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17 Questions to Discern if My Relationship is God Honoring

“Watch over your heart with all diligence, for from it flow the springs of life.” --Proverbs 4:23

1. Is He a believer in the Gospel and a committed follower of Christ?

2 Corinthians 6: 14-18

“Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? What harmony is there between Christ and Belial? What does a believer have in common with an unbeliever? What agreement is there between the temple of God and idols? For we are the temple of the living God. As God has said: "I will live with them and walk among them, and I will be their God, and they will be my people." "Therefore come out from them and be separate, says the Lord. Touch no unclean thing, and I will receive you." "I will be a Father to you, and you will be my sons and daughters, says the Lord Almighty."

Note: that our motivation is the Gospel, we are separated from the world and joined to God.

2. Does this relationship drive me ultimately to want to be more holy? Does it make me want to love Jesus more?

1 Peter: 1:13-16

“Therefore, prepare your minds for action, keep sober in spirit, fix your hope completely on the grace to be brought to you at the revelation of Jesus Christ. As obedient children, do not be conformed to the former lusts which were yours in your ignorance, but like the Holy One who called you, be holy yourselves also in all your behavior; because it is written, "YOU SHALL BE HOLY, FOR I AM HOLY."

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1 Corinthians 5:9-11 (emphasis mine)

“I wrote you in my letter not to associate with immoral people; I did not at all mean with the immoral people of this world, or with the covetous and swindlers, or with idolaters, for then you would have to go out of the world. But actually, I wrote to you not to associate with any so-called brother if he is an immoral person, or covetous, or an idolater, or a reviler, or a drunkard, or a swindler--not even to eat with such a one.”

3. Does this man lead me in holiness or into sin?

Ephesians 5:25-27

“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be holy and blameless.”

It is the husband’s job to present his bride as holy, leading her in holy ways.

4. Am I willing to lay this relationship down at Jesus’ feet? In other words, do I hold it loosely? If God told me to give it up tomorrow, would I obey or would I sin to keep it? Has this relationship become an idol or has this man become an idol? Is it something that I worship over God? Would I obey the will of God over the will of this man?

Exodus 20:3-4

"You shall have no other gods before me.

"You shall not make for yourself an idol in the form of anything in heaven above or on the earth beneath or in the waters below. You shall not bow down to them or worship them; for I, the LORD your God, am a jealous God, punishing the children for the sin of the fathers to the third and fourth generation of those who hate me, but showing love to a thousand {generations} of those who love me and keep my commandments.”

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Matthew 22:37

“And He said to him, " 'YOU SHALL LOVE THE LORD YOUR GOD WITH ALL YOUR HEART, AND WITH ALL YOUR SOUL, AND WITH ALL YOUR MIND.'”

Psalm 73:25-26

“Whom have I in heaven but you? And earth has nothing I desire besides you. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.”

Psalm 63:3

“Because your love is better than life, my lips will glorify you.”

Psalm 84:10

“Better is one day in your courts than a thousand elsewhere; I would rather be a doorkeeper in the house of my God than dwell in the tents of the wicked.”

Note- please look at Romans 6 as a reference to who our wills should be submitted to, Christ! Matthew 6:10

“Your kingdom come Your will be done, On earth as it is in heaven.” In the model prayer we pray for God’s will to be done, not for our own. Matthew 26:39

“And He went a little beyond them, and fell on His face and prayed, saying, "My Father, if it is possible, let this cup pass from Me; yet not as I will, but as You will."

Note-Even Jesus willingly submitted to the will of the Father

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5. Am I currently sinning to hold onto this relationship? Romans 6:1-4

“What shall we say then? Are we to continue in sin so that grace may increase? May it never be! How shall we who died to sin still live in it? Or do you not know that all of us who have been baptized into Christ Jesus have been baptized into His death? Therefore we have been buried with Him through baptism into death, so that as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, so we too might walk in newness of life.”

6. Is he my spiritual leader? Can I see myself submitting to him as a husband one day and honoring him today as the leader in our relationship?

Ephesians 5:23-24

“For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.”

7. If he carried with him the same flaws for the rest of his life, would I be content to stay with him?

Proverbs 17:17 “A friend loves at all times…”

Ephesians 5:33

“Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband.”

Malachi 2:16

"For I hate divorce," says the LORD, the God of Israel, "and him who covers his garment with wrong," says the LORD of hosts. "So take heed to your spirit, that you do not deal treacherously."

Divorce is not an option for those that fear the Lord.

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8. a. Can you see the goodness and blessing of the Lord on your relationship? Be specific and name the ways, try to back these ways up with principles found in scripture.

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b. Do other people confirm the goodness of the Lord in our relationship? If so, then how? ____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Psalm 31:19

“How great is your goodness, which you have stored up for those who fear you, which you bestow in the sight of men on those who take refuge in you.”

9. Does this relationship alienate the good friends that God has given you? Do they approve?

(Not that we need the approval of men, but if they are godly then they often have helpful insight into you and your walk with Jesus)

Proverbs 12:15

“The way of a fool is right in his own eyes, But a wise man is he who listens to counsel.”

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10. What do your parents say about the relationship? Are you able to honor them in this relationship or do you feel as though you have to hide things?

Exodus 20:12

"Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be prolonged in the land which the LORD your God gives you.”

Note it does say to only honor godly parents, but merely the parents that God gave you. If you are doubting the wisdom of your parents because they are unbelievers or choosing not to use godly wisdom, then seek guidance from a pastor on your relationship with your parents and with the guy.

11. Am I demonstrating patience and waiting in the Lord’s timing for every step of my relationship?

Psalm 84:11-12

“For the LORD God is a sun and shield; the LORD bestows favor and honor; no good thing does he withhold from those whose walk is blameless. O LORD Almighty, blessed is the man who trusts in you.”

Genesis 29:18, 20; 31:41

“18Now Jacob loved Rachel, so he said, "I will serve you seven years for your younger daughter Rachel." “20So Jacob served seven years for Rachel and they seemed to him but a few days because of his love for her.” 41"These twenty years I have been in your house; I served you fourteen years for your two daughters and six years for your flock, and you changed my wages ten times.”

Jacob waited 7 years to marry Rachel and then worked another 7 for her.

Elisabeth Elliot waited 5 years to marry missionary Jim Elliot as documented in her book Passion and Purity.

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Psalm 27:13-14

“I would have despaired unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the LORD In the land of the living. Wait for the LORD; Be strong and let your heart take courage; Yes, wait for the LORD.”

Psalm 31:14-16

“But as for me, I trust in You, O LORD, I say, "You are my God." My times are in Your hand; Deliver me from the hand of my enemies and from those who persecute me. Make Your face to shine upon Your servant; Save me in Your lovingkindness.”

12. Are you able to demonstrate physical self-control in your relationship? What are some boundaries that you have established?

1 Thessalonians 4:3-8

“It is God's will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control his own body in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like the heathen, who do not know God; and that in this matter no one should wrong his brother or take advantage of him. The Lord will punish men for all such sins, as we have already told you and warned you. For God did not call us to be impure, but to live a holy life. Therefore, he who rejects this instruction does not reject man but God, who gives you his Holy Spirit.”

Please note the forgiveness of God after we do mess up…

1 Corinthians 6:9-11

“Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived; neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor homosexuals, nor thieves, nor the covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers, will inherit the kingdom of God. Such were some of you; but you were washed, but you were sanctified, but you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and in the Spirit of our God.”

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1 John 1:9

“If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”

2 Corinthians 5:17

“Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creature; the old things passed away; behold, new things have come.”

13. Are each one of you active in service to the Lord or is this relationship getting in the way of it? List the ways you both serve the Lord. (You can still be active by serving the Lord in the workplace/school, include those on the list and not just church activities)

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14. Are you active in praying for each other? What do you pray for him about? Are they prayers that are in line with God’s will or are they selfish, self-serving?

Philippians 4:6-7

“Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”

James 1:5-8

“But if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all generously and without reproach, and it will be given to him. But he must ask in faith without any doubting, for the one who doubts is like the surf of the sea, driven and tossed by the wind. For that man ought not to expect that he will receive anything from the Lord, being a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways.”

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15. Do you encourage one another to share the Gospel?

Matthew 28:18-20

“And Jesus came up and spoke to them, saying, "All authority has been given to Me in heaven and on earth. ‘Go therefore and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I commanded you; and lo, I am with you always, even to the end of the age.’”

Philemon 1:6

“I pray that you may be active in sharing your faith, so that you will have a full understanding of every good thing we have in Christ.”

16. Does this relationship cause you to depend wholeheartedly on Jesus? In other words, are you depending on your own strength to make it grow or on God’s?

Proverbs 3:5-6

“Trust in the LORD with all your heart And do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He will make your paths straight.”

Acts 5:38-39

"So in the present case, I say to you, stay away from these men and let them alone, for if this plan or action is of men, it will be overthrown; but if it is of God, you will not be able to overthrow them; or else you may even be found fighting against God."

These are Gamaliel’s words to the Jewish counsel when discussing the work of the apostles. Do you find that you are ever “fighting against” what God would do?

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17. a. Search your heart of hearts and be honest on your face before God and ask is God telling me to give up this relationship? (Do I sense a “No” or “Stop” in my spirit? In your heart, is that “not right now” from God really just a “no”?)

Obedience:

Matthew 5:17-18

"If your right eye makes you stumble, tear it out and throw it from you; for it is better for you to lose one of the parts of your body, than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. "If your right hand makes you stumble, cut it off and throw it from you; for it is better for you to lose one of the parts of your body, than for your whole body to go into hell.”

1 Samuel 15:22-23 (emphasis mine)

“Samuel said, "Has the LORD as much delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices As in obeying the voice of the LORD? Behold, to obey is better than sacrifice, And to heed than the fat of rams. "For rebellion is as the sin of divination, And insubordination is as iniquity and idolatry Because you have rejected the word of the LORD, He has also rejected you from being king."

John 14:15

"If you love Me, you will keep My commandments.” Galatians 5:13-14

“You, my brothers, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the sinful nature; rather, serve one another in love. The entire law is summed up in a single command: "Love your neighbor as yourself."

If you are not supposed to be in this relationship one of the most loving things that you can do to the other person is to break up with them. You both want God’s best.

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Healing a broken heart: Psalm 34:18

“The LORD is near to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in

spirit.”

b.Or is God telling me to go on in the relationship because it brings Him more glory when we are together?

Proverbs 27:17

“Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.” Isaiah 1:19

“If you are willing and obedient, you will eat the best from the land…”

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A Note about Marriage… God does speak of marriage as being good and of God (1 Tim. 4:3-5) and when the Bible speaks of singleness it never mentions a loss but rather the tremendous gains of a single life (1 Cor.7:25-35) “Since human marriage is the shadow of the reality of the union of Christ and the church (Eph. 5:32), no believing single will miss out on the reality of marriage even if God calls him or her to live without the shadow.” (Biblical Foundations of Manhood and Womanhood, Wayne Grudem, ed., 90)

The Lie I have to have a husband to be happy.

The Truth -Happiness is not found in (or out of) marriage. James 1:16-17 -There is no person who can meet my deepest needs. No one and nothing can make me truly happy, a part from God. Psalm 67:5; 118:8-9; Jeremiah 17:5-7 -God has promised to provide everything that I need. If He will receive more glory by my being married, then He will provide a husband for me. 1 Chronicles 29:11-12; Job 42:1-2; Proverbs 16:9; 1 Corinthians 7:25-38 -Those who wait on the Lord always get His best. Those who insist on getting what they want often end up with heartache. Psalm 37:4; 106:15; Jeremiah 17:5-8 (Lies Women Believe, Nancy Leigh DeMoss, 162) **Complied by Erin Shaw