1. Exemplars and Commentary 2. Achievement: Create and deliver a fluent and coherentoral text which develops, sustains, and structures ideas.Achievement with Merit: Create and deliver a fluent andcoherent oral text which develops, sustains, and structuresideas and is convincing.Achievement with Excellence: Create and deliver a fluentand coherent oral text which develops, sustains, andstructures ideas and commands attention. 3. The student creates and delivers afluent and coherent speech about theAnzac spirit and its legacy for modernNew Zealanders that commandsattention. The video shows the last few minutesof his speech. 4. The students speech develops and structures subordinate ideas around acentral/main idea: that New Zealanders need to emulate the spirit of the Anzacsin the past to address social concerns of today. For example:1. He evokes New Zealands military heroism and sacrifice in the past to challenge New Zealanders of today;2. He describes what made soldiers of the past extraordinary to challenge the audience to consider if New Zealanders still have those qualities;3. He then describes the battlefields of the past and soldiers motivations to enlist to challenge the audience to consider what the battles are today for New Zealanders;4. He then contrasts the courage and sacrifice of earlier generations with the reality of todays domestic violence to challenge the audience;5. The student goes on to honour his relative and members within the audience who have participated in wars over the years to challenge his own peers to protect the vulnerable in society;6. The student then call New Zealanders and young people to action to exemplify the spirit of Anzac Day by taking a stand against violence and drug abuse and nurturing and empowering future generations (video). 5. INTRO: He evokes New Zealands military heroism and sacrifice in the past to challengeNew Zealanders of today; CONC: The student then call New Zealanders and MBP1: He describes young people to action to what made soldiers of the exemplify the spirit of past extraordinary toAnzac Day by taking achallenge the audience tostand against violenceconsider if New and drug abuse andZealanders still have nurturing andthose qualities;empowering futuregenerations (video). CENTRAL IDEA: NewZealanders need toemulate the spirit of the Anzacs in the past toaddress social concerns of today. MBP4: The student goes MBP2: He then describes on to honour his relativethe battlefields of the past and members within theand soldiers motivations audience who have to enlist to challenge the participated in wars over audience to considerthe years to challenge hiswhat the battles are today own peers to protect thefor New Zealanders;vulnerable in society;MBP3: He then contraststhe courage and sacrificeof earlier generations with the reality of todays domestic violence to challenge the audience; 6. The student insightfully selects and integrates visual andoral language features to create a striking WHOLE. Forexample: selecting war newsreels and a recording of The MaoriBattalion Marching Song to open the speech and toevoke New Zealands military heroism and sacrifice in thepast to challenge New Zealanders of today (intro) Body language as the student watches the newsreel withhis back to the audience. When it finishes he turns awayfrom the past to face the audience of today) Sustained eye contact (thats right- no cue cards;) 7. Confident use of vocal variation; Language features/ devices such as: Rhetorical questions, Parallel construction, Pronouns and emotive language, forexample: Where do you stand The timehas arrived and you must choose! 8. All sub topics support and develop the central ideadiscussed before. Also the student integrates a warrior motif with ideasand language to create a striking whole, and sustain thepurpose of the speech. e.g. The Maori Battalion MarchingSong that opens the speech and is used throughout thetext, reference to New Zealand battles and heroes, thefinal Maori proverb contrasts between the past and the present, thebalancing of emotive description and reflection with directappeals and challenges. 9. To achieve Excellence more securely, the student needs to: explore some ideas in more depth e.g. warriors forfreedom and peace and battling their own Cretes, theirown Vietnams, and their own East Timorsselect words from The Maori Battalion Marching Song toclose the speech and therefore link it to its opening tocreate a striking whole. 10. Sum up important ideas/concepts you have developedwhilst going through this presentation. Sum up under: ExemplarsIdeas: VisualOral/Verbal Structure: Language: Language: Excellence Merit Achieved Not Achieved 11. The student creates and delivers afluent, coherent and convincingspeech about key elements forsuccess to inspire his audience ofjunior students as they embark ontheir college career. The video shows the opening of hisspeech. 12. The student does this by developing and structuringsubordinate ideas to sustain his central idea about whatis required to succeed at college. For example:1. contrasting junior students lack of experience andconfidence with the perspective and maturity of a seniorstudent in his opening;2. identifying and exploring the importance of balance;3. determination;4. And opportunity. 13. INTRO: contrasting junior students lack of experience andconfidence with theperspective andmaturity of a seniorstudent in hisopening;MBP4: AndMBP1: He describesopportunity.what made soldiers ofthe past extraordinaryto challenge the audience to considerif New Zealanders still CENTRAL IDEA: The student doeshave those qualities; this by developing and structuringsubordinate ideas to sustain his central idea about what is requiredto succeed at college. Forexample: MBP2: identifying and MBP3: determination exploring theimportance of balance; 14. selecting a role play persona to convey the inexperienceand lack of confidence of a Year 9 student, contrastingthis persona with the actual senior student who thenformally addresses the audience (intro) Contrast in body language, an uncertain to a confidenttone and stance to create the contrast between youngand older speakers (Sustained eye contact (thats right- no cue cards;) Note: The students familiarity with the material andconfident delivery throughout the presentation commandsattention! 15. Colloquial and emotive language, pronouns, parallel construction,vocal variation; selecting and integrating verbal transitions with rhetorical devices(parallel construction, pronouns) to create a coherent, fluent and convincingtext e.g. That, that was that boy 5 years ago. He sat where you sit nowlinks the role play to the speech; e.g. he wanted to make sure thatthat path led him to success. So, how did he get there? How did heget to where I am standing today? He went by three things: he wentby balance, he went by determination, and he went by opportunitylinks this reflection to key points in the speech; selecting anecdotes to illustrate key points e.g. determination, inorder to encourage and inspire his audience, integrating these structures with rhetorical devices which includehumour, colloquial and emotive language e.g. Im not going to lie. 16. All sub topics support and develop the central ideadiscussed before. selecting and integrating the repetition of key words withideas to create a coherent, fluent, and convincing texte.g. But he gave it a go because he needed that balance So he found that balance and He was going to puteverything he had into that team. And he used thatdetermination in all aspects of his school, once againbringing him balance 17. To achieve Excellence, the student needs to: explore ideas of determination and opportunity inmore depth; integrate the closing role play more cleverly with thepreceding ideas to create a striking whole. 18. Sum up important ideas/concepts you have developedwhilst going through this presentation. Sum up under: ExemplarsIdeas: VisualOral/Verbal Structure: Language: Language: Excellence Merit Achieved Not Achieved 19. The student creates and delivers afluent and coherent valedictory-styledspeech that explores how the desireto fit in is ultimately not always in thebest interests of individuals. The video shows the opening of herspeech. 20. INTRO: The student contrasts the carefree, innocent experience of most new school entrants with her negative experience CONC: The student as a new immigrant;concludes bychallenging the MBP1: The student audience to consider identifies her sense of whether some things racial difference andin life are more awareness of others important thanperceptions; choosing to fit in CENTRAL IDEA: thedesire to fit in isultimately not always inthe best interests ofindividuals.MBP4: The student identifying the challenges of sexual MBP2: The student stereotyping and thelinks linking her ownpotential sense of difference to consequences of her mothers responsetrying to fit in faced by to the challenges of young women;living in New Zealand;MBP3: The studentexplores with some discrimination herparents decision to immigrate; 21. The student selects and usessustained eye contact, and somebody language. Sustained eye contact= (thatsright- no cue cards;) 22. selecting and using rhetorical devices and language features tocreate meaning and effect, demonstrating discrimination in placeswith: parallel construction e.g. Will our desire to fit in prevent some of usfrom reaching our potential? Will we be too afraid to take risks, makemistakes and learn from them? Will we be too afraid to live our livesfully? Pronouns humour e.g. That was a time when rhetorical questions e.g. So why did they do it? Why didnt they Imperatives Repetition syntax - Imagine living like that ... 23. All sub topics support and develop the central idea discussedbefore. The student selects and uses structural conventions of avaledictory speech to develop and sustain ideas e.g. salutation, description of and reflection on personal experience, social observations, call to action The student uses verbal transitions to connect ideas andcreate a fluent coherent text e.g. So why did they do it? Whydidnt they just ? and that sense of belonging in thoseten year old girls and that desire to fit in is reflected in all ofus 24. To achieve Merit, the student needs to: To achieve Merit, the student needs to integrate ideaswith effective structures to clarify the overall purpose ofher text for the audience e.g. by using her introduction to identify the central ideathat connects racial difference and stereotyping/thesuccessful adaptation of immigrants/the importance ofparents and the impact of their choices on the lives oftheir children etc. 25. Sum up important ideas/concepts you have developedwhilst going through this presentation. Sum up under: ExemplarsIdeas: VisualOral/Verbal Structure: Language: Language: Excellence Merit Achieved Not Achieved 26. The student begins (but does notquite get there) to develop, structure,and sustain a central idea about thestereotyping, judging and rejection ofpeople in our society. The video shows an early section ofher speech. 27. Regular eye contact and somebody language! Oh no, cue cards! 28. selecting and using vocabulary and stylistic features (pronouns,descriptive detail) to create consistency of meaning and effect, andto sustain interest e.g. Most of you will remember Personally I was really excited formy first day rhetorical questions, humour, and onomatopoeia e.g. You allprobably remember how little kids just made friends right?... she didnt talk tome again, not even once! parallel construction e.g. You could be the person that theychoose to kill themselves repetition People ask, ... Attention seeking 29. The student begins to use an effective structure byselecting the structural conventions of a valedictoryspeech e.g. Salutation description of, and reflection on, personal experience social observations call to action 30. To achieve the student needs to: explore some ideas in more depth e.g. bullying, suicide,and media influence select effective structures to sustain the central idea andcreate a coherent text e.g. by using verbal transitions toconnect anecdotes about friendship and children being illto the stereotyping, judging and rejection of people insociety, and personal experiences in the swim team to anunforgiving society. In other words- ideas arent connected, they dont flow! 31. Sum up important ideas/concepts you have developedwhilst going through this presentation. Sum up under: ExemplarsIdeas: VisualOral/Verbal Structure: Language: Language: Excellence Merit Achieved Not Achieved