Revenue Enhancement on your Campus

for the New MillenniumMyk Garn and Ritchie Boyd

Managing partners

Swindle, Shake, Divert & Obfuscate, LLC. 

The Problem• State revenue support is at

an all time low• Costs are escalating• Entrepreneurism is

to be rewarded

The Solution

• A highly successful model already exists• Everybody Hum: “Fly the friendly skies…”

            Costs vs Revenue           

“You Learn – We Earn”• Thorough review of your institutional processes and cost

centers• Top recommendations that will allow your institution to

Maximize revenue while providing the enduring patina of high quality customer services

You are already making progress…• Super Size my tuition !

o “Up to 20 credits for the cost of 12!”

• A different rate for every student !o In-state, out of state, residential, left-handed…

• A complex and dizzying array of fees and surcharges !o Lab fees, Technology fees, Processing fees, etc…

• But – there is SO MUCH MORE you could do!

Premium Technology services• Device Insurance – standard / premium

o $9.95/$19.95 per term, plus one free 256K USB drive!

• Tiered Wi-Fi accesso Tall (dial-up speed) – Free - Limited 

availabilityo Grande (DSL speed) - $19.95/mo 

Not guaranteed during peak use periodso Vente (1gbps) - $1.99/day, or $120/term

Instant Level 80 Shaman status on WOW

• But wait...There's more!

“Student Retention” package• Preferential registration slots -

first in line to enroll in the classes YOU want!

• Personalized Tutoringo Email: $9.99 per class or .99 per use,

Chat: $19.99 or 1.99 per use, Phone $29.99/2.99 per use.

o During tests: 25% surcharge

• Student VIP lounge in every building

“Retention PLUS”• Premium Faculty Access (after hours or 2pm, whichever

comes first)

• Concierge Beverage Service – Redbull and Lattes delivered to your classroom!  Order via smartphone!

• Course Completion Insurance (if you get sick - our tutors will finish the course for you)

• Monthly drawing: “Get out of jail free” pass for Turn-it-in violations!

“Course Content Wizard”• Taped Lectures are free.  

Faculty notes .99 per session; Access to group notes .99

• Digital Content: Basic content is free, Pro Pak includes flash examples @.99 each, syllabus updates, and accurate page numbers.

• Content Upgrade Notifications (pop-up notification) “Do you want to upgrade to the latest content for .99?”

• Subscription Extension Service: Digital content updates beyond the class ($12.99/yr)

Residual Knowledge Value Insurance• In many disciplines - the knowledge itself is at

risk - the currency of the information deteriorates at 25% per year

• Students don’t want to be caught underwater or upside down with old, outdated knowledge.   Don't let this happen to you! >>>

• For $29.99 per course per year, your students can guarantee their knowledge will always be kept up to date (No need to worry - we provide a recurring perpetual-approved charge to VISA/MasterCard)

After 2 years

After 5 years

New Graduate

“The Frequent Flyer”• Personal coat check and note-taker by request (availability

limited)

• Early bird seating for each class session in extra wide plush fully reclining chairs with surround sound

• iAccess to notes from 4.0 students ($5.99 per session - shared revenue with student, organized and prepared)

“The Sports Fanatic”• Premium Tailgate Parking +

Seating in Dean's Skybox

• Cheer/Yell Leaders will "Like" your Facebook page. ...Repeatedly.

• In-game Twitter updates from starting players.

• Access to one Half-time Locker Room Pep Talk (must sign profanity and personal injury waiver) 

• All for $39.99 per game!

"Lord of the Classroom"

• Inflatable student: $2.99/session (M/ F/ Metro available)

• Intelligent Emulator (students using this service scored on average one full grade higher on tests and papers)

• Custom Transcripts.  Includes unlimited upload access to national portable transcript database (+ 1 free upgrade to final class score, additional at $129.99 per upgrade)

Get a Room...

Your Name Goes Here!!!

Q: “Is This Seat Taken?”   A: "Never!"

• Reserved Seating in large lecture sessions

o Front five rows are freeo Back row = 3.99 per session - 29.99 per termo Extra leg room / aisle seats: .99 premium/9.99 per termo Electrical outlet: .99 per sessiono Cushions: .99 per sessiono “Irritating Guy” insurance: $25/term

"Cafe Courses"

• Bistro and beverage service during most classes, full lunch for noon-hour classes

• Complimentary cocktails for all classes scheduled between 5:00pm - 7:00pm

• A la Carte Content Menu.  Learn what you want in the order you want

• A steamy hot washcloth after each lecture !

Freemium Restroom Access• Pay toilets… with a swipe! (…of your credit card)

• Standard – cleaned once a week by students, generic tissue on stingy dispensers

• Premium – cleaned daily by professionals, fresh cotton towels, “All you can use” Charmin tissue

For commuter campuses: Parking Lotto!

• Rub-off cards that pay out in preferential parking locations.

• Auctions, auctions, auctions: Not just the president’s parking spot anymore! Or choose from:o Faculty lounge pass (with 2 free drinks - top shelf

excluded)o Mention in an upcoming presidential speech

• Late for class? Valet parking with express golf cart to classroom service (8.99 per hour)

“Faculty On Call”Our answer to escalating overhead• Increasingly most faculty will not be full-time but will piece

together careers teaching multiple courses for many different providers

• Never hire another faculty member again!

• For a 12% fee we are your national leader in world-class faculty placement services - providing one-stop hiring and firing HR service for universities - and finding adjunct employment opportunities for faculty

“Faculty On Call”Our answer to escalating overhead• Vetted though national criminal, sex offender

and no-fly lists

• Our guarantee: Most of our Faculty On Call will be content specialists in the areas they teach!

• Note: While many faculty reside in the US not all faculty may be US residents

• Low-cost group health insurance as a benefit 

• We'll make you an offer you can't refuse!

You Learn - We EarnA Way Forward - with Maximum Revenue

Keep college profitable

Education that earns

Generate maximum revenue

Get more out of college (students)

Elevate your bottom-line

Realize increased sustainability