Rarely do I run across something that makes my head explode…which is probably a good thing because exploded brains are messy…but this is definitely one of them.

It’s that impactful and it will completely change the way you look at things.

I discovered it several years ago and it has transformed my ability to understand and help people and coaching clients to an amazing extent.

It’s called Six Human Needs Psychology and was originally developed by Tony Robbins and Chloe Madanas.

In a nutshell, it’s based on the principle that all of us – everyone from a firefighter to a stay-at-home mom to a suicide bomber – all have the same six human needs and we just meet them in different ways depending on our beliefs and values.

And it’s these needs, or more accurately the need to fulfill them, that drives our behavior 100%.

Crazy thought right!? But it’s true!

The first four of the needs are Certainty, Uncertainty/Variety, Significance, and Love/Connection. These are the physical or primal needs that everyone attempts to satisfy.

The last two of the six needs are Growth and Contribution and are the needs of the spirit. Not everyone is at this level but in order to live a truly fulfilling life you must eventually meet these two needs. You can’t do it by meeting the first four needs alone no matter how hard you try.

This is because it’s only when life becomes about us growing to our potential and us serving others in our greatest capacity that we can live an abundant, purposeful, joy-filled life.

Makes sense to me and we see similar principles in other places as well.

Now this is interesting…although we all pursue these needs (at least the first four), we typically value 2 more than the others. These two are called our “Driving Force” and are responsible for most of the habitual behaviors we engage in.

A note on valuing the needs – it’s not what you “value” in your head consciously, meaning you say “Oh I want to be about growth and contribution because those are the highest needs.” No – it’s figuring out the needs you most often try to fulfill based on your behaviors. You work backwards from your actions to figure out your intentions and motives and what need(s) you were trying to meet. Get it? Cool.

In the first part of this series we introduced Six Human Needs Psychology. Even though we haven’t gone into much depth yet, I hope you can see how radical it’s impact can be on helping you understand the driving force behind your actions and behaviors.

If you missed the article, you can read it HERE and get up to speed.

Now let’s get into more detail about each of the Six Human Needs…

Here they are:

1. Certainty – This is the need for stability and safety. People that value certainty prefer things to be predictable and steady. They try to control their environment and keep things consistent. Surprises and unforeseen events and circumstances stress them out.

2. Uncertainty/Variety – This is the need for change. I know – ironic right!? We just got done talking about certainty. People that value uncertainty highly like surprises and change. They like feeling alive and the rush and excitement of unpredictability. They are always looking for new things to do or feel. They get bored easily. They live by the phrase “variety is the spice of life”.

3. Significance – This is the need to feel important, special, or unique. To have a sense of identity, meaning, and purpose. People will try to fulfill this need in many ways – from having lots of tattoos, academic degrees, material possessions, or anything else that sets them apart from others.

4. Love/Connection – This is the need to feel a connection with something or someone – it could be yourself, others, an animal, or anything else. This is about an intimate, close bond and feeling one with something. Love is the higher form of connection but many people choose to avoid it because of the vulnerability associated with opening up fully.

5. Growth – This is about becoming more and growing as a person. Whether it’s getting better at a skill, learning something new, or becoming more spiritual. It’s about moving forward and improvement to better oneself.

6. Contribution – This is giving to others and being conscious and supportive of a greater cause. The focus isn’t on yourself or how you can benefit by giving, but giving with no other intent than pure generosity and altruism.

Whew – got it? Not too bad right?

Now remember that everyone tries to meet all of these needs in some way (well at least the first 4 – not necessarily the last 2) but the top 2 are our Driving Force.

Let’s look at a couple example behaviors and what need(s) they could be meeting. We’ll take a negative as well as a positive example behavior to show you how people can meet their needs in both disempowering and empowering ways.

How about the behavior of gossiping? What needs does it or might it meet?

Certainty – you’re pretty certain that you’ll get a reaction from the listener and that they’ll be interested in what you’re talking about

Uncertainty – you’re telling something exciting that is stimulating and produces a “rush” to some extent (otherwise it wouldn’t be gossip)

Significance – you feel important and special because you know this “insider” information

Love/Connection – you’re connecting with the listener Growth – not so much Contribution – nope

Does that make sense? Let’s try another one…

How about volunteering at an animal shelter?

Certainty – you’re pretty certain that you’ll feel a certain way volunteering and you might know your duties and skills

Uncertainty – new animals and situations provide variety. You don’t know if the animals will get adopted. There’s a degree of unpredictability involved.

Significance – you might feel important because the animals need you. You might also get recognition from others for your efforts.

Love/Connection – you’re connecting with the other volunteers, yourself, and the animals

Growth –  you’re working on becoming a better, more caring and compassionate person

Contribution – you’re helping and contributing beyond yourself to make the world a better place

Got it?

I want to just point out a very important thing here.

I gave you a bunch of possible reasons for both of those behaviors but we can’t ever assume we know the reasons why people do the things they do.

Their reasons (and the needs they’re trying to meet) can be very different than what we may think or why we might do that activity.

We’ll finish up this series in Part 3, which will answer the question…

“Who cares and why is this whole thing important?”

This is the final installment of our three-part series that examines the reasons why we do what we do (which…if you think about it…is a pretty dang important thing to know)

To recap what we’ve covered so far…

We’ve introduced Six Human Needs Psychology (Part 1), went into some detail on what the 6 needs actually are (Part 2), and now we’re going to answer the question you’ve been wondering all along…“Why is this important?”

 

And here’s the answer…

 

If you know which needs you’re trying to satisfy through your current actions/thoughts/feelings,you can choose better ones

that will serve and empower you.

 

Let’s look at an example…say you’re a smoker. If you figure out you mainly like smoking because it gives you a sense of significance (you might laugh but smoking was seen as sophisticated and sexy back in the day), you can substitute out smoking for something else more empowering that meets that need of significance.

Ask yourself “What else makes me feel special, unique, or important?” and you’ll discover a better behavior.

BTW this is the reason why quitting something hardly ever works unless you replace it with something else – the need (in this example significance) is still there and still needs to be met somehow.

But what if instead you smoke because all your friends smoke too and you want to be part of the group? Now it’s connection that you’re really after and you can figure out other ways to feel connected.

Get it? 

You have to know the reason before you can come up with a solution

 

Here’s another HUGE reason all this is important (especially for coaches like myself): 

If you can find out what needs someone else values highly, you can understand them better, connect better, and help them much more. 

For example…let’s  say your friend sleeps around promiscuously. You’ve lectured her but it doesn’t do anything but make her less willing to share. What do you do?

You try and understand why she does it.

Is she just a tramp? No. She’s trying to meet a need.

In fact, knowing what you know about Six Human Needs Psychology, I’m sure you can guess which one(s)…

Connection probably right? She’s starving for attention and has figured out that sex is one way to get it.It’s not Love but it’s something and that’s better than nothing.

She definitely gets Uncertainty/Variety met too by being with different guys.

Significance because she probably has a bunch of guys calling her.

Get what I’m saying?

Now knowing what she’s really after, you can help her find better, less destructive ways

to meet those needs.

And at the very least, even if you’re not trying to “help” her, just understanding her better will allow you two connect on a better level.

 

And that’s just one example… 

 

This whole concept applies to everything including business negotiations, nosy neighbors, people that overeat, and nutty sports fans.

The only thing is YOU NEED TO USE IT.

It’s going to take practice until you get comfortable, but when you learn to master and implement this technology, you’ll have an inside track to understanding why we ALL do what we do…and that my friend is VERY powerful