for $140.Traditional wedding

flowers — everythingfrom table centerpieces tothe bride’s bouquet — typi-cally run $2,000 to $2,500 —8 percent to 10 percent of theaverage $25,000 affair, ac-cording to The Knot.

Like any other wedding flo-rist, Karnitz consults with bridesbeforehand to get a feel for theirwedding theme and size, andwhat they want.

Then she gets to work at herhome in Knoxville using a troveof discarded junk. Slices of laun-dry detergent bottles becomepetals.

Ribbon, electrical conduit andcopper wire are transformedinto stamens, pistils and stems.

“The blooms are all built petalby petal, working in the round, soall sides are considered,” Karnitzsays. “Each petal provides asurface for the next, and so onand so on.”

Her collection of recycledrefuse comes from friends, fam-ily and even complete strangersfamiliar with her craft.

“It’s funny. Every time I gosomewhere I get handed bags ofthings,” Karnitz says. “Like gar-bage bags of milk jugs or, here’ssome little wires and stuff.”

It takes up to two hours tomake one corsage or bouton-niere, depending on the difficul-ty. Providing flowers for a cakecan take anywhere from 20 to 30hours.

Costs vary. Boutonnieres andcorsages average $45 each, whilecake flowers run anywhere from$150 to $450 per cake dependingon cake size and design complex-

ity.Karnitz doesn’t dye or paint

her flowers but keeps the colorsof the recycled materials. Manyof her designs burst with color,like bright yellow peony cakeflowers made from cream andyellowmilk jugs, or an azureblue corsage constructed withblue twist ties and accented by atiny yellow bumble bee.

“This is plastic as in, ‘Aha,that’s plastic!’, as opposed tolooking like plastics or recycledart,” Karnitz says.

For fall weddings, she in-corporates an earthier, moreneutral palate for creations like“pencil bloom” boutonnieres,small round blooms made frompencil shavings and tiny cut-upblack straws anchored by a swirlof red plastic from bottles in themiddle.

Her Double Beige Bloomboutonniere — two small blos-soms of light brown crinkledribbon, straws and plastic bottleshreds — is tied together with asheer, brown, taffeta ribbon.

One of the best things aboutrecycled wedding flowers is thatthey last. “You can have themforever,” Karnitz says.

GREENContinued from Page 13

Amixed pansycorsage. AP


is widely reported to prefer theterm “compagne” (companion),which is common usage inFrance. (In French, words havehandy gender endings, so it’sclear whether your “companion”is male or female.)

The French are widely report-ed to be indifferent to their ar-rangement.

There is evidence that Amer-icans are warming to the idea.Back in the late 1970s, the U.S.Census Bureau coined the phrase“Persons of Opposite Sex Shar-ing Living Quarters,” or POSSLQ(pronounced pah-sil-cue), per-haps the most unwieldy of all theterms. Census Bureau staff re-ported in 1999 that in the twodecades since 1977, POSSLQhouseholds increased from1.5per cent to 4.8 per cent of U.S.households.

Statistics vary since then, but

the continuing trend is unmistak-able.

The Pew Research Centerreported in 2010 that marriage

rates are at a record low, withbarely half of adults hitched, andthat cohabitation has grownmore prevalent.

PARTNERContinued from Page 14

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