barrett's extras

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  • 1. OtherPieces

2. roven effectual by heretic Science-Men. What plagues you?Client: Thieves Lozenges www.Thieves.comAD: Alix HendryCW: Barrett Michael 3. efends thy body ll the from plague. marvels of leeching without the And thy nose mess offrom snifes. bloodletting. What plagues you?What plagues you? www.Thieves.comwww.Thieves.com 4. homepageIf WebMD were run by a mad medieval apothecary, it would look like this. The Thieves Apothecary talks patients through the perplexing world of ancient remedies and reveals why his lozenges have stood the test of time. 5. online diagnosisThe Apothecary examines patients through iSight, then proclaims whyhe recommends Thieves over other medieval medicines such as leeching, hemlock and animal excrement. xxxx 6. create your ownBecause everyone experiences sickness differently, the Apothecary allows patients to customize their own lozenges. These lozenges can be purchased online and delivered by motorized chariot (aka FedEx).!"#$%&'(&)** 7. Creditrepair.com :45 radio Black Market ________________________________________________________________SON:Hey, Dad. This is my fianc, Beth. BETH: Nice to meet you, Mr. Gunderson. DAD:(clearly disappointed) Oh. Hi. Son, can I talk to you alonefor a second? SON:Whats up? They whisper back and forth. DAD:What were you thinking? Shes a brunette. SON:Whats wrong with brunettes? Im a brunette. DAD:Exactly. Now youre never going to have blonde kids. Doyou know how much you get for a goldie locks on the blackmarket? SON:Dad, Im not selling my children. DAD:With your debt, you think you can afford to buy a housewithout selling a few kids? I taught you better than that. SON:Look, I went to Creditrepair.com. Theyre helping me get outof debt in ways that wont send me to federal prison. DAD:Hmmm. So your mothers right. The Internet is for morethan hardcore pornography. ANNCR:Creditrepair.com. Get out of debt without getting your handsdirty. Go online today for a free consultation. 8. Creditrepair.com :45 radio Mommy Gets the Chloroform ________________________________________________________________Sounds of approaching footsteps.Daughter:Good morning. Mommy, whats wrong?Mom: Bills. Second notice. Fourth notice. I alwaysknew it would come down to this.Daughter:Come down to what?Mom: Well, sweetie, theres a time in every womanslife when she has to fake the whole familys death andstart anew. Well have to steal other identities. Imthinking your Aunt Margaret and Cousin Shelly.Daughter:(starts to cry) Isnt there another way?Mom: Oh, there is. Creditrepair.com has nice, smart peoplewho help fix your credit and get you out of debt.But Mommy didnt pay her Wifi bill, so thats out. Now, go pack a small bag. Ill get thechloroform.ANNCR: Meet your financial goals without getting your handsdirty. Creditrepair.com. Go online today for your freeconsultation. 9. Creditrepair.com :45 radio The Arson Solution______________________________________________________________________ Sounds of wood, vinyl and drywall burning, flames whooshing.ROB: Oh, yeah. You like it hot, dont ya?An extra loud woosh. LOIS:Rob? ROB: Hey, honey. Youre home early. LOIS:What are you doing? ROB: Well, I was thinking about our credit issues. I know you told me to go to Creditrepair.com, with their online credit support and custom financial planning. But I got a little sidetracked and found this flamethrower on eBay.Another extra-loud woosh.Pretty sweet, huh? With the fire insurance money, well have more than enough to pay off the collection agencies. LOIS:Uh huh. How much did that flamethrower cost? ROB: I dunno. I charged it. .ANNCR: Creditrepair.com. Fix your credit without getting your hands dirty. Go online for your free consultation. LOIS:Rob, we dont have fire insurance.Sounds of house crumbling to the ground. 10. Chicago Dental :60 radio The British Smile______________________________________________________________________ Traffic. Cars honking. Other outside big city noises. AMERICAN MAN: Ahhh...the Thames River at sunrise. What a great way to begin the perfect British vacation. Im so happy I cant stop smiling.Footsteps approach.BRITISH WOMAN:Pardon me. Can you tell me which tube goes to Paddington Station?AMERICAN MAN: Ummmsorry. Im not from here.BRITISH WOMAN:Oh. Well. Cherio, then.AMERICAN MAN: That was strange.BRITISH MAN:Morning, mate. Catch the rugby match on the tele last night? We have the Wallabies a right good smashing.AMERICAN MAN: UhIm not British.BRITISH MAN:Youre not?AMERICAN MAN: Im American.BRITISH MAN:Oh. Right. The accent. But I could have sworn thatuh, nevermind. Carry on, then.AMERICAN MAN: Why does everyone think Im British?ANNOUNCER:If you need dental care, Chicago Dental can help.Footsteps retreat.MAN:Why does everyone think Im British?ANNOUNCER:If you need dental care, Chicago Dental can help. Chicago Dental specializes in whitening, restoring, and straightening teeth. With a healthy, beautiful smile, we guarantee no one will ever mistake you for being British. Call us at 404.872.775.