caring for the south asian soul sample pages

Caring for the South Asian Soul

EndorsementsSpiritual formation and soul care are primary issues in the development of emerging leaders around the world. Little has been written specifically for the Asian community. Caring for the South Asian Soul will make a key contribution to this very real need.

Dr. Martin SandersProfessor of Pastoral Theology, Alliance Theological Seminary, Nyack (USA)

This book will fill a gap in Christian books on counseling. Transcultural issues are crucial to understanding and helping people from different racial and cultural backgrounds. Christians are generally blind to psychological factors and tend to spiritualize their problems and difficulties. Counselors need to understand the context of their clients to be most helpful to them. I believe this book is a step forward in filling this gap.

Dr. John Mathai MBBS, FRANZCP, FRCPsychConsultant Psychiatrist, Royal Children’s Hospital, Melbourne (Australia)

Rudyard Kipling wrote: “Oh, East is East and West is West, and never the twain shall meet.” However, they have met! Large numbers of South Asians have made the West their home and the process has taken a huge toll on their psyche. Here is the balm for their troubled souls and families; the South Asian authors write from first-hand experience! I highly recommend this volume!

Vinod Shah, MBBS, MS, MchPediatric Surgeon, Christian Medical College, Vellore (India)

Increasingly, family members of the South Asian Diaspora are turning to those outside the family to solve their perplexing personal and family problems, which in the past they have been reluctant to do. The experienced authors of this book provide pastors and counselors the needed insights to expand their ministry influence, provide effective support and bring wholeness to such individuals and families.

Charles Sell, PhDRetired professor, Trinity Evangelical Divinity School (USA)

From the Foreword to the Final Words, Caring for the South Asian Soul provides a scholarly, biblical, and balanced treatment of mental health-related issues facing South Asian communities in the West. The authors’ rich and varied insights are informative and instructive. The topic areas separate fact from fiction and provide a long-overdue window into the successes and challenges of an ever-growing and increasingly influential demographic of the population. I highly recommend it as a resource for both graduate students and practitioners who have committed themselves to the privilege and responsibility of soul care.

Renata L. Nero, PhDChair, Behavioral Sciences Department and Director, Graduate Studies in Psychology, Houston Baptist University (USA)

This book discloses obvious and hidden aspects of diasporic South Asians in their living contexts. It makes practical suggestions to prevent and overcome tormenting dilemmas in the lives of South Asian individuals, families and communities in the West. Illuminating case studies and penetrating analysis by South Asian practitioners of family health enable the readers draw appropriate lessons to help themselves, their families, and others in their own situations. I recommend this book wholeheartedly.

Daniel Jeyaraj, PhDProfessor of World Christianity and Director of Andrew F. Walls Centre for the Study of African and Asian Christianity, Liverpool Hope University (UK)

The chapters in this book, contributed by experienced practitioners, provide valuable resources for all of us who seek to serve South Asians in our areas and for those studying or working in settings requiring effective cross-cultural understanding and communication.

David E Housholder, ThM, PhD & Linda L Housholder, MSc, EdSDirectors of Ethnic Ministries, Interserve USA

The impact of immigrant life brings a complexity to therapy that few are well prepared to handle without models and mentors. This is a long-awaited resource for Christian emotional-health professionals and pastors that will help make their counseling and pastoral care of the immigrant South Asian soul more effective. Many readers will thank the writers for the profound grace, empathy and guidance toward full healing that this volume provides.

Rev. James R. FosterVice-President, Global Ministries, The Christian & Missionary Alliance in Canada


Counseling South Asians in the Western World

E D I T O R SD R . T H O M A S I . K U L A N J I Y I L

R E V . D R . T .V . T H O M A S

Bangalore, IndiaPublishing & Media


Counseling South Asians in the Western World

Copyright © 2010 Parivar International

Published 2010 for

Parivar Internationalby

Primalogue Publishing Media Private Limited#32, II Cross, Hutchins Road, Bangalore, 560084, India

Website: www.primalogue.comE-mail: [email protected]

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any

means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, without the prior permission of the publisher or a licence permitting

restricted copying.

ISBN-13: 978-81-908904-3-4

Cover design Chandan Crasta

LayoutPrimalogue Publishing & Media

Printed and bound by Brilliant Printers Private Limited

Interpretations and opinions expressed are those of the authors and not necessarily those of the publisher

Dedication

To those early pioneers of the South Asian Diaspora into the Western world, whose dreams and hard work paved the way for subsequent generations

to build growing and vibrant South Asian communities. And also to all those, whose mouths speak hope and encouragement,

ears listen, and hands bring healing touch to members of the South Asian community,

we dedicate this book.

Table of ContentsForeword – Paul Meier, M.D xi

Acknowledgement xiii

Profile of Authors xv

INTRODUCTION - Thomas Kulanjiyil 1

SECTION A: SOCIO-CULTURAL REALITIES

1. Displacement: Effect of Immigration on Families 9 Ram Gidoomal 2. Landscape: Mental Health Needs of South Asian 21 Indians - Thomas Kulanjiyil 3. Disintegration: Mental Health Risk of Pakistani 29 Families - Esther Barkat 4. Hitting Out: Violent Behaviors in Asian Indian 43 American Homes - Leela Cherian 5. Open Taboo: Sexuality and the Asian Indian American 55 Community - Packiaraj Arumugham

SECTION B: PSYCHOLOGICAL ANALYSES

6. Identity Theft: Development of Self Concept 71 Sam George 7. iRelate: Relationship Formation of South Asians 83 in the West - Shoji Boldt 8. Contextual: Culturally Appropriate Care for 97 South Asian Immigrants - Thomas Kulanjiyil 9. Final Exit: Death & Grieving Among South Asians 113 Jacob Philip

10. Integrate: The Interface of Psychology and Theology 127 Abraham Thomas

SECTION C: THEOLOGICAL REFLECTIONS

11. Holistic Care: From Survival to Wholeness 143 T.V. Thomas 12. Church Dispensing Care: Pastoral Care in 157 Asian Indian American Churches - David Ravinder 13. Shaming the Shame: Healing Inner Wounds 171 Through Cleansing Relationships - Sam George 14. Second Chances: Hope and Restoration in 189 Christian Life - Ken Barbic & Deepak Reju 15. Being Whole: Wellness of a Community through 201 Lay Counseling - Mabel Koshy

FINAL WORD - T.V. Thomas 213

Select Bibliography 221

ForewordI am very excited that my friends and associates, Dr. Thomas Kulanjiyil and Rev. Dr. T. V. Thomas, have edited such a practical and helpful book-Caring for the South Asian Soul. We are living in a new era in the field of counseling. Our society has become much more complex, and a majority of Americans need professional counseling some time in their lives. I am the founder and medical director of a national chain of Christian counseling clinics, the Meier Clinics (www.meierclinics.org). We see several thousand clients each week for a variety of counseling needs. I have also authored 85 published books to help people with a wide range of problems they face in life. I see clients myself daily in the Dallas area, and have been doing so for 35 years. With a rise in mental health problems and relational crises in modern society, people everywhere are seeking appropriate help.

I was absolutely delighted to be the main speaker at the first ever Consultation of South Asian Christian Counselors and Care Givers in North America in 2008. There I came across a committed group of Christian counselors from South Asian background caring for hurting people in their community. I was excited to see pastors and professionals from various disciplines including those involved in counseling, psychology, psychiatry, social work, spiritual direction, pastoral care, marriage and family therapy, coaching and crisis intervention.

We need to bring biblically grounded, psychologically sound, and culturally appropriate care to people. Insights from various streams of knowledge need to be brought together without compromising. Many emotional and relationship problems have a cultural layer to them. Unless we understand and are able to work through that layer, effective and lasting wholeness cannot be achieved.

We need more ethnic and culture-specific resources like Caring for the South Asian Soul. I hope other communities will follow this lead to research and scholarship of culturally appropriate counseling and care. I encourage younger generations to pursue the study of care giving using a contextual and multidisciplinary approach. I also believe South

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Asians have much to contribute to the field of care giving in the West and around the world, regardless of anyone’s cultural background and customs.

Caring for the South Asian Soul is a must read for mental health professionals from all cultural backgrounds. This is sure to enhance your cross-cultural counseling competency toward South Asians. I hope other ethnic communities will also develop such resources to better serve needs of hurting people around us.

I wholeheartedly recommend this publication to you.

Paul Meier, M.D.Meier Clinics (1-888-7-CLINIC), Dallas, Texas (USA)April 2010

AcknowledgementsAttempting to compile a multi-author book can be a daunting task. Fourteen authors from various disciplines and walks of life, despite important demands invested their expertise, time and energy for a noble cause of serving the South Asian community in the West. They enabled us succeed and accomplish the goal that was set. They have provided insightful and relevant information on the subject areas assigned to them.

Dr. Paul Meier, who offered to write a great Foreword to this book merits particular mention. He has a special heart for South Asians. All eminent Christian leaders who have provided endorsements are sincerely acknowledged as well. Thank you for your partnership with us.

We appreciate the support and encouragement received from Sam George, Executive Director of Parivar International from the inception of this venture. A word of appreciation is also due to the Board of Parivar International and members of iCare Counseling Network, for their immense commitment to the South Asian community, and moral support towards this venture.

Our sincere thanks to Primalogue for publishing this material. The understanding and support of our respective families enormously helped to complete this work and we thank them for that.

And finally, we praise God for all His help and guidance from the time this idea came into being. His presence was real, His grace was sufficient and His power was plentiful. It is His glory that this book ultimately seeks.

We trust and hope that this book will be a blessing to all its readers, especially counselors, pastors, youth leaders, community leaders, educators, people helpers and Christian lay leaders.

Sincerely,

Dr. Thomas KulanjiyilRev. Dr. T.V. ThomasApril 30, 2010

Profile of Authors

Thomas Kulanjiyil, PsyD., PhDThomas currently serves on the faculty of College of DuPage, Glen Ellyn (IL) and also teaches at Wheaton College, Wheaton (IL) as a guest psychology professor. He has previously served on the Behavioral Science faculty of Houston Baptist University. Dr. Kulanjiyil earned his BTh, BD, and MTh degrees from Serampore University (India); MA in Philosophy from Osmania

University, Hyderabad (India); MA and PsyD in Clinical Psychology from Wheaton College, Wheaton, IL; and a PhD in Christian Thought from South Florida Bible College & Theological Seminary, Deerfield (FL).

Dr. Kulanjiyil’s research and writing interests include integration of faith and psychology, culture and psychology and ethnic minorities and culture sensitive counseling. He is one of the founding members of Parivar International. He is the recipient of the 1999 Sandra Koscielniak Educational Award from the Association of Illinois Townships for his outstanding services to youth and families in Illinois. He was also featured in Chicago Tribune (1999) for his professional outreach to ethnic minorities in Greater Chicagoland. He lives in Woodridge, west of Chicago with his wife Omana, and their two adult children.

Rev. Dr. T.V. ThomasOrginally from Malaysia, Dr. T.V. Thomas studied in Malaysia, India, Canada and the United States. He is Founder Director of the Center for Evangelism & World Mission (founded in 1984) in Regina, Canada where he makes his home with his wife, Mary and their three grown children: Victor, Molly and Melanie.

For over three decades T.V. has enjoyed a trans-denominational and trans-continental ministry of speaking, teaching and

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networking. From 1984 to 1994 Dr. Thomas served as Professor of Evangelism for the Murray W. Downy Chair of Evangelism at Canadian Theological Seminary. He currently serves on numerous national and international boards. He is also a Co-Chair of the International Network of South Asian Diaspora Leaders.

Ram Gidoomal CBE, LLD (Hon), CCMI, FRSA, FCGI An experienced businessman and entrepreneur, Ram has worked for over 20 years at board and senior management levels in the private, public and voluntary sectors. He possesses excellent communications skills, both written and verbal, and exhibits a strong background in external relations, entrepreneurship, innovation and management

of change including race and diversity.

Dr. Gidoomal is a Freeman of the City of London and Court Liveryman of the Worshipful Company of Information Technologists, a Companion of the Chartered Management Institute, and Visiting Professor (Entrepreneurship & Inner City Regeneration), Middlesex University. In 1998, he was honored CBE for his services to Race Relations, awarded Honorary Doctor of Laws by Bristol University (2002), appointed Dehejia Fellow, Sidwell Friends School, Washington DC (2008) and to the Fellowship of the City & Guilds Institute, 2008.

Esther Barkat, Ed.D.Dr. Esther Barkat was born and raised in Pakistan. After completing her college education in Pakistan, she married and came to America in 1973. Dr. Barkat then went on to earn her doctorate in Educational Psychology from West Virginia University, Morgantown (WV) and her School Psychology degree from Marshall University, Huntington (WV). She has worked as a School Psychologist, Child

and Youth Therapist, Director of a child development center, Coordinator of a school drop-out prevention program, and Coordinator of a parenting program for teenage parents. At present, she is teaching at Waynesburg University (PA).

Dr. Barkat has presented several papers at various national and international conferences. The focus of her research has been South Asian Immigrants. As a licensed and nationally certified School Psychologist, Dr. Barkat also works part-time at her business “Barkat Psycho-Educational Service.” She is married to Rev. Aslam Barkat, a United Methodist pastor and they have three children: Mona, Sheraz, and Sonia.

xviiCaring for the South Asian Soul

Leela Cherian, PhD.Dr. Leela Cherian works as a Clinical Psychologist at an Outpatient Mental Health Clinic in Michigan. Her areas of focus include young children, adolescents, adults and families. Prior to working at the mental health clinic, Leela worked with babies ages 0-3, with developmental issues; and was also involved in research projects at the University of Michigan, Ann Arbor, (MI) and School of

Early Childhood, Queensland University of Technology, Brisbane, Australia.

Leela obtained her PhD from the Queensland University of Technology’s School of Early Childhood in Brisbane, Australia with a focus on child development and parenting. Her areas of interest include children and families, cultural issues, women’s issues, adolescents and geriatrics. Leela also completed her Masters’ thesis on the influence of family, self-concept, and peers on the motivation of high school students at the Center for Advanced Studies in Education, Faculty of Education and Psychology, at the University of Baroda, India.

Packiaraj Arumugham, PhD.Pakiaraj serves as an Assistant Professor of Social Work at Marywood University (PA). Prior to that, he taught at Dordt College, Sioux Center (IA) and Bishop Heber College in Trichy (India). He also worked for five years as Project Manager for World Vision, India. He was actively involved in student and family ministries with Union of Evangelical Students of India-Tamil Nadu. He has made

scholarly presentations in India and The United States. His research interests include Christian Social Work, Marriage and Family Services. He now lives in Scranton (PA) with his wife Shanti and daughter Sherin.

Sam George, BE, MS, MA, (PhD)Sam serves as the Executive Director of Parivar International, a family ministry to the Asian Indian community in North America. He worked in the software industry for nine years before stepping into Christian ministry. He studied at Fuller and Princeton theological seminaries where he majored in Christian Leadership and Practical Theology. He

writes a weekly national column, ‘Family Matters’ for India Tribune, one of the largest circulated newspapers among the Indian American community. Sam is the author of Understanding the Coconut Generation: Ministry to the Americanized Asian Indians.

xviii Caring for the South Asian Soul

Sam is married to Mary George, PhD and they are parents of two boys. They live in the northern suburb of Chicago. Sam and Mary recently co-authored a book titled Before the Wedding Bells: Preparing for a Lasting and Fulfilling Marriage.

Shoji Mary Boldt, MA, LCPC.Shoji is a Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor who has been in practice for over 10 years. She obtained her Bachelors in Psychobiology from New York University and a Masters in Counseling Psychology from Trinity International University. She specializes in adolescent and family counseling and enjoys supporting women and couples attain healing and wholeness. Her diverse

life experiences have contributed to her interest in helping those struggling with multicultural issues. Her life is a witness to how God uses adversity to build character.

Her husband Ryan is a Community Pastor at Willow Creek Community Church and has been on staff there for over 10 years. Ryan and Shoji teach and serve at Willow to support the Community, Marriage, Family and Care ministries as well as Global Outreach. They balance the joys and challenges in caring for her two young children. Shoji has been involved with Parivar International in educating and supporting the South Asian community in the US with personal, marriage, family and cultural issues.

Jacob Philip Nanthicattu, D.Th.Jacob serves as the Director of Northeast region of Parivar International and the Community Counseling Center based out of New York. He was earlier involved in student ministry with Union of Evangelical Students of India and also taught Christian counseling in a college in India.

He did his BD from Union Biblical Seminary, Pune (India) and MTh from United Theological Seminary, Bangalore (India). Jacob earned his Doctor of Theology (D.Th.) in Pastoral Counseling from SATHRI, Serampore University (India) and completed a one-year residency in Clinical Pastoral Education (CPE) from Hartford Hospital, Hartford (CT). He is married to Darly and they are parents of two children.They live in New Hyde Park (NY).

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Abraham Thomas, BE, MBA, MA.Abraham ‘Joe’ Thomas serves on the leadership team of Parivar International, a ministry based in North America, committed to building strong Asian Indian families. He was born and raised in Pune (India) and now resides in Chicago, with his wife and three children. He has a Bachelors in Engineering and a Masters in Management and has worked in the field of information technology

for the last fifteen years. He is currently pursuing his Masters in Counseling Ministries at Trinity Evangelical Divinity School in Chicago. He has a passion for serving those who are underprivileged and hurting. He has also served in various leadership positions at the local church and in student ministry.

Rev. David Ravinder, PhD.Rev. David Ravinder currently serves as the Pastor of Whitehouse United Methodist Church, NJ. He is also the honorary Senior Pastor of United Evangelical Christian Fellowship, an Asian Indian Christian Fellowship in New Jersey. Prior to his ordained ministry, he served as the Director of Lifeline Counseling Center, an outpatient Mental Health Clinic in Bridgewater, NJ. David has

taught advanced courses in Pastoral Marriage and Family Counseling in the USA, India and Singapore. He received the Th.M and Ph.D degrees from Princeton Theological Seminary (USA) in the area of Pastoral Theology, specializing in Pastoral Care and Counseling. He is married, has three grown children and three grand-children.

Deepak Reju, PhD.Rev. Deepak Reju serves as an Associate Pastor at Capitol Hill Baptist Church (CHBC) in Washington, DC. His pastoral responsibilities include oversight of the biblical counseling and family ministries at CHBC. Half-way through medical school in the 1990’s, the Lord re-directed Deepak’s steps into seminary training and pastoral ministry. He went on to earn the Master of

Divinity (1999) and PhD (2007) degrees from The Southern Baptist Theological Seminary, Louisville (KY). Deepak and his wife, Sarah, have three children: Zachariah, Lydia, and Eden.

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Ken Barbic, BS, MAKen Barbic is a member at Capitol Hill Baptist Church (CHBC) in Washington, DC. At CHBC, he has served as the deacon of children’s ministry, a core seminar teacher, and small group leader. He works in DC as the Director of Federal Government Affairs for the Western Growers Association, and has held various other positions in the Congress and in the Executive branch. He received his

B.S. in Business Management (2001) and a Master of Arts in Biblical Studies with an emphasis in Biblical Counseling (2004), both from Maranatha Baptist Bible College. He and his wife Kelli live on Capitol Hill.

Mabel Koshy MD, FACP, DMin.Mabel was born and raised in Malaysia. She graduated from Trivandrum Medical College, India and was Professor of Internal medicine/hematology at University of Illinois, Chicago (IL). She is married to Dr. Oommen A Koshy, a physician. They have two children and two grandchildren. She has lived in the Western suburb of Chicago for over forty years. After retiring from her

medical career, she earned a MDiv. and DMin. with a specialization in Counseling from Northern Baptist Theology Seminary (IL). She serves as a Stephen Minister at First Presbyterian Church of Wheaton, Illinois and Director of Counseling with Parivar International.

IntroductionThomas Kulanjiyil

The proposal to produce a volume on South Asian Counseling emerged from some of the presentations at the first consultation of iCare Counseling Network, held in Chicago from September 5-7, 2008. iCare Counseling Network is an association of counselors of South Asian origin in North America, formed in 2007. Taking note of the growing mental health needs, the consultation felt the need for helpful counseling resources, currently scarce, specific to the South Asian population. It was agreed that the book project will be spearheaded by Parivar International, a Chicago based non-profit, Christ-centered ministry that reaches out to a larger South Asian community in North America since 2004, providing counseling services and training programs.

The South Asian community is one of the most striking demographic groups in the Western world, especially in the U.S. Their achievements, over a short span of four to five decades are remarkable. They are often labeled as a model minority. Their presence in the health care industry, business, education, banking, public services, and technology are well documented. They have the reputation of having the highest education and income levels in the United States. They are innovators, entrepreneurs, and are high achievers. But all that I mention here is not without a toll on them at the personal, family, and community level. The greatest effect is said to be on families. Someone described the South Asian reality this way, “From the outside everything appears normal, but from the inside the heart is bleeding.” This is not an exaggeration. Those of us who know the community closely, and have worked with individuals and families, know that the South Asian community is really hurting. There is brokenness and pain everywhere. Behind all material prosperity and personal achievements, there are many disappointments. Families are breaking up, divorce is increasing at an alarming rate, children are becoming rebellious, parenting is becoming more difficult, moral values are declining and relationships are deteriorating. Addictive behaviors and domestic

2 Caring for the South Asian Soul

abuse are widespread, and a sense of helplessness clouds the future. The community needs help--real help! There is a sense of urgency here. The community cannot cover up its problems any longer. Here is the wakeup call! Something needs to be done.

Caring for the South Asian Soul: Counseling South Asians in the Western World is a multi-author book, fourteen altogether. Authors who collaborated on this book project are men and women of good reputation and Christian character in the communities they serve. They are pastors, educators, doctors, professional counselors, chaplains, youth workers, and lay Christian leaders who are actively engaged in the South Asian community. They have written from the vantage point of insiders, not just as scholars or researchers. These authors represent three Western countries - United States, Canada, and the United Kingdom with a large South Asian presence.

The book is divided into three major sections. Section-A presents the socio-cultural realities of South Asians. Section-B provides psychological analyses of the community, and Section-C offers theological reflections on Christian care giving.

In Section A, chapter 1, Ram Gidoomal analyses the effects of immigration on individuals and families. He draws from his personal experiences as well. Themes he covers include, the challenges of migration and family support system, parental pressures on children to succeed, the crisis of cultural identity, challenges posed to traditional social institutions such as arranged marriages, and problems of elderly migrants at retirement. He connects these issues quite well with the South Asian experience in North America. Gidoomal concludes his discussion with these fitting remarks, “…there is a growing need for counselors to minister to the South Asian migrant’s soul. There are people suffering from isolation and loneliness, alienation and rejection through racism, and the pressure to succeed and support their families. Our job as Christians and counselors is to find them, befriend them, and begin to meet their needs.”

In the next chapter of Section A, Kulanjiyil explores the mental health needs of South Asian Indians. The reasons for under utilization of counseling services by this population are identified. The most salient Asian Indian mental health problems that entitle interventions are clearly marked. The problem of elder care is presented as a chief mental health concern for the community. The author calls for collaborative efforts among social organizations, religious organizations, and mental health agencies to improve counseling outreach to the community.

3Introduction

In chapter 3 of Section A, Esther Barkat presents a pilot study on the disintegration of Pakistani Christian families and its psychological effects on children and parents. The study is based on interviews the author conducted in the community. After presenting a background history of Pakistani Christian immigrants, along with a sketch of challenges they faced in Pakistan, Barkat describes the struggles the community encounters upon immigrating to America. The foremost problem for a younger generation Pakistani, according to Barkat, is the question of identity. She observes, “…many young Pakistani Christians are entering into the mainstream of American society with a mixed sense of identity. This mixed sense of identity creates many mental health issues among the younger generation.” Several concrete steps of action have been suggested to help the Pakistani Christian community attend to these significant problems.

In Section A, chapter 4, Leela Cherian investigates the problem of domestic violence in Asian Indian homes. Through impressive case studies, the subject gets a comprehensive coverage with focus on theories, causes, and cultural elements of domestic violence. Cherian finds a connection between domestic violence and cultural perceptions about men and women, for instance, the belief that, “men are aggressive by nature and therefore it is their right to be aggressive to their spouses.” She concludes the chapter with several practical recommendations.

In the final chapter of Section A, Packiaraj Arumugham introduces the reader to a topic that is often treated as “open taboo” in the Asian Indian community. It is on sexuality. He treats the subject both biblically and psychologically, centering his attention on pornography, pre-marital and extra-marital relationships, cohabitation, and homosexuality. Arumugham cautions that the conservative attitude of the Asian Indian to sex may be slowly eroding, and parents have a greater responsibility to inculcate in their children values that uphold the sanctity of sex. He says, “Children do not want their parents to simply prescribe behaviors but… model good behaviors.”

In Section B, chapter 1, Sam George examines closely the development of self-concept among South Asians, mainly among South Asian Indians. George sets the context for his discussion in this way: “Ethnic minorities, particularly emerging generations, in a multicultural world grow up with a sense of persistent confusion about their sense of self…they feel as if pieces of their face have fallen off. Not all puzzle pieces are in its place.” George offers a psychological and sociological outlook on the subject. He wraps up the discussion by presenting a view of personality based on relationality, grounded in the redemptive work of Christ.


In the next chapter, Shoji Mary Boldt looks at the South Asian relationship formation. Taking a developmental framework, she provides a useful account on relationship development in childhood and adolescence. The discussion is offered in the backdrop of South Asian culture. Subject matters covered in this chapter consist of dating, cross-cultural marriage, singleness, gender stereotypes, and other such facets relevant to relationship formation among South Asians. The discussion ends with practical tips for managing relationships.

In Section B, chapter 3, Thomas Kulanjiyil assesses culturally appropriate South Asian counseling methods and strategies. He calls attention to the limitations of western models of counseling when working with ethnic minorities. He examines the role of the South Asian worldview for mental health, and also the part acculturation plays in help-seeking behaviors. Based on his own work as a clinician, Kulanjiyil offers a number of constructive guidelines for South Asian counseling, which, multicultural counselors will appreciate.

In Section B, chapter 4, Jacob Philip handles the subject of death and grieving among South Asians. Drawing from his own experience as a hospital chaplain, he offers to the reader relevant information. Starting with a biblical view of death and grieving, he proceeds to present theories and stages of grief. The section on bereavement across one’s life span offers a broader perspective on death and grief. The section on death and funeral rituals among South Asians is quite interesting and educative. The chapter ends with a discussion on caring for the dead and the bereaved with culturally appropriate practices. His practical suggestions for assisting families with funeral and burial arrangements are quite helpful.

In the final chapter of Section B, Abraham Thomas takes up the task of integrating the fields of Psychology and Theology, an emerging area of study in Western Christian circles. He begins with basic frameworks of theology, based on the Nicene-Constantinopolitan Creed and Psychology and lays out various models of integration. As the East and West converge in South Asians living in the West, it is important to develop culturally appropriate care that is founded on a contextual theology.

Section C centers on theological reflections. In chapter 1, T.V. Thomas deals with the topic “Holistic Care: From Survival to Wholeness.” This remarkable chapter begins with a discussion on current challenges of the South Asian Diaspora in the West, and outlines some of the dire consequences. He then examines the biblical basis for holistic care. The clear and persuasive case he develops throughout the chapter for

5Introduction

Christian care giving is centered on the conviction, “We care because each person is valuable to God, we bear His image and God has a purpose for each person’s life.”

In Section C, chapter 2, David Ravinder, with his background as pastor for over thirty years addresses specific needs and challenges of Pastoral Care in Asian Indian-American Churches. He sets his discussion on the postulate that “…Christological, Stereological, and Ecclesiological convictions define our understanding of Pastoral Care and our sense of obligation for each other.” David strongly insists that pastors should pay attention to personal self care to avoid “burn-out.” He also encourages pastors to be part of a clergy ‘support group’ or an ‘accountability group.’

In the next chapter, Sam George offers an insightful perspective on “Shame,” a theme very relevant to South Asian cultures. George analyzes the subject quite profoundly, leading to a Christian theology of shame. He states, “Shame creates a basic sense of flaw and unlovability about self,” nevertheless, the redemptive work of Christ provides a way out. “Shame is removed by God’s entering into shamefulness of sin in the life and death of Jesus. On account of Christ taking on our shame, we are accorded honor because of God’s unconditional love and acceptance.”

Chapter 4 of Section C, Ken Barbic & Deepak Reju develop a comprehensive theological view on human sin and depravity, and God’s offer of hope and reconciliation. They write, “In the Fall, Adam and Eve began to see some of the dramatic consequences of sin—brokenness entered their relationship with God, Adam shifted blame to Eve, and they both hid because of their shame. While on this side of heaven our relationship with God and others will know something of this loss. This is why we—sinful Christians who live in a fallen existence—so desperately need to find hope and reconciliation.” For the authors, hope and forgiveness in the midst of our brokenness is definitively tied to the cross of Christ. They offer valuable counsel to all Christian care givers, “…we can often forget Christian doctrine and be caught up with meeting our friend’s immediate needs. Do not underestimate the nature of justification through faith and the implications this has on instilling hope in sinful people. As we understand the depth of our alienation from God and other people, we begin to see that justification through Christ is the basis of all hope and reconciliation.”

In the final chapter of the book, Mabel Koshy traces the history of early South Asian Indian Christian community in the Greater Chicagoland area, and the ensuing denominational growth. She then identifies a


variety of current counseling needs within those congregations. A lay Christian leader herself, Koshy recommends a model of Lay Counseling for these congregations and communities, which she initiated under PARIVAR International.

As one will notice, a wide range of topics relevant to South Asian Counseling are covered in the book. Understandably, we have not exhausted all possible themes and concerns connected to the topic, such as the area of psychological evaluation and diagnosis, or specific strategies and interventions for particular problems. These are for others to pick up, or for future undertakings.

While each author is responsible for the views and positions expressed in their respective chapters, everyone shares a common adherence to basic Christian convictions, worldviews and values. It is hoped that this work will provide a basic framework for South Asian counseling, and that you will find it a valuable resource in your counseling vocation. It’s my pleasure to present to you, Caring for the South Asian Soul: Counseling South Asians in the Western World.

Section ASocio-Cultural Realities

1Displacement: Effect of Immigration on

FamiliesRam Gidoomal

My StoryWhether it’s a chosen path or a forced decision, immigration to a foreign land can have a profound effect on individuals and families.

I’m speaking from experience here, as someone whose family experienced two sets of migration. For my family, the journey has been tough at times, but by the grace of God our story has had a happy ending thus far. But for other South Asians, displacement can lead to broken hearts, broken families, isolation and very deep culture shock. The Gidoomal family, as I mentioned, were twice migrants, moving countries twice in one generation. Partition in India in 1947 led to our first move. 1

It’s worth noting that the largest migration of South Asians in history occurred in the 1947 partitioning of the sub-continent into two political nations: India and Pakistan on the basis of religious differences. In just nine months, at least 18 million people - Hindus, Sikhs and Muslims - were forced to flee their homes and became refugees; and at least a million were killed in communal violence. Our family was one of the many that was displaced during this time and we settled in Kenya. The second move came from our expulsion from Kenya in 1967, when many Asian families were forced to leave East Africa by the then government, losing businesses and livelihoods they had built up over decades.

We had been more fortunate than many people in the years leading 1 I wrote the book Sari ‘n’ Chips (1993) about Asian culture meeting Western culture.

It’s based on my own experience but looks at issues more widely.


up to this expulsion from Africa. Being established and successful business owners, with ventures in India and Africa, my family were able to create and develop businesses again soon after landing by ship in Mombasa, Kenya. So, we diligently built up our businesses over a twenty-year period, led by my grandfather and his younger brother, and life was prosperous for us.

So, when we were forced to migrate for the second time, and leave behind our home in Kenya, it was a real blow to our family, particularly my father’s generation. Our assets and funds were frozen making it difficult to withdraw money and take it out of the country. As a result, we lost much of our wealth, just like that. Pakistan hadn’t wanted us because we were Hindus in a Muslim country. We had been rejected by India because we had chosen British citizenship rather than Indian nationality when independence beckoned. Then, we were no longer welcome in Kenya because we were not African. Great Britain was our best option.

I can still clearly recall my arrival in the UK. Everything seemed so strange, I might as well have landed on Mars and such was the unfamiliarity all around. I remember the unexpected nature of the move, the freezing cold weather, the sights and smells and the alien food – all so different from what I was used to.

Our life in Britain was based in London and centered on family and work. We built up a business of corner shops and convenience stores that were open for long hours. There were fifteen of us sleeping in four bedrooms above the shop, starting from scratch again and facing an unfamiliar culture. On the one hand, we were in shock from leaving everything behind, and having to start again. As a family we faced humiliation and disgrace, which was particularly difficult for my older relatives who had worked so hard to build up businesses in Kenya.

But on the other hand, while the older generation was fed up, I was part of the younger generation which felt it was time to rise up and take advantage of the new frontiers before us. So the younger group took charge, as the spirit of survival kicked in, with a new determination to rebuild our family name and business, and restore what we had before. Within six months, we had bought a second shop.

We experienced the joys of close community, South Asian migrants supporting one another, with siblings, uncles and aunts all working together and putting old differences behind. Our community was willing to support us in various ways, and we had connections as far as Manchester who were willing to loan us money. But while we had the positive community spirit, there was also a pulling up of the

11Displacement: Effect of Immigration on Families

drawbridge. As a family, we banded together and replicated the culture and community that we had back home. We didn’t really need the outside world when we had each other. The extended family met every Sunday - fifty or sixty of us! We set up our own social networks, and there wasn’t really any incentive to integrate into mainstream British society.

This brings me to a key issue that South Asian migrants face: whether to integrate into their society or whether to stay separate. In integrating into the culture, something gets lost along the way, but if you do not, you can face a cultural dislocation that can lead to feelings of loneliness and isolation.

Waves of MigrationWe know from the earliest texts in existence that people and people groups have migrated between countries. Take Abraham and Moses for example! But there is a very broad spectrum of reasons for migration. 2

Some people are forced to move for political reasons, while some move for economic reasons. A growing trend for the future will be people who move for environmental reasons, fleeing from areas of the globe that are struck by floods, famines, tsunami and other disasters. Marriage can also provide the reason for migration, especially for women, as they join working husbands or move to help extended family networks function.

Developed countries can also be a huge attraction for migrants searching for the new pot of gold, families looking for a wage and a way of life that would be impossible to find in their home country. 3 One example of this is a Sikh family which moved to Phoenix, Arizona in the United States from the Punjab, around four or five decades back. The family did economically very well for themselves as farmers, so much so that they were able to cause the immigration of their whole village, paying for their airfares, and thereby building a local community in the United States.

In some cases, whole people groups have negotiated economic deals with governments. This is the experience of the Shia Ismaili Muslims, whose leader, the Aga Khan, negotiated their migration to Canada with the Canadian government. In this example, the migration was organized, sophisticated and strategic, identifying places that would be

2 For more information on the South Asian Diaspora, see Catalyst for Change: the South Asian Diaspora (2005) and The New People Next Door (2005)

3 See The UK Maharajahs (1997) and The British and How to Deal with Them: Doing Business with Britain’s Ethnic Minorities (2001)


mutually beneficial for migration. Destination for migration included Toronto, Calgary and Vancouver, and the deal involved relocating skilled or professional class migrants who were able to benefit the local economy.

The Ismaili community was capable of supporting itself through extended family networks in addition to the social and religious functions of its mosques. Both of these acted as cohesive hubs, linking migrants together and ensuring that families functioned well and were looked after. In the UK, the Ismaili community has also been successful in settling whole migrant communities, but for other South Asian migrants, the picture is often very different. There have been times when migrants in Europe and the UK have been placed into refugee camps for long periods of time, been demonized and alienated, vilified by the press and public alike.

Even economic migrants, who have either been invited by governments to move trans-nationally or chose the country personally in order to pursue career opportunities, face being rejected by people in their society. This is particularly the case where indigenous communities find it hard to accept their skin color or cultural differences. The resulting damage to the psyche of the migrant, and whole migrant communities, can be devastating.

The American DreamFor developed nations like the United States and Canada, many of the migrants are students at colleges and universities, in line for jobs at successful companies. Technology start-ups in particular have attracted the brightest and the best migrants from South Asia and other economic regions. As a result, the level of education for migrants from South Asia to North America tends to be higher than South Asians who move to Europe, including the UK.

The United States arguably has a more selective migration system than some other nations, and is therefore able to choose workers who expect and can generate a particular quality of life. Economic migrants are often more qualified and wealthier in North America than in Commonwealth countries. In such countries, by contrast, immigrants were traditionally allowed to enter the United Kingdom by right, which meant that nobody measured your wealth and degrees in order to let you into the country! But as a result, the UK is now facing some issues with migrant communities who have found it hard to integrate, or to financially benefit their society. So, it is worth being aware of the difference between migrants to the UK and to North America, and to


approach their psychological needs and issues differently. The American Dream of personal wealth, financial independence, and other Western creeds can mount unprecedented pressure on economic migrants.

Parents can put an incredible amount of pressure on their children, as a result of their expectations to succeed in their adopted society. This can lead to greater levels of emotional stress, frustration and depression. Good schooling and education are often the preoccupations of South Asian families, for a number of reasons.

Firstly, many Asians are terrified of the lack of discipline which exists, in their eyes, in the local, mainly white community. As a result, many Asians who can afford it, will likely send their children to private schools far more than the population as a whole.

Secondly, the understanding is that their young people will have a better chance of securing a good job if they have had a good education, particularly one which channels them towards the professions.

Thirdly, South Asians will tend to feel that they and their children are under pressure to perform better, both in education and in the workplace, than their ‘white’ counterparts. The assumption is that native workers are more likely to get the better jobs, which then generates pressure on the next generation to strive and achieve top marks and gain professional positions in their society.

A fourth point, which is really a footnote, but worth being aware of, is that South Asian Muslims may be keen to have their own schools. Whilst this is a religious stance, it is also related to matters of practice. So, for example, Muslims don’t tend to like Muslim girls doing physical education classes with the boys.

A few years after I wrote the book Sari ‘n’ Chips, some parents began to call me from the US, concerned about the changes in their children, and the fact that their children were actually running away from home in some cases. These were professional-class people, unable to cope with what was happening to their own children. It seemed to me, back in 1995, that there was a desperate need for counseling resources to help families deal with the pressures that arise from the societies in which they live. This is a problem which is perhaps more acute in the US than in any other nation, as I shall discuss below. Even today, very little material has been produced specifically for South Asian families. A pioneering resource is Asian Parenting Matters, with DVD and workbook, produced by Care for the Family in the UK.4

4 Asian Parenting Matters (2008) resource from Care for the Family, Cardiff, UK


Family PressuresFamilies are affected in different ways as a result of migration, depending on the cause. Economic migration from South Asia to the United States may well be viewed as a very positive thing, because it can improve the economic fortunes of a family. But meanwhile, first-generation migrants can put intense pressure on their children to succeed, which can be damaging for young people who may be trying to straddle two cultures.

So, many South Asian families who have moved to the US are facing far more problems with their children now. Perhaps the children are not as driven, or academic as their parents, but the parents are expecting their children to do just as well, or most likely, even better than they did. The mental health of the children suffers, and I believe this is more acute in the US than in the UK where there is also a problem.

The problem is, and has been for several years, that second-generation migrants in the United States are looking at a culture which offers them much greater individuality, human rights and freedom than their own culture affords them. South Asian parents, in trying to protect their children, were actually smothering them, expecting them to live happily in both worlds. The culture clash results in a culture crash. Studies in the UK have found that the attempted suicide rate is much higher amongst South Asian migrants than is the case with the mainstream community, and this is likely to be the same in the US.

The fruit of loneliness, isolation and unhappiness point to problems at the root which are caused by culture clash, the pressure of unrealistically high expectations, and a lack of support for the individual. So, whole families get affected by migration as they attempt to integrate with the culture and society around them. And as migration continues on an unprecedented scale, with fresh waves of families moving countries, the integration problems are getting worse rather than better.

In the US as well as the UK and Europe, people at the sharp end seem to be young Asian boys, in particular, who are exhibiting behavioral issues. In broad terms we are looking at two sets of issues which arise from voluntary migration on the one hand, and forced migration on the other. Voluntary, mainly economic migrants, have to deal with the physical distance from their own communities and their extended family, and a loss of support structures that they used to have.

There are language and cultural barriers: changes in food and diet, climate, health and housing. The way Asian families function is different from Western families, and so migrants face conflicting approaches to children and education, marriage, banking and finance. There is often


a need to send money to family back in the home country which is different from the society around them.

Very likely the children of migrants may have been forced to move countries, leaving their friends and relations behind along with everything else that is familiar. There may be resentment and unhappiness at the change in circumstances.

When it comes to forced migration, there is a whole raft of additional pressures that refugees and asylum seekers have to come to terms with, in addition to the above. Forced migrants may have to cope with detention camps, and the shame, trauma or hardship associated with them. They may be coming to terms with their families being split up or children taken into the care of social services. Then, once they have won the right to remain, they may face the challenge of paperwork authentication – perhaps in a language foreign to them, overcoming the stigma of detention, job hunting, and economic survival.

In my work advising the British government about asylum seekers, I have frequently come across asylum seekers who have been treated in an atrocious way. Some of them are entitled to citizenship but they have been treated badly whilst being held. This can create all sorts of mental health and societal issues, and asylum seekers often find it more difficult to get jobs and adjust to a society which they formerly longed to embrace.

Caring for FamilySouth Asian families rely on their extended families and social networks for day-to-day living. Sadly, this key foundation can be lost in the migration process, leaving individuals and families completely isolated in a foreign land. Many migrants will tell you that they face the choice of whether to integrate into society, or attempt to recreate the bonds that existed before. My family was fortunate in being able to replicate support structures from back home, whilst making inroads into the new culture, but this is not the case for everyone.

Some of the issues that arise for migrants include the challenges of developing a surrogate family, making a living and forging a new life in a new culture, and the loneliness that comes from leaving their home land.

Elderly people are often the ones who are left in situations where they are not cared for adequately, because the extended family and social network would culturally have provided for their needs.

With pressures that come from everybody having to work to survive


in an adopted country, the nuclear family is frequently unable to cope with the needs of elderly members. As a result, older people are either put into a nursing home or sent back to South Asia. There are occasions where some Asians have come together to form their own care homes, and these are able to deal with things like the Asian diet and culture, and even provide sufficient car parking spaces for extended families to visit! However, the elderly are even more acutely lonely than younger migrants, and it’s a real issue that counselors must address. Migrant families must all choose the degree to which they assimilate their culture or integrate with it.

Assimilation, a melting pot approach, can mean giving up one’s home culture to adopt the ways of the dominant culture, and this can be very hard to do in practice. Bicultural adjustment, as opposed to full assimilation, is often the route that many immigrants take, if there are sufficient numbers in the ethnic community. This can often perpetuate a feeling of isolation from the host culture, except that it happens on a larger scale. So, when, for example, the host country asserts that English is the language that must be spoken, migrant families must decide what their response is, and whether they are prepared to capitulate to the culture around them.

Another effect that migration has on families is the geographical extension of social networks. In Asian gatherings in the States and Canada, people no longer think twice about covering huge distances to meet with family and friends. For example, my sister is in New York and people drive for five hours to participate in gatherings at her house!

The internet is also helping to facilitate these disparate networks, often on a global scale. There are cases of arranged marriages where social networking websites have been helpful in arranging for people to meet their future partners, where the parents are expecting their children to marry within their community. The web has also helped isolated individuals and families cope with the issue of separation, and in so doing, retain a sense of their home culture, whilst embracing the culture of their new home.

Coping MechanismHow do you cope when your support system is no longer in place? South Asian migrants often feel disconnected physically and emotionally from their home country. They face a crisis of identity as they try and work out who they are in relation to their society. For new arrivals, everything is different: whether, food, education, language or customs.


Identity can be even more of an issue for the second and third generations, as they live in two or more worlds at the same time. However, there is hope. Faith communities are in a position to play a huge role in providing support networks for migrants. For churches in particular, reaching out to lonely migrants can offer a great opportunity to share and demonstrate the good news of the Gospel5.

Churches can offer emotional help to individuals and families, if they are sufficiently aware of the issues that South Asian migrant families are grappling with. Bridge-building activities are important, where people can share common concerns, do things together and develop relationships and friendship.6

Music is a great bridge-builder. When we produced Songs of the Kingdom and Asia Worships, fusion music to cross the generations, there was an overwhelming response from people of all ages and faith backgrounds.7

Charitable organizations can ensure that appropriate resources are available, and offer time, staff and literature that can help Asians overcome their particular difficulties. Churches can run services that offer friendship and support.8 For example, in Leicester, England, one church offers a helpline called Dosti which means, friendship, targeted at Asian youngsters. The idea is to reach out, and meet the needs that arise.

Another example of a resource centre is The Parivar International Centre in Chicago, a US-based charitable organization, committed to building strong families in the Asian Indian community worldwide. Our aim as supporters of migrant families is to create the knowhow and the capacity to support them.

This means training counselors and making sure they are available and targeting areas where there are clusters of migrants, in towns and cities, and even in the workplace. Our approach can include advertising and marketing to these individuals and families to ensure that they find us, and do not remain hidden. But above all there is an immense need for more trained counselors.

5 Two of our publications, Looking For Directions (2006), and Discovery Groups (2006), start from current questions like identity to explain the relevance of the Gospel for young South Asians

6 Bridge Builders (2005) are discussion resource material on contemporary issues.7 Now available as Celebrating Together (2000) and Aaradhana Ho (2003), CDs with

music and all the words in English and Asian languages.8 We have produced several resources with guidelines for churches to understand

people from different faith backgrounds and share their faith with sensitivity and love: Chapatis for Tea (1994), Lions, Princesses, Gurus (1996), Good News for Asians in Britain (1998), Belonging, Believing, Behaving (2000)


Marriage and RetirementMigration brings with it an array of issues linked to the family. For example, there are issues surrounding marriage, particularly for the children of migrants. How does the family ensure that their children marry within the community if the community is spread across the world?

Do they allow their children to marry outside the community? How do they bridge the cultural gap if this becomes the case? Arranged, forced, and cross-cultural marriages all have their own particular issues. In terms of mixed race marriages, the first generation of migrants tends to expect their children to marry within their people group. Subsequent generations and waves of migrants tend to be more open to marrying outside their race or caste, as the communities become more familiar with their adopted culture. However, there is a need for good role models that represent successful cross-cultural marriages.

With arranged marriages, some communities have again found the Internet useful in connecting people together. Marriage bureaus have gone online, and some of these have really taken off. Take the example of www.shaadi.com, which is a web site that has introduced Muslim, Hindu, Sikh and Christian marriage partners since 1997, across the world. There are undoubtedly opportunities for Christian organizations here.9

Then there are retirement issues. Elderly migrants are put into retirement homes when they expect their families to look after them to the end of their years. Many choose to return to their home countries at retirement, but this is waning. If they do remain in retirement homes, how can we minister to their feelings of unsettlement and isolation? Here too, there are opportunities for Christian organizations to seek out and help elderly South Asians retiring away from their home country.

Secondary MigrationAs I mentioned above, individuals and whole people groups have migrated between countries for centuries. But as travel has become easier and more affordable, and the reasons for migration have multiplied, secondary migrations and further waves of migration have ensued, and will continue. People have moved from Asia to the UK and Europe, and on to North America, Africa, Australia and New Zealand, with families also moving between these nations. However, these multiple migrations are leading to a fallout in all of these countries, as displaced people face issues of poverty, isolation, rejection and culture shock.

9 More than a Wedding! (2008) is another pioneering resource for South Asian couples from Care for the Family.


When traumatic events take place, like 9/11 in the US or the London bombings in July 2005 (‘7/7’), people who appear to be ‘different’ can face enormous tensions and alienation.10 The credit crunch has hit everybody, including migrants who are often at the sharp end of things. They may have moved to the US for a job, but then found themselves redundant. There is a need for debt counseling, and counseling people about which country they should relocate to.

I have also seen examples of ethnic peoples hitting the poverty line across the developed world. In American supermarkets you will find food parcels for the poor, and shelters with food packs. If poverty hasn’t already hit South Asian families in your city, it may just be a matter of time.

In summary, there is a growing need for counselors to minister to the South Asian migrant’s soul. There are people suffering from isolation and loneliness, alienation and rejection through racism, and the pressure to succeed and support their families. Our job as Christians and counselors is to find them, befriend them, and begin to meet their needs.

ReferencesGidoomal, R. (1993). Sari ‘n’ Chips. England, UK: MARC-South Asian Concern.Gidoomal, R. (1997). The UK Maharajas. England, UK: Middlesex University

Press.Gidoomal, R, Mahtani, D. and Porter, D. (2001), The British and How to Deal

with Them: Doing Business with Britain’s Ethnic Minorities. England, UK: Middlesex University Press.

Sutcliffe, S. (1998) Good News for Asians in Britain. Cambridge: Grove Books Limited.

Wardell M. and Gidoomal, R. (1994) Chapatis for Tea: Reaching your Hindu Neighbour. Guildford: Highland Books.

Wardell M. and Gidoomal, R.(1996) Lions, Princesses, Gurus: Reaching your Sikh Neighbour. Guildford: Highland Books.

Other Helpful SourcesAaraadhanaa Ho, London, South Asian Concern, 2003.Asian Parenting Matters, Cardiff, Care for the Family (2008) www.

careforthefamily.org.ukBelonging, Believing, Behaving: British Asian Discipleship in the 21st Century,

Jewels in His Crown (2000).Catalyst for Change: The South Asian Diaspora, London: South Asian Concern (2005).

10 Friends, Strangers, Citizens? Life in Britain post 7/7 (2007) is a DVD discussion resource in which community leaders, young people and people on the street give their views on issues such as the threat of terror and the role of religion.


Celebrating Together, London: South Asian Concern (2000).Looking for Directions: Towards an Asian Spirituality, London: South Asian

Concern (2006). (www.southasianconcern.org).Masala Bridge Builders, London: South Asian Development Partnership (2005).More than a Wedding! Cardiff, Care for the Family (2008) (www.careforthefamily.

org.uk). The New People Next Door: A Call to Seize the Opportunities, Lausanne Committee

for World Evangelization (LOP 55), 2005.

2Landscape: Mental Health Needs of

South Asian IndiansThomas Kulanjiyil

IntroductionThe Asian Indian population is said to be the second largest ethnic group within the Asian American community in North America. They constitute about 16.4% of the Asian American population. Yet, you seldom see an Asian Indian in a counseling office. As a community, Asian Indians utilize mental health services very marginally. Does this mean that there are no mental health issues in the Asian Indian community? No, that is far from the truth. There are several reasons why they do not seek specialized counseling. Firstly, people are reluctant to seek professional counseling because it will stigmatize not only the person who needs help, but also the entire family. Secondly, the myth of the “model minority” has a negative effect on the community, resulting in the denial of mental health problems. And thirdly, there is a conflict between Indian cultural values and values implicit in North American counseling and psychotherapy. North American psychology sees development of the individual self as the essence of mental health, whereas for Asian Indians, self-centered interests cannot transcend familial obligations and loyalty (Das & Kemp, 1997). The other factors might include prejudice about mental illness, ignorance regarding the benefit of counseling, and also the lack of culturally sensitive counseling services available in their communities (Poterotto, Fuertes, & Chen, & 2001). In the discussion that follows I shall identify major areas where the Asian Indian community in North America can benefit from counseling services offered through professional or religious agencies.


Immigration and Acculturation IssuesImmigration is a painful experience for most Asian Indians as they are being uprooted from a familiar environment and displaced in a totally different setting, leaving behind close relatives and friends. Most people attempt to cope with their sense of loss by thinking that their stay in the country is only temporary, and that they would return to their motherland, once their children have received good education and secured stable careers. However, in reality, the longer one stays in the West, the harder it becomes to go back. Their commitment to the children and their families often keeps them in the West for the rest of their lives. Nearly all Asian Indian immigrants still keep active ties with their family and friends back home, and would visit them whenever possible.

Das & Kemp (1997) observed that a typical Asian Indian family in its native setting was rooted in a tight network of close relatives and friends. With immigration, these networks were disturbed, and the family had to establish new societal contacts out of which new social support systems had to develop. In the intervening time, the capacity of the family to provide emotional support to its members was negotiated. Such circumstances led to strained relationships between husbands and wives, especially if the husband had a demanding career and the wife was home alone unable to develop much contact with the outside world. This often created a great deal of stress in the family leading to emotional and physical illness. McGoldrick and Giordano (1996) agreed with this observation when they stated,

“…migration is so disruptive that it seems to add an entire extra stage to the life cycle for those who must negotiate it. Adjusting to a new culture is not a single event, but a prolonged developmental process that affects family members differently, depending on their life cycle’s phase. Migration in later life can be especially difficult because families are leaving a great deal of their life experience and socio-cultural resources behind.”

It is estimated that at least 50% of Asian Indians are recent immigrants, and for many, the initial adjustment to the American society is significantly stressful. Sandhu, Portes and Mcphee (1996) have identified at least six major elements of acculturation stress. They include perceived discrimination, homesickness, perceived hate, fear, stress due to culture shock, and guilt for leaving loved ones behind. Adaptation to societal norms, cultural values, and daily behaviors of the prevailing group constantly cause inevitable psychological distress and problems for members of acculturating groups. As a result, “…

23Landscape: Mental Health Needs of South Asian Indians

threats to cultural identity, powerlessness, feelings of marginality, a sense of inferiority, loneliness, hostility, and perceived alienation and discrimination become major mental health concerns” (Sandhu, Portes, & McPhee, 1996, p 22.). Greater the level of acculturative stress, the less likely one would develop adaptive skills for the accumulation, and for such persons acculturation takes a long time.

One major obstacle for the new immigrant to overcome is discrimination in the job market, and this is especially true during periods of economic downturn. Dutta (1982) identified several factors that affected the Asian–Indian-job market in the United States. Asian Indians were “alien faces” to prospective American employers. Their unfamiliar names and Asian accents created barriers to finding jobs. Further, the employers preferred U.S. citizens over Asian Indians with an “alien” status. Even when Asian Indians successfully cleared the initial screenings by potential employers, they still had to face the obstacle of obtaining job references. Employers normally did not validate job references from India; these needed to be from jobs held in the U.S. When it came to career advancement and promotions, Asian Indians were definitely discriminated against. (Smith, 2009; Krings & Olivares, 2007).

Sandhu et al (1996) point out that the acculturation process is a significant cause for stress as it involves the individual undergoing major changes in his or her ethno- cultural orientation. The individual can experience “threats to ethno-cultural identity, feelings of powerlessness, inferiority, and alienation as well as a sense of marginality and hostility.” This may be a reality all immigrants in this country are to reckon with. In comparison to other Asian communities in the American society, some have described the Indian community as an “invisible community.” They lacked organized efforts to register their presence in American politics and were satisfied with whatever fortunes they were able to make in this country. It has been suggested that at least part of the reason for this quandary is their sense of powerlessness as a minority to influence the power structures. The glaring exceptions are the handful of wealthy individuals who have personally influenced some politicians recently.

Major Psychological ProbelmsMajor psychological problems that warrant interventions for South Asians are mood disorders, anxiety disorders, adjustment disorders, psychosomatic disorders, and substance abuse disorders (Gosh, 2008). Other disorders include personality disorders, especially dependent


personality disorder, and narcissistic personality disorder. These conditions go undiagnosed and people live with these problems for many years because they never seek help.

In general, one psychological problem which people are willing to get help for is depression. Usually that help is sought from a primary care physician rather than a psychologist or a counselor. In addition to heredity factors, immigration and acculturation-related stress, unemployment, marital discord, family dysfunction and pre-existing medical conditions can cause depression. According to Varma and Chakrabarti, Asian Indian depressives tend to somatize more often than Western ones. The prevalence of guilt feelings has been reported to be less in Asian Indian patients than in their American counterparts. Suicide rates are much less among Asian Indians than the Americans, though suicidal ideation and unsuccessful suicidal attempts are quite common (Varma & Chakrabarti, 1995).

Older Adults: A Neglected PopulationAccording to one recent estimate, in the US today, there are about three million people of Asian Indian origin and about 350,000 are 60 years and older. These elderly immigrants include two types: early and recent. Early immigrants are those who left India for job and educational opportunities in the late sixties and early seventies and are now seniors. Recent immigrants are those who left India as seniors mostly sponsored by their adult children (Prasad, 2009). I would like to focus our discussion here primarily on the second type, the recent elderly immigrant.

It is not uncommon for an average Asian Indian household to have living with them at least one elderly parent of either of the couple. While parents visiting from India may stay in the country anywhere from three to six months, a good number of these elderly people are either legal immigrants or naturalized citizens. This situation opens up several problems for the family. Firstly, a type of joint-family system is recreated in a new social and cultural environment. In this context, intergenerational conflict is an inescapable reality. Secondly, these elderly parents suffer from social isolation, often leading to depression. They lack socialization opportunities and sorely miss members of their own community. They rarely engage meaningfully with life. It is said that these older adults are merely “baby sitters” for their grandchildren, or simply a burden. Thirdly, for most part of the day they are confined to a house or an apartment. They have limited resources for adult interaction, recreation and meaningful relaxation. Many of


them become sick within a short span of time. This leads to the fourth issue, limited and inadequate medical resource. Almost all of them are economically dependent on their children, and even if the family is able to provide some insurance coverage or qualify them for Medicaid, western medicines often have limited benefits for them. A number of these people have pre-existing conditions like diabetes, asthma, hyper tension, and other health problems. Many of them are used to alternative medicines like Homeopathy or Ayurveda. This makes medical decisions much more complicated. Fifthly, with very little possibilities for cultural adaptation at this age, these elderly immigrants regularly experience conflicts with their children and grandchildren on cultural values and norms. Sixthly, it is not unusual for siblings to willingly or forcefully take turns hosting their parents for temporary periods, in order to alleviate the burden of care-giving on any one person. Nonetheless, this rotation creates more problems for the old parents because they are constantly shifted from house to house, place to place, and region to region. At an advanced age it is not easy for them to make such sudden transitions, and many of them suffer from adjustment disorders. Lastly, the working Asian Indian immigrant finds it difficult to effectively fulfill his/her culturally imposed filial duty elevating their own stress levels and creating new situations of relational conflicts with the parents as well as with other family members.

In exceptional cases, a small number of these elderly adults are transitioned either to an older adult’s home, or a nursing home, but have difficulty with adjustments there too. The American elder care system is not effectively prepared to meet the needs of this population. Language, food, life-style, cultural sensitivity, socialization and recreation opportunities are major problems for them. While visiting an Asian Indian resident in a nursing home facility the person told me, “I don’t eat much; I drink a few cups of coffee daily. All that I need is some Indian rice soup.” Yet in another facility, the Indian resident said, “I limit myself to this room. I seldom get out or talk to anybody.” The individual was able to speak only in her native Indian language creating a major communication barrier. Awareness of these problems and needs, on the part of family members and care givers can help effectively serve this culturally diverse population.

In 1977, Sandhu and Aspy remarked that researches focused on the needs of the Asian American older generation were extremely scant. Even after thirty years, the mental health community continues to ignore the real needs of this special population, despite the fact that the Asian Indian older population is increasing at a rapid rate. I have had a few opportunities to work with such elderly clients, and in all


cases depression and adjustment issues were the major clinical foci. Although such individuals seem to resist professional counseling, they do connect well with counselors who are culture sensitive and have the ability to speak their language.

Intergenerational IssuesAs is the case with many other immigrant communities in the United States, children of Asian Indian immigrants too need to socialize with two cultures, the culture of the family and the culture of the larger American society. However, conflicts often arise between parents and children on matters of cultural values and norms. In their survey of the two Indo-American samples, parents and college students, Kar, Campbell, Jimenez, & Gupta (1995/96) identified five psychosocial factors that affected the quality of life of Asian Indian immigrants. These include identity and assimilation into the American culture, intergenerational conflicts, criteria for marital preferences, gender role conflicts and marriage and divorce. The study revealed that students were more comfortable than their parents with the American life style. The students spoke English at home more often than their parents and were able to be-friend people of non-Indian ancestry. Compared to the parents, the students were more bi-cultural. Also, about one-third of the fathers and mothers still retained their Indian provincial identity such as Punjabi, Bengali, Gujarati, etc.

The most important source of intergenerational conflicts and psychological distress is the clash of values between parents and children on dating and marriage preferences (George, 2006). Any personal choice inconsistent with parental wishes, is perceived by them as a threat to their parental status and their right to control their children’s behavior. The younger generation placed greater emphasis on individualism and the search for personal identities.

Three criteria considered most important in a marital partner are similar ethnicity, religion and language, in that order. The issue of an individual’s caste in marital decisions reinforced by the first generation immigrants, appears to be slowly disappearing among the second and third generations, and this is often a source of conflict between parents and children.

Marital DiscordUpon immigration to the U.S., Asian Indian women find greater freedom for self-expression and independence. However, this new found freedom may often clash with traditional cultural values. Marital


conflicts may arise on issues of gender roles, and marital expectations. Rejecting the North American notion of an egalitarian relationship between spouses, men may insist on traditional gender roles. Indian working women, in addition to their work-related responsibilities, are expected to raise their children, and take the lion’s share of domestic chores. Asian Indian women in America are forced to develop “two different personalities,” one as the assertive career woman appropriate for the American working culture, and the other as a subordinate woman in the home. The development of two “different personalities” can have devastating long-term effects. It is emotionally difficult for these women to assert their newly-developing sense of self within these restrictive roles (Kar et. al. 1995/96).

Divorce among Asian Indians is on the rise, especially in the last ten years. The Indian community seems to have greater tolerance to divorce these days than in the past, and remarriage of divorced persons is more acceptable and common. Yet, while both men and women do suffer the social consequences of divorce to some degree, the greater effect is said to be on women. The larger Asian Indian community is still not open to the idea of divorce, although tolerance levels have improved. The remarriage of a woman divorcee is harder than a divorced man in the Asian Indian community. This creates a great deal of psychological stress to the woman which might lead to social isolation, increased stress, and depression.

The Asian Indian community can greatly benefit from both premarital and marital counseling. With changing attitudes to traditional marriages, both in India and in the West, one can expect short lived marriages. This will be a major crisis the community would face in the future. As a preventative approach, pre-marital counseling is highly recommended. Marital enrichment programs that are more culturally relevant can strengthen marriages and health of families. Mere adaptation of Western models of these counseling programs may not be very effective, and therefore, Asian Indian initiatives have to be undertaken.

Domestic violence is one of the pervasive problems of the Indian society and studies in the U.S. reveal that domestic abuse is widespread in the Asian Indian community (Grossman & Lundy, 2007, Raj & Silverman, 2003). Already there are a few domestic violence shelters and treatment programs in full operation in such major cities as New York, Chicago and Houston, where there is a large presence of Asian Indians. These agencies are run by Asian Indians, and more such programs are needed in other parts of the country.


Obviously, there are many more problems Asian Indian Americans face and they can benefit from counseling. A unified effort on the part of the Asian Indian community, social organizations, religious organizations, and mental health community, could enhance counseling to this population. By tapping resources from within the community and networking with other mental health agencies, we can extend the benefit of counseling services to a wider Asian Indian community.

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