You're a pain, but let's get married anyway

March 5, 2005

SINGAPORE

SINGAPOREAN couples may not be happy with

their partners but they will still marry them

anyway, a global survey on relationships shows.

The poll of 716 couples who planned to wed

showed that 39 percent were unhappy in their

relationships, the highest proportion of nine

societies surveyed by a US-based marriage and

family therapy organisation.

The poll is the latest unflattering survey of ardour

in a wealthy population that chases what is

known in local parlance as the Five C's: career,

condominium, club, credit cards and cars.

Birth rates hit a record low in 2004 and an annual

survey by condom-maker Durex has ranked

Singapore for three straight years near the

bottom of its list of sexually active nations.

In the latest survey, only 14 percent of

Singaporeans described themselves as "very

happy" with their partners, the lowest of the

regions surveyed and compared with 48 percent

in the United States.

The polls were conducted as part of a US-based

programme known as PREPARE (Premarital

Personal and Relationship Evaluation) led by

David Olson, a retired University of Minnesota

professor and author of several books on family

therapy.

Other regions surveyed were Japan, Hong Kong,

Australia, Britain, Canada, Germany and New

Zealand. But Singapore's results stood out

sharply, said Olson.

"I'm surprised so many premarital Singaporean

couples are not as happy with their relationships

but are still planning to get married," Olson told

Reuters after releasing the findings at a

conference in Singapore.

Among those in the survey who consider

themselves unhappy, most cited disagreements

with their partners on a number of issues, or said

they disliked their partners' personality or that

there were problems communicating effectively.

In contrast, US couples ready to tie the knot

painted a far more blissful picture with nearly half

of 1000 surveyed indicating they were very happy

in their relationships.

Olson said couples in Singapore -- an island of 4.2

million people -- may be suffering because of a

reluctance to speak their minds about problems

to avoid confrontation.

"They are afraid to say what they think and are

afraid to disagree," he said.

1. What are some reasons people get married? (Romantic love, arrangement by parents, financial security, nothing else to do, other reasons) 2. What do you think is/are the best reason(s) for couples to "tie the knot?" 3. Would you recommend marrying for reasons other than "love?" Why or why not? 4. If a couple is not happy before marriage, do you think they will be happy together after marriage? 5. If you were a therapist, what would you suggest for people who aren't happy with their partners but want to get married anyway