ic chapter 9 conflict managagement

INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION

CHAPTER NINE CONFLICT MANAGEMENT SKILLS

WHERE ARE WE NOW IN THE COURSE?

 INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION

 CH 2 INTRODUCTION

CH 3 PERCEPTIONCH 4 VERBAL

CH 5 NONVERBALCH 6 LISTENING

CH 7 CONVERSATIONCH 8 ENCOURAGEMENT

 NOW: CONFLICT MANAGEMENT

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EMERGING THEMES IN IC: 1. THE UNIVERSAL NEED FOR IC 2. THE COMMUNICATION MODEL-HOW COMMUNICATION WORKS 3. THE ROLE OF THE MIND IN IC 4. THE EXISTENCE OF COMMUNICATION BARRIERS 5. THE ROLE OF INTIMACY  

CONFLICT MANAGEMENT

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"MANKIND MUST EVOLVE FOR ALL HUMAN CONFLICT A

METHOD WHICH REJECTS REVENGE, AGGRESSION, AND

RETALIATION. THE FOUNDATION OF SUCH A

METHOD IS LOVE."-MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.

WHY IS THIS CHAPTER IN THE TEXT?

WHAT IS THE RELATIONSHIP BETWEEEN INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION AND CONFLICT?

• CONFLICT EXISTS IN ALL HUMAN RELATIONSHIPS• THE ROLE OF CONFLICT IN INTERPERSONAL

COMMUNICATION IS OFTEN MISUNDERSTOOD• THE STRUGGLE FOR POWER IS OFTEN AT THE HEART

OF HUMAN RELATIONSHIPS• INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION INFLUENCES THIS

STRUGGLE FOR POWER

PREVIEW:

CONFLICT DEFINED

TYPES OF CONFLICT 4 RESPONSES TO CONFLICT

8 CONFLICT MYTHS

5 BENEFITS OF CONFLICT

CONFLICT AND POWER

FLOWING WITH A COMPLAINT

CONFLICT MANAGEMENT SKILLS

HOW TO RESOLVE CONFLICT

FORGIVING

ONLINE CONFLICT ISSUES

WHAT IS INTERPERSONAL

CONFLICT?

A BAD DAY (?) AT WORK:

CONFLICT DEFINED

TWO WAYS TO APPROACH DEFINING CONFLICT

FORMAL TEXTUAL DEFINITION

CONFLICT AS A PROCESS

TEXTUAL DEFINTION OF CONFLICT

CONFLICT-FUJISHIN

ANY DISAGREEMENT BETWEEN TWO PEOPLE. A DIFFERENCE OF OPINIONS, BELIEFS,

EMOTIONS, OR BEHAVIORS.-FUJISHIN

CONFLICT-BEEBE & BEEBE’S DEFINITION

EXPRESSED STRUGGLE

BETWEEN AT LEAST TWO

INTERDEPENDENT PEOPLE

INTERDEPENDENT-DEFINITION:

 MUTUALLY

DEPENDENT; DEPENDING ON EACH

OTHERinfoplease.com dictionary

WHO PERCEIVE INCOMPATIBLE GOALS, SCARCE RESOURCES, OR INTERFERENCE FROM OTHERS

AND WHO ARE ATTEMPTING TO

ACHIEVE SPECIFIC GOALS

CONFLICT: 

EXPRESSED STRUGGLE BETWEEN AT LEAST TWO

INTERDEPENDENT PEOPLE WHO PERCEIVE

INCOMPATIBLE GOALS, SCARCE RESOURCES, OR

INTERFERENCE FROM OTHERS, AND WHO ARE

ATTEMPTING TO ACHIEVE SPECIFIC GOALS

DEFINING CONFLICT AS A PROCESS

CONFLICT AS PROCESS

 ALL CONFLICT HAS:

 A SOURCE

 A BEGINNING

 A MIDDLE

 AN END

 AN AFTERMATH

CONFLICT SOURCE:

 PRIOR

CONDITIONS

CONFLICT BEGINNING: FRUSTRATION AWARENESS

CONFLICT MIDDLE: 

ACTIVE CONFLICT 

CONFLICT END: 

RESOLUTION

CONFLICT AFTERMATH:

 FOLLOWUP

TYPES OF CONFLICT

PSEUDOCONFLICT 

CONFLICT TRIGGERED BY A

LACK OF UNDERSTANDING

AND MISCOMMUNICATION

SIMPLE CONFLICT 

CONFLICT THAT STEMS FROM

DIFFERENT IDEAS, DEFINITIONS,

PERCEPTIONS, OR GOALS

EGO CONFLICT 

CONFLICT IN WHICH THE ORIGINAL ISSUE IS

IGNORED AS PARTNERS ATTACK

EACH OTHER'S SELF ESTEEM

CONFLICT TRIGGERS

 ENTITLEMENT

 FAIRNESS

FIVE RESPONSES TO

CONFLICT

FIVE RESPONSES TO CONFLICT

AVOIDANCE

ACCOMODATION

AGRESSION

COMPROMISE

COLLABORATION

AVOIDANCE

ACT OF IGNORING FLEEING, OR NOT RESPONDING TO A

CONFLICT SITUATION

ACCOMODATION 

ACT OF GIVING OTHERS WHAT THEY

WANT AT YOUR EXPENSE

ACCOMODATION

IN THE LONG RUN, FREQUENT ACCOMODATION IN SIGNIFICANT AREAS OF INTERPERSONAL CONFLICT CAN BE EXTREMELY HARMFUL TO

THE ONE WHO CHOOSES TO ACCOMMODATE. IT CAN LEAD TO ANGER, BITTERNESS, RETALIATION, AND DEPRESSION.-FUJISHIN

AGRESSION

INDIRECTLY: HIDDEN OR MANIPULATED

EXPRESSIONS OF HOSTILITY

DIRECTLY: THREATEN THE PSYCHOLOGICAL,

EMOTIONAL, OR PHYSICAL WELL BEING

OF A PERSON

COMPROMISE  

CONFLICT MANAGEMENT STYLE THAT ATTEMPTS TO FIND THE MIDDLE

GROUND IN A CONFLICT

COLLABORATION

WORKING TOGETHER ON A PROBLEM TO DISCOVER A

SOLUTION THAT IS ACCEPTABLE TO BOTH

INDIVIDUALS

COLLABORATION

COLLABORATORS USUALLY HAVE HIGH REGARD FOR THEMSELVES AND OTHERS

COLLABORATORS POSSESS A DESIRE TO COMMUNICATE AND WORK WITH OTHERS IN HEALTHY CONSTRUCTIVE WAYS

MOST DESIRABLE AND EFFECTIVE METHOD FOR MANAGING AND RESOLVING CONFLICT

ABC’S OF COLLABORATION

A. ANALYSIS: INVITE THE OTHER PERSON TO MEET AND DISCUSS THE CONFLICT OR PROBLEM YOU FACE (MEET IN QUIET PLACE, LISTEN TO EACH OTHER, REPHRASE PARTNER’S CONCERNS, THEN EXPRESS YOUR OWN)

B. BRAINSTORMING: GENERATE LARGE NUMBER OF SOLUTIONS TO THE PROBLEM WITHOUT EVALUATION (LIMIT THE TIME, NO EVALUATION YET, COMBINE IDEAS)

C. CONSENSUS: REACHING AGREEMENT ON A SOLUTION THAT IS ACCEPTABLE TO BOTH PARTIES (“CAN YOU LIVE WITH THIS SOLUTION FOR A PERIOD OF TIME?”)

COLLABORATION

REMEMBER, NOT ALL CONFLICT CAN BE RESOLVED

REMEMBER TRAITS OF EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATOR: FLEXIBILITY, OPENESS, KINDNESS

MORE QUESTIONS AND INFORMATION IN TEXT

CONFLICT MYTHS

MYTHS ABOUT CONFLICT:

IDEAS WE HOLD ABOUT CONFLICT IN RELATIONSHIPS

THAT MAY BE INCORRECT

MYTH #1 

CONFLICT MUST ALWAYS BE

AVOIDED AT ALL COSTS

"CONFLICT IS INEVITABLE, BUT COMBAT IS OPTIONAL."

-MAX LUCADO

MYTH #2 

CONFLICT IS ALWAYS SOMEONE

ELSE’S FAULT

MYTH #3 

I MUST LIKE AND BE LIKED BY

EVERYONE ELSE

MYTH #4 

EVERYTHING SHOULD GO MY

WAY

MYTH #5 

THERE IS ONLY ONE SOLUTION TO

ANY PROBLEM

MYTH #6 ALL CONFLICT CAN

ALWAYS BE RESOLVED

MYTH #7 

CONFLICT IS ALWAYS A SIGN OF

A POOR INTERPERSONAL

RELATIONSHIP

MYTH #8 

CONFLICT ALWAYS OCCURS BECAUSE OF MISUNDERSTANDINGS

BENEFITS OF CONFLICT

BENEFITS OF CONFLICT

1. EXPANDED AWARENESS-OPPORTUNITY TO PROCESS, INTERACT, AND BEHAVE IN A DIFFERENT, MORE FOCUSED MANNER

2. IMPROVED INTERACTION-ENCOURAGES INCREASED AND IMPROVED INTERACTION

3. INCREASED SATISFACTION-FROM FRESH IDEAS AND SOLUTIONS

4. INCREASED BONDING-HEALTHY CONFLICT RESOLUTION LEADS TO CLOSER CONNECTION

5. DEVELOPED MATURITY-EGO, EMPATHY, PATIENCE, COMPROMISE, FORGIVENESS

REVIEW: • CONFLICT DEFINED• TYPES OF CONFLICT• CONFLICT RESPONSES• CONFLICT MYTHS• BENEFITS OF CONFLICT

CONFLICT AND POWER

OFTEN, CONFLICT IS ROOTED IN

STRUGGLES FOR CONTROL OR

POWER-WE ARE REALLY FIGHTING

OVER POWER

HOW ARE WE USING POWER TO

INFLUENCE OTHERS TO

ACHIEVE GOALS? HOW ARE OTHERS

SEEKING TO INFLUENCE US?

INTERPERSONAL POWER:

 DEGREE TO WHICH A PERSON IS ABLE TO INFLUENCE HIS OR

HER PARTNER

1. PRINCIPLES OF INTERPERSONAL

POWER

POWER PRINCIPLE #1 

POWER EXISTS IN ALL RELATIONSHIPS

POWER PRINCIPLE #2 

POWER DERIVES FROM THE ABILITY TO

MEET A PERSON'S NEEDS

DEPENDENT RELATIONSHIP:

 RELATIONSHIP IN WHICH

ONE PARTNER HAS A GREATER NEED FOR THE OTHER TO MEET HIS OR

HER NEEDS

POWER PRINCIPLE #3 

BOTH PEOPLE IN A RELATIONSHIP HAVE

SOME POWER

POWER PRINCIPLE #4 

POWER IS CIRCUMSTANTIAL

POWER PRINCIPLE #5 

POWER IS NEGOTIATED

2. SOURCES OF INTERPERSONAL

POWER

LEGITIMATE POWER 

POWER THAT IS BASED ON RESPECT FOR A PERSON'S POSITION

REFERENT POWER POWER THAT COMES FROM OUR ATTRACTION TO ANOTHER PERSON, OR THE CHARISMA A PERSON POSSESSES

EXPERT POWER 

POWER BASED ON A PERSON'S KNOWLEDGE

AND EXPERIENCE

WE GRANT POWER TO THOSE WHO

HAVE MORE EXPERIENCE IN RELATIONSHIPS

REWARD POWER 

POWER BASED ON A PERSON'S ABILITY TO SATISFY OUR NEEDS

MASLOW'S HIERARCHY OF NEEDS

COERCIVE POWER 

POWER BASED ON THE USE OF SANCTIONS OR

PUNISHMENTS TO INFLUENCE OTHERS

3. POWER TO PERSUADE

COMPLIANCE GAINING

 TAKING PERSUASIVE

ACTIONS TO GET OTHERS TO COMPLY

WITH OUR GOALS

4. POWER NEGOTIATION

POWER NEGOTIATION

 ASSESS NEEDS

 IDENTIFY POWER-

BASED CONFLICTS  DISCUSS POWER ISSUES DIRECTLY

POWER NEGOTIATION

 WHAT ARE MY NEEDS AND WHAT ARE THEIR

NEEDS? 

WHERE ARE THERE IMBALANCES OF

POWER? 

TALK DIRECTLY ABOUT THE ISSUE OF

POWER  

FLOWING WITH A COMPLAINT: A CONFLICT RESOLUTION SKILL

FLOWING WITH A COMPLAINT

A RESPONSE THAT CLARIFIES AND ACCEPTS THE TRUTH OF ANY CRITICISM-FUJISHIN

FOUR STEPS TO FLOWING WITH A COMPLAINT

1. REMAIN SILENT2. RESTATE THE SPEAKER’S COMPLAINT3. VALIDATE THE SPEAKER’S FEELINGS4. AGREE WITH ANY TRUTH TO THE CRITICISM

CONFLICT MANAGEMENT

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CONFLICT MANAGEMENT SKILLS

MANAGE YOUR EMOTIONS

MANAGE INFORMATION MANAGE GOALS

MANAGE THE PROBLEM

MANAGE YOUR EMOTIONS

 • ANGER AWARENESS• UNDERSTAND SOURCE• CONSCIOUS DECISIONS• MUTUAL ARRANGEMENT• PLAN MESSAGE• BREATHE• WATCH NONVERBAL• NO PERSONAL ATTACKS• ESTABLISH RAPPORT• SELF TALK

MANAGE INFORMATION

CLEARLY DESCRIBE

"OWN" STATEMENTS 

USE EFFECTIVE LISTENING

ASK QUESTIONS

BE EMPATHETIC

MANAGE GOALS

IDENTIFY GOALS

SEE WHERE THEY OVERLAP

MANAGE THE PROBLEM

DEFINE THE PROBLEM ANALYZE THE PROBLEM DETERMINE THE GOALS GENERATE MULTIPLE SOLUTIONS SELECT BEST SOLUTION

HOW TO RESOLVE CONFLICT

HOW TO RESOLVE CONFLICT:

 PSEUDOCONFLICT-CHECK PERCEPTIONS SIMPLE CONFLICT-STAY FOCUSED ON FACTS AND ISSUES EGO CONFLICT-RETURN TO ISSUES NOT ATTACKS

FORGIVING

FORGIVENESS

THE ACT OF GRANTING FREE PARDON FOR AN OFFENSE-FUJISHIN

FACTORS TO CONSIDER WHEN FOGIVING ANOTHER

1. WHETHER THERE HAVE BEEN INSTANCES OF REPEATED OR CHRONIC PHYSICAL OR EMOTIONAL ABUSE

2. THE VIOLATION3. THE PERSON’S SINCERETY4. THE PROBABILITY OF REOCCURANCE

FORGIVENESS IS NOT A FEELING BUT A DECISION

SOME WILL NOT BE APOLOGETIC-SEE TEXT SUGGESTIONS

SOME WILL NOT FORGIVE YOU-CHOOSE TO CHANGE YOUR POSITION REGARDING THE

OFFENSE (YOU DID YOUR PART)

ASKING OTHERS FOR FORGIVESS

1. ADMIT YOU WERE WRONG2. APOLOGIZE FOR THE OFFENSE3. ASK THEIR FORGIVENESS

ONLINE CONFLICT ISSUES

FLAMING-SENDING AN OVERLY NEGATIVE ONLINE MESSAGE THAT PERSONALLY ATTACKS ANOTHER PERSON

DISINHIBITION EFFECT-THE LOSS OF INHIBITIONS WHEN INTERACTING WITH SOMEONE ONLINE THAT LEADS TO THE TENDENCY TO ESCALATE CONFLICT

REVIEW:

CONFLICT DEFINED

TYPES OF CONFLICT 4 RESPONSES TO CONFLICT

8 CONFLICT MYTHS

5 BENEFITS OF CONFLICT

CONFLICT AND POWER

FLOWING WITH A COMPLAINT

CONFLICT MANAGEMENT SKILLS

HOW TO RESOLVE CONFLICT

FORGIVING

ONLINE CONFLICT ISSUES