a very voldie christmas

8/12/2019 A Very Voldie Christmas

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A Very Harry Christmas!

He had just escaped the cold night air by getting into his warm bed, the fire burning fiercely by the side of his bed. Today had been a hard day, Horcruxes hadbeen destroyed and a little blood had been shed, but this didn't compare to the

bitter cold that had engulfed London. Harry was close to giving up, a depressionhad gripped him so strong that even going through the motions of everyday lifewas hard. He wished that this would all end soon, even if it ended in his deathhe wouldn't have to lose more of those he cared about. He was so tired and couldbarely keep his eyes open when a knocking came from his bedroom door

`Who is it?...' there was no response, a few others where living in the house and he hoped beyond hope it wasn't Dobby with another surprise present, all that turned out to be rather foul `Come in!'

The door was pushed open and in came a familiar, but totally unexpected, visitor.

`Dumbledore!' Harry exclaimed in shock jumping up from his bed. He looked no different from the last time he saw him. Scratch that, Harry thought, the last timehe had seen him he was lying dead on the floor after having fallen 50 foot fromthe astronomy tower, now he looked positively brilliant compared to that bloodypulp.

`Yep, Harry, it's me. Although being dead as I am, you may call me Albus' He said, the same glitter or excitement still shining in his eyes. This was way too much for Harry to take, being visited on Christmas Eve by his dead ex headmaster.Harry sighed, for him this wasn't actually too weird.

`So, Albus, is there a reason you've come tonight?' Harry asked standing up to l

ook better at the old, dead, man before him.

Òf course, Harry. Tonight you will be visited by 3 ghostswell 2 others including me, to show you the past, the present' Albus spoke politely, similar to his speech to the school every year, Harry though knew where this was going and had interrupted him.

Ànd the futureDickens anyone? highly original!' Harry said exasperated, this wasway beyond a joke, a thought hit Harry making him slightly angry `Wait! I'm scrooge in this story, aren't I? Oh, that's too rich!' Harry was rather insulted being described as the joy hating evil Scrooge, for god sake he was Harry Potter,supposedly the hero of this story. Albus looked a little uneasy and went to look

ing around the room awkwardly.

`WellKinda' He stammered embarrassedly `But it's a good part, main character and all?' He added hopefully. Harry gave up, like he had been a lot this year, and decided he'd just go along with this.

`Fine, Albus, so I'm guessing you're the ghost of Christmas past?' Harry asked,it didn't look like there was anyway out as he remembered how Scrooge had foughtagainst it and failed. Albus smiled at this change in Harry and carried on talking in his speech style way.

Ò.k., we'll be leaving soon, and we shall go to thePAST!' he said dramatically.

Ì already guessed that! No need for the dramatics' Harry said, he may play alongbut not to make himself look like a fool. Dumbledore noticed and looked embarrassed again, obviously death had taught him a modesty he hadn't had in life.


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`Fine, if you're not going to play along, we'll just go now!' He said a little hurt whipping out his wand, and with it the room went bright, blinding Harry, ittook a few moments for it to die away and for him to be able to see again, and what he saw was beyond belief!

`You've brought me here?' Harry said shocked, something definitely had to be wro

ng and as he looked at Dumbledore he noticed he was a little confused as well.

`Wellumto be honest Harry I don't exactly know where we were going, I thought it'dbe you're parents houseor something' Dumbledore said apologetically.

`What the hell am I suppose to learn from seeing Voldemort at Christmas?' Harrysaid repulsively looking at Voldemort setting a table for six, whistling `Rudolph the red nosed reindeer' to himself rather cheerily. Harry decided to give up and just let this all unfold, he looked at Voldemort and realized he must have been about 20ish as he still looked handsome and human. The sight of this man gaveHarry the chills as he thought about what he'd become. Harry walked around theroom and looked at Tom Riddle's house, it was a cheery place with photos over mo

st of the walls. Harry paused at one and saw a smiling and happy Tom Riddle withhis arms around a girl, the two looked very much in love and happy. Harry blinked and shook his head, what the hell was going on with this. The door rang and Harry saw a big smile fill Tom's face as he bounded to the door answering it as quickly as possible.

`Hey honey!' he said cheerily pulling the girl who was at the door into a big hug. Harry couldn't help but notice how she quickly removed herself from the hug and walked into the room. Harry was actually quite interested now, disharmony with his girlfriend, it was like a teen drama.

`Tom we need to talk' she said sharply, looking at him a little fiercely. Tom looked worried.

`Sure, sweetie, what about?' he said softly and a little worried.

Ì was talking to some people and they seemed to have the impression you're a dark lord, and hate all muggles' and muggle borns!' she said rather nastily, looking at him strictly waiting for an answer, Tom though looked offended and ratherupset.

`What the hell are you talking about?' he said angrily, showing his bad side forthe first time. She though didn't seem to be scared at all, just giving him a blazing look instead.

Ì was talking to Bellatrix' She started but Tom interrupted.

`That stalker!' Tom said furiously `you know she's in love with me! Just becauseI'm Salazar Slytherins heir doesn't make me a bad guy! She made it up to make you hate me!'

`WellI don't know what to say' She said, but Harry could tell that she didn't believe him Ì'm sorry Tom, you know I love youbut I think we need time apartso I canthink straight' she said and walked towards the door, tears evident in Toms eyesas he watched her leave.

Suddenly the room went bright again and the next moment Harry could see he was back in his room, a troubled expression on Dumbledore's face.

`What the hell was that?' Harry demanded, Dumbledore looking away awkwardly, trying to avoid Harry's question Àm I suppose to feel bad for him because he got d


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umped by a girl? That he decided to become the monster he is today because his heart was broken?' Harry was now shouting a bit, as he found himself feeling slightly sorry for him.

Ì think that it was to show you that there is good in everything, even something as evil as Lord Voldemort' Dumbledore said gently as it was Harry's turn to look away awkwardly. A tapping came from the door before Albus spoke again `Well,

that's my go up, beeninterestingcatch you soon Harry'

`What the hell does that mean? Catch me soon? Are you saying I'm going to die!'Harry shouted in haste causing Dumbledore to look in shock.

`Just a figure of speech Harry, promise' and with this he disappeared and a newperson walked through the door.

Òh, what a surprise that you're the next ghost!' Harry said overly sarcastic Ànd everything tonight has been so original! So how are you Sirius?' Sirius let out his bark like laugh before speaking.

`Good, and I know you've had better days' Sirius said laughing walking towards Harry and pulling him into a hug, Harry allowed him to but sighed, sometimes people could be so over the top.

`So, beloved godfather, where we off to? Draco Malfoys' house for tea? Or maybeSnapes' for some sandwiches?'

Sirius chuckled again before speaking À little angry are we, beloved Godson? Asyou just found out I don't know where we're going, but I for one hope you're guesses are wrong, or I will spend a lot of effort trying to hex them to kingdom come' he said laughing, Harry was glad Sirius had shown up, he was a lot more funthan Dumbledore, and a little less mad. Òk, were off!' and with a wave of hiswand the room went bright again and Harry found himself in a new room.

`That is so lame!' Harry snorted, Sirius even looked embarrassed at this pathetic trip `We've gone downstairs from my room!' They were now in the living room ofGrimmauld, approximately a thirty second walk from Harry's bedroom they had just disappeared from.

`That is kinda lame' Sirius said confused, looking around wildly for a point tothis trip but giving up when Hermione and Ginny walked into the room Ì guess we'll just see what happens? That Hermione is looking dam Hot!' Sirius said staring at Hermione as she walked across the room.

`Sirius!' Harry said indignantly

`Harry, I know you may find this surprising but age isn't such a problem when you're dead!' Sirius said laughing at Harry's indignation.

Ì can't believe you, Hermione!' Ginny said offended storming after Hermione whoseemed a little bored with the argument, telling Harry that it had been going on for a while already.

Ì haven't done anything, please quit' she said exasperated, Ginny though obviously didn't find this the right answer still scowling at her, Hermione sighed andspoke again `So what if I bought Harry a nice present? Is that against the law?He's my best friend!'

`But that's not all you want! I've seen you staring at him all the time!' Ginnywas by this time practically shouting at Hermione who was blushing slightly butlooked ready for trouble.


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`Ginny, listen carefully for I'm only going to say this once' Hermione started dangerously making Ginny cower slightly èven in an ultra hypothetical world where I was in love with Harry, you two wouldn't be together, and me and him would still be friends! Even in the most twisted of worlds the two of you would not betogether, and I would still be his best friend! Ok!' Ginny had now taken severalsteps back and Harry was left staring at Hermione. Then room suddenly went brig

ht and Harry found himself upstairs once again in his room. Harry was in shock and had to sit down on his bed, Sirius was in silent thought as well.

`Now, that was weird' Harry said softly, thoughts swimming through his head. Sirius looked at him evidently trying to hold back what he was thinking `Spill it Sirius'

`Well, it's really you who picks where we go, and I can only see one reason forviewing the scene we just saw' Sirius spoke fatherly to him, Harry had been thinking the same thing. Could he really have feelings for the girl downstairs and never have realized it? Ì can't knock you're taste, Harry. The girl is seriouslycute. Can I tell you something, but you have to promise you won't get mad?' Siri

us spoke the last bit cautiously.

`Go on then, being mad at a dead man would be unfair of me' Harry said hoping that what would come would help him in some way.

`Well, you know the whole order really just revolves around you' Sirius started `Well, that can get very boring at times, so we kind of had a bet on who you'd end up withyou know for a bit of fun' Sirius said all this quickly as Harry stared at him in shock.

Ùhwhat?' Harry stammered out.

À bet, I had you down for Cho myself, but then again I died in the fifth year s

o I can forgive myself for that mistake. Mad Eye had Ginny as his pickLupin though was the only one to pick HermioneI must admit I laughed at that!' Sirius saidproudly.

`Youyou bet on my love life?' Harry was angered at this Ì bet you even got Tom `teen drama' Riddle involved didn't you?' Harry laughed at his, he couldn't thinkof Voldemort without seeing that boy who was in love and hurt by his girlfriend.

`Nah, decided against that, we knew he would of probably have picked no one, seeing as he planned on killing you. So Dumbledore put him down for 5 galleons on that. Albus said he'd ask for it back next time he saw him' Sirius stated seriously like this wasn't weird behavior at all.

`That is so weird, Sirius, honestly really disturbing!' Harry said seriously fearing for Sirius state of mind, he just shrugged and mumbled something about having too much spare time. This night is just getting weirder and weirder. Harry heard a tapping from the door and Sirius looked sadly at Harry.

`My times upI've gotta go.' Sirius said and got his wand out `Wish I could find out who the third was though, they had trouble finding someone for it' and with abright flash of light he disappeared, and the door was opened.

`Ho Ho Ho, Harry!' came the mans voice, Harry jumped at his appearance and rubbed his eyes unbelieving at who was stood in front of him.

`You're Santa Claus!' Harry said in shock at the man standing before him.


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`You're right, Harry' and with this he pulled out a parcel from his sack and gave it to him `Santa gives you a present, for being a good boy this year! HO HO HO'

`This is probably the cheesiest idea ever!' Harry exclaimed happily `But heck ifI'm going to moan! I've wanted to meet you ever since I can remember! And the problem of you not being real has always got in the way' Harry couldn't remember

ever being as happy as he was now and he threw his arms around the jolly fat manin front of him. After a few moments of blissful joy Harry pulled away from himand looked at him `So are we getting a move on then? I know you have a lot to do tonight'

`You have no idea!' Santa said sighing ìn the old days so many people were bad,that Santa didn't have all that much to do. Now though there are six billion people in the world, and with gays and all races being declared equal, it means alot more delivering for Santa. And they all want playstation and 42televisions,that's a lot of work to do, and the elves now have a very good union and want atleast 6 pounds an hour! Being Santa in a thriving capitalist society is no picnic, now Santa can't travel without the proper documentation, Santa's had guns po

inted at Santa twice as they thought Santa carrying a big sack meant Santa was aterrorist' Santa said a little miserably before turning cheerful again `We're going, Ho Ho Ho!' with every `ho' the lights got brighter till he couldn't see and found himself in another room.

The room Harry found himself in was dirty and had the horrible smell of damp waslingering in the air, looking around he couldn't help but have all the joy sapped from him, like he was in the presence of a Dementor.

`What is this place?' Harry said turning to Santa who was looking decidedly illat the moment.

`How the hell would Santa know that? Santa doesn't know jack!' he said a little

meanly throwing Harry a dirty look.

`Fine, and stop referring to yourself in the third person!' Harry said angrily,he had always wanted to meet Santa and now he was being a jerk!

`What!' he roared `Santa has been talking like this for centuries and no one hasever complained to Santa before!' Harry could tell that he had hit a nerve, sohe looked away bashfully from the fat, rather pissed, man standing before him. Harry looked around and jumped at what he noticed, a man sitting in the corner who was just as filthy as the room. The door to the room opened and an older womanwalked into the room causing the man to look around, showing his face to Harry.What Harry saw nearly made him scream with panic, he was looking into the faceof himself as an old man, dirty and smelly and looking as miserable as ever. Harry heard chuckling from Santa and heard him mumble `that's what happens to you for laughing at Santa'.

Òh, you came' the old Harry said miserably to the woman who Harry hadn't even looked at yet `How are you, Hermione?' Harry spun around to look at the woman. Shemust have been about 60 odd by the grey hair and wrinkles Harry could see, butshe looked a lot healthier and happier than the old, disgusting, Harry. She looked beautiful, for an older woman anyway.

Òf course, Harry. I come nearly everyday, and like I'd miss Christmas!' she said friendly going over and giving him a hug. Obviously she was still brave as Harry wouldn't have hugged the old man, and he was him.

`Hermione, where did things go wrong?' he asked, Harry could tell that he oftenasked this.


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`Things aren't wrong, Harry. You just haven't let anyone get close to you sincethe final battle. That's not necessary a bad thing' Harry could tell it was a badthing though just by looking at what his life was to become `I'm still here foryou' and the lights shone bright and Harry reappeared back in his room.

`Thanks a lot, Santa!' Harry said bitterly, he really wished he hadn't seen that

`what good does it make that I know this is going to happen?'

`Santa corrects you, it may happen!' Santa said, Harry spun around and looked athim hopefully.

`What do you mean by it may happen?' he asked earnestly, hoping for the right answer.

`Well, that is what will happen if you carry on the way you are goingbut you canchange yourself and thus your future!' Santa told him cheerfully `Now SanI must be going, bye Harry' and with a crack Santa disappeared leaving Harry in the roomall alone, thoughts rushing through his mind. He knew what he had to do, what h

e wanted to do, and was trying to build up the courage. He left the room and walked around the house, trying to do what he wanted to do. He paused outside a door and pushed it open. He saw Hermione lying on her bed reading a book jump up and stand before him. He walked towards her, looking at the beautiful woman he hadalways known but had never really seen.

`Harrywhat are you doing here, it's' Hermione started but Harry had reached her and pushed his lips to hers to stop her from talking. An explosion fired through his body, like every inch of his skin was on fire as he ran his lips over hers, his tongue pushing between her lips for the most important kiss that would ever happen in his life. He slowly pulled away from her and looked into her eyes, pausing for a moment to look at the woman he loved before speaking.

`Hermione, listen to me and believe the words I say when I tell you that I loveyouI always have. You've always been there for me and I've always loved you as afriend, but now I love you with such a burning passion that I know you're who I'm destined to spend the rest of my life with, to grow old with and hold in my arms for all my lifeI love you Hermione Granger' She looked at him in surprise as tears started to fall freely from her eyes.

`I love you too, Harry Potter, you don't know how long I've been waiting, wishing, that I'd one day hear you tell me those words. I love you with all my heart!'and with this she through her lips onto his, pushing against his with such desperation to feel this new found love that Harry was pushed back against the wall.She pushed her tongue into his mouth, his need for her was exploding through his mind and body, and he knew that he would feel this way forever. He broke the kiss for a moment and looked into her eyes, every bit of will power he had was being used to stop himself from kissing her until the end of time.

`Hermione, I love youI just have to do one thing before I kiss you for all eternity, it'll only take one minute and I'll be back to hold you in my arms forever'Harry had spoken these words honestly and Hermione had just nodded and watched as Harry left the room. He made his way to the owlery, he needed to send two letters. He wrote the first and re read it before sending it with the house owl of Grimmard Place. He did not want to risk Hedwig. It read

Dear Tom,

I suspect that you won't be expecting this letter, but I wish to meet. No battles or threats of death, a one on one conversation for a change. I know you were once in love, that it was that that made you what you are, and I know you still h


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ave good in you. I know you can save yourself, and maybe the girl you still seewhen you close you're eyes. I invite you for Christmas dinner, a chance to makeup for the one you missed all those years back.

Harry

Harry wrote the next one and sent it straight away.

Dear Lupin,

You won the bet. I love Hermione Grangersee you at dinner!

Harry

***___()___***

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A Very Voldie Christmas!

The room was well below zero, the frost from outside was creeping through the open window as he walked back and forth across the room, waiting for his plan to come to fruition. This Christmas Eve was so cold that even he, The Dark Lord Voldemort, was freezing, but he wasn't allowed to show weakness, especially to something as small as the weather. He pointed his wand at the empty hearth and brought it to live with an eruption of fire, making his hand feel like they were in fire with the sudden change in temperature. He eyed the door for a moment, hopingthey would be back soon to give him their report, this Christmas offensive was starting to take its toll on him. Now he was just looking at the death toll and nodding if it was high enough. Christmas always brought out the worse in him, he

shuddered to repress a memory from forming on his mind. Suddenly there was a knock on the door, thank god their back he thought.

`Come in' he ordered in his best `scary dark lord' voice, and the door was slowly opened. As he saw who it was he lifted his wand and screamed ÀVADA KEDAVRA!'but he was shocked when the curse just went through the man and he was left there, still smiling.

`That's no way to treat a guest, Tom' came the mans soft playful voice as he walked towards him, no wand raised in order for defence.

`This is impossible! You're dead, Dumbledore!' Voldemort screeched at him in disgust, this was definitely weird! There was no way Dumbledore would have become aghost, so what the hell was he doing here?

Èvidently it's not impossible!' Dumbledore said joking before carrying on Ì'ma visitor from the afterlife! Tonight you will be having 3 visitors including myself, and they will show you the past, the present' Voldemort was rapt with attention looking at Dumbledore, who seemed pleased with how his dramatics was working Ànd the FUTURE!' Voldemorts eyes were wide with shock as he stared at his oldmentor.

`The future? Like a Prophecy?' Voldemort said, his eyes burning with a crazy obsession.

`WellI guess that's one way to look at itkinda like a prophecy' Dumbledore said awkwardly while watching Voldemort run around the world grabbing a penseive, pen and many other recording devisees mumbling something about `not missing this one'


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. `so, how are you Tom?' Dumbledore tried to ask as Voldemort was still collection things manically.

Àh, you knowbeen better' Voldemort answered absently `Nagini hates the cold andwon't stop moaning' He said surprisingly friendly. When he was finished he was stood in front of Dumbledore with a huge sack looking at him like a 5 year old awaiting to open his present, `So, we ready?' he asked excitedly.

Ì'm sorry Tom, but you won't be able to take them things with you' he stated politely, Voldemort however was pissed!

`You let me do that on purpose, didn't you!' He bellowed while Dumbledore only smiled Ìt's just like before, that's why I hate you so much!' Dumbledore was shocked and had to take a moment before speaking.

`What do you mean, it's just like before?' he asked nicely, Voldemort however was fuming and it was obvious he'd tell the answer, if only in anger.

`The first day of 7th year! Don't tell me you don't remember because you do! I s

pent ages arranging the room to sit next to Emma and you come in and tell us youhad set the tables for the year! I got put next to Bellatrix! Emma wasn't pleased at all, that's why I hate you so much, you have no respect for others!' he said quickly but by the end was a little less angry and threw his sack down and carried on Òk then, lets get going!' and he huffed and turned around to not faceDumbledore. The light went bright and Voldemort found him in a room he recognized, it was snowy and a bit like a log cabin.

`Why have we come here?' Voldemort asked confused, he couldn't work out what this would have to do with him killing Harry Potter.

`You choose the place, Tom, have patience. Being dead yourself for so long musthave taught you some' Dumbledore said teasingly.

Òh, very funny!' Voldemort said sarcastically, looking around the room he saw the door open and in walk a much younger version of himself. Ì was one good-looking Mofo, wasn't I' he said appreciating his young handsome self. He must have been in his very early 20s, he couldn't remember exactly.

`HO HO HO' came a voice as a big fat jolly old man walked through the door to join the young Voldemort in the room. `So you've came to see Santa, Tom?' Santa asked.

`Yes, I have, to ask a favor from someone as powerful as yourself' Tom asked softly looking adoringly at Santa in front of him. The real Voldemort started to feel uncomfortable, knowing what favor it was he needed.

`But Santa knows what a bad boy you've been, Tom!' Santa said cheerily Ìs the favor you ask of Santa a lump of coal? Because Santa could help you out with that! HO HO HO' Santa laughed happily to himself. Tom looked thoroughly pissed at this joke and took a step closer.

`No, the favor isn't a lump of coal!' Tom said sarcastically Ì need the perfectpresent to win back the woman I loveplease?' he asked nicely, Santa though justlooked at him in shock. Voldemort cringed at his request, he couldn't remember ever being such a big girl.

`Santa can't believe that you would ask Santa for such a pussy favor!' Santa sai

d laughing. Tom looked furious but was holding it back.

`So is that a yes or a no?' Tom asked.


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`Santa gives you a hell no!' Santa said laughing, now the anger in Toms face wasreleased, Voldemort was shocked to see how much uglier he became with rage andmade a mental note to keep it a bit better hidden in future.

`You dam old fool! You remind me exactly of Albus freaking Dumbledore!' Tom practically bellowed, while Santa looked curious.

`The man with the great beard?' Santa asked, not helping Tom's mood at all.

`The man with a freaking awful beard!' Tom bellowed, Voldemort looked at Dumbledore and mouthed `sorry' in a cringeful way, he hated when people found out whathe said behind their backs, `both of you just go out of you're way too piss me off!'

`Stop shouting at Santa!' Santa shouted back in anger.

`Stop talking in third bloody person, you freak!' Tom said as Santa's face dropped in shock, Ìf you ever talk in third person again I promise I'll Avada Kedavr

a you straight to hell where you can spend all you're time with all the other social retards!' Tom screamed in anger as Santa's face reddened and reddened.

`Santa will kill you!' he screamed as he sprung at tom, he barely had time to whip out his wand and scream

Àvada Kedavra!' and as he shouted the words a green light hit Santa and he felllifeless to the floor. Tom stood there for a moment in shock, Voldemort could just see tears falling down his younger versions cheeks as the light took away his vision and the next moment he was back in his freezing cold room.

Thoughts were rushing through Voldemorts mind, why did he kill Santa being the main one. How the hell do you apply for the job of Santa being the other thought.

`So you killed Santa!' Dumbledore said in disgust Ì mean that is a touch harsh,even for you!' Voldemort had to agree with that, killing children seemed tame compared to murdering Santa, Voldemort did have some feelings after all.

Ìt was an accident' Voldemort mumbled under his breath, Dumbledore looked angryat this.

`What part was the accident? Insulting him? Raising your wand? Shouting Avada Kedavra?' Dumbledore said in shock, but his face reddened as he became angrier till he shouted the next words ÒR INSULTING MY BEARD!' Voldemort had never seen Dumbledore so pissed.

Ì said I was sorry' Voldemort tried to explain, he was feeling a bit bad about it all as he had to admit it was a pretty nice beard, as far as beards went anyway. Suddenly Voldemort heard a knocking at the door and Dumbledore spoke up at hearing it.

`That's you're next ghost' he said testily, obviously still angry about the beard jibe Ì'm off'

`Bye Dumbledore, we should have done this before' Voldemort said honestly, Dumbledore just smiled sarcastically but before he disappeared he heard him say the word `twat'. The door was instantly pushed open and Voldemort looked at the man before him.

`Who the hell are you?' he asked confused, the man just looked nastily at him Àren't you going to answer?' the man huffed loudly before answering.


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`Fine, but no chit chat' he said shortly Ì'm Sirius Black. You killed my best friend James Potter. You're girlfriend killed me. And now you and you're mates arte trying to kill my godson, Harry Potter!' he said making a sarcastic bow at the end of his introduction, Voldemort had heard a lot about him and was quite intrigued, but he had one main thought on his mind.

`Bellatrix is NOT my girlfriend!' he said defiantly which Sirius smirked at.

`That's not what she said!' he teased with a smirk on his face `But whatever youneed to believe' Voldemort could feel his blood rising as the anger threatened to overflow, he had always told Snape to grow up when he heard about his arguments with Sirius Black, but now he could see Snape's point. He shuddered at the idea of agreeing with Snape. He was about to shout at Sirius when he realized how ugly anger made him, so he cleared his voice and tried to calm himself.

`So, where are we off to, dead man?' he said back politely, emphasizing the worddead in order to piss him off, Sirius just laughed at his feeble attempt thoughand muttered `geek' before answering.

Ì know you're a bit dim, moldieshort, but haven't you already been told that you are the one to pick where we go?' he said. Voldemort could feel his anger building, had he really just been called `moldieshort'.

Ì AM NOT SHORT!' he shouted in anger, Sirius though simply laughed causing himto get even angrier Ì'M ABOUT 6 FOOT FREAKING 6! THAT IS SO NOT SHORT!' he shouted again, this man was intolerable, he wished he was alive so he could kill him.

`Fine, Voldie-pooh' he said laughing `We're off!' and with that the light went bright again and he found himself in another room. He looked around and realizedhe was in the staff room at his other hideout, Lucius and Bellatrix were the onl

y ones there, they were apparently in deep conversation.

`This is fun!' Voldemort said out loud looking at Sirius `Didn't you get killedby that eeny teeny bitty woman?' he said laughing, Sirius was grinding his teethstaring at him, Voldemort couldn't help but laugh before turning his attentionto Lucius and Bellatrix.

Ì know it's hard' Lucius said softly Ì could have been anything I wanted, I'mrich, handsome and powerful, but I decide to sign up with Voldemort, and do I ever get even a simple thank you? Nu-huh!' he said shaking his head sadly.

Ìt's not that he's a mean man' Bellatrix started Ìt's just since this whole Harry Potter thing he's become so distanced from usdo you remember the first D.E Christmas?' they looked at each other and sighed.

`Who knew Voldemort had such a nice singing voice?' Lucius said reminiscing Àndwhat about when Crabbe tried to kiss Goyle? That was priceless!' they both laughed at the happy memories.

`Crabbe couldn't walk for a week!' Bellatrix added between laughs. They both went silent for a few moments, Voldemort looked at Sirius who mouthed the words `Singing?' to him questioning, Voldemort actually found himself blushing, somethinghe didn't think his skin could actually do anymore. He stuck both fingers up atSirius and went back to the conversation.

Ìf we can just get Harry Potter then I'd be sure that we'd have the old Voldemort back!' Lucius said sighing Ìt's just so hard to deal with him and his mood swings sometimes' Bellatrix interrupted him though and said in a high pitched voic


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e.

`But you're not the one in love with him!' she said and with this the light wentbright and he found himself back in his room. Thoughts were running wild through his head, Bellatrix was in love with him? He had always just thought of her asa crazy stalker! Sure she was cute, and it would piss Sirius of he hooked up with both his cousin and killer. Sirius interrupted his musings though.

`You're a dick' he said simply and honestly, Voldemort was taken back in shock `just had to say it' he said politely.

`Thanks' Voldemort said confused, to call someone a dick totally out of the bluelike that was incredibly weird and rude, even for the company he usually kept.

`You're welcome' Sirius said cheerily `Before I go though, leave Harry alone orelse! He's found a woman he loves, and he's finally happyso leave him alone!' hesaid threateningly, Voldemort just laughed.

`He finally got with Hermione? Lucky son of a bitch! She sure is fine' Voldemort

asked conversationally, Sirius looked shocked Òh come on! I might be the dark lord but I'm not blind! How obvious can two people make it! Puh-leeze!' and indeed it was painstakingly obvious, Hermione was a hot piece of ass and Harry reallyis a lucky bastard if even he gets laid with her" Voldemort reckoned, and although he wanted to kill him he had to admit that Harry was a real cutie himself.

Ì'm not even going to ask, but for your information they both have been shagginglike bunnies' for which Voldemort gave a jealous huff which was new for him. Sirius said turning away as the door knocked Àdios Amigo Voldie-pooh!' and with that he disappeared as the door was opened. In front of him was someone he NEVERexpected to meet.

`Holy fuck. It's Jesus Christ!' he whispered in shock.

`That's my name, don't wear it out, otherwise you'll have to buy me a new one!'Jesus said with a corny seventies game show host smile. Voldemort couldn't believe he was standing face to face with the lord savior Jesus Christ. A Million thought shot through Voldemorts brain and he was in such shock he had trouble hearing even a single one of them.

Ì guess a Happy Birthdays in order?' Voldemort said politely.

Ònly if you slap on a gin on the rocks with that order!' he said, his corny smile constantly attached as he let out a little fake laugh.

Ì can't believe that you're my third ghost!' Voldemort said in shock.

`Well I am part of the Holy Trinity, although with Albus and Sirius included Christianity would be a lot more fun! Maybe I'll have a word with the Pope about achange' he said laughing. Voldemort did like the guy but he was staring to get alittle annoying with his cheerfulness, but it was his birthday after all he reasoned, so he allowed it to slip.

`So where are we going then, Jesus?' he asked but instantly realized his mistake`Sorry, I know you don't know' he said apologetically, Jesus however continued smiling.

Àctually, Tom, tonight I know exactly where we going!' he said in a cheesy way

again and wheeled towards the door `Lets show Tom what's behind door number one!' he said in that game show host way of his that was starting to really piss Voldemort off, the door burst open and Voldemort felt the heat burn his skin before


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Jesus spoke loudly over the cackling `Hell of the Future!' and he pushed Voldemort through to claim his `prize'.

The heat burnt at his skin slightly as he looked around Hell, people were beingtortured by demons all over the place, his first thought was to see if he couldget any to join the death eaters but he quickly banished it.

`So what are we doing he?' he asked but paused when he saw a shocking sight. He saw himself in a skirt being beaten the living daylights out of by none other than Neville Longbottom, that disgusting fat squib Ì end up here?' he asked confused Ì always thought that I was the good guy!' he said indignantly, his whole life had been turned upside down, Jesus looked knowingly at him.

`That's what every evil man ever has thoughtHitler' and he pointed over at a man that was being eaten alive by turtles `Stalin' who was being kicked repeatedly in the crutch by an old woman who had about 30 cats around her `Teddy Sheringham' whowas being kicked to death in the most painful way possible, by the legend thatis George Foreman. Voldemort was in shock and couldn't move as Jesus led him back through the door to his own room. He fell onto a chair, still unable to move f

or a few minutes.

Ì'm going to end up there?' he said in shock.

`You will end up there' Jesus said softly ùnless you change your ways and becomean instrument of good' he said looking into Voldemorts eyes.

`ButI've traveled so far down this road, I've killed so many, I don't even have awhole soul anymore. I killed Santa for goodness sake!...I can never get forgiveness!' he said on the verge of tears to Jesus. Jesus looked at him kindly for amoment before speaking again.

`Do you forget who you're speaking to?' he asked with a smile, it clicked into p

lace why Jesus had been his third ghost.

`Can youWill you forgive me?' he asked sincerely, Jesus looked at him and touchedhim on top of his head.

`You're forgiven, my friend. You're soul never belonged to you in the first place, so I shall give it back to you. But from this day on any new sins you commitwill lead you to that futurelive like a good man, and you will have a home withme forever in heaven' Jesus said softly standing up, Tom could feel tears of joyfilling his eyes.

`Thank you Jesus' he said simply, all he did was smile at him and disappear in aflash of bright light leaving Voldemort alone with his thoughts. He had to be agood man now, he had been wrong on his perceptions on Good and Evil, so that must have meant that Dumbledore was right! He knew that he would never live this down. Suddenly a knocking came from the door and in walked Bellatrix carrying an owl he didn't recognize. He smiled at Bellatrix and beckoned her over, she was abeautiful women, if a little crazily deranged, but he knew he could save her. Hepulled her close to him, so close he could see the fear in her eyes, fear he wanted to kiss away, he pressed his lips against hers and felt a sensation he hadn't felt for decades, love. As he withdrew he could see tears soaking her face, alook of bliss etched across her face.

`Voldemort' she started but he interrupted her.

`My names Tom, call me Tom' he cooed softly to her òr call me you're love' he said softly as he pressed his lips against hers. For an hour or more they stayed that way, teasing each other with kisses until Bellatrix spoke up.


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`Tom, we found something' and she pulled away and showed him the owl, he recognized it as Harry's and grabbed the letter attached and read it

Dear Tom,

I suspect that you won't be expecting this letter, but I wish to meet. No battle

s or threats of death, a one on one conversation for a change. I know you were once in love, that it was that that made you what you are, and I know you still have good in you. I know you can save yourself, and maybe the girl you still seewhen you close you're eyes. I invite you for Christmas dinner, a chance to makeup for the one you missed all those years back.

Harry

As he finished it he realized that life had given him another chance, and he wasn't going to mess this up, he was going to make this the best Christmas ever ifit killed him. Bellatrix interrupted his thoughts by speaking to him.

`We killed the owl' she said softly.

"Damn, I believe it's not his familiar Hedwig?"

'No master, she said in even a softer voice.

"Oh thank God. Otherwise Harry will be very pissed", he muttered in a frightfulvoice.

===========================================================

Harry Potter, and friends, at the Circus

`Solets get this right' the man said, stifling his laughter a little `you say thatHarry has actuallyyou knowthat Hermione Granger?'

`That's exactly what I was saying!' the woman replied giggling.

`How the hell did that one happen?' he said in shock `Lucky son of a bitch', hestill could not get over the shock.

`Of the highest order' she said throwing her head back in laughter.

`The looker and the four eyes!' he said between annoyance.

`Umsir?' a man said as he rapped on the door, the pair knew who the man was justby his voice, and neither wanted his presence `you there sir?'

The pair sat in silence, hoping that if they were quiet the man might just go away thinking they weren't there.

`SIR?' the man called louder `HELLO? ANYONE HOME?' he yelled as he hammered on the door.

The man picked up his wand in annoyance and after flicking it, the door opened w

ide showing a blonde middle aged man.

`What is itLucius?' the man said to his visitor. If he was honest he had always w


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ondered how Lucius had become so influential, he was pretty crap after all.

Ùmsir, it's just thatI was just wonderingsir' he said nervously, his fingers working nervously around his wand as he watched his feet.

`Speak up Lucius' he said bored, and disliking the man even more.

Ìts just I waswell, I was a little bored, sirand I was wondering what you was doing' he said anxiously, his eyes shooting up and noticing for the first time thathe wasn't alone Òhhi BellatrixI didn't know you was here'

`That's ok Luciusme and Voldemort was just talking bout Harry and Hermione' she said gossipy. Voldemort sighed, even the fact that Bella hated Lucius didn't stopher from gossiping with him, and he often wondered what she said about him behind his back `They're an item now'

Ì heard that toobut in my story they are married. She is such a hotty, lucky bastard' he too huffed' and sat down in between the two of them. Voldemort coughedloudly but Lucius didn't seem to realize.

Ùh-huh!' she said raising her eyebrows `but even Goyle could do better than her!'

Ì don't think she's that bad' Voldemort added. Bellatrix stopped and stared athim in disbelief for a moment before turning back to gossip together again. Voldemort didn't like this part of being boss, people always felt a little awkward around him and didn't want to disagree with him, the odd crucio as a punishment and people thought he was a little angry.

`Shall we go get somecoffeeor something?' Lucius asked Bella, a little bit off flush entering his face.

Ùm' Bella said eyeing him. People thought that he could always read peoples minds, and was a great legillemens, but in truth he was rather shit, he usually justbluffed his way through it, and if proven wrong he just avada kedavra-ed them `how about that circus that is in town?'

`That sounds great!' Lucius said almost wetting himself with joy, even the shitlegillemens that Voldemort was he knew that Lucius wanted to get in Bellas pants. Voldemort waited for a moment to be invited, but as the two of them gazed at each other he knew it wasn't going to come.

`How about we all make a day of it?' Voldemort said, both of their heads snapping back onto his `You know, a death eater day off?'

`Whatlike the old days?' Bella said, a glint in her eyes.

`Yeahsure, why not?' Voldemort said standing up. Bella stood up and threw her arms around his neck, pulling him into a bone breaking hug. Another thing that people didn't know about him was how physically weak he was, especially in this second hand, badly made body that he now had. Consequently he had to bite his lip tostop from crying.

`Thank you sooooo much!' she said happily Ì'll go tell everyone!'

Voldemort watched as Bella skipped of, her pretty flowery skirt bellowing out behind her. Voldemort loved Bellas hippy chick look, it suited her.

Ùmsirdo you want to hug me?' Lucius said in a small scared voice, Voldemort looked around at him in disbelief.


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`Fuck off' he said and wandered off to get changed.

MEANWHILE, IN A SMALL FLAT IN LONDON, HARRY POTTER, EVERYONES FAVOURITE GLASSESWEARING WIZARD, IS IN DEEP THOUGHT, CONTEMPLATING THE BIGGEST ISSUES THAT LIFE HAS TO HOLD...

`Do you think I'd look good in chinos?' he said eyeing himself in the mirror. Afew moments passed without reply so he turned around to look at his friend, Ronald Weasley, working feverishly on scrubbing the floor `Ron?'

`Yo man, wha-s hangin?' Ron said looking up from his job.

Ì said do you think I'd look good in chinos?' he said miffed at being ignored.

`Why you do me like dat? Can you eyes I'm sho-busy?' Ron said angrily, now thiswas too much for Harry.

Ànd who pays you to do that job? Oh, that's right, it's me!' he said annoyed, t

houghts still on chinos `so maybe you should try answering your bosses questions!'

`yo pay me no chesse, foo!' he said indignantly, the ungrateful swine!.

`You ungrateful swine!' Harry said throwing his glass of water at Ron, but missing by a good meter or two, Harry had always been terrible at sports Ì give youa job, the money I EARNT, do you know how hard it is to have your parents deadedwhen your one! and all you do is throw it back in my face! I hate you and hopeyou die a painful death and bugs shit in your hair!' he screamed.

`Dat it, punkI'm outtie, fo-shizzle!' Ron said standing up and preparing to leave. Harry felt his heart leap, threatening to come out of his throat, he fell to h

is knees, tears flowing from his eyes like sweat from a fat person.

`What are you two boys doing?' Hermione said entering the room and looking at the two as they stood face to face `you two hooking up?' she said jokingly. Ron looked taken aback and sickened at the idea. Harry was also sickened, but becausehe thought he could do much better than Ron.

Ì do no drop anchor in bum bay!' Ron said taking a step back.

`Justsomethingor someoneI did' Harry said looking at Hermione, who winked back.

`So what's the GP for today?' Hermione said helping herself to a chair.

Ì'm thinking of buying some chinos, what do you think of that?' Harry asked seriously.

Ì thought we could go to the pub?' Hermione kind off replied.

`Me and chinos?' Harry said indignantly.

`Biding some brews sounds hot' Ron said `need to get me buzz on before'

`Here' Hermione said handing Ron a joint.

`CHINOS?' Harry yelled jumping up and down a little.

`We are not going to America' Hermione said scornfully.


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Ì meant the trousers' Harry said, tears threatening to come.

`Shut the fuck up and fo-chill' Ron said between toking.

Ì HATE YOU!' Harry yelled at Ron and ran from the room to his own, with the intention of getting changed, although not into some chinos till he bought some.

Ì'll go after him' Hermione said leaving Ron toking away.

She walked through the small flat, taking only a few seconds before arriving atHarry's door. She paused for a moment in front of it before pushing it open andwalking in, closing the door quickly behind her.

`Hello Harry' she said looking at him, standing in his boxer shorts before him.He looked good enough to eat Ì'm gonna eat you like I eat macaroni' she said walking up to him and dropping to her knees before him `Straight down'

and Harry had a very enjoyable afternoon

`Fo shizzle my nizzle, that it some piece of ass!' Ron said as he eyed a woman on the table next to them `Holla at me girl!' he called at her making her blush slightly `The bitch wants me'

`With hair like that I'm sure all she wants is to get back to the seventies' Harry said scathingly at the big haired blonde Ron was taken by.

Harry giggled at what he could accomplish here if only Ron would fuck off.

`Ron, why don't you just fuck off?' Harry said

Ànd when I fuck of I'll fuck yo motha!' Ron said laughing `necrophilia aint tolow fo me'

Ì HATE YOU AND HOPE YOU DIE!' Harry yelled, making the whole pub stare at him,but Harry didn't care.

`So what's the GP from here?' Hermione said, her use off the word GP fucked Harry off something terrible.

`Yo woman, chill!' Ron said nastily, staring at the blonde.

`Don't call me woman' the blond said angrily back.

`Yo a woman, so I call yo a woman' Ron said bickering.

`So I'll call you a twat-eye then' Hermione replied quickly.

`Fuck this for a picnic and a piece of pie!' Ron said standing up and walking over to the blonde with the bad hair.

`Look at him scamming on that poor girl, like the plonker has a chance' Hermionesaid turning her eyes onto Harry and smiling seductively.

`true' Harry pointed out trying to be helpful.

`yea True' Hermione said leaning closer to Harry, her leg crawling up his leg.

`So what's the GP? Hermione said.

Ì was thinking of buying some chinos, but I'm not sure if they'd suit me' Harry


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replied, he had already had enough fun that afternoon and his mind was fully onhis dream chinos.

Ì was thinking of the circus around the corner?' Hermione said downing her sixth double vodka.

`Do they sell chinos there?' Harry said overly sarcastic.

`No, but they do sell sunglasses' Hermione said now swigging form a bottle of Vodka, Harry was sure she must of magiced it, she was very good at the alcohol spells.

`Have they got aviators?' Harry asked seriously.

`Probably' she said noncommittal like.

`cooool!' Harry said, picturing himself in a pair of chinos while wearing his new cool aviators ùltra cool!'

`Yo dudes we gotta bounce!' Ron said coming over to the table `that hoes boyfriend showed up and he ain't looked no not pissed, and widout any mother fucking gifts!'

`Ron, you are such a tit job' Harry said finishing his drink and standing up togo.

Meanwhile, Voldemort and his merry gang of death eaters are having their first day out for, like, a thousand years or summit like that

`Dude, did you see me hammer that mole?' Voldemort said happily to his friends,all chuckling away eating candy floss.

`Lucius wants a go at having his mole whacked' Bella said nudging him as she giggled away to herself, Lucius blushing furiously.

Ànd I wonder who he wants the hammer to be?' Voldemort said teasingly watchingas Bella threw her head back laughing wildly.

Voldemort stopped dead in his tracks, the one image that was impossible was before him, the one image that threw fear into his heart. Harry potter and his sidekicks. His whole merry gang stopped being merry. The male friend that Voldemortcould never remember the name of came storming up to him, the other two following in his wake.

`Lookie what we have here, a group of mother fucking bitches' he said, looking Voldemort straight in the eye.

`Now now, we're here just enjoying ourselves' Voldemort said.

`Yo, I thought u enjoyed urself being gay, fo-shizzle!' he said nastily, spitting along with some of his words Òr is the blonde guy yo's!'

`Ron, shut the fuck up!' Harry said trying to grab his friend by the arm and drag him away, an apologetic smile on his face `Voldemortdo you think I'd suit chinos?' .

`Yo more of a bitch than a bitch!' Ron said shrugging Harry off, who stood, shou

lders slumping wishing he had just gone to buy his chinos this afternoon.

`Come on guys lets go' Voldemort said turning to lead his gang away, wondering i


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f Harry would look good in chinos while noting that Lucius looked terrified.

`Yo scared yo hoe will want a real man' Ron shouted at Bella.

Ì'm not a hoe' Bella replied indignantly.

`Yo fuck around with a bitch den yo a hoe' Ron said shrugging cockily.

`Your dress looks very pretty' Hermione said to Bella noting how long her legs were.

`What's your problem?' Voldemort said squaring up to Ron, if there was one thinghe hated it was people being nasty to his friends.

`Yo face!' Ron said eye to eye with him. Voldemort took a step back and withdrewhis wand, and quickly everyone had theirs out.

`NO!' Hermione screamed, her hand over her ears, making everyone stop dead. Screaming usually came later in a battle than this.

`What is it Hermione?' Harry asked softly, worry on his face ìs it anything todo with me wearing chinos?'

Òf course not!' se said, a little teary eyed, Harry breathed out a sigh of relief at this news.

Àren't you feeling well' Voldemort asked friendly, he never had anything against her and knew how bad fighting when ill could be.

Ì'm ok, thank you' she replied with a smile.

`Yo woman, yo on the blob?' Ron said scathingly

`That's the problem' she said seeming to shrink Ì won't be on the blob for a long timenine months to be exact'

`What!' Harry said with wonder.

`You are sooo stupid!' Voldemort said bent over double as he laughed away.

Ì'm pregnant' Hermione said quickly, stopping everyone laughing instantlyexceptLucius who seemed to miss it.

`That's even better than Lucius story!' Bella said after a few moments, gossip dripping every word she said.

`That's even better than my plan of killing you!' Voldemort said mournfully to Harry.

`Yo foo, that shit is wack' Ron added pissed.

`How about if you're allowed a pair of chinos?' she said with a smile.

`Go on' Harry said thinking of a pair of chinos.

Ànd some aviators?' she said taking another step closer and putting her hand onhis chest.

`ThenI love you!' He said after a few moments, a smile spread across his face ÒOOHHHH a child all of my own! And he'll have ALL the chinos in the world!'


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`Poor fucking child!' Bella said giggling slightly

Ànd as a present of peace offering, I'll give you my aviators' Voldemort said handing over his glasses slowly, unsure if he was doing the right thing or not.

`Thanks!' Harry said putting them on, sucking in his cheeks and pouting, he knew

how cool he must look now.

`Mr. Voldemort' Hermione said nervously.

`Yes, sweet child?' Voldemort replied, he wondered why he had insisted on beingcalled Lord when Mr. sounded much more respectable.

`Would you be the godfather of our child?' Hermione said smiling from ear to ear.

`That's a superb idea!' Harry said beaming.

`Yo bi-a-tches!' Ron said angrily Ì'm gonna be the godfather of my friends baby!'

Ùmno' Harry said awkwardly.

`Yeahwe can't be your friend anymore' Hermione said putting a hand on Ron's armconsolingly.

`What? Why?' Ron said in shock.

`We can't risk the baby catching gingerI'm so sorry' Harry said with a sad smile.

Òh' Ron said in shock and quite upset `you sure?'

`Yeah' Hermione said `Gingers are freakswe wouldn't be good parents if we didn'tcut you out of our lives'

`But he's a murderer' Ron said sulkily.

`But a brunette murderer' Harry explained.

Òhwhat if I dye my hair?' he said putting his hands in his pockets.

`Then you'd be a murderer too' Harry said consolingly.

Ron stood stock still, tears threatening to come.

`Haven't you got somewhere to be?' Voldemort said looking at his watch awkwardly.

`Yeahsomestuff' Ron said turning away slowly before walking off. As he walked pastthe Ferris wheel he heard laughter form all of them making tears roll down his eyes. A Little kid ran up to him and stopped in his path `What is it?' he said between chokes.

`Ginger cunt!' the five year old shouted and spat at him.

Ron cried openly, alone in a circus, with only the sounds of laughter, as well a

s spit on his top, to keep him company.

*


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a very voldie christmas

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