Can Patients be Friends?

Patients in hospital experience a wide range of emotions. Those of us who have been ‘on the other side of the stethoscope’ will know some of these first hand – apprehension, fear, confusion, questioning (why has it happened to me?). Sadly, many also experience other things – isolation, loss of control, and depersonalization. Staff seem so busy doing their professional things that there is no time even to acknowledge the existence of patients as human beings. When I was in hospital following an operation for cancer, I experienced some very good compassionate care, but I also experienced one of the bleakest moments of my life. Three days post-op I had been taken to X-ray as there was a fear I had a pulmonary embolus. It was Easter Sunday and no one was there, so I was left alone on a stretcher whilst the duty radiographer came in. The time seemed immense, I felt abandoned, and then my drip ran out. There was no-one to call – and then someone in a white coat came past. The relief was enormous and I called out. Instead of responding, she walked past with a gesture that said, “You’re not my concern”. I can still remember the feeling. At such a time, the basic human need is to feel secure, loved and cared for. To know that the organisation as a whole cares for him or her. Even though you may not have direct responsibility for a particular patient, how you treat them affects them deeply. Just an acknowledgement that they are there, as a fellow human being in distress may bring a reassurance that takes away some of the fear that may harm their recovery – and the reciprocation is that their warmth towards those who care brings its own reward to our own stressful lives. The idea of friendship with patients may seem strange to many, but as Dr Loxterkamp points out in ‘A Friend in Need’ (BMJ 2008;337:a528) if we can establish this professional attitude of friendship: “What we give our patients—in spite of our pace and preoccupation—is a sense of connection, the feeling that they are personally known. And to be known and loved in spite of everything is the deepest of human desires. It

grows especially keen during illness, when patients are frightened, battered, exhausted, or hopeless, and they suddenly realise that time is running out.” The full text can be accessed at: http://www.bmj.com/cgi/content/full/337/jul01_1a528maxtoshow=&HITS=10&hits=10&RESULTFORMAT=&fulltext=friend&searchid=1&FIRSTINDEX=0&volume=337&resourcetype=HWCIT Please read it. So may I suggest next time you pass by the bed of a patient or an anxious relative, at least acknowledge their existence with a nod, a smile or a simple greeting. They will feel better – and so will you. If riches can be measured by the number of friends we have, then doctors and nurses can be the richest people on earth. Dr John Geater MBE PRIME International Director