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50 Activities for Conflict Resolution Group Learning and Self Development Exercises Jonamay Lambert and Selma Myers

Published by Human Resource Development Press, Inc.

COMPLIMENTARY RESOURCES from HRD Press

The 2 activities in this download are free to use in training at a single corporate site.

© 1999 by Jonamay Lambert and Selma Myers The materials that appear in this book, other than those quoted from prior sources, may be reproduced for educational/training activities. There is no requirement to obtain special permission for such uses. We do, however, ask that the following statement appear on all reproductions:

Reproduced from 50 Activities for Conflict Resolution, by Jonamay Lambert and Selma Myers. Amherst, Massachusetts: HRD Press, 1999.

This permission statement is limited to reproduction of materials for educational or training events. Systematic or large-scale reproduction or distribution—or inclusion of items in publications for sale—may be carried out only with prior written permission from the publisher. Published by HRD Press 22 Amherst Road Amherst, MA 01002 1-800-822-2801 (U.S. and Canada) 1-413-253-3490 (FAX) 1-413-253-3488 http://www.hrdpress.com ISBN 0-87425-498-1 Production services by Clark Riley Cover design by Eileen Klockars Editorial Services by Robie Grant and Suzanne Bay



Table of Contents Workshop Activities

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About the Authors.......................................................................................................... v Preface .............................................................................................................................. vii Introduction..................................................................................................................... ix

Part 1 I. Exploring Conflict Defining Conflict: Where Do You Stand? .......................................................... 1 Two Responses to Conflict: Fight or Flight ....................................................... 5 How Can We Both Win? A Quick Demonstration........................................... 7

II. Know Yourself Individual Conflict Styles: A Zoological Approach ......................................... 11 Identifying Helpful Communication Styles ...................................................... 13 I Lose—You Lose................................................................................................... 15 Approaches to Conflict: Role Play Demonstration........................................... 17 When Conflict Creates Stress, Don’t Just Stand There! ................................... 23 Introduction to Listening: A Self Inventory ...................................................... 25

III. Understanding Conflict Tug of War or Peace.............................................................................................. 31 Red Flags ................................................................................................................ 33 Benefits and Barriers: Exploring Third-Party Intervention............................. 35 Mismatched? Are You Reading the Nonverbal Clues? ................................... 37 Constructive or Destructive Conflict: Lessons to Be Learned ........................ 41

IV. Values and Perceptions Gaining a Different Perspective .......................................................................... 45 Assumptions: Who Needs ‘Em?.......................................................................... 47 The Big Bad Wolf. Or Is It?................................................................................... 49 Portrait of a Peacemaker....................................................................................... 53

V. Resolving Conflict Situations What Kind of Question Is That?.......................................................................... 59 Brainstorming: The Case of the Stolen Account ............................................... 61 Resistance . . . Options to the Rescue!................................................................. 65 Listening for the Other Person’s Point of View: Paraphrasing ...................... 69 Third-Party Mediation.......................................................................................... 71 Formulating Clear Agreements........................................................................... 77 Curbside Conflict Resolution .............................................................................. 79



50 Activities for Conflict Resolution

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Independent Study Part 2 Introduction to the Back of the Book . . . Self-Development.................................... 85 I. Exploring Conflict Early Takes on Conflict ........................................................................................ 89 Exploring Sources of Conflict.............................................................................. 91 Self-Assessment in Dealing with Differences ................................................... 95 Analyzing a Conflict: Is It Worth Getting Into? ............................................... 97 II. Know Yourself The Role of Values in Conflict Resolution......................................................... 101 In the Heat of the Moment .................................................................................. 103 Which Conflict Resolution Style Is Yours?........................................................ 105 How to Deal with Hot Buttons ........................................................................... 109 III. Understanding Conflict Resolving a Conflict through Planning ............................................................. 113 Why People Avoid Dealing with Conflict Resolution..................................... 115 Four Conflict Resolution Styles: When to Use Each ........................................ 117 Mediation: Test Your Knowledge ...................................................................... 121 IV. Values and Perceptions Evaluating Your Conflict Resolution Skills....................................................... 127 First Thoughts about Others: “Perception IQ” Quiz ....................................... 129 The Ideal Peacemaker: Can You Imagine That?............................................... 133 V. Resolving Conflict Situations Uncovering the Hidden Agenda ........................................................................ 137 Your Turn: A Nonjudgmental Exercise ............................................................. 139 A Questionable Exercise ...................................................................................... 143 Direct Communication: Its Use in Conflict Resolution ................................... 149 Supportive Listening: What’s Your Score? ....................................................... 151 Skills That Make a Difference.............................................................................. 153 Fact vs. Opinion .................................................................................................... 155 Escalate vs. Acknowledge: The Choice Is Yours .............................................. 157 Turning Negatives into Positives ....................................................................... 159 Eight Different Points of View ............................................................................ 161



About the Authors

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Jonamay Lambert Jonamay Lambert, M.A., co-author of seven trainers’ guides in the Diversity at Work Training Series, and 50 Activities for Diversity Training, is well known throughout the human resources field for her training and development method-ology. Founder and president of Lambert and Associates, she has designed and implemented training programs related to diversity leadership and change management for corporate, governmental, and educational organizations, including many Fortune 100 companies.

Prior to forming Lambert and Associates in 1987, she was principal of PACE, a not-for-profit institution, and received a three-year grant to develop a multi-cultural curriculum for prison system educators. Ms. Lambert received a master’s degree in counseling from Northeastern University and an undergraduate degree in education from Indiana University after studying in Europe and the Middle East. Also the author of ten trainer’s guides about diversity used in more than 1,000 national and international organizations, Jonamay’s philosophy is that diversity must be understood and appreciated as a means through which people learn, grow, and benefit from one another.

* * * * * * *

Selma Myers Selma Myers, M.A., a trained and experienced mediator, has been engaged in alternative dispute resolution since 1983. In addition, as an international consultant, she is president of Intercultural Development, a California company specializing in communication and intercultural training.

As the co-author of ten trainer’s guides in the “Diversity at Work” trainer’s series, and “50 Activities for Diversity Training”, she has also written additional guides and handbooks, linking the subject of Alternative Dispute Resolution to intercultural training.

Ms. Myers helped found, and was director of, the American Language Institute at San Diego State University, where she administered programs for foreign students and businessmen. She has also lived and worked abroad and traveled extensively, gaining particular insights into cultures different than her own.




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Ms. Myers was a visiting lecturer in residence at the Beijing Institute of Technology; recipient of a Senior Fulbright Consulting Grant in South America; and a Summer Teaching Fellow at Harvard University. Her clients have included Fortune 500 organizations, not-for-profit, government agencies and other areas of business.

Ms. Myers offers workshops in Conflict Resolution and provides mediation training for the San Diego Mediation Center and for regional and national conferences.



Preface

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Business people are becoming much more interested in understanding workplace conflict, its causes, and its impact. This book is designed to meet the needs of professionals who are expected to resolve their own personal and immediate conflicts or train others to do so. It also deals with the specific skills one needs to act as a third party in helping others resolve their conflicts.

Some people believe that conflict is a necessary part of life, and that without conflict there is no growth. Others believe that the only way to handle conflict is to avoid dealing with it. Individuals participating in the workshop activities and self-study exercises offered in this book will examine their own concerns with conflict, their own individual styles, and the role conflict has played and is playing in their lives. They will also learn skills to help them become more effective in interpersonal relations at work. Ultimately they and their organi-zations will benefit through reduced conflict, improved communication, and a more productive work environment.

Dispute resolution is often seen as a “win-lose” situation, or a constant series of compromises. However, conflict-resolution techniques and activities can help people understand and deal with it in a way that considers and respects individual as well as cultural differences.

The increased diversity within the United States makes it even more important to know how to handle conflict. It is often difficult to recognize, however—signposts and guidelines are not clear, and body language is often hard to read. More material has recently come to light about communication conflicts between men and women, but there are many instances in which people’s actions in general are being misinterpreted—instances when they are behaving in ways they believe are totally innocent. Recognizing the signs and acting sensitively can go a long way toward prevention or resolution.

This book focuses on activities and self-study exercises. Some exercises point out ways to look at conflict, while others help people explore their own beliefs and values. Other exercises deal with how to understand individual conflict styles. The objective is to be able to recognize conflict, size up the situation, and keep it from becoming destructive to ongoing relationships. The activities and exercises also offer ways in which parties can recognize the kinds of language that might make things worse, as well as explore what might be done or said to make things better.




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Certain assumptions form the basis for the activities in this book:

• One of the goals is to help those giving and receiving messages avoid mis-understandings and be accurate in using language and communication skills.

• Nonjudgmental communication skills can help people who must diffuse volatile situations.

• In resolving conflicts, it is important to meet the interests and needs of all parties, and to work toward an agreement that is acceptable to each indivi-dual and the organization as a whole.

• The path to conflict resolution is not the sole responsibility of any one person, but rather of all of those involved.

• Acknowledging differences up front is an important step in interactions involving values and behavior in diversity issues.

• The more one knows about conflict styles (one’s own natural styles, as well as the styles of others), the more effective the solution.

• Practicing good communication skills will help you resolve conflicts, as well as prevent them from escalating.

The authors assume that those who are conducting these activities or partici-pating in them will be comfortable with our short, experiential style, which presents an opportunity to learn in an interactive way. Finally, the activities are designed to be non-threatening, and designed for success.

The objective of this book is to provide a series of learning experiences carefully constructed to:

• Look at conflict and its various stages

• Understand the impact of differences on conflict

• Become comfortable with various conflict styles and resolution methods

• Learn responsible and effective communication skills

This book is not a road map to the complete conflict resolution process. However, it does address techniques and approaches to conflict resolution by teaching respect for the individual, the problem, and the process. In it we stress the importance of understanding differing values and perceptions, which often cause conflict without our realizing it.



Introduction

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Whether you are a dispute resolution specialist, a trainer, a manager, or anyone else whose responsibility includes dealing with conflict, this book is for you. It is unique in that it addresses two very important topics in specific sections: Group Learning in Part 1, and Self Development in Part 2.

Though both of these sections deal primarily with conflict and conflict resolution, the beauty of the activities and exercises is that they can be incorporated in any number of other training programs. They fit in well with subjects dealing with Management and Leadership, as well as those related to Communication. Trainers in the field of Negotiation, Interpersonal Skills, Diversity, or Problem Solving will also find both sections useful.

Each section of this book on conflict resolution uses workshop activities and self-study exercises; some point out ways to look at disputes, while others help people explore their own beliefs and values concerning conflict. There are additional exercises dealing with conflict styles and resolution skills.

The overall objective is to show you how to recognize conflict and size up a particular situation, and help you learn how to prevent it from becoming destructive to a new or ongoing relationship. The activities and exercises also offer ways to avoid using the kind of language that makes things worse, and explore what can be done or said to make things better.

The two different sections of the book are described below to give you an idea of their contents and how they can be used.

Part 1—Group Learning Part 1 offers 25 easy-to-use interactive activities designed for use in a workshop setting by facilitators and trainers to help participants understand disputes and the impact of various styles of dealing with conflict. The section also includes conflict-resolution models and practice activities for developing the skills for resolution. The wide range of topics in Part 1 encourage participants to explore conflict in general, learn about their own personal styles and approaches, and understand conflict issues in terms of values and perceptions. The balance of the activities deal with the actual skills needed to resolve conflict situations and provide opportunities for skill practice.

These activities are completely interactive, but they have been designed to offer step-by-step instructions so that they can be put into practice by trainers, counselors, managers, and other leaders, Each activity in the front of the book follows the same format:




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Title Of Activity PURPOSE EQUIPMENT MATERIALS PROCEDURE DEBRIEF TRAINER’S NOTES (where appropriate).

Part 2—Independent Study This section of the book can be used in three ways: first, as a stand-alone course with exercises that help participants take the initiative for their own learning; second, as homework or classwork to reinforce the group activities in Part 1; and third, with careful adjustment, many of the exercises can also be converted by the trainer to an interactive format, thereby supplementing group learning.

This section consists of a wide range of self-assessment instruments, specific reflection exercises, and skill-building exercises that include questions, responses, and helpful ways to communicate more effectively.

Those who will be working alone at least part of the time will find the exercises easy to follow. They were designed for individualized instruction; directions and worksheets are self-explanatory.

Suggested answers have been provided where appropriate to give participants the opportunity to measure their responses.

A Summary statement appears at the end of each exercise so participants can review the learning points, reinforce their own work or that of others, and provide closure.

The activities in Part 2 use the following headings:

Title Of Exercise PURPOSE OF THE EXERCISE INTRODUCTION WORKSHEET SUMMARY

The activities and exercises in both Part 1 and Part 2 are grouped into five cate-gories, as follows:

I. Exploring Conflict



Introduction

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II. Know Yourself

III. Understanding Conflict

IV. Values and Perceptions

V. Resolving Conflict Situations

Conflict affects everyone, but when it is allowed to develop and grow in the workplace, it can also affect productivity. However, no longer is the task of resolving workplace conflict left to managers and trainers. Innocent behavior can all too quickly be misinterpreted and grow into a minor dispute that gets out of hand before anyone is aware of it. Knowing how conflict can be prevented and resolved is becoming increasingly important to all workers.

This book explores techniques and approaches to conflict resolution. Its objective is to teach respect for the individual, the problem, and the process, and to point out the importance of understanding the differing values and perceptions that so often are the cause of anticipated conflict.

As a final note, we would like to point out that the activities contained in 50 Activities for Conflict Resolution will be useful to those of you working in industrial, commercial, service, government, and not-for-profit organizations, as well as in the fields of health care, education, and finance.

Conflict resolution is an exciting field to be in, and we wish you good luck!



I

EXPLORING CONFLICT



Mismatched? Are You Reading the Nonverbal Clues?

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30–40 minutes

PURPOSE: To allow participants to experience the significance of nonverbal behavior (body language) and explore its relationship to an understanding of the other side.

EQUIPMENT: Either an overhead projector or flipchart

MATERIALS: Previously-prepared Instruction Slips (see Trainer’s Notes). Master for Transparency: Four Principles in Communicating

PROCEDURE: 1. Explain to the group that nonverbal behavior constantly delivers communi-

cation messages. Consequently, the more one knows about the impact of nonverbal communication on conflict, the more successful the resolution can be.

2. Tell the group that there will be a role play and that you will be passing out instructions. Pair up the participants.

3. Hand out a single randomly chosen instruction slip to one member of each pair, warning the recipient not to share the instructions with his or her partner. Ask the selected partner to read his or her instruction slip silently.

4. Tell all the pairs to choose ordinary topics (traffic congestion, a controversial movie, favorite TV show, etc.). Begin a discussion. [Important: The partner with the instruction slip must follow his or her instructions.] Call a halt after allowing about 5 minutes for the role play.

5. Ask the participants who did not receive instruction slips to guess the specific nonverbal behavior their partners were exhibiting.

6. Reconvene and discuss the following questions: • What happened? • How many people correctly guessed the nonverbal behavior the partner

with the instruction slips was exhibiting? • What specific nonverbal behaviors did the partner use? • How did both partners feel? • How do you think nonverbal communication impacts conflict situations?

7. Summarize by using Principles in Communicating either as a transparency or on a flipchart.




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DEBRIEF: Communication is not always easy, because we listen and respond to others based on our feelings, beliefs, attitudes, and values. What we say orally is only a small part of communication. Neurolinguistic researchers have found that the person receiving the message you are sending interprets about 65 percent of that message through nonverbal communication. What that means is that the words you use and your tone of voice are not as significant as the nonverbal signals you are sending when you convey a message.

While we can choose our words, often our nonverbal behavior is largely unconscious. In any situation we need to be aware that we are sending nonverbal messages, but in conflict situations we must be even more diligent because our feelings and attitudes influence the nonverbal messages we send and receive.

Note: Interpretation of body language varies around the world. This activity focuses on a Western view.

TRAINER’S NOTES: Make enough copies of the following instruction slips, cut to a convenient size.

A. You are disinterested. Pay no attention to what your partner is saying. Look around, check your watch, yawn, and use other nonverbal behaviors that indicate lack of interest. Do what comes naturally for you. Think of a situation where you felt this way and recall your feelings.

B. You are angry. Exhibit nonverbal behaviors that let your partner know you are angry. Do what is natural for you, but some ideas might include: tongue in cheek, downward frown, shaking head side-to-side in disbelief. Think of a situation where you felt this way and recall your feelings.

C. You are excited. Let your partner know this nonverbally. Some examples might include: nodding head, waving arms, clapping, jumping up and down. Do what comes naturally for you. Think of a situation where you felt this way and recall your feelings.

D. You are sad. Exhibit nonverbal behaviors that let your partner know that you are down. Perhaps you are holding your head in your hands, averting eyes downward, crying. Do what comes naturally. Think of a situation where you felt this way and recall your feelings.



Mismatched? Are You Reading the Nonverbal Clues?

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FOUR PRINCIPLES OF

COMMUNICATION

• Everyone communicates verbally and nonverbally, consciously and unconsciously.

• Every individual is a product of his or her own culture.

• All communication is culture-bound.

• There are numerous communication styles within racial, gender, and ethnic groups.



Constructive or Destructive Conflict: Lessons to Be Learned

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45 minutes

PURPOSE: To determine how some conflict can be constructive, rather than destructive.

EQUIPMENT: Flipchart

MATERIALS: Pencils and paper

PROCEDURE: 1. Pair up participants and ask them to discuss and write down the aspects of

conflict that they see as destructive. (Examples: “Destroys relationships” or “Increases stress level,” etc.) Allow 5–10 minutes.

2. Have the pairs reconvene, ask for their comments, and list them on the flipchart under the heading of Destructive Conflicts. (If people need help, you can find additional suggestions under Trainer’s Notes.)

3. Then allow about 5–10 minutes for the paired participants to repeat the above process, this time discussing and writing down the aspects of conflict that they see as constructive. Repeat as above, listing on the flipchart the results of their work under the heading of Constructive Conflict. (There are additional constructive conflict suggestions under Trainer’s Notes.)

4. Reconvene the group and lead a discussion on the destructive and constructive elements of conflict, asking questions such as:

• Which was easier to discuss and why? • What surprises did you find when the entire group reported out? • How do you think most people at work feel about conflict? • What are the lessons you learned from this activity?

DEBRIEF: It is important to see conflict as contributing to personal growth. Evaluating both destructive and constructive conflict can lead one to recognize the advantages of a win-win solution. It is significant that a win-win solution diminishes the destructive impact of conflict and offers a positive force for the organization as well as for the individual.




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TRAINER’S NOTES: If the participants have difficulty thinking of specific destructive and/or constructive aspects, here are some examples:

Conflict is destructive when:

• one person has to give in too much (win-lose) • the dispute hurts a relationship • there is no agreement reached • there are uncontrolled emotions, anger, and raised voices • the conflict prevents or stops people from working

Conflict is constructive when it:

• leads to resolution • builds a strong relationship with improved communication • opens people up to new ideas • leads to a win-win resolution • develops common goals • clarifies a problem situation and leads to positive change



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