building resiliency skills in young children: strategies for parents of elementary age students

Building Resiliency Skills in Young Children: Strategies for

Parents of Elementary Age Students

Cyndi McCrea, M.EdSchool Counselor

Maureen Fulkerson,M.EdSchool Counselor

Kristi Hockensmith, Ph.D. School Psychologist

Agenda Define Resiliency and why it is

important Discuss characteristics of resilient

families and individuals Learn what you can do at home to

promote resiliency in your own children.

Learn how the school system can help develop resilience in children

What is Resiliency? Resiliency is the ability to overcome

challenges of all kinds–and come back stronger and wiser.

It’s our ability to bounce back when things don’t go as planned and “pull ourselves up by our bootstraps”.

"I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work."– American inventor, Thomas Edison

Why is it Important to Be Resilient?

Research has suggested that resilient individuals are more successful in school and jobs, are happier in relationships, and are less susceptible to depression.

Resilience helps people deal with stress and adversity, overcome disadvantage and be open to new opportunities.

Werner, E. & Smith, R. (2001). Journeys from childhood to midlife: risk, resilience, and recovery. Cornell University Press; New York

Why do we need it? Resiliency makes us stronger Resiliency makes it easier for us to

bounce back after tough times Resiliency helps us cope with life’s

challenges

Activity

Think back to a rough time in your own life. Picture that period in your mind. What did you do that helped you get through that time? Share with your neighbor some of the things you did. You don’t need to share the details of the event, rather focus on the actions that helped you get through.

Resiliency: Strength Under Stress (2009) Retrieved 10/1/13 from: http://fyi.uwex.edu/familyresiliency/files/2011/08/ResiliencyTeachingUnit.pdf

Activity Now think about that same rough time

and identify what qualities were really helpful in keeping you resilient. For example, maybe it was a sense of humor. Share again with your neighbor.


Family Stress All families experience stress from time

to time. What are some normal, predictable

causes of family stress? What are some unexpected causes of

family stress?

Characteristics of Resilient Families

Nine “Keys to Resilience” in three areas› Family Belief Systems

Make Meaning of Crisis and Challenge Maintain a Positive Outlook Value spirituality

› Family Organization and Resources Flexible Connected Supported by social and economic resources

Characteristics of Resilient Families Continued:Froma Walsh http://fyi.uwex.edu/familyresiliency/

› Family Communication Share clear, consistent messages Openly express emotions Use collaborative problem solving

Walsh, F. (2006) Strengthening Family Resilience (Second Edition). New York: The Guilford Press

Herman, P., Peterson, P., &,Schaaf, J. (2009). Family Resiliency. Retrieved from http://fyi.uwex.edu/familyresiliency/

Sources of Resilience for Children

I HAVE› Trusting Relationships› Structure and Rules at Home› Role Models› Encouragement to be autonomous› People who help me when I need them› Access to health, education, and security

systems

Sources continued I AM

› A person people can like and love› Glad to do nice things for others and express empathy› Proud of myself› Respectful of myself and others› Willing to take responsibility for my actions› Sure things will be all right

I CAN› Talk to others about my problems› Find ways to solve problems that I face› Control myself› Find someone to help me if I need it

Grotberg, E.H. (1995). A guide to promoting resilience in children: Strengthening the human spirit. Retrieved from: http://resilnet.uiuc.edu/library/grotb95b.html

General Ways to Foster Resiliency in Children

Provide unconditional love and support Provide ample time for communication about the day’s events,

feelings, and thoughts Demonstrate forgiveness and reconciliation after disciplining

children Help children develop problem solving skills instead of fixing

problems for them Offer encouragement to persist when children are confronted by

obstacles Expect children to carry out age appropriate chores or duties that

contribute to the welfare of the family Encourage children to give time to worthy causes or assist others Involve children in family decision makingResiliency Resource Centre (2005). Retrieved 10/1/2013, from

http://www.embracethefuture.org.au/resiliency

Specific Ways to Foster Resiliency at Home-Emotional Skills Resiliency Resource Centre (2005). Retrieved 10/1/2013, from http://www.embracethefuture.org.au/resiliency

Teaching Emotional Skills› Help Children Develop an Emotional Vocabulary (e.g. use emoticons)› Teach kids that all emotions are okay, it is what we do with our

emotions that is key Managing Anger

› Help children recognize when they are angry (e.g. tight chest, ‘hot’ face, clenched fists)

› Techniques to reduce anger Deep breathing Time out Seeking adult help to resolve conflicts if needed The “Turtle Technique”

Recognizing signs of anger Thinking “STOP” Going into one’s “shell” to deep breathe, think calming thoughts Coming out of the shell when calm and brainstorm solutions to the problem

Emotional Skills Continued Sadness and Depression

› Recognizing the difference between the two (sadness is normal state, depression is an emotional disorder characterized by despair, loss of interest in activities, hopelessness, etc.

› Talk about the feelings in a supportive, caring, non-judgmental way. Remind them they have been sad in the past and have come through it.

› Exercise- a natural anti-depressant› Keep doing enjoyable activities› Challenge pessimism gently

Resiliency Resource Centre (2005). Retrieved 10/1/2013, from http://www.embracethefuture.org.au/resiliency

Emotional Skills Continued Fears and anxiety

› Part of resiliency is overcoming fears and anxiety as the result of a previously bad experience. Feeling the fear and doing it anyway is a sign of resilience.

› Explain the meaning of courage Doing something that needs to be done despite feelings of

nervousness or anxiety› Praise kids for being brave. Share your own experiences.› Encourage kids to “Get back on the horse that threw you.”

Try not to be overprotective. “Don’t handicap your children by making their lives easy.” – Robert Heinlein.But don’t push too hard


Ways to Foster Resiliency at Home-Problem Solving Skills

Effective problem solving is critical for resiliency Problem Solving Process

› Identify the Problem› Generate solutions› Evaluate the solutions and choose best possible one,

implement› Evaluate the outcome, if not successful begin at #2

again Encourage autonomy-related to personal responsibility

› Assist in children’s problem solving rather than solving for them

› Encourage them to take on age appropriate responsibilities and challenges

› Allow them to experience consequences for actions› Teach kids it’s okay to make mistakes and fail to create

environment of appropriate risk takingResiliency Resource Centre (2005). Retrieved 10/1/2013, from


Ways to Foster Resiliency at Home-Problem Solving Skills-Continued

Coping Skills› Teaching kids to ask for help when needed

and knowing where to seek it› Modeling good coping skills and showing

children to have a sense of humor › Observe the way your child copes with stress

and teaching alternative problem solving solutions

› Teach the benefits of exercise and good diet.Resiliency Resource Centre (2005). Retrieved 10/1/2013, from


Ways to Foster Resiliency at Home-Self-Esteem

Develop positive self-esteem that is rooted in real achievements and abilities.› Focus on strengths rather than deficiencies› Refrain from harsh criticism, sarcasm, put downs› Provide encouragement, support affection› Teach and model respect and concern for others› Entrust kids with age appropriate responsibilities› Encourage persistence in the face of obstacles› Involve kids in setting rules and boundaries

Self-efficacy is similar to self-esteem but domain specific (e.g. school, social, family). Closely tied to Locus of Control› People with an internal locus of control believe that they have the

power to effect the major events in their lives


Where do you go from here?

What do you already do to help strengthen your family and child’s resiliency?

What is one thing you could start doing additionally to foster resiliency in your self, home, and child?

How can you help others be resilient?


Resiliency: “It’s not what happens to you but what

you make out of what happens to you that makes you resilient.”- Jane Schaaf

Resiliency in the Schools Developmental Assets Power of Assets School Counselors

› Staff presentations› Guidance Lessons› Parent Support› Small Groups

These categories are further broken down into 40 assets.

Power to Promote Positive Outcomes

Exhibits Leadership

Maintains Good Health

Values Di-versity

Succeeds in School

0%

25%

50%

75%

100%

45%

29% 31%

8%

63%

51% 52%

20%

77% 73%69%

38%

86%91%

84%

58%

0-10 assets

11-20 assets

21-30 assets

31-40 assets

Power to Protect fromHigh-Risk Behaviors

Alcohol Use Violence Illicit Drug Use Sexual Activity0%

25%

50%

75%

100%

44%

60%

41%34%

23%

34%

19% 21%

9%14%

6%11%

2% 4%1% 3%

0-10 assets

11-20 assets

21-30 assets

31-40 assets

Two Shifts

Beyond programs Relationships

Second Shift

From fixing young people’s

problems

First ShiftPromoting young

people’s strengthsto

to

Promote School Connectedness

• Create trusting and caring relationships that promote open communication

• Use effective classroom management and teaching methods to foster a positive learning environment

• Provide learners with the academic, emotional, and social skills necessary to be actively engaged

Source: U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention

Used with permission as part of the Building Developmental Assets in School Communities Training of Trainers workshop. Copyright © 2008, 2012 by Search Institute, 800-888-7828, www.search-institute.org/training. 30

Caring relationships

AppreciationAcceptance

Lessons on Diversity, Friendship, Inclusion

Support


EmpowermentA chance to contribute

Feeling safe and valued

Lessons on Bully Prevention, Self Esteem,

Career Exploration


Boundaries and Expectations

Rules and consistent consequences

Encouragement

Lessons on PBIS Expectations, Decision

Making


Constructive Use of TimeTime well spent

outside the classroom and school

to learn and develop skills and interests

Lessons on Time Management, Study Skills,

Prioritizing


Commitment to Learning

Learning for a lifetime

Belief in own abilities

Lessons on Persistence, Responsibility, Study

Skills


Positive ValuesGuiding principles and values

to make healthy choices

Internal compass

Lessons on Character Traits, Self Control, Avoiding Risky

Behavior

Social Competencies

Relationship, problem-solving, and coping

skills =

Life skills

Lessons on Friendship, Conflict Resolution, Peer Pressure

Sense of purpose, power, and promise

for future

Lessons on Self Esteem, Career

Choices, Goal Setting

Positive Identity

Guidance Lessons touch on many assets.Bully Prevention

Caring School Climate – Asset 5Youth as Resources – Asset 8Safety – Asset 10School Boundaries – Asset 12Positive Peer Influence – Asset 15Bonding to School – Asset 24Resistance Skills – Asset 35

Small Groups Building Resiliency Lunch Bunch

› 30 minutes› During lunch› 3-4 students from the same grade level› 8 weekly sessions

Sessions focus on:

Building Resiliency1. Being Healthy2. Goal Setting3. Problem Solving4. Understanding and Communicating Feelings5. Managing Stress6. Personal Competence7. Social Competence8. Positive Outlook

Sample Activity Personal Competence: Letter to

yourself activity› Create a word splash. Write your name in

the center of the paper and write words around it that describe you. Add accomplishments and skills you feel good about.

› Use your word splash to write a letter to yourself of positive things you would like to hear someone close to you to say.

Word Splash

Sally

happyAlways helpfulHard-

workingFriend

Letter to yourself Dear Sally,

You are so helpful and happy all he time, it is no surprise you are a great friend.

Keep up your hard-work in school and at soccer practice, you can do anything!

Sincerely,Sally

Benefits of Building Resiliency Lunch Bunch

Focuses on the child, not the problem Strengths and assets are emphasized Combines skill-building with counseling

Other types of Small Groups School counselors offer a variety of

small group counseling opportunities based on the needs of students.

Referrals to and requests for small groups typically come from teachers but can be made by parents as well.

Common Topics Study Skills Social Skills Friendship Skills Separation and Divorce Self-Esteem Anxiety Managing Stress Perfectionism

Topics correlate with Development AssetsSmall Group Topic Developmental Asset

Friendship Skills #36 Peaceful Conflict Resolution#32 Interpersonal Competence

Study Skills #21 Achievement and Motivation

Self-Esteem #38Self-Esteem

Anxiety #35 Personal Power

Resiliency in the Schools School Counselors foster

Developmental Assets through› Staff presentations› Guidance Lessons› Parent Support› Small Groups

building resiliency skills in young children: strategies for parents of elementary age students

Documents

family resiliency

family resilience

resiliency skills

resilient individuals

rough time

young children

froma walsh http

school system