\,,1felcome to aH-6{the magaeine thatkeeps you in touchwith rnrhat ls going onln our f,reat corhpany,

Why dld w.e call itAfl-6il? Well ai youknow an AH-64connects the Head(tfrats us lot ln ournlce offlces) rn lth thosebortng old tools rarhichyou throw into muddyholes (er. ... that's youIot). Also the AH-64 lsone of the few toolswlth the pricks on top,Just like us,

Anparay its mainlya cheap way of gettingpeople to believe weare all worklng insome nlce blg happyfamlly whlle most ofus are plottlng palacerevolutlons.

Nevrs.,,...,.,.......,..,....... IGlenda SI49.,...,..,..,,.... 2Feature..,... .,.,..,........,.2Ariana Fa|acci.,.......... 3Technical Corner....... 4Deor A1ice., ..,,,,......,,,, 4Sexual [ncounter....... 5Pol ltlcal Corner,,...,.., 7Resignations..,.S- l2Pr0m0t10ns......,,...,.. I 3Popes Blessing,......., I 4Advertisers lndex.... I 5Subsrlptlon....,.,..... 94

Volume I, Ihrmber I.WPip**I*tlwtop !

B1r our owttrCorrespondent.

Yes the annualritual of the Generalsalary lncrsase lE onthe way, Ah-64 got thenews flrst dtrect fromthe horses mouth - theworld personel office,

A spoke*man for thepersonel office said"The rnanagement isproud to announce ttiata salary lncrease of27.57" will be aurardedto employees of grade14 and above inrecognitlon of theimportant work thatthry have performedover the past yeaY.",

The spokesmancontlnued "Hawingmade an extensive

GSA is on the Woy!survey of comparatlveoccupations in similarcornpanies the man-'agement has decidedthat a General acrossthe board lncrease of0.15f. rnrlll be awardedto all field personel. "

The spokesman point-ed out that accountshad prepared anlnformatlon pack (seebelorar) that sho'vvedthat the averageenglneer pald ln USdollars but living in abasket of hlgh lnflatloncountries such agBrazll, Israel andMexico .has had aneffective annual salaryincrease of mors thatL75f". "'L{e flnd thlsfantasy quite satis-factory" he concluded.

Relatlve GFE Salary, ( 1984= I OO)

s00

ItL,,s.to3l

ilansaT

200

too

0

1984

YcarI9BO I 982 I 986 r988

WffirnFeifub

Whad'ya say guys,here's your III' ol'Glenda back to giveyou the hotest 6ossip,Remember you read ltfirst here lll lll lll Irr**

I jus' got back fromNew York where Iwas checklng out theSchlum offlces on ParkAvenue. WeIl thelr Jus'sooooper-doooperl ! I I'ddrop rnythlug to

work there (Geddttt t),trt

Don'lt make yurllckl AII 'dem fat catssittin up ln ParkAvenue In thelr tancyoffices? If all thesecratarleg jn thatbuildtng 1A'ere laYedend to end I would'ntbe at all surprlsed.

They get thethumbs down frornGlenda :whatever theview frorn the couchl

l*:{.

.41'nt AFM's Slraflsalovgeorgaousl He can drtveme crazlr anytlmelll

rlI*That Slh.aft.elolr ls a

danger on the roadslFancy drlving up a oneway street to hit anItallan, But 'urhat lsreally emart lsgettlng AFM legal tosettle for an accidentthat never offtctallyhappened.... Byeeeeel I I

Libyo Gets Sofety AwordBy our Safety. , . oh

shttl...got myflnger Jammed ln

the. rl Qr. typetsrlter

The 1987 a'rnrard forthe least number ofreported accidents wasawarded to Llbyadistrict this year. In aremarkable turn-around the number ofreported accldents ln1987 was only 1 mlnoraccident. This com-pares favorably wtththe poor Q1 result ofL92 minor and 47maJor accidents.

'lt was a difflcultJob" sald manager GlnAndTonic, 39, *espec-ially after the poorstart to the year",

"\tf'e decided to notreport minor lapses

of safety such aghaad inJurles andradlation leaks but ttwas not Enough".

Then came thebreakthrough, *Wereallsed that ure couldrecall earlier reportsdue to admlnlstratlveerror and by claimingaccldental dupltcatlonltre reduced thenumber of prlorreports by half". *Tharemaining ones wererecalled as theyconcerned term(natedenglneers" Gln giggted.

'Wlth some otherfield tested excuses \Arehope to report anegative number ofaccidents in 1987 andthus plck up last yearsarnrard as well" GlnAndTonlc concluded.

Invest your hardearned lncome in:

L**rot.tl f*ttd,ltrn;rycrs

ln assoclatlon wlth:

S.I. P. Erpi.reBuildcra

and:

A*ogr*nlCn=uh*l*1,

For that financtalrlng of confidence!

In thle fsarre, A Dryln the Llfe *perrds aday wlth JavlerCltelll, AFM's Per-soanel Mana6er andrcnowncd bon wl-vant. Arlana Fal-accl managed totrack hlm dowB....

Javler,s hearry daybegins ln a luxuriouslyappolnted vllla ln aleafy Milan suburbwtth a call from higIuxuriously appointedsecretary, She reportsthat the V-P lsapoplectic about moreresignations In WADand would appreclatelf Javier could comelnto the offlce.

So, reluctantly, heslldes lnto hlsregulatlon-issuecompany BMW andheads off lnto hattle,hls strong featuresreflectlng the urgencyof his mlsslon. "Somepeople ln the fieldthinh that all rare do inhead office ls sttaround, clrlnlt cofleeand chat up thesecretaries", he says,"Nothlng could befurther from the truthas none of us haslearned to speakItallan. " As soon aSJavler arrlves, hesprings into action: acrisls coffee lnGorbachew's office,After receiving hisinstructlons, he deftlyavoids a couple of fleldengtneers waitlngoutside his office, andsllps into MarketingManager Francis Mons'office to telephonemadly around theworld and findreplacements for theungrateful and Incon-

siderate englneers rrhohave so unexpectedlyrerigned,

"'U/e need you n?xtrnreek tn Soyo" he tellsan engineer vaca-tionlng tn Alaska andcleverly reached at 4AM local time. "You'llbe EIC, looklng afterone client r*rlth asmany as two rlgs. Thecarnp ts really nlce,good clean facilities andall the booze you cattdrlnk, There's lots ofdays-off too". "Do Ihave any choice?" askgthe englneer, "There Isalways a choice''replies Javier, pleasedwlth hls wlttlcism,

With this littleinconvenience dealtwith, Javier ducks outof the office, neatlyavoldlng a crorpd offield engineers raraitingoutslde hls of f lce, torendezvous with

Kalashnlkov at adlscreet ltttleristarante a tew mllesaway, Intense, wlde-ranglng dlscussionstake place ovcr thelrspartan four-coursemeal as the two glantsof AFM plot the futurecourse of the careersof those reportlng tothem, and attempt toprotect themselvesfrom any competentperformers beneaththem.

Lunch over and wlthdarkness falling, thetraro men return to theoff lce. Af ter a brlef,well earned, siestathey meet wtthTechnical ManagerPeter Wndsor to bebrought up to date ondevelopments whllethey were a\May, WItheverythlng apparenllyunder control, Javler'sday te done,

He accldentallyburnpslntoafieldenglneer outslde "\A/ell,Fred, how are you?"he offerE. "lt's Richardactually, and I've beenwaitlng for a couple ofdays to have a wordrrith you."

"Ah, Robert, youknorar how tt is IJust haven't had aspare second. I'malready late for ameetlng in the barhelow the computlngcentre and I leave firstthlng ln the morningtor a fleld trlp toGreece, After thatthere's the manager'smeeting in Morroeoand then a field trip toSouth Af rlca. I couldprobahly see yousometlme in the NewYear. . . ".

TrchnlcalCornEr.

HAHAGEB'S A SLUT ?NOT HAD A GSA HECEHTLV ?

STILL }YAITIHG FOR GBAT}E 12 ?GOT SCBEWED FOR YOUR DAYS OFF ?

ll yur an$.Jor Yoa to any of thssc gueelions, yan colldbo the indvifual vre aro looking 1r,,,,. wt?e

\{e arrenfly have openings lr

Managing Directorsin sevral oxciting th'rd wsld locatione and would beinterested in hering fom yo.r. We offr better money,

guranteed dalrs off, pomitrilities for adyancement and,H of all, opportunity lr revcngc.

l{e may pomise mre than vre can delivr hrt you'llhave fie satislacliofl of saeing he Elig Blue sqtkml

Contast our agent: Helga YandmeerRoyal Dutoh Shel1, The Hague, Natherlands.

When connectlng theLED to the SOD usethe SFT-2{9 to adJusttha EDS on the AOI.The f,DS ts revealedhy opening the LAMand removlng the fourecrews on the Lf,E.The Ef,S must ftt the

DFG and the LIrIHXr*rlthout touching therr,OlrC on the CMSO-EE,

Ftnally reassembleln the reverse order.

For the BEST inCotgring...r..

CORINTHIA holldayhome for pets and ple

company S,A.Visa/Amex

From desperate lnLtblra.Dear Alice,

Je suls a technicalmanager in un dlstrictin Nord Afrlca and Iam zurrounded hy engt-neers who know morezarr rne. My manageris hecorning suspicloug,vat shall I do?

Dear desperate,Firstly J.our problem

is by fio means uniq,ue,in fact almost alJtechnieal managers,find themselves in thlsposition. The usualsolution is to give lheengineers tools for .fieJdtesting and w'hen thesuhmit thelr reportschaage their name tojlours and send themto your mafidger, He'lJsoon he impressedl

From Frustrated InAlgerlaDcar Allce,

I'm a 29 year oldGFE 'tnrith 6 years fieldexperlence, I may havea prospect for pro-motlon in a decade orso. Meanwhile I am lna one man base ln themlddle of the desert,r,rrtth no days otf, mytools alrarays f atl andmy software alwayscrashes, the managerls a shlt and my r,vifehas run off with allmy money. What shallI do?

Dear Frustrated,That's Schlumberger,

From, lYorrled lnWest AfrlcaDear Alice,

I'rn a dtstrlct rnan-ager ln WAD. Ourserv{ce guality l* notvery good and AFM lscomplalning. What canI do?

Dear Worried,The usual solutlon is

to reduce the numberof .fallures reported toAFM - they expect thisaad by the time thefa*e is discovered youwill have heenpromolcd.

Stop PrerrYes were stopplng thepres$es. Byeeeeee!f I I I I