OCTOBER 2014

“Autumn is a second spring when

every leaf is a flower.”~Albert Camus

Continued...

w How do I know a group might be for me?

People who participate in bereavement groups either lack regular social support (few supportive family members and friends) or they express concern about “burdening” these natural support systems with their ongoing experiences of grief. Moreover, if you feel a person who has experienced a similar loss might better understand your needs, a grief group is a great place to find such friends.

w�Where do I look for a group?

Hospices, hospitals, faith communities, senior centers and funeral homes are just a few of the organizations that either provide groups of their own or refer their constituents to groups in the community. We invite you to call our funeral home first; we can help connect you to the best resources in the community to learn about grief groups available.

In addition to general bereavement groups for people walking through any kind of loss, you will find groups for bereaved parents, groups for those whose loved one died by suicide, and groups just for widows and widowers, as well.

w�What should I ask about a group?

Ask anything about which you are curious, but start with these basics: When and where does the group meet? Does the group meet for a specific number of weeks or is it an ongoing group? May I join at any time? What is the fee for attending (most bereavement groups are free but some charge a nominal fee). Is the group led by a professional or a volunteer and what are his or her qualifications for this work? Do members of the group represent a broad cross-section of ages and types of loss or is the group more specific?

w�When will I know I don’t need the group any longer?

Especially when attending an ongoing support group, some bereaved

finding

SUP

PO

RT

for your grief

Many people have caring family members or a network of close friends who provide support in grief. Often, however, that support begins to disappear a few weeks or months after the death. This makes sense since most of these people did not have the same level of relationship with your loved one that you had. For people who think they could use just a little more support, a grief group can be a huge help. This month’s Chapters will answer some important questions you might have about the role of a grief group for you.

BARTOLOMEO & PEROTTO FUNERAL HOME INC.1411 Vintage Lane

Rochester, NY 14626585-720-6000

Sent to you courtesy of...

turning the pages through grief

“Providing Comfort To Families”www.familyfuneralhome.net

Mandy Luikens & Tiffany A. HoferOwners/Funeral Directors

Highmore, SD ● 605-852-2432 Miller, SD ● 605-853-3127Gettysburg, SD ● 605-765-9637 Faulkton, SD ● 605-598-4141

Eagle Butte, SD ● 605-964-3614

William G. Hoy is a counselor and educator with more than 25 years experience working with people in grief and the professionals who care for them. In addition to his oversight of a large hospice bereavement program, Dr. Hoy teaches on the faculties of Baylor University and Marian University.

{Bill Hoy • griefresources@msn.com

Created and owned by Madsen Ink, Co. • Copyright 2014

madsenink@comcast.net

...continued

Content is provided by Bill Hoy where indicated. Other content is from various sources and experts.

people wonder how they will know that it is time to stop attending. One older gentleman said, “I have been coming four months; I don’t want to wear out my welcome.” First, it is unlikely you will ever overstay your welcome in a grief group; people who lead groups understand that bereavement is experienced in a wide variety of ways.

You will likely know that your time as a participant in the group is growing to a close when you feel like you no longer get much benefit from attending. However, be aware that one way many bereaved people

“give back” is to remain in the group for a while to be an encourager to newer members for whom the grief experience is fresh. Your modeling and encouragement can be quite important in the bereavement journey.

Bereavement groups come in all shapes and sizes. Even if you attend a group that does not seem to “fit” you, try attending at least two or three times. Soon enough, you will know if

you connect with this group of people and will be able to discern whether the group will work for you.

—Bill Hoy

n�Rare Bird: A Memoir of Loss and Love by Anna Whiston-Donaldson (Convergent Books, 2014)

“I wish I had nothing to say on the matter of loss, but I do. Because one day I encouraged my two kids to go out and play in the rain, and only one came home.” In these simple words, Anna Whiston-Donaldson plunges into the story of despair she

encountered in loss and the hope she found in faith and friends. While this book is a “my story in grief” type of memoir, it is much more. This memoir is an opportunity to look in on a mother’s grief and to watch how she coped. We hear her talk about the role of family, friends, and the untold strangers who brought comfort.

What I think this book does best, however, is it allows the possibility that our faith will be “re-negotiated” through loss. Anna tells of how before Jack’s death she had a “buttoned-up” Christian faith with all the answers in place. Through his loss and the grief that followed, however, she has to find how that faith fits in the new realities of a child’s death.

This book is a fine example of how one mother has made meaning from her loss, has reaffirmed her faith in new ways, and has passed that story on in beautiful prose.

—Bill Hoy

{...people who lead

groups understand

that bereavement is experienced

in a wide variety

of ways.

There are a variety of online grief communities that can bring comfort, dialog, inspiration, and communication with others who are also grieving. This Facebook list may help you find one that is right for you.

www.facebook.com/GriefSpeaksOutGrief: Everything you’re feeling is normal. Sharing pics, quotes, laughter, tears, even curses.

www.facebook.com/faithfreegriefsupportFaith-free support for non-religious people grieving the death of a loved one.

www.facebook.com/GriefandLossTodayGrief and Loss Today is dedicated to providing excellence in grief support for those who have suffered a loss through death, disease, divorce, abuse or any of the other challenging events life contains.

www.facebook.com/grieftoolboxThe Grief Toolbox offers tools for finding hope along this journey.

www.facebook.com/TheAfterlossA space for those dealing with loss and grief. Your are invited to share what’s going on for you.

www.facebook.com/pages/Grief-by-NotesPeople may write and/or read short, anonymous notes to loved ones who have passed away. By sharing these notes, visitors feel connected to others dealing with grief and to those they have lost.