the *drool* simon vetinari bc day 6

Break out your bibs and buckets: It's time for the *Drool* Simon Vetinari Bachelor Challenge!

This is Day 6: the last two SimSelves battle it out for the affections of the hottie bachelor!

Michelle looked over the instructions before she sent the e-mail to Simon. Hot tub, Slow Dance, Make Out... There was nothing she was forgetting.

She looked at the end of the e-mail and sighed. She deleted the words "Love, Mom" and hit Send. It wouldn't do to have Simon learn that the mastermind behind the Bachelor Challenge was his own mother.

Michelle shook her head. Had Cass and Gil really needed to dress like ninjas? She thought about Cass and chuckled. Of course they had.

She powered the computer down and headed down the block to watch the finale at the observation post.

MichelleFobbs/Michael Fobbs writes the Planetary Apocalypse. She is indeed married to Gen 5 Prettacy spare Chad, and is therefore Simon's mother.

At the end of the couch, Cass was trying to contain his mirth, and being entirely unsuccessful.

"Cass? Sweetie? What's so funny?" Gil asked.

"You'll see," Cass giggled.

Cass Vetinari: half-alien spare-spawn from the Vetinari DualegacyGilbert Jacquet: still a rogue baker

Theodore Harrison walked out of the bathroom. "Ah," he said. "I had assumed we would all be in our nightclothes. I had hoped to fit in today, not stand out, but it seems I am unsuccessful."

Theo is from Dicreasy's Victorian Legacy, and was the subject of a Bachelor Challenge won by my SimSelf.

"Cass?" Doc asked, never taking her eyes from Theo. "Did you tell Theo we were having another pajama party, perchance?"

"Maybe," Cass said.

"Cassidy," Doc replied, a warning note in her voice.

"OK, I may have told him that," Cass admitted.

Doc is my SimSelf (DrSupremeNerd). I write the Vetinari Dualegacy.

"That was bad of you," said Doc. "You shouldn't play tricks on Theo. Nummy Theo..." She shook her head to clear it. "I mean, you'll make him feel strange. Bad Cassidy. Poor Theo, having to walk around in his pajamas showing off his nummy tats... I mean, bad Cassidy."

Cassidy jumped onto Gilbert's lap. "I've been naughty," he said.

"Very naughty, playing tricks on Mr. Harrison," Gil agreed.

Cass leered at him. "You know, you could sp--"

"Don't we have a Bachelor Challenge to watch?" Di interrupted.

"Michelle's coming for the finale, remember?" Indy reminded her. "She should be here any minute."

"Right," Di said. "It'll be lovely to see her again."

Di is the SimSelf of Dicreasy, writer of the Victorian Legacy.Indy is Simon's uncle, a Gen 5 Prettacy spare.

Michelle walked in. Cassidy jumped up and gave her a hug. "Michelle! Haven't seen you since Spider's wedding! Gilbert loves me and my pants are squeaky and Theo is our new roommate and so is Indy and I made Theo wear his pajamas because Doc has a thing for him and plus I thought it would be sort of funny!"

Michelle gave Cass a tight squeeze. His stream-of-consciousness could be a bit hard to follow, but it was far better than the alternative. "Have you been watching the BC?" she asked.

"Uh-huh," Cass said. "Stacie's still in it. She used to live here. She liked to hug me." He shrugged. "I think everybody likes to hug me."

"You're very huggable," Michelle agreed.

Michelle plopped down on the spare loveseat. "Well? Let's see what that son of mine is getting up to!"

"I can think of a thing or three," Larch said with a salacious wiggle of his eyebrows.

Michelle rolled her eyes. "Not everyone is a naked hot-tubber."

"Wouldn't it be so much more fun if they were?"

Larch is my Gen 2 Uglacy heir. He periodically lets himself in and then doesn't leave. He doesn't get shooed away because I miss having him around.

"Come on," Michelle said. "Turn it on already! I want to know who my future daughter-in-law is going to be! I mean, I like them both and I'd be happy with either of them marrying Simon, but I'm dying to see how this plays out! It's way too close to call. He should be getting my last e-mail right about now, so let's go!"

Simon checked his e-mail for the last day.

More hot-tubbing? No big deal at this point. The notion of sitting half-naked in a tub of bubbly water with half-naked SimSelves no longer terrified him.

Slow Dance, with Head on Shoulders, Lower Hands, and Smooch? He'd never Slow Danced before. He hoped he could keep his feet on the floor, and not on the SimSelves' toes. Simon knew he'd feel awful if his own clumsiness was the difference between who stayed and who went.

Make Out. He'd known it was coming, and it made him nervous. It was something he'd never done before, and he didn't want to mess it up. It was somewhat of a relief to know that his houseguests would forgive any awkwardness.

Simon decided to eat before hitting the hot tub. He was immediately joined by Pen and Stacie.

"Isn't this exciting?" Pen asked. "I wish I knew who wins already!"

"Only because you think it'll be you," said Stacie with a wry grin. "I'm reminded of an adage involving the counting of unhatched eggs."

"I don't know," Simon said. "I'm sort of looking forward to the end of this, too. And not just in the sense of 'Please, Wright, let the torture be over' like I thought I would." He smiled at each of his guests. "I really do like you both, and I'll be sad to see one of you go."

He turned to Stacie. "I hope you don't mind hot-tubbing in the dark today. I think our sleep schedules have finally caught up with us!"

Stacie considered his statement. "I can definitely think of a few other ways to disrupt our sleep schedules."

Simon blushed. It seemed that even five days surrounded by beautiful SimSelves hadn't made him less susceptible to embarrassment from innuendo.

"I could start making 'sexy lamp' jokes if you'd rather," Stacie said.

"That's all right," Simon said. "It's not really a double entendre if it involves the word 'sexy,' is it?"

After lunch, Simon washed the dishes in the sink rather than repair the dishwasher. He'd repaired a leaky sink the night before while his guests had slept, but hadn't bothered to mop. Stacie and Pen decided to finish tidying the bathroom.

"You're only doing this because it's an excuse to get Simon's butt at eye-level, aren't you?" Stacie whispered.

"Duh," Pen replied. "Aren't you?"

"Did you say something?" Simon asked.

"Nope," said Stacie.

"I still think you're the hottest thing on two legs," Stacie said.

"Thanks," said Simon. "I know I always sort of made jokes about being cute, but it's still a bit weird having people tell me they agree with me!"

Simon decided to pay the bills before hot tubbing. "Pen? You're hot," he said, feeling the compliment come more easily when she was napping.

Finally, Simon headed for the hot tub. His guests wasted no time in joining him.

Drooltastic Simon Vetinari. Sagittarius 6/1/10/7/4 Knowledge Sim and hunky bachelor. Originally an unwilling participant, he's learned to enjoy the challenge, and has overcome his extreme shyness when it comes to interacting with the SimSelves.

Pen (penguingirl0384, writer of the Penguino Legacy) has a score of 164 coming into Day 6, with a double-crush, two bolts, and best friends with Simon.

Stacie (stacilee [boolprop.com]/stacierearden [Exchange] writes Whedonberry) is a very close second with a score of 160, and is also best friends with Simon and has a double-crush and two bolts.

Pen splashed Stacie.

"What, none for me?" Simon asked.

"I'll be sad if I have to leave tomorrow," Pen said.

"I'll be sad to see you go," Simon reiterated. He looked over at Stacie. "Either of you."

"Let's talk about something happy," Stacie said. "What about soccer?"

"Becks is cute," Pen said.

"Not as hot as Simon!" Stacie said, splashing Pen.

Simon laughed. "Other guys are allowed to be attractive, you know."

Stacie mumbled something that might have been "Archie."

"What about movies?" Simon said. "The new Bond opened Friday."

" 'Quantum of Solace' is sort of a dumb name, but Daniel Craig is..." Pen glanced over at Stacie. "...A very talented actor who looks good in a tux."

"Nice save," Stacie said.

"Have you heard about the Watchmen movie?" Stacie asked. "There's a rumor that the ending got changed, and if it's true, I'll be sooo disappointed, since the rest of it seems so true to the original graphic novel."

"Nerd," Pen said fondly as she splashed Stacie.

"Duh!" Stacie replied.

"What do you think of Supernatural this season?" Stacie asked. "I thought the last episode was great."

"I'm waiting for Dean's flashback," Simon said.

"I'm just glad the commercial breaks aren't all full of political ads anymore," Pen said. "Now we can all stop fighting and get back to normal."

Simon nodded. "It's so much nicer when every commercial isn't an attack of some sort."

Stacie raised an eyebrow. "Aren't you grouchy enough to love a little chaos?"

"Not quite that grouchy," Simon said. "Plus, you know, shy."

"We're all best friends now," Pen said. "So I guess I'll be sad to see you go, Stacie."

"Maybe I'll be sad to see you go, Pen," Stacie replied. "It's still anyone's game."

"So much drama!" said Pen. "You really are an actress."

"And proud of it!" Stacie confirmed.

"I'd still like to see you perform sometime, no matter what," Simon said.

"I guess we'll find out at noon whether you get a private performance." Stacie's grin was infectious, and Simon found himself smiling as well. He wouldn't mind a private showing one bit.

"You know, I'm surprised," Pen said. "Minimal 'sexy lamp' and 'Cass and Gil are gay' jokes. I figured Doc wouldn't be able to resist."

Stacie laughed. "Well, we're not exactly being cooperative there!"

"There are times when I have no idea what you're talking about," said a bemused Simon.

"I suppose you already know this, but there's more kissing today," Simon said.

"We did know that," Pen said with a nod, trying to ignore Stacie's attempt at splashing her.

"Making Out, right?" Pen said. "I know what that involves!"

"Booty grope!" giggled Stacie.

"What?!" Simon yelped.

"You couldn't let him find out the fun way?" Pen said, splashing Stacie.

Simon stifled a yawn. "Anyone want a snack before bed?"

Pen and Stacie nodded, and they all headed inside.

"I hope I don't crash and burn tomorrow," Stacie said. "I'd hate to get the boot for something dumb."

"I'm probably more worried than you," Simon replied. "I've never really done any slow dancing before, and definitely no making out."

"It'll go great!" Pen said. "I can tell."

Simon smiled at her. "I hope I can share your enthusiasm."

The three of them finished eating and headed to bed.

A coin-flip indicated that Simon should start the morning's activities with Stacie.

"May I have this dance?" he said with a grin.

"You most certainly may," Stacie replied.

Simon was intently focused on keeping his own toes off of Stacie's.

"You're doing fine," she said. "This shouldn't be like work!"

"You're right," he agreed, stepping closer.

Simon rested his chin on Stacie's shoulder. "This isn't like work at all."

Stacie felt her heart start to pound as Simon lifted his head up, putting them face-to-face. She realized that Simon's pulse was racing too.

Smirking, Simon slid his hands southward.

Stacie did the same, causing Simon to tense, including the muscle in question. Stacie chuckled, and Simon did the only thing he could think of to do.

It was most definitely nothing to chuckle about.

They both felt the red hearts, but didn't stop to give them even a seconds' consideration.

They broke apart, and Simon felt the sudden urge for more.

He kissed Stacie again, all thoughts of dancing dropping from his mind.

Simon let Stacie go with a fair amount of regret. "So I think this is the part where you have to go downstairs."

"Are you sure?" Stacie asked.

"Pretty sure," Simon replied. "It's the fair thing. But if I weren't inclined towards fairness, I'd ask you to stay."

"Shall we dance?" asked Simon.

"Oh yes," said Pen.

Simon took Pen's hand, and they looked up to see the red hearts floating overhead.

It seemed the most natural thing in the world for Simon to pull Pen close.

He put his head on her shoulder. "Maybe you'll get to see me in my best penguin suit soon."

Pen buried her face in that place where Simon's neck met his shoulder. He smelled of old books, earth, and faintly of citrus. "I'd love to see you in a tux."

"I'm sure you'd have fun seeing me out of the tux, too."

"Lots of fun," Pen said. "Depends on what the other clothing options are."

"It's open for discussion," Simon mumbled, kissing Pen.

It was a discussion they were both looking forward to.

"Shall we do more of that?" Simon asked.

"Oh yes," Pen repeated.

Simon tensed his butt, but this time, it was no accident.

"We should go downstairs," Simon laughed. "You should see your face right now!"

"You are such a Vetinari, Simon!" Pen replied. "Only a Vetinari would follow up a kiss with a pillow to the face!"

Simon immediately jumped on the pool table.

"I'm tired," Pen announced.

"Shoulda slept in a real bed last night!" Stacie shot back.

"But I thought Simon might come downstairs first and I thought if I slept on the couch I'd get in some extra Simon-time!"

Simon gave Pen a curious look. "Why would I come downstairs?"

"It made sense at the time," Pen said as she headed for the stairs.

"Care to join me?" Simon asked Stacie.

"Absolutely!" she said, grabbing one of the spare cues.

Simon couldn't help but think about how it had felt to kiss her. If he had to do it again, he wouldn't hestitate.

After winning the game, Simon sat down with a plate of gelatin. Stacie plopped down in the chair next to him. "It's almost noon," she said.

"I know," said Simon. "I really don't want to say goodbye to either one of you. I knew this was going to be hard, but this is really, really hard."

"I'm sure you'll stay friends with whoever leaves," Stacie said. "We've gotten close to you over the week, and even if it's not romantic, it's still friendship."

"That's good," said Simon. "I could probably use more friends." He ate his gelatin and considered his feelings. It was very, very close, but at noon, he'd made his decision.

"So," said Stacie. "Is this the conversation that begins with 'Congratulations' or the one that begins with 'Sorry'?"

"The second one," Simon said. "And I really am sorry. I feel like we get along great, and I like you a lot."

"But you like Pen just a little bit more," Stacie said. "I understand."

"Thanks for not making this even harder on me," said Simon, hugging Stacie one more time.

"It's how the game is played," said the pragmatic Stacie. "I think you and Pen will be happy together. And besides, there's always Archie."

Simon sighed. "There's just something about Archie."

"The good guys are nice," Stacie agreed, "but the Bad Boys have their own charm."

Final scores:Pen with 186, best friends, love, 2 boltsStacie with 184, best friends, love, 2 boltsA 2-point margin--a double-negative on Pen's part or another double-positive on Stacie's, and it might have gone the other way.

Simon and Pen went out to the porch to see Stacie off. Pen and Stacie may have been friends, but Pen couldn't say she was overly sad to watch her go.

Simon turned to Pen. "So I guess you win. You know, me."

Pen grinned. "I like to think we're both winners."

"I guess we are." Simon paused. "I have to get back to college, though."

"You'd better call me as soon as you get back," Pen said.

"Absolutely," said Simon. "I'd love for you to meet Fee and my cousins." He hesitated. "I might have to keep you away from Archie, though."

"Who needs a Bad Boy when you've got a Good Guy?" Pen said, squeezing Simon tightly.

"You think I'm a Good Guy?"

"The best."

Simon was giving a proper goodbye to Pen when he heard a cough behind him.

"Time to head back to college," said Cory. "I'm back to placehold. But, you know, take your time."

Cory is my Gen 4 Uglacy heir.

"I'll miss you," Simon said.

"You and your one outgoing point?" Pen asked.

"There's more to missing someone than points," Simon said. "And I'll miss you."

Cory just sighed and shook his head. Kids. Always gotta act like they're the ones who discovered love.

The cabbie laid on the horn, and Simon got in, waving to Pen as the cab pulled away.

"Hey, everybody!" Stacie said. She gave a rueful shake of her head. "I wish I could say it's good to be back, but... I was sort of hoping I'd never have to be on this end of an exit interview."

Theo stood. "Please do sit, Miss Stacie. It would be most rude of me to ask you to stand."

Gil watched Theo walk across the room. He could see what Doc saw in the Victorian man.

"Oh, uh... I don't suppose I can move back in here, huh? It's way more fun than living on my own in Placeholder land, and you don't actually need me to placehold..."

"Sure thing," said Doc.

"Good," said Stacie with a relieved sigh.

"That went right down to the wire, didn't it? I mean, it's possible to shave it finer than two points, but probably not very likely. I wish I'd thought to splash Simon in the hot tub a couple of times. Or do something stalky and flirty when Pen was upstairs sleeping."

"I honestly didn't know who it would be until I popped open that panel at noon," said Doc. "Or however you say that without being all weirdly Fourth Wall-breaky."

"I like Pen," Michelle said. "Simon seems to love her, and I think they'll make each other very happy."

"Blah blah blah," said Larch. "So does Stacie get thrown to Archie or what?"

Theo had tuned out the conversation. He couldn't stop staring at Doc.

"I'd better get thrown to Archie!" Stacie said. "All those lumps in all the right places..." She realized what she'd said. "His face, I mean. With the craggy nose and the Beaker Chin and the Landgraab Brows..."

"It's a shame that Simon's in college," said Di. "I mean, I know my Bachelor Challenge couldn't end with an engagement and a wedding because of the era, but it seems odd to have one end without the spectacular wedding blowout."

"You want a big spectacular finale?" Indy asked, tugging at the brim of his hat.

Indy slid off the couch and dropped to one knee. "Then how's about we provide the entertainment. Whaddaya say--marry me again?"

"Of course!" Di squeed.

"Everyone thinks this is sooo much more romantic than my proposal, just because we were in our underwear at the time," Larch said.

"Larch, if you take a huge steaming dump on Di and Indy's joy, I will end you," Michelle said, looking over at her in-laws.

"I never said I wasn't happy for them," Larch mumbled.

Theo was more enthusiastic. "Miss Di! I believe congratulations are in order!"

Doc looked over at Di as Indy made his way to the computer to move them out. "So, I'm feeling too lazy to go bust up a bunch more crushes, so we can either invite Spider Jerusalem, or more SimSelves. Up to you."

"Oooooh!" said Cassidy, a pleading look in his big black eyes. "Ooh ooh ooh!"

"Of course we can invite Spider Jerusalem," Di said, happy to see the grin on Cass's face. Anything for Cassidy.

"You're not mad at me for the pajama thing, are you?" Cassidy laughed as Gil turned off the computer in preparation for heading over to Di and Indy's new house for the wedding.

"A harmless jest," Theo said. "I am not as shy as I might appear to be!"

"Let's go!" shouted Doc from the door.

Theo stopped off to change into proper clothes first. Shy, no. Victorian, yes.

Lark cornered Theo on the porch. "Hug?"

He recognized her as the contestant who'd been eliminated on the first day of the challenge, who'd been leaving as he arrived. "Of course," he said.

"Finally I get a guy to hug me!" she giggled.

ladylarkrune writes Lady Lark's Looney Bin for the Morbidly Insane.

Stacie immediately found Cory, upon whom she still harbored a bit of a crush. "Remember me?" she asked.

"There's not many people who tell me I have an Adrien Brody hotness!" Cory replied.

Cass saw his brother standing alone in a sea of SimSelves. "Spider!" he said, hurrying over and giving him a hug.

"Hey, Cass," Spider replied. "How've you been?"

"I have squeaky pants," Cassidy said. "You?"

"Wife. Childrinions."

"Spider? Is it weird that we don't remember much from before?" Cass asked. It had been nagging at him since Theo had mentioned it, and though he'd said that he didn't mind, Spider Jerusalem was his ultimate authority on such matters.

"Are you happy here?" Spider asked.

Cassidy thought about Gilbert. "Yes."

"Me too. Do you think we were happy back in Riverblossom Hills?"

"No."

"Then don't question it, Cass. Just enjoy it. Just enjoy him. And the rest doesn't matter."

Doc looked over at Cass and Spider. Sorry, guys. I wish it didn't have to be that way.

"Look at me, I'm Kitty Pryde!" Silvain said.

"Doesn't that hurt?" asked Marina.

"Li'l bit," Silvain admitted.

De snatched Spider Jerusalem into her arms, nibbling at his neck.

"Are you sure that's entirely wise?" Michelle asked. "I'm certainly glad his wife isn't here to see this."

SilvainTheShadow/Sellan writes the Leo Legacy, and was the third contestant eliminated from Simon's BC.

smoothiequeen87 writes the Villainous Apocalypse.

fireflower314 writes the Morgan Legacy. She's got a crush on Spider left over from his BC, and, well, that's why I only invited ONE SimSelf with a romantic relationship of any kind with him to this party. No slapping allowed!

"What?" said De, feigning innocence.

In the room with the banquet table, Larch and Doc carried on a pillow fight, Doc keeping a careful eye on Lark, who had Theo backed into a corner.

On the other side of the table, Gin scored a solid hit on Orikes.

"Bet I can finish this plate faster than you!" Gil said to Cassidy.

"I bet you can too," Cass said. "Remember, hon--I chew."

"Right," said Gilbert, who shoved half the food on the plate in his mouth and swallowed.

GintasticNecat writes the Science of a Legacy.

Orikes/orikes360 writes the Pseudo Legacy.

In the entry hall, Jamie and Lea were the last pair of SimSelves to start a pillow fight.

"That's what you get for lasting longer than me!" Jamie laughed.

"And here I thought that was because I tried harder!" Lea replied.

DocGirlP/DocgirlP writes the Bohemian Legacy.

thls0/Tlhs0 writes the Barsoom Legacy.

Doc managed to pry Theo away from Lark. "I hope this isn't too awful for you," she said.

"Not awful at all," said Theo. "I quite like being close to you."

"I meant the party," said Doc with a wry smile.

"Also enjoyable," Theo admitted. "Your friends are very welcoming."

"Well?" said Indy. "How's about we go get hitched again?"

"Race you to the arch!" Di replied.

"All that stuff I said the first time? I still mean it. And I love you so much that I wish we could be stuck in another neighborhood, just so I could marry you all over again," Indy said as he slipped the ring on Di's finger.

"I'm still glad you weren't a girl," Di said. "Because I have you all to myself. And we've two beautiful daughters, and a lovely house, and I wouldn't change any of that for anything." She brushed a stray rose petal off of Indy's lapel.

The crowd that had gathered clapped enthusiastically, even if not everyone's mind was on the ceremony.

"Spider, I swear, if someone else who's in love with you shows up in the Welcome Wagon and there's slapping, I am so Batbox-ing you," Doc hissed.

Di and Indy were happily oblivious, sharing their second wedding kiss.

Indy crammed the cake in Di's mouth as Jamie and Lark started the traditional post-ceremony pillow fighting.

Cass pulled Gil close. "Up for a little raising of the party score?"

"When am I not?" Gil replied.

"Love you," said Cass.

"I love you too."

Larch glanced over at Cassidy. Unlike his nephews, Larch remembered Riverblossom Hills quite clearly. He grabbed a piece of cake. Cass and Spider could be happy here... but where it counted, they were what he needed them to be.

"You could have changed my suit, you know," said Spider Jerusalem. "Larch and I are still dressed alike."

"Well, I also forgot to give the SimSelves from Simon's BC custom dresses, so everybody gets to suffer a bit," Doc replied. "Deal with it."

"Do you think I could hug Spider Jerusalem?" Lark asked.

"I think there are several people here who would stop you if you tried," said Gin. "Including me."

Doc wandered inside. Theo followed. "That dress is very fetching," he said. "The cut and color suit you."

"Thanks," she said. "I suppose the rib-eating thing looks sort of normal to you." She groaned. "I hate that I just said that. I didn't mean to try to deflect the compliment."

"I wonder if I might be a bit... forward," said Theo. "I would like to try to fit into your time, but I would not wish to cause offense."

"Go ahead," said Doc.

There was definitely nothing to be offended about.

Di and Indy celebrated their successful second wedding with a kiss that caused the onlookers to cheer.

...And they all lived happily ever after.

...Or at least, Di and Indy ran around picking up all the plates and missed the limo for their honeymoon, but it looked like they were happy being tidy.

THE END

Gil just looks so happy here. And so does Cassidy.

Is this not a great shot of Simon? With the chin and the expression and the lighting...