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OUMH1303 ENGLISH FOR ORAL COMMUNICATIONFARRAH NORASHIKIN BT JUHARI 820216-14-5828001

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FACULTY OF EDUCATION AND LANGUAGES

OUMH1303

ENGLISH FOR ORAL COMMUNICATION

MAY 2014 SEMESTER

Name: FARRAH NORASHIKIN BT JUHARI

Matric Number:

NRIC: 820216-14-5828001

Telephone Number: 018-4700551

E-mail Address: [email protected]

Tutors Name: FADZILLAH BIN FADZIL

Learning Centre:

OPEN UNIVERSITY MALAYSIAKEDAH LEARNING CENTRE


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Good morning everyone. I am honored to be with you today to share my view on parenting,thank you for coming along to grace the Opening Day of Brainy Montessori. As a founder of thisinstitution, i feel extremely glad to see your highly cooperation and support towards us.

Every parent wishes to be the best parent in the world. But when the life turns into reality,most of the parents fail to remain best parents or at least good parents. How to know if you aregood parents to your children? Is there any easy method to understand if your parenting stylesare proper?

There can't be any specific rules or guidelines for parenting. Parenting is, in fact theinterpersonal relationship between parents and children. The depth, intensity or the methods orrelationship is highly personal and what works between few parents and children may not be thesame for certain parents and children.

There are multiple aspects to be considered to decide how the kids are to be brought up and whatapproach parents should adapt to grow up kids in the best way. Yet, behavioral experts suggestfew general aspects and approaches that are generally regarded as the elements of good parentingand being good parents to children.

All children behave as well as they are treated is one of the good parent quotes said by JanHunt. Lets see how authentic it is in todays scenario.

Raising children is one of the difficult at the same time most rewarding jobs in the world. With alittle patience and accepting a little assistance you can take the right steps on how to be a goodparent. There is no such good parent definition.

Here are a few tips to help you raise your children and also add essential characteristics of a goodparent in you.

Create Family Rituals:

Having special little customs gives you and your child an opportunity to connect, no matter whatelse is going on.


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Cooking a simple meal together, reading a story every night, planting a garden, playing a favoriteboard game -- these are the kinds of rituals that kids love. Be creative: One father I know got intothe habit of "shaving" with his 5-year-old son every morning, giving him foam and a toy razor.Another gets up early every Friday to take his daughter out to breakfast before they head off towork and school.

It doesn't really matter what your ritual is, as long as it's something you and your child bothenjoy. It's important that you continue doing it, even when you're frustrated with your child. Thisisn't a privilege that you take away as a punishment. It's something sacred that you do, everynight or every week or every month, as a way to connect.

Know Your Child's Personality:

The essence of being a great mom or dad is to really know your child's temperament and to tailoryour parenting style to take that into account. Every kid is different -- even in the same family. Ifyou understand each child's individual personality, and deal with that child in the way that suitshim best, you'll minimize conflict.

Two simple examples: If you have a very active child, you should avoid roughhousing with himin the evenings, which makes bedtime difficult. Instead, have him do a quiet activity to help himcalm down. Or maybe you have a child who has a difficult time with transitions. If so, you needto understand that giving her an advance warning when it's time to leave the playground willmake the shift easier for her. The better you adapt to your child, the less conflict there will be.

*Stanley Turecki, M.D., psychiatrist and author of The Difficult Child

Be A Good Role Model:

Every night, parents should ask themselves, "If my child had only my behavior to learn fromtoday, what would I have taught him?" Probably the most common mistake moms and dadsmake is that we say one thing and do another. We give our children lectures on self-control andpatience, and then explode when we get caught in traffic. We tell them not to gossip, and then


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turn around and do just that. We urge them to be honest, then let an 11-year-old order from amenu for kids under 10.

That's not to say parents have to be perfect. But when we fall down on the job, we need kids tolearn from our mistakes. If you lash out at your child when you're feeling stressed out, forexample, you should go back later and say, "I was wrong for yelling at you that way. I shouldhave stayed calmer. I'm sorry." By doing so, you're teaching your child the importance of respectand forgiveness. If you're dealing with a challenging situation, you need to let your child seeyou're doing your best to cope. When you acknowledge the difficulty ("We're all worriedbecause Daddy has lost his job, but everything will be okay"), you're showing your child that youcan manage tough times -- and that will help him learn to do the same.

Encourage Exploration:

Kids love to explore; it's an essential part of how they learn. When parents constantly say "Don'tdo that" or "Stay away from this," children learn to be timid and fearful of the unknown.Children who get lots of positive feedback from their parents as they explore new things will goon to grab life by the horns.

The most important thing you can do is to make sure your child's world is conducive toexploration. First, childproof your home so that she can roam around without getting hurt. Thenyou need to pay attention to your daily routine, and make sure there's always new stuff for her toexplore. Let her bang pots and spoons in the kitchen, and play with blankets made of differentfabrics in the linen closet. Introduce her to a variety of foods. Take her to libraries, parks, zoos,and art museums. If you encourage your child to be an active explorer as a baby and toddler, shewill embrace learning throughout life.

Set Clear Limits:

Children thrive when they grow up in a home that has structure, limits, and rules. But manyparents make the mistake of projecting their own feelings about rules onto their kids. As adults,we don't like people telling us what to do, and we think our children will react negatively torules. But kids need parents who can impose limits -- and not back down from them.


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I'm not saying to make rules just to prove you're the boss. It's important to set limits for a goodreason and to explain them to your kids in a loving and caring way. But studies show that havingrules and structure makes a child feel safe and secure and teaches self-control and self-reliance.

Be Your Child's Biggest Booster:

The single most important thing you can do for your children is to let them know you'reabsolutely crazy about them. Tell them often that they are terrific. Say, "You are the best thing inmy life." Research shows that these kinds of messages make kids resilient and help them dealwith disappointment, rejection, and the other unpleasant stuff that life routinely hands out.Surprisingly, a lot of children don't know how much their moms and dads appreciate them, andthat's because parents aren't getting the message across. Make a conscious effort to be positive --even when you're setting limits. Instead of criticizing a kid for fighting with a sibling, forexample, say something like, "I know that's not your best effort. I'm sure you love your brother alot more than you're showing him now." That lets your child know you have faith in him, thatyou believe in him -- and what can beat that

Make Family Time a Priority:

In recent years, there has been a lot of emphasis on keeping kids challenged -- and busy. Whenchildren are as young as 3 or 4, we sign them up for gym classes, music lessons, sports teams,and more. We're afraid that our children will fall behind if they don't participate in whateveryone else is doing. So we've become servants to our kids -- driving them here and there,scheduling our lives around their activities.

I think it's far more important to make family time your biggest priority than to cater toeverybody's individual activities all the time. Eat dinner as a family, even if it means your childwon't be able to make a soccer practice. Kids should carve out time for grandparents and otherrelatives too. Children also need lots of downtime when you can all just relax and be together asa family. Family bonds are an anchor for kids: Their activities will come and go, but familyrelationships will last a lifetime.


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Express Love and Affection to be a Good Parent

A warm cuddle, some encouragement, appreciation, or sometimes even a smile can do workwonders in boosting the confidence of your children. Tell them you love them the most being agood mother. Bestow lots of hugs and few kisses. Love them unconditionally; dont compel themto become that person who you think they should be just to deserve your love. Convince themthat you will always love them without any expectations. Let them know how special they are

.Express them how much they are important for you.

Respect their Privacy and be a Good Parent

Give space to them as you would want them to respect your privacy; for example, if you tell yourchild that your room is out of boundaries to him/her, do the same with his/her room. Let themfeel that once they enter their rooms they can assure that no one will peep through their drawers,or flip through their diary and never do it, you cannot be a bad parent.

Offer Safety to your Children

Most kids are generally scared when a lightning appears or when they have a horrible dream etc.some are insecure by nature. Based on your childrens nature, take right steps to feel themcomfortable, it makes a good parent.

Instill a Sense of Liability

Inculcate in them, a sense of belonging by manifesting individual and family photographs orportraits on the walls to set a good parent example.

Behave Well with your Spouse before your Children

Good parent never argue with their partner in front of the children. Recent divorce rates havemade children feeling insecure when they learned parents bickering. In addition, children willalso pick up the habit of arguing with each other the same way following their parents. Being agood parent, explain them when people disagree, they can sort out the differences by discussingpeacefully.


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Avoid favoritism and be a Good Parent

Surveys say that parents often have favorite kids, but most children expect they are the favorite.When your children quarrel, dont take sides.

Give up your Vices, become a Good Parent

Gambling, drugs, and alcohol can hinder your childs financial security. Smoking always adds

health hazards to your childs life. Second-hand smoke has been associated with variousrespiratory ailments in children. It could also cut down the life span of a parent. Drugs andalcohol might also become hazardous or pose violence to your childs environment.

Spend Sufficient Time with your Children to be a Good Parent

Your children need your time and attention. Spend time together by playing a game, going for awalk or reading a book. Be a good parent and take help of your children in cleaning the house orwater the garden. It is a proven fact that bad children demeanor is the outcome of lack ofattention, so spend time with them and make enable them feel responsible.

Being a Good Parent, Reward your Children

All children want to feel they are important part of family. Thats the reason they will always

strive to learn and advance. So, when they do or learn something new or when they behaviorproperly, tell them how magnificent that new thing was and how proud you are of them. Butdont forget to tell them to learn new things and more often playing a good parent.

Keep a Schedule for your Children

Children need to follow a schedule every day. It will enable them become disciplined individualsand you a good parent. For instance you can ensure entire family eats at particular time everyday, if possible. You can ask them to go to bed same time every day except, a few days likeSaturdays or Fridays. Ask your children clean their teeth when they wake up and before going tobed.


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Listen to your Children

Children always want to express something. They appear to have a personal opinion abouteverything and at the same time they are very inquisitive. Good parent would always listen tothem. Sometimes they will ask tough questions that may surprise you. Take time to discuss withthem and offer them simple and practical answers.

Avoid Criticism by Focusing on the Behavior

When your child acts in a harmful manner, being a good parent explain him/her that suchbehavior is intolerable and advise properly. They must know what they did wrong and why itwas wrong, so be a good parent, take time to explain to them. Criticize the behavior, not theperson. It makes a good parent. Be assertive still gentle when pointing out what they have notdone right. Avoid public criticism or humiliation. If they publicly misbehave, take them aside,and warn them privately.

Be a Role Model and Good Parent

Model the good parent behavior and character you expect your children should adopt and abideby the rules you set.Children tend to become what they witness and hear.

Dont Spank your Children

Number of parents, when frustrated, spank their children. Spanking introduces nothing exceptfear. If you feel frustrated or annoyed take a break. If you cant control yourself how you can

make your children have self control and discipline?

Dont Compare your Children

Never ever compare your children to others, specifically siblings. Each child is unique andpersonal. Enjoy their differences and inculcate in each child the desire to pursue their dreams.Failure may give your child an inferiority complex. Teach your children that its okay for themto be unique and they dont need to follow all others. Teach them right from wrong when at early

age, and they will be able to make their own decisions.


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Enable them Experience Life being a Good Parent

Dont make decisions on their behalf every time. They must learn how to live with the

circumstances from the decisions they make. They must know that their actions have results good and bad. It enables them in becoming good decision makers and will be ready forindependence and adulthood. You must explain to them options, and the consequences of eachoption, then live with whatever option they select.

Realistic Expectations

You must know your own requirements and limitations being a good parent: You should realizeyou cannot be a perfect parent, but a good parent.

You are having your strong points and weaknesses. If you have practical expectations from yourchild, the same should apply on you and your spouse also.

Being a parent is tough. Most of us feel like we could do a better job, but resolving to be morepatient rarely works. That's because sometimes the first step to being a better parent is actuallyabout how we treat ourselves. We can only give what we have inside. And if we can't manage

Lastly, I would like to share a good phrase with all of you. Attitude decides your altitude. Yes,attitude decides your altitude. Thank you. Best wishes to you and your children.


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REFERENCE:

*Craig T. Ramey, Ph.D., director of the Georgetown University Center on Health and Education and coauthor of Right From Birth: BuildingYour Child's Foundation for Life

*Kyle D. Pruett, M.D., clinical professor at the Yale Child Study Center and School of Medicine, and author of Me, Myself, and I: How ChildrenBuild Their Sense of Self

*Laurence Steinberg, Ph.D., author of The 10 Basic Principles of Good Parenting

*Michele Borba, Ed.D., author of Don't Give Me That Attitude!

*Stanley Turecki, M.D., psychiatrist and author of The Difficult Child

*William J. Doherty, Ph.D., professor of family and social science at the University of Minnesota, in St. Paul, and author of Take Back YourKids

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