ªa kn owl edg e co m muni ty f or the soc iety of act … · 2012-01-19 · m anagem ent and p...

M A N A G E M E N T A N D P E R S O N A LD E V E L O P M E N T S E C T I O N“A KNOWLEDGE COMMUNITY FOR THE SOCIETY OF ACTUARIES”

January 2007

Issue No. 25

Published in Schaumburg, Ill.

by the Society of Actuaries

The Stepping Stonecontents

From the Editor—Important New

Stepping Stone Features

by John West Hadley . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .2

Chairperson’s Corner—DISC

Personality Styles

by Donna K. Weninger . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .3

PEOPLE MANAGEMENT

The Art of Awkward Conversation

by Maureen Costello . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .4

BUSINESS MANAGEMENT

Are You in Ship Shape?

by David M. Walczak . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .7

Maximize Your Meetings

by Mark E. Green . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .9

DEAR STEPPING STONE

What to Do About a New Job You

Hate? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .11

CAREER DEVELOPMENT

A Winning Mindset

by John West Hadley . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .12

Review of Recent Literature

by Donna K. Weninger . . . . . . . . . . . . . .14

COMMUNICATION SKILLS

Consoling a Divorcing Co-Worker

by Maureen Wild . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .16

INTERPERSONAL SKILLS

Getting In Your Own Way?

by David C. Miller . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .18

Networking:

Master Key to Opportunity

by Mary Kilkenny . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .20

It’s my pleasure to take over as editor, and I would like tothank my predecessor, David C. Miller of Miller & AssociatesBusiness and Sales Coaching (www.BusinessGrowthNow.com)

for all of the energy and enthusiasm he brought to the role overthe past few years.

We tried an experiment in electronic publishing with the lasttwo issues of The Stepping Stone. We are considering whether ornot to move further in that direction, and need your feedback.Drop me an e-mail at [email protected] to let meknow what you think. And in case you might have missed thosetwo electronic issues, just go to the SOA library at the Internet ad-dress shown below to get these terrific articles:

October, 2006 (http://library.soa.org/library-pdf/SSN0610.pdf)• The Paradox of Effective Influence• Developing Management & Business Skills• Ken Lay’s Legacy• The Dilbert Principle• The Management Experience Gap• Are Cover Letters a Waste of Time?• You Haven’t Changed a Bit!• Office Politics: A Little Savvy Goes A Long Way• Look Like You Mean Business In Europe

July, 2006 (http://library.soa.org/library-pdf/SSN0607.pdf)• Five Secrets to Success• Get Involved!• Are You at Risk of Becoming an Accidental Criminal?• The Value of Coaching• The EXCEL Model: Excellence in Teaching and Coaching• Using a Retained Executive Search Firm• Try This Game Plan: Play to Your Strengths• Speak Your Way To Success• Avoiding the Hidden Pitfalls of Executive Dining

Finally, this issue introduces a new Stepping Stone feature: an Advice Column. Submityour questions and challenges in any of the areas below, and your own comments onany of the articles we publish, to [email protected], and in upcomingissues we will give you expert advice on:• People Management• Business Management• Career Development• Communication Skills• Interpersonal Skills

I look forward to making The Stepping Stone a more interactive forum that directlyaddresses your issues! I’d love to hear from you—drop me a note at any time to let usknow how we are doing. qq

The Stepping StoneIssue Number 25 • January 2007Published quarterly by the Management& Personal Development Sectionof the Society of Actuaries

475 N. Martingale Road, Suite 600Schaumburg, IL 60173phone: 847.706.3500fax: 847.706.3599

World Wide Web: www.soa.org

This newsletter is free to section members.A subscription is $25.00 for nonmembers.

John West Hadley, FSAThe Stepping Stone EditorJohn Hadley Associates8 Lori DriveSomerville, NJ 08876-2517phone: 908.725.2437e-mail: [email protected]

2006-2007 MANAGEMENT AND PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT SECTION COUNCILDonna K. Weninger, ChairpersonScott D. Haglund, Vice-Chairperson(Annual Prog. Committee Representative)Gail A. Hall, Secretary/TreasurerJan Carstens, BOG PartnerSteven J. Gaspar, Council MemberVincent J. Granieri, Council MemberJohn West Hadley, Council MemberBela Patel-Fernandez, Council MemberAlan J. Sheptin, Council Member(Spring Prog. Committee Representative)Faisal Siddiqi, Council Member(Web Coordinator)David M. Walczak, Council Member

SOA STAFFJoe Adduci, DTP [email protected]

Susan Martz, Project Support [email protected]

Meg Weber, Staff [email protected]

Facts and opinions contained in these pagesare the responsibility of the persons whoexpress them and should not be attributed to the Society of Actuaries, its committees, the Management and Personal DevelopmentSection or the employers of the authors. Errors in fact, if brought to our attention, will be promptly corrected.

Copyright© 2007, Society of Actuaries.All rights reserved.Printed in the United States of America.

Important NewStepping StoneFeaturesby John West Hadley

From the Editor

John West Hadley, FSA,

is a career counselor who

works with job seekers

frustrated with their

search, and professionals

struggling to increase

their visibility and

influence at work. He

can be reached at John@

JHACareers.com or

(908) 725-2437. His free

Career Tips newsletter

and other career

resources are available at

www.JHACareers.com.

I’m convinced understanding personalities isvital to getting the best out of a team.Knowing your own personality style helps

you understand what makes you tick. Knowingthe personality styles of your colleagues helpsyou understand how best to communicate withthem. Acknowledging and appreciating eachperson’s characteristics creates a more positivework environment that will ultimately lead togreater team success. Without this understand-ing, a breakdown in workplace relationships isbound to occur.

Behavioral instruments can be useful toolsto help leaders gain insight into different per-sonalities, assessing their own personality styleand determining the personality styles of theircoworkers. One such instrument is DISC. TheDISC model classifies behaviors into four per-sonality types: Dominant, Influencing,Steadiness and Conscientious.

Dominant Style People with the dominant style tend to makequick decisions, are very results-oriented, aredirect and straightforward, are confident andcompetitive, don’t want a lot of details, andoften display a high level of initiative andenergy. Additionally, they tend to prefer anenvironment that allows them to be in control.However, dominant style individuals cancause conflict by being too blunt, restless andimpatient. When dealing with this personalitystyle it is best to be direct and responsive andto not make excuses.

Approximately 10 percent to 15 percent ofthe population display a dominant style and in-clude such individuals as George Washington,Margaret Thatcher, Barbara Walters andMichael Jordan.

Influencing StyleInfluencers are outgoing, persuasive, gregari-ous, impulsive and tend to be good at delegat-ing. Their style is collaborative and entertain-ing. Additionally, they tend to prefer an envi-ronment that allows social interaction.However, the influencer’s strength at buildingfriendships can be exploited easily when theyhave to make unpleasant decisions. Instead ofdoing what is best for the job, influencers pro-crastinate on decisions so as not to rock theboat. When dealing with this personality style itis best to let them take credit, show support andrespond with enthusiasm.

Approximately 25 percent to 30 percent ofthe population display an influencing style andinclude such individuals as Ronald Reagan,Kathie Lee Gifford, Joan Rivers and JohnMadden.

Steadiness StylePeople with the steadiness style are depend-able, easygoing and friendly. Their emphasis ison cooperating with others to carry out a task.The supreme motivators for people with thispersonality type are stability and security. Thus,repetitive tasks, established work patterns androutine work are ideal. When working with thispersonality type it is best to spend time listen-ing, show personal interest and be friendly.

Approximately 30 percent to 35 percent ofthe population display a steadiness style andinclude such individuals as Abraham Lincoln,Jackie Kennedy and Mother Teresa.

Conscientious StylePeople with the conscientious personality typeare thorough, attentive perfectionists who canthink ahead and prevent problems. They are typ-ically very serious, decisive and logical. Theywork within existing circumstances to ensurequality and accuracy. Additionally, people withthe conscientious style tend to prefer little or nopeople contact. They tend to prefer an environ-ment that places a high value on being right andsafe. However, people with a conscientious stylecan be viewed as being rigid and overly detailed.Instead of talking about a problem, the conscien-tious person will write long memos and avoidpersonal communications. When dealing withthis personality type you need to stick to the facts,do your homework and give plenty of lead timefor a decision.

Approximately 20 percent to 25 percent ofthe population display a conscientious styleand include such individuals as ThomasJefferson, Dr. Joyce Brothers and AlbertEinstein. However, the actuarial profession iscomprised of a very high percentage of indi-viduals with the conscientious style.

I’ve provided a very quick overview of theDISC personality styles (I’m a D—why wouldanyone need all of the details?). The next timesomething isn’t clicking with a colleague, con-sider the impact personality styles is having onthe situation. And then consider how you canmodify your own personal style to deal withthem more effectively. qq

January 2007 • The Stepping Stone • 3

Donna K. Weninger, FSA,

MAAA, is a consulting

actuary at Deloitte

Consulting. She can be

reached at dweninger@

deloitte.com.

DISC Personality Stylesby Donna K. Weninger

Chairperson’s Corner

Ihave awkward conversations nearly everyday. In my line of work, it’s a given. As aprofessional image management consultant,

I am often hired to work with executives orhigh-potential employees who have been iden-tified by their bosses as needing to change orupgrade their professional image. Typical is-sues that I deal with include:

• Newly promoted executives who dress too casually.

• “Cerebral introverts”–engineers or technol-ogy geniuses who haven’t had to work with the public until recently.

• Male executives with unruly facial hair.• Younger, high-potential employees who

dress like they’re still in college.• People from other cultures who aren’t sure

how to dress for this culture.• People from our culture who need to learn

how to blend in appropriately abroad.• Women who wear clothes that are too

revealing.• People who’ve recently gone through a

physical transition.• Executives who have recently gained or lost

a significant amount of weight.

Telling someone that their boss thinks theylook sloppy, unprofessional or inappropriatecan be difficult. While it’s never easy to havethese conversations, I’ve learned how to make itas pleasant as possible. If you need to have thistype of conversation, here are some tips.

1) Don’t make the awkwardtopic the major focus.If you have a sensitive topic to discuss with acolleague, bring it up as part of a meeting withanother focus. Calling a meeting especially to

address a difficult issue may increase the embar-rassment factor by giving it too much attention.Making it one item on the agenda makes thestatement that the topic is one of several issueson your mind.

For example, have a meeting to discuss the per-son’s overall career development. Alternately,you could set up a meeting to discuss a newproject that will require more interaction withthe public or executives, and use that as a segueto deal with image issues.

2) Be empathetic.Consider what the other person may be goingthrough. One awkward conversation I some-times have is guiding a new mother with waysshe can look the part while in transition.Recently, I was asked to work with a newmother who often showed up to work withbaby food on her ultracasual clothes. Havingbeen there myself helps this discussion, butmaintaining a professional image is key toyour employer having confidence in yourwork, especially after a long maternity leave.First of all, it’s important to remember herbody has gone through major changes, and sheprobably isn’t as comfortable in her skin as shewas before. She may look different and feelworse about herself, and her old work clothesmay not fit. The clothes she is wearing may betemporary as she is in the process of reaching anew equilibrium after childbirth. Life may feeltotally out of control as she gets used to work-ing and raising a new baby.

Making an assumption is a nice way to bridgethe conversation. You could start with, “Sue, Iassume that since you’ve had your baby, yourlife is very full and busy. It’s a hard time, and I

PEOPLE MANAGEMENT

4 • The Stepping Stone • January 2007

The Art of Awkward Conversationby Maureen Costello

I have awkward

conversations nearly

every day. In my line

of work, it’s a given.

know the last thing on your mind is yourwardrobe.”

3) Use “I” statements.Always avoid judging or criticizing a person.All comments should focus on your observationof the person’s actions or behaviors. For exam-ple, when speaking with a young person who isdressing too casually, I might say, “I’ve noticedthat there seems to be a trend these days towardtighter fitting tops and casual pants which Iknow are popular with the college kids. Nowthat you are starting at ABC company, I wouldsuggest wearing more classics that are moresuitable for developing a professional image.”

4) Be direct.Once you are engaged in the difficult conversa-tion, try to avoid beating around the bush; thatjust makes it more awkward. The best approachis to be respectfully direct. If you act nervous oruse euphemisms, the person receiving the awk-ward feedback may feel even more uncomfort-able or embarrassed. Also, make eye contact.However, even as you’re being direct, try to usemild, softening words as illustrated in examplesthroughout this article.

5) Adopt a conversationaltone.If you keep your tone light and conversational,you send the message that you are comfortable,relating one person to another, maintaining atone of matter of fact.

6) Use the “sandwich technique.”Couch the difficult issue within positive state-ments. Start with what someone is doing well,then go into the critique, and finish up withanother positive statement. For example, Imight say to a newly promoted director whodresses too casually, “Congratulations on yourpromotion. You’ve been identified as a highpotential to lead the new sector of business inmarketing. As part of your new role you’ll beasked to represent the company in many pub-lic functions. That might mean wearing more

jackets and suits–we’d like you to upgradeyour wardrobe going forward so you are pre-pared for the events coming up in the nextquarter. You need to be looking at the wholepackage now, as a high-profile member of thiscompany. I know you’ll be a standout in yournew role.”

7) Keep the focus on professional development.It’s good to discuss the issue in terms of profes-sional development and credibility.

8) Invoke a 3rd party.“I’ve gotten some feedback from some seniormanagers–that in several meetings in the lastquarter, you’ve been dressing a bit casually forclient-based events.”

9) Close out with a positive,inclusive statement.“Let’s set up a plan,” or “let’s get out our cal-

endars,” or “let’s check in again in four weeks tosee how things are progressing.” “We’re look-ing to expand your professional developmentplan to include xxx and xxx and look forward toyour future success.”

Here are some examples of how a difficult con-versation about image might go:

Example 1: A “cerebral introvert”—an engineer—who has recentlymoved into a sales position.

“You’ve done a super jobdeveloping the new xxx prod-uct line. We know you’ll be outat conferences deliv-ering papers on thisnew process, and wewant to increaseyour visual credibili-ty, so we recommendyou work with a


PEOPLE MANAGEMENT

(continued on page 6)

professional image management consultant toprepare for your new role. This will includeinvesting in your wardrobe and updatingyour professional image. We’re so excitedyou’ll be working on rolling out this newprocess in the global community. Enjoy thecoaching sessions with xxx company and let’scircle back in six weeks to see how everythingis going for you.”

Example 2: A person just out of college whodresses unprofessionally.

“We’re so happy you’ve joined us, and I lookforward to working with you on several proj-ects. As part of the introduction to our depart-ment, we hold a series of lunch-n-learns aboutvarious aspects of transitioning from college toprofessional. The fastest way to look the part ofa professional is through your wardrobe selec-tions. That means wearing a few more jacketsand less revealing clothing items so that you canbuild your professional and personal credibilityhere. We’re really looking forward to seeing youflourish here.”

Example 3: A new mother comes to work withbaby food on her shirt.

“We’re so glad to have you back from maternityleave. We really missed you, and we’re thrilledyou’ve come back. I assume that since you’vehad your baby, your life is very full and busy. Imight suggest that you make an extra effort topull together a professional looking wardrobewhile you are transitioning to maintain yourprofessional credibility.”

Example 4: A manager with an unruly beard.

“You’ve been doing a great job on the new proj-ect. Looking ahead to getting the word out—itseems you will have more client contact. I noticeyou’re wearing a beard now—and I just wantyou to be aware that it’s looking a little bit

scruffy and since we don’t have a policy eitherway, I suggest you keep it neatly trimmed.”

Example 5: A man from another culture hasbody odor.

“You’ve done a great job on ABC project. Youwork very well with people, and build effectivenetworks. In addition, I wanted to call to yourattention—a grooming matter. You may or maynot be aware but in the western culture, there’sa high value placed on personal hygiene andpleasant smells. I’ve noticed that you have somebody odor—it may be for a variety of factors,but want to recommend some products that Ihave heard are successful. I would suggest thatyou change shirts frequently, and send the itemsto the cleaners more frequently. I know that thisa sensitive subject and I appreciate that youwere open to discussing it with me.” qq


The Art of Awkward Conversation • from page 5

PEOPLE MANAGEMENT

Maureen Costello, MA,

CIP, is principal of Image

Launch, one of the top

corporate image

management consulting

practices in Chicago.

Ms. Costello works

internationally with

organizations on

developing positive visual

appearance strategies in

the areas of professional

presence, business

etiquette and personal

branding. She can

be reached at www.

imagelaunch.com.

You’ve done a great

job on ABC project.

You work well with

people, and build

effective networks.

Looking for engaging books on manage-ment techniques that apply to our indus-try has been a quest and a challenge for

me in the last few years. I have gravitated to-ward the practical versus the theoretical and sothe opportunity to learn from a military com-mander trying to improve the capabilities of aguided missile destroyer, the USS Benfold, usedin the Persian Gulf sounded promising. TheNavy, in general, has dismal failure rates fornew recruits and very low reenlistment rates.Morale on the Benfold was at rock bottom whenCaptain Abrashoff took over in 1997. His per-sonal mission was to make it “the best damn shipin the navy” by improving morale and perform-ance in measurable ways. The tactics used andexplanations for choosing them were not onlycredible, they were applicable to situations inany life or business context.

One of the first key thoughts imparted byCaptain Abrashoff is the concept of Leading byExample. Sounds like a trite no-brainer, right?Maybe so, but is it easy to practice? One of thekeys to leadership is realizing that your staffand other followers notice everything. Youhave a major impact on them even when youdon’t see an explicit reaction or hear comments.Can you accept this and act on it in all situa-tions? Can you pass ‘the Washington Post test’?Would it bother you if anything you did or saidaround a subordinate was on the front page ofthe paper tomorrow? A supporting plank is thekey concept that a certain percentage of thetime, the problem is you, the leader—probablya greater percentage of the time than we chooseto admit. Denial over the need for self-examina-tion is one of the largest barriers to success as aleader. If you can show others that you can beopen to criticism, react well and even change,you will earn respect and credibility. The author

provides some great examples in the structureof the military pecking order, but as actuaries,we run across situations crying out for humilityevery week.

Another high impact tactic rolled out in thisbook is Listen Aggressively. This chapter res-onates particularly well with a consultant whois constantly being told by senior partners andhuman resources that we are nothing withoutsuperb listening skills. How can you be effec-tive if you don’t have all the facts? How oftendo we tune people out because we aren’t ex-pecting them to have particular informationthat’s helpful to us? How often do we abuse theopportunity to multitask? Use of a better listen-ing strategy will ultimately provide you withmore information. In addition, if you repeat thekey message you’ve just heard back to thespeaker (one of the author’s tips), the listenerwill feel flattered and you will build criticalrapport.

Though there are several other key cate-gories of management expertise included in It’sYour Ship, the last I will touch on is a chaptercalled Results, Not Salutes. The concept here isnot to join a military unit orbusiness organization for theend result of personal egostroking. That is, if you want towildly succeed. Innovationknows no rank and theofficer who listens tothe troops in thetrenches will be able toimplement ideas likeswitching from iron tostainless steel boltspreventing the need to



Are You in Ship Shape?Commentary on It’s Your Ship by Captain D. Michael Abrashoff, U.S. Navyby David M. Walczak

BUSINESS MANAGEMENT

Are You in Ship Shape? • from page 7

BUSINESS MANAGEMENT


repaint the ship’s hull quarterly due to ruststains. Listening to and acting only on ideasfrom the top brass will be much less effective inthe long run. Results are what will most im-press the admiral in the long run, no matterwhere the idea originated. By bucking the tradi-tion of the officers going to the front of thechow line on the Benfold (the Captain went tothe back of the line when food was runninglow), he turned the tables and saluted the men.

By using the dozen or so key ideas in thebook, which were drastic for the Navy, the au-thor was able to turn the Benfold into the pro-totype for performance and morale … it really

worked! Captain Abrashoff doesn’t list acoauthor, no apparent ghost writing efforts inthis book. As a result, his style is his ownwhich is simply this: anecdotal examples ofhis broad ideas in a basic and believable labo-ratory environment. No overused clichésabout animals, black belts or cheese. Just aneophyte, self-made management expert ex-plaining common sense concepts that he dis-covered by first-hand experience in a newrole. qq

David M. Walczak, FSA,

MAAA, is a senior

manager for Deloitte

Consulting working in the

Minneapolis practice of-

fice. He can be reached

at dwalczak@deloitte.

com.

Online Dues/Section Membership RenewalNow you can pay your annual dues and sign up for SOA and IAA professional

interest sections with our new easy-to-use online payment system! Just visit

http://dues.soa.org.

Using your credit card, you can pay your

dues, renew section memberships or sign

up for new section memberships. Online

dues payment is just one more way the

Society of Actuaries is improving your

membership services. Renew at

http://dues.soa.org today!

Meetings, like death and taxes, are aninevitable fact of life. Many, unfortu-nately, turn out to be a huge waste of

time. Some companies schedule them so auto-matically that staff members’ energy is com-pletely zapped, replaced by apathy andboredom.

Meetings are used counterproductively inorganizations as a device for diluting authority,diffusing responsibility and delaying decisions.Referring a matter to committee may satisfythose who are cautious and analytical, but it’s asource of frustration for action-oriented risktakers.

Human beings are a social species, andmeetings fulfill a deep need. In every organiza-tion and culture, people come together in smallgroups at regular intervals. Attachment to theorganization increases when they participate inteams and meetings. This need for gathering isclearly something more positive than just alegacy from our primitive hunting ancestry.

So, what can you do to ensure your meetingsare productive and useful—not just socially sat-isfying?

Functions of Meetings

1. A meeting defines the team, group or workunit. Members gain a sense of identity andbelonging when they gather.

2. In a meeting, group members share knowl-edge, add to each other’s experiences, andcombine strengths to produce better collec-tive ideas and plans.

3. A meeting reconfirms members’ commit-ment to decisions and objectives. Yourmembership in a group obliges you toaccept its decisions, even if you personallydisagree.

4. In some organizations, a meeting is oftenan occasion for team members and the

team leader to demonstrate their strengthsand talents when working collaboratively.

5. A meeting is also a status arena. Not onlycan members show their cooperation, butthey can also use a meeting to demonstratetheir power and influence. A meeting isoften the only time when members have achance to determine their relative standingin the arena.

Avoid Meeting FailureMeetings go off track and fail to achieve theirdesired objectives for many reasons: difficultinterpersonal dynamics, office politics, powerstruggles, stonewalling and competitive drivesthat override the collective good.

Unless you are very clear about what you wantto achieve in a meeting, you run the risk ofwasting everyone’s time. There are four types ofobjectives for meetings:

1. A meeting can be informative. If it is pure-ly factual, consider other means of dissem-inating the information.

2. It can be constructive and creative.

3. It can involve definingresponsibilities, collabo-ration and commitments.

4. It can be legislative,e s t a b l i s h i n gframeworks forrules, routinesand procedures.


Maximize Your Meetingsby Mark E. Green

BUSINESS MANAGEMENT


Mark E. Green is the

founder and president of

Performance Dynamics

Group, LLC in Green

Brook, N.J. He can

be reached at www.

iwantresultsnow.com.


Preparing for MeetingsA well-prepared agenda helps clarify expecta-tions and highlights purpose and objectives. Ithas the power to speed up a meeting—unless, ofcourse, it’s too brief or vague.

Before you call a meeting, delineate whetherit’s for information, for discussion or for deci-sion so everyone understands the goal.

The following tips will help you with agendaplanning:

• The early part of a meeting tends to havemore energy and can be the most creative.Put items requiring more mental energyand ideas at the top of the agenda.

• Some items will unite committee members,while others may divide them into factionswith conflicting opinions. It’s often smart toend on an item that will be unifying.

• Dwelling too long on trivial items is a com-mon error. Deal with the more urgent long-term issues at the beginning of a meeting.

• Limit the meeting’s length, and state thestop time on the agenda. Start and end ontime. If you schedule your meeting rightbefore lunch or quitting time, people maybe more motivated to stick to the agenda.

• Whenever possible, circulate backgroundinformation on key issues beforehand. Thishelps ensure people are well informed.Keep these papers brief, or people won’tread them.

• Identify all agenda items before the meet-ing. If you allow individuals to add otherbusiness, you’ve essentially issued an invi-tation to waste time. You can, however,structure time for discussion before theclose of the meeting.

The Leader’s JobSome people believe their role as meeting leadergives them a license to dominate, while othersapproach the job as schoolteacher or scout mas-

ter. The former is intent on getting others to dowhat they determine to be best; the latter isfocused on group satisfaction, without appro-priate emphasis on action or results.

The meeting chair should be more servantthan master, with two simultaneous require-ments for success: dealing with subjects anddealing with people.

Dealing with SubjectsLeaders must listen carefully to keep meetingspointed toward the objective. From the start,they must make it clear what the meeting mustaccomplish before everyone leaves. It’s theleader’s job to ensure members stick to the top-ics, have the required information and under-stand the issues. Be on the lookout for points onwhich an interim summary will help.

Leaders should know when to close a dis-cussion and move on. Perhaps a topic cannot beresolved because more facts are required, otherpeople need to be present, more time is neededor individual members can settle things outsidethe meeting. But a decision’s difficulty, likeli-hood of being disputed or chances of being un-popular is no reason to postpone making it.

Finally, the leader must give a clear, briefsummary, reiterating action steps and members’specific commitments.

Dealing with PeopleThere will always be people who dominatemeetings, while others will be passive andsilent. Encourage a clash of ideas, but not a clashof personalities.

Reframe complaints into challenges or prob-lems to be solved. When discussion veers intowhining, suggest a solution and ask others fornew ideas. Use humor appropriately. Alwayskeep the discussion moving toward its objec-tives.

Above all, don’t allow energy to fizzle.There are plenty of opportunities to wake peo-ple up with questions and challenges. Don’twaste people’s time in meetings that gonowhere, where everybody is in agreement.Stir things up a bit. You can’t achieve meetingobjectives without engaging members’ fullparticipation. qq

Some people believe

their role as meeting

leader gives them a

license to dominate,

while others

approach the job as

schoolteacher or

scout master. The

meeting chair should

be more servant

than master.

Maximize Your Meetings • from page 9

BUSINESS MANAGEMENT


Dear Stepping Stone

ADVICE COLUMN

Welcome to our new Advice Column!To prime the pump, in this issuewe’ve reprinted with permission

from John Hadley a question posed by an actu-ary to his Career Tips newsletter. (Seewww.JHACareers.com/Newsletter.htm for more in-formation or to subscribe.)

Question:I'm currently in a job I absolutely hate, but Ialready spent the signing bonus. I'm tempted tojust walk away and pay back the bonus, but the"professional" part of me keeps telling myselfthat I can stick this out for a year. My old firmwill take me back no problem, but I know I'dfeel like a quitter if I left so soon. I've alreadyspoken to HR and my boss's boss who has madesome drastic changes, but I still really and trulyhate this job! I am someone who is used to lov-ing my job, and being in this situation just real-ly kills me. Got any advice?

Advice:This situation is very involved, and we can onlytouch on the surface based on what I know sofar. First you need to reflect on the situation.Consider carefully questions like these:

• What were you looking for that caused youto change jobs? What was it that was miss-ing before, or that you were hoping to find?

• If you didn't find that in the new company,what went wrong in your evaluationprocess? You will have to figure this outbefore making any quick decisions thatmight lead to another unhappy situation.

• If you did find it, why didn't that lead to asituation you like? Did you not really wantit after all, or is there something else that iswrong with the new situation?

• Why exactly do you hate the new job?

• Is what you hate changeable (say, jobresponsibilities)? Or not (say, the companyculture)?

• If it is changeable, what prevents you fromlaying that out on the table?

• What are your values regarding commit-ment? Would it violate your personalintegrity to quit, especially after they’vetried to work with you to improve the situ-ation?

If you decide to leave, I would think long andhard about going back to the job you came from.There was a reason you left, and going back to aprior situation is usually a bad idea. This is achance to really think hard about what youwant from your career, and to instead find athird place that gets you what you were lookingfor from this move.

And if in the end you decide to stay, rememberthat emotions are often driven by actions,instead of the other way around. If you tellyourself you hate your job, you will. If youinstead focus on what you can find to like aboutthe job and your situation, you will hate it less.If you then work on what youcan do to create more of whatyou like, maybe you can actu-ally change your situation tosomething you can begin toenjoy!

Submit your questionsand challenges, andyour own comments onany of the articles wepublish to [email protected] will give you expertadvice in subsequentissues. qq


Since founding my career counseling prac-tice three and a half years ago, I’veworked with hundreds of actuaries and

other professionals on how to market them-selves effectively. Goals have varied:• “To get a great new job that I can be excited

about, and that pays me what I’m worth.”• “To get me out of a situation where I feel

trapped and unmotivated.”• “To get me solidly on the radar screen of

other critical players at my company, sothat exciting new opportunities will openup for me.”

• “To create the visibility that leads to sus-tainable growth for my consulting prac-tice.”

One common theme for success is confi-dence. Obviously, you need to have a cleargoal–otherwise any path is as good as another.Once you’ve decided on that goal, you need tostep out confidently and present a WinningMindset to give yourself the best chance of suc-cess. Dipping your toes tentatively and testingthe waters may be good advice for swimmingin an unfamiliar area, but it rarely leads to realcareer or business success. Unless you can showme that you are really passionate about yourgoal and have confidence in your own ability toachieve it, why should I believe in you?

Here are three real-life examples of what a win-ning mindset can help you achieve:

1. Three years after being laid off by Lucent,“Jim” was deeply depressed, having suc-ceeded only in getting a year of contractwork in all that time. He had lost confi-dence in his abilities after hearing so manypeople tell him he was out of work too

long, his skills weren’t up-to-date, hissalary expectations were too high, etc. Afterworking with him to draw out his accom-plishments and get him back in touch withthe measurable results he had been able toachieve for past employers, Jim began toregain his confidence. Within threemonths, he had landed exactly the sort ofjob he wanted. And Jim had the confidenceto push back on the initial salary offer, get-ting it bumped up $10,000 to the level hedeserved.

2. “Bruce” wanted to close down his consult-ing practice and seek a corporate rolewhere he could get benefits. However, therewas no excitement in his voice about thesorts of jobs he sought. It turned out that hewas really passionate about his practice,but it had been stuck at $75,000 in revenuesfor several years, which wasn’t enough tosupport his family long-term. Within sixmonths of getting out to a variety of con-tacts with a confident message focused onthe value he could bring to his clients,Bruce had the commitments for an addi-tional $75,000 in annual revenues.

3. “Neal” had a chance to meet with the chairof his company via a “Skip” meeting,where the senior officers would have one-on-one sessions with people a few levelsdown in the organization. When askedwhat his goal for that session was, hereplied, “To make sure the chair knowswhat my unit does.” Once this wasreframed to, “To make sure the chair knowsexactly what value my unit and I add to thecompany,” he was able to brainstorm onhow to accomplish his goal, and walked

A Winning Mindsetby John West Hadley

CAREER DEVELOPMENT CAREER DEVELOPMENT

One common theme

for success is

confidence.

Obviously, you need

to have a clear

goal—otherwise any

path is as good as

another.

into the meeting with a winning mindset.End result, on the way out, the chair said,“Neal, keep me informed on your upcom-ing trip to Costa Rica. I might want totravel with you to pursue business oppor-tunities.”

Many actuaries are supremely confident intheir technical skills (and rightly so), yet hesi-tate to take action in important ways to buildtheir careers. I believe this comes down in largepart to a lack of that winning mindset. We’vebeen trained up through our FSAs that the wayto get ahead is by passing exams and by mas-tering a wide variety of materials. A self-selec-tion process has crept in that attracts those mostcomfortable with that approach. Then we entera new realm out of our normal comfort zonethat relies on our ability to clearly articulatewhat we want, why we should get it (and theanswer isn’t “because we work hard and we’resmart!”), to be good at networking and build-ing our visibility in positive ways withoutseeming to brag.

It is possible to create that winning mindset,to fight against our natural inclination to over-analyze every situation. The key is passionand confidence, and sometimes just forcingyourself to act more confidently than you feeland then letting the emotion follow. Before Istarted my current practice, I had helped job-seekers as a hobby on the side of my successfulsystems consulting practice. My own comfortzone was to avoid jumping right in, and I in-stead thought about ways I could test the wa-ters. I decided to do a resume workshop for theActuarial Society of Greater New York andgauge if people might have an interest in work-ing with me.

I had lunch with another actuary who hadrecently started his own coaching practice, andby the end of lunch my workshop idea hadmorphed into to a four-hour joint seminar withfollow-up one-on-one workshops. I left lunchwith a real fire in my belly about starting mypractice, and decided to immediately put outmy first marketing e-mail to a large businessnetworking listserve. I wrote my first draft, at

which point my analytic side began to kick in.What’s the best message, the most compellingoffer, the best way to send it out that’s not tooself-serving? I recognized the trap, decidedthere were no answers to these questions, andlimited myself to one hour to refine my mes-sage and send out a confident offer. Within 48hours, I had 100 requests for the free resumeassessment offer I settled on!

You may be thinking, “This WinningMindset is all well and good, but I don’t wantto be pushy. I don’t want to be telling every-one I’m the best thing since sliced bread!”That’s the beauty of it—You don’t have to!The Winning Mindset is internal. It’s aboutgetting really clear on what you bring to thetable, and generating your own internal con-fidence in that. Yes, you do need to presentwhat you can do well, but this doesn’t need tobe an in-your-face approach. If you have thatclear confidence in yourself, and let peopleknow in a simple, clear, confident way whatvalue you are capable of adding, they will getit. You will exude that quiet confidence thatgets you new opportunities! qq


CAREER DEVELOPMENT

John West Hadley, FSA,

is a career counselor who

works with job seekers

frustrated with their

search, and professionals

struggling to increase

their visibility and

influence at work. He

can be reached at John@

JHACareers.com or

(908) 725-2437. His free

Career Tips newsletter

and other career

resources are available at

www.JHACareers.com.


Faisal Siddiqi and I gave the “Review ofRecent Executive Books” at the 2006Annual Meeting. Since the meeting was

held in Chicago and it was a book review wenaturally wanted to have an Oprah theme.Thus, the book titles started with the letters O,P, R, A and H. Following is a brief synopsis ofthe books covered.

One Phone Call Away: Secrets of a MasterNetworker—According to the author, JefferyMeshel, the key to creating an effective net-work is to approach each situation asking,“What can I do for you?” rather than, “What’sin it for me?” That is, networking is more thangathering business cards. Rather, it is aboutbuilding goodwill. Meshel peppers his advicewith interesting stories and interviews withprofessional networkers. However, be fore-warned that one of these professional net-workers writes, “It has been said that publicspeaking ranks second on the food chain ofwhat people fear most (the first may involvebeing locked in a room with an actuary; I amnot entirely sure).”

Presentation S.O.S.: From Perspiration toPersuasion in 9 Easy Steps—The author, MarkWiskup, discusses several common publicspeaking myths including: the best way to starta presentation is with a joke, to get the most outof PowerPoint you have to really know the pro-gram, and a presentation shouldn’t have“sound bites.” In the past year the Management& Personal Development was charged with thetask of finding a book on presentations to beused at future Fellowship Admissions Course.This book was selected because it is very mod-ern, hip and an extremely quick read.

Retrain Your Business Brain: Outsmart theCorporate Competition—In today’s world, thesource of power is no longer information itself,but rather how individuals organize informa-tion. In an era of knowledge workers, victorywill go to the smartest and most innovative,and that is where companies will gain a com-petitive edge. More than just a “puzzle book,”Retrain Your Business Brain will help readers:become better decision makers, innovatorsand strategists, learn how to see emergingtrends others miss, and identify hidden flawsand avoid making the same mistakes over andover.

And Dignity for All: Unlocking Greatness withValues-Based Leadership—This is the story of howone street-smart boy without a college educa-tion, James Despain, became a seasoned leaderof Caterpillar, Inc. Despain’s honesty and abilityto rise from the ashes of his mistakes are inspi-rational. His respect for the common workerand personal search for dignity and self-worthlead him to a new kind of leadership. And histransformation of a struggling organization pro-vides a powerful blueprint for transformingyour own organization.

How to Talk so People Listen: Connecting in Today’sWorkplace—Our super-speed, electronicallydriven workplace has begun eroding our abilityto talk and, what's more, to listen. Thus, theauthor, Sonya Hamlin, delivers groundbreakinginsights and solutions to some of today's majorcommunication issues at work: negotiating thegeneration gaps, integrating a multiculturalworkforce, organizing your message and mak-ing it visual, and understanding what motivatestoday's audiences. She provides unique, innova-tive tools in an informal, practical style that can

Review of Recent Literatureby Donna K. Weninger

CAREER DEVELOPMENT CAREER DEVELOPMENT

... the best way to

start a presentation

is with a joke, to get

the most out of

PowerPoint you

have to really know

the program, and

a presentation

shouldn’t have

“soundbites.”

be used by entry-level employees all the way tothe top executives.

One Customer, Divisible: Linking Customer Insightto Loyalty and Advocacy Behavior—Are you get-ting the most from your customers? This bookteaches you how to optimize your customerrelationships. In fact, it goes significantlybeyond traditional thinking and approaches tobuilding customer loyalty to emphasize a keyleveraging factor largely missed by most mar-keters thus far: using individual customer data,on a purchasing situation or venue-specificbasis, to provide the highest level of perceivedvalue.

Primal Leadership: Learning to Lead with EmotionalIntelligence—Primal Leadership is written byDaniel Goleman, Annie McKee, and RichardBoyatzis, the same team that wrote EmotionalIntelligence. The goal of the book is to help lead-ers become better leaders by improving theiremotional intelligence. The book gives insightinto the collective feeling of an organization, orits emotional climate, and how this is influencedby the people at the top of the organization andthe leadership methods adopted by the organi-zation. Also covered are different leadershipstyles, including: visionary, coaching, paceset-ting, democratic and commanding. This book ischock-full of statistics and details of how thebrain functions.

Radical Change, Radical Results: 7 Actions toBecome the Force for Change in YourOrganization—Change is coming. Are you readyto make split-second decisions that get bigresults? Develop a workforce that runs on selfrenewal, passion and productivity and deliversresults to both customers and investorsthroughout time. Dell, Motorola, Pharmaciaand other leading organizations have used thisproven program to enable company-widechange and compete more effectively. Theauthors, Kate Ludeman and Eddie Erlandson,explain their seven-step program for achievinga successful corporate transformation.

A Survival Guide for Working with Bad Bosses:Dealing with Bullies, Idiots, Back-Stabbers, andOther Managers from Hell—Author Gini GrahamScott provides scenarios that illustrate 34 cate-gories of bad bosses. Scott describes each classi-fication and provides a case study and list ofpossible solutions–although many of the solu-tions include just tolerating the situation ratherthan resolving the problems. Thus, I think thisbook would be ideal for a group of inexperi-enced new hires to discuss case by case so whenconfronted with such issues they have somepotential solutions.

Hope is Not a Strategy: The 6 Keys to Winning theComplex Sale—Author Rick Page has taught hisbreakthrough selling strategies to thousands ofpeople in 150 companies across 50 countries.This book details a six-step process for makingthe sale—no matter how complex the deal orhow many people are involved in the buyingdecision. Page shows readers how to: identifyand sell to a prospect’s business “pain,” qualifya prospect, build competitive preference, definea prospect’s decision-making process, sell topower by finding the key to buyer politics andcommunicate your strategy throughout yourteam .

With today’s busy lifestyles and ever in-creasing workplace demands, it is difficult tofind the time for reading. However, numerousresearch projects have provenreading is one of the deter-mining factors for success inlife. Thus, it is my hope thatthe list above will inspire youto begin or increase yourreading of executivebooks, leading togreater professionalsuccess. qq


CAREER DEVELOPMENT

Donna K. Weninger, FSA,

MAAA, is a consulting

actuary at Deloitte

Consulting. She can be

reached at dweninger@

deloitte.com.


With a divorce rate approaching morethan 50 percent, it is very likely thatsomeone working with you is expe-

riencing this unfortunate event. Maybe she isriding on the elevator with you, working in thenext cubicle or gulping down a cup of coffeeacross the table from you in the employeelounge. It could be that he is booking your cor-porate travel plans or leading the next depart-ment meeting. Perhaps you, yourself, aredivorced and you remember your concern overfinances, the child custody battles and the neverending flurry of correspondence from attor-neys. You may have suffered feelings of grief orrejection and loss of familiar identity.Fortunately, over time, most of us begin to healand rebuild new lives, but the majority of peo-ple who have divorced would not want to re-visit it ever again.

Of course, there are always exceptions, peo-ple who embrace a divorce after years of un-happiness as an emancipation; a celebration of afresh start. But, for most, it’s no day at thebeach. Which brings us again to the question ofa divorcing colleague; how can we be compas-sionate and maintain a professional relationshipsimultaneously? What is a prudent amount oftime to excuse less than stellar performance?What is appropriate to say and what is best leftunsaid? Here are a few suggestions from peoplewho have slogged through these murky and,sometimes, awkward waters:

• Should we pop the champagne?

Upon learning of a colleague’s impendingdivorce, it is often quite wise to ask thequestion: “Should I be offering condolencesor congratulations?” This is a particularlyhandy phrase if you are not well acquaint-

ed with your colleague’s personal life.Some people bristle at the notion of havingothers pitying them, so do not assume thateveryone will want the “Oh, you poorbaby” treatment.

• Things aren’t always what they seem;

skim milk masquerades as cream!

Don’t ever make assumptions about thereasons for the split. It’s easy to jump to thewrong conclusion, thus causing a divorcingperson additional suffering. The yearbefore her husband filed papers against her,one woman had lost over 100 pounds.Everyone assumed that she was having anaffair (or multiple affairs) as a consequenceof her stunning new figure. Without know-ing anything about her circumstances,many associates began “siding” with herestranged husband and engaging in cruelgossip. Ultimately, it was revealed that herhusband was gay. As his wife resumed heryouthful good looks and sought more inti-macy with him, he was forced to confronthis sexual identity head on and he left themarriage to seek the companionship ofother men. In this particular instance, the“victim” not only had to cope with herspouse’s shocking revelations but with thejudgmental conduct of people not fullyacquainted with her dilemma.

• Don’t ask intrusive questions, instead,

offer affirmation.

It is never appropriate to ask personal ques-tions of colleagues under any circum-stances. For example, it is extremely insen-sitive to ask a co-worker what her alimonypayments may be, how much her lawyer is

Consoling a Divorcing Co-Worker: Five Tips toRemain Sane, Tactful and Professionalby Maureen Wild

COMMUNICATION SKILLS COMMUNICATION SKILLS

Don’t ever make

assumptions about

the reasons for the

split. It’s easy to

jump to the wrong

conclusion, thus

causing a divorcing

person additional

suffering.

charging her, if his wife had an affair, or ifhe is going to have to sell his house to payhis legal bills.A good friend will offer affirmation alongthe lines of, “I know this has been a stressful

time for you, but you’d never know it from look-

ing at you, you look great or I hope you realize

how important you are to our department; the

work you do here is very meaningful.” This is

also an appropriate time to offer words of hope

such as “this too shall pass” or “I’m sure some-

thing joyful will be on the other side of this pas-

sage.”

• Don’t share divorce “war stories” with

your peers.

Sometimes in an effort to comfort someone,we play the silly game of, “If you thinkthat’s bad, listen to this…” When someoneis coping with a broken heart, betrayal,financial stress or concern for his/herchild’s well-being, it matters not what yoursister’s husband did during her divorce, orhow many times your ex-spouse cheated,drank or acted out before you called itquits.

• Suggest counseling if job performance

continues to decline month in and month

out.

Often people will throw themselves intotheir work to escape their upset and anxi-ety, but sometimes a grieving or bitter col-league will behave unprofessionally anduse his/her divorce to excuse shoddy per-formance, unpleasant behavior or frequenttardiness or absences. If this is the case, it isbest to gently remind your colleague thatyou are relying on her professionalism andit may be best for her to seek some goodoutside counseling. Divorce isn’t a like acold where the symptoms vanish within aweek or two, it is an ongoing emotionalstate that can take years to heal.Nevertheless, it is only by actively march-ing through it that we can get to a place of

healing. Most employers offer mentalhealth counseling and access to trainedpsychologists or psychiatrists.

Kindness and compassion on the job cango a long way toward helping a person goingthrough a divorce to recover his/her dignityand purpose. All of us have sorrows or bur-dens, perhaps the care of an aging parent, afrightening medical diagnosis or troubledteenager. Our work can actually be a thera-peutic haven. It engages our minds so thatour sorrows are not always uppermost in ourthoughts. Our interactions with other peoplecan boost confidence and give us an opportu-nity to put our talents to use. The high di-vorce rate in the United States doesn’t seemto be declining, and if we can demonstratesome tact in the workplace, divorce doesn’tneed to sabotage our professional integrity orproductivity. qq


COMMUNICATION SKILLS

Maureen Wild is the

president of High Road

Solutions. She is a

certified ethics and busi-

ness etiquette trainer

with credentials from

The Josephson Institute

of Ethics and The

Protocol School of

Washington. She can

be reached at (908)

625-8563 or via the

Web at www.highroad

solutions.com. She also

authors boorishbehaviors.

blogspot.com.


I’ve heard it said that human beings have bil-lions of thoughts each and every day … and99 percent of those thoughts are the same

ones they had yesterday!!If those thoughts are not supporting you,

you will no doubt have trouble getting the re-sults you want and overcoming the challengesalong the way. Being able to manage your psy-chology is at least 80 percent of the battle inbeing successful.

The following is a list of Ten Forms ofTwisted Thinking as defined by David D.Burns, M.D., author of The Feeling GoodHandbook. Most of us live with these thoughtsday-in and day-out. Discover which one perme-ates your mind and steals your motivation! Justbeing aware of it will weaken its hold over youand you can begin to "untwist" your thinking!

1. All-or-Nothing ThinkingYou see things in black-or-white categories.Anything short of perfection is seen as a totalfailure. You make one mistake and the wholedeal is blown! You have a spoonful of ice cream,and think “I’ve blown my whole diet” and gob-ble down a half-gallon. In business you mightfind yourself analyzing a situation and lookingat only two options–usually the two extremes.“I can stay in this job I hate or I could quittomorrow.” There are probably over a hundredother options you can consider. When this“binomial-type” analysis occurs, it’s usuallybecause of all-or-nothing thinking.

2. OvergeneralizationYou know this is happening when words like“always” or “never” cross your mind. You see asingle negative event as a never-ending patternof defeat. A consultant hears “no” from aprospect and thinks, “I’ll never get a sale.”

3. Mental FilterYou pick out a single negative detail and dwellon it exclusively. As a result, your vision of real-ity becomes darkened, like putting a drop of inkin a glass of water. For example, you receivemany positive comments about a presentationyou made, but one person says something mild-ly critical. You obsess about his reaction for daysand ignore all the positive feedback.

4. Discounting the PositiveYou reject positive experiences by saying they“don’t count.” You do a good job and minimizeit by thinking you could have done better or thatanyone could have done as well. This takes thejoy out of life and makes you feel inadequateand unrewarded.

5. Jumping to ConclusionsYou interpret things negatively when there areno facts to support your conclusion. There aretwo forms of jumping to conclusions: (A) Mindreading: without checking it out, you arbitrarilyconclude that someone is reacting negatively toyou. (B) Fortune-telling: You predict things willturn out badly. For example, before a presenta-tion, you think “What if I freeze up?” or“They’re going to hate our recommendation.”

6. MagnificationYou exaggerate the significance of your prob-lems and shortcomings and you minimize thevalue of your desirable qualities. One time at aseminar, I was working with a participant abouthis fear of interviewing. I asked him to close hiseyes and imagine himself in an interviewing sit-uation. I could visibly tell that he was anxious,so I asked him what thoughts were goingthrough his mind. He replied, “Millions of peo-ple are interviewing for this job.” Millions of

Getting in Your Own Way?by David C. Miller

INTERPERSONAL SKILLS INTERPERSONAL SKILLS

Most of us live with

these thoughts

day-in and day-out.

Discover which one

permeates your

mind and steals your

motivation!

people? By the way, he wasn’t interviewing forThe Apprentice. This was a classic case of magnification.

7. Emotional ReasoningYou assume your emotions reflect the waythings really are. “I feel uncomfortable askingfor the sale, so it must be an inappropriate thingto do.” Or “I feel inadequate so I must really beinferior.” Our emotions are like the weather—they can change day-to-day and moment bymoment for many different reasons. Our emo-tions are valuable because they point to our per-ceptions of ourselves and the world around us,yet they are often not reflective of what’s reallygoing on. So we need to be careful about howwe respond to our emotions.

8. “Should” StatementsYou tell yourself that things should be the wayyou hoped for or expected them to be. “Musts,”“oughts” and “have tos” are similar offenders.These statements reflect rules that we haveadopted either explicitly or implicitly. Whenthese statements are directed against yourself,they lead to guilt and frustration. When direct-ed toward others, they often lead to anger andfrustration. They rarely put you in a resourcefulstate to change behavior. Instead they will oftenmake you feel either rebellious (and give youthe urge to do the opposite) or hopeless (andmake you want to do nothing).

9. LabelingThis is an extreme form of all-or-nothing think-ing. Instead of saying, “I made a mistake,” youattach a negative label to yourself: “I’m a loser.”You might also label yourself “a fool” or “ajerk.” This is irrational because “you’re notwhat you do.” These labels are useless abstrac-tions that lead to anger, anxiety, frustration andlow self-esteem.

10. Personalization and BlamePersonalization occurs when you hold yourselfpersonally responsible for an event that is notentirely under your control. A classic example isthe person who regularly takes the blame for

others’ unhappiness. Although we may be ableto influence other people’s feelings, we certain-ly are not responsible for them. Another exam-ple is when a mother finds out her child is hav-ing difficulties in school and thinks, “Thisshows what kind of mother I am.”Personalization leads to guilt, shame and feel-ings of inadequacy.

Some people do the opposite. They blameother people or their circumstances for theirproblems, and they overlook ways that theymay be contributing to the problem. “The rea-son my job does not work is because I have anunreasonable boss.” Blame usually doesn’twork very well because other people will resentbeing scapegoated and they will toss the blameright back in your lap. It’s like a game of hotpotato–no one wants to get stuck with it.

Becoming aware of this type of thinking isthe first step to creating change. Once you’reaware you can “shift” your thinking to engagemore rational responses to the events you en-counter. Then as you condition this new way ofthinking, you’ll notice a significant improve-ment in how you feel about and respond tothese types of triggering events. qq



David C. Miller, FSA,

MSCC, is a professional

business coach who

works with actuaries,

consultants and sales

professionals who are

struggling to attract

enough clients.

He can be reached at

dave@BusinessGrowth

Now.com or 215.

968.2483. For tips, tools

and strategies about

how to grow your

business, go to www.

BusinessGrowthNow.com.


Eighty-five percent of the job market ishidden. That’s right—hidden. What ex-actly does that mean? Eight-five percent

of openings never make it to the classifieds orthe Internet. Instead, these roles are filled bysomeone who had an inside track throughfamily, friends or a professional network.Yes—a professional network. We have allheard, “It’s all about who you know.” Intoday’s competitive job market, that statementcouldn’t be truer.

It may seem unfair, but those professionalsare not just lucky. They earned their positionsby networking, essentially by forming theright connections. The main objective of net-working is getting your name out in the mar-ketplace. The more you do, the better thechance that your name will magically pop upthe next time an opportunity is available.

The key to successful networking is realiz-ing that it is a continuous process. However,

keep in mind that networking for its own sake differs from net-working with a specific purpose in mind. You must alter your ap-proach to best align with your current goals.

Networking–When you are content in yourcurrent jobNo one likes someone who just comes around when they needsomething. That is why successful networking is continuous.Network before you need to in order to strengthen your contact listand hone your relationships.

• Get involved in your industry. Become more involved in yourindustry or discipline by joining a professional association. Be anactive member to gain exposure and increase your network: vol-unteer for committees, contribute to newsletters and share yourknowledge at meetings or conferences.

• Volunteer in your community. You would be surprised howsmall the world really is.

• Keep in touch. Call, e-mail or write once a month to keep yourname fresh in your contacts’ minds.

Networking–To advance within your cur-rent organizationYour audience in this scenario is extremely targeted. You are, in the-ory, networking at least 40 hours a week with your co-workers andbosses. Though it seems like working with your targets is easier,realize that this puts you on stage everyday. You must never letyour guard down.

• Stand out. Show up early and leave late, join committees andbe confident in your work.

• Show initiative. Don’t be afraid to challenge the statusquo–innovative risk takers often open doors for themselves.

• Become visible to senior management. Show interest in yourwork and look to others for information on how the companyis doing, the direction it is heading and how you can help. Seekout opportunities to make presentations or contributionsdirectly to senior management.

• Dress to impress. If you want to be important, dress like it!

Networking–To find a jobNetworking while in an active job search is the most structuredform of networking. Be sure not to get networking confused withjob searching; networking is meeting new people who are able togive you advice and guidance, not necessarily a job.

1. Compile a list. Make a list of everyone you know: businessprofessionals, friends, family and clients. Don’t restrict yourlist; you never know who could be a link to your dreamemployer. Additionally, include a list of approximately 20dream organizations. In an ideal world, your contacts will pro-vide links to your target companies, but don’t be alarmed ifthis isn’t the case.

2. Write your commercial. Prepare; write your sales pitch. Thisthree-minute commercial should introduce your business self.Include your credentials and your objectives. Know this byheart–you must be able to recite it naturally when put on thespot.

3. Schedule meetings. Call your contacts to set up brief meetings.Before picking up the phone, jot down notes on what you wantto say. Remember to be professional and polite.

4. Plan your agenda. Don’t waste your contacts’ time. You wantto build bridges, not burn them. Know what it is you wish toaccomplish when entering a meeting.

5. Present your best. Remember this is not a job interview; enjoyyourself. Walk into the meeting with confidence and a posi-tive attitude. Build instant rapport by agreeing on a time allo-cation. Make it clear that you are there to learn; professionalslove to share their industry knowledge and experiences.

6. Follow up. Send a note to let your contacts know how muchyou appreciated their time and insights.

Networking is the key to opening the hidden job market,whether it is an opportunity tomorrow or 10 years from now.Network anywhere and everywhere and one day you will becomethe epitome of “It’s all about who you know.” qq

Networking: Master Key to Opportunityby Mary Kilkenny


Mary Kilkenny is a

Jacobson Associates

Actuarial consultant

specializing in the life,

health and pension arena

for the professional

recruiting division of

the Jacobson Group

in Chicago. She can be

reached at mkilkenny@

jacobsononline.com.

ªa kn owl edg e co m muni ty f or the soc iety of act … · 2012-01-19 · m anagem ent and p...

Documents