132 Fairy, Fairy Quite Contrary

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The Fairly Oddparents Teleplay / script #132 Written by Jack ThomasCreated by Butch Hartman A Frederator Studios/Nickelodeon Production 2000 All rights reserved.


<p>The Fairly OddParentsFairy, Fairy Quite Contrary#132</p> <p>Written By: Jack Thomas First Draft: 8.8.01 Second Draft: 8.28.01</p> <p>Nickelodeon Animation Studios c 2000 Viacom International Inc. All rights reserved</p> <p>The Fairly OddParents: Fairy, Fairy Quite Contrary</p> <p>second draft script by Jack Thomas 8.28.01</p> <p>2</p> <p>FADE IN: EXT. - MOVIE THEATER- DAY The MARQUEE reads "Crash Nebula: The Musical - Opens Today -Noon." TIMMY is first in a line of KIDS, that stretches around the corner. CHESTER and AJ are asleep in a TENT behind him. Timmy checks his COSMO and WANDA Watch. It's two minutes to Noon. TIMMY Two more minutes and I'll have the very first tickets for the very first showing of the Crash Nebula movie! WANDA What's the big deal? You can watch him on TV. TIMMY Right. But this is the movie! WANDA But you can watch him every week on TV. TIMMY But this is the movie! WANDA And TV is free. TIMMY MOVIE! Chester and AJ wake up. CHESTER (groggy) But, Dad, I don't want government cheese for breakfast. AJ nudges him fully awake. AJ It is time? Did we succeed?? TIMMY Yes my friends! Behold! After successfully camping out all night in front of the movie theatre and braving the elements! We are the very first ones...</p> <p>The Fairly OddParents: Fairy, Fairy Quite Contrary</p> <p>second draft script by Jack Thomas 8.28.01</p> <p>3</p> <p> PULL BACK to reveal that REMY BUXAPLENTY is between Timmy and the ticket booth. REMY Behind me. TIMMY Hey! Who the heck are you? He hands Timmy a BUSINESS CARD. TIMMY (reading) Remy Buxaplenty. Richer than you. Will ever. Hope to be. (to Remy) I don't care how rich you are! It's not fair for you to cut. We were here first! Remy flips the card over again. Timmy looks at the card quizzically and reads... TIMMY (reading) That's odd. I'm first now. ANGLE ON BOX OFFICE - The SIGN in the window is flipped around to read: "OPEN." REMY (sigh) Finally. Tickets please. TICKET GUY How many? REMY All of them. He pulls out a WAD OF CASH. The KIDS in line all cheer! REMY Puh-lease! They're not for you unseemly urchins. I need all the extra seats for my piles of money. Off Timmy's furious look we... DISSOLVE TO: INT. THEATER - LATER Remy sips a jumbo DRINK and eats POPCORN, surrounded by PILES OF MONEY and GOLD and JEWELS as he watches the movie. CRASH (O.S.)</p> <p>The Fairly OddParents: Fairy, Fairy Quite Contrary</p> <p>second draft script by Jack Thomas 8.28.01</p> <p>4</p> <p>(singing sadly) The Venusians want me to save them, they think I'm a space hero with a plan, but how do I tell them that beneath this skin tight flight suit I'm-just-an Earth ma-a-a-n! DISSOLVE TO: INT. ARCADE - LATER Timmy is sitting in an ARCADE GAME SEAT wearing a VIRTUAL REALITY HELMET playing a STREET FIGHTER TYPE VIDEO GAME. We see the seat next to him is empty. PUSH IN AND DISSOLVE TO: INT. VIDEO GAME - Timmy's ON SCREEN CHARACTER blasting away with COSMO AND WANDA cannons. TIMMY I don't understand how that rich kid got in line in front of me! WANDA It's okay, Timmy! COSMO Yeah, you're kicking virtual butt in this video game! TIMMY Yeah! And all I gotta do is get the high score and I'll finally get my name on the bathroom door! PZZAP! He's wasted by another DIGITAL CHARACTER. TIMMY AAA! ON TIMMY who is now standing next to a DIGITAL REMY. REMY I win. Both of the Video Characters take off their helmets and REZZ out of the game... DISSOLVE TO: EXT. VIDEO GAME - BACK IN REALITY Timmy still sits in the video game seat. We see the seat next to him has been taken by Remy.</p> <p>The Fairly OddParents: Fairy, Fairy Quite Contrary</p> <p>second draft script by Jack Thomas 8.28.01</p> <p>5</p> <p>The OWNER OF THE VIDEO ARCADE SWEEPS IN and shakes Remy's hand. ARCADE OWNER Congratulations! A News PHOTOGRAPHER steps in and FWASH! Takes Remy's picture. ARCADE OWNER You're the best player ever! He sticks a NAME PLATE that reads "Remy Buxaplenty Player's Lounge" over the bathroom. Remy's face is in the graphic of a star under his name. ON VIDEO GAME - CLOSE ON COSMO AND WANDA CHARACTERS who peer out from the video screen. WANDA Well, that's a dubious honor. COSMO What's dubious mean? DISSOLVE TO: INT. TIMMY'S BEDROOM -NIGHT Timmy paces, annoyed. Wanda and Cosmo float-pace behind him. TIMMY I don't get it guys. Something's not kosher. COSMO (morphing himself into) Bacon? Lobster? Ham hock? TIMMY How could the Remy kid be so much better than me in, inWANDA Everything? TIMMY Yeah. And he's everywhere. WANDA I know one special place we can go where he could never ever be.</p> <p>The Fairly OddParents: Fairy, Fairy Quite Contrary</p> <p>second draft script by Jack Thomas 8.28.01</p> <p>6</p> <p>TIMMY Yeah? Wanda holds up the Crimson Chin COMIC BOOK and we... DISSOLVE TO: EXT. CHINCINNATI - COMIC BOOK TIME PAN ACROSS The skyline of Chincinnati to where CLEFT, the Boy Chin Wonder (Timmy) stands on the top of a BUILDING, cape flowing behind him. TIMMY Ah! Just what I needed. Some simple good super hero-bashing-evil action! CRASH! BAM! - On the BUILDING across the street, The CRIMSON CHIN is getting the worst of it from the GOLDEN GUT, the fat super villain who keeps bumping him nearer to the edge. TIMMY The Golden Gut! It looks like the Mandible of Might needs my help. Activate utility cleft. Timmy presses the BUTTON on his Chin and a ROPE shoots out of his cleft and attaches itself to the roof. The Chin gets belly-bumped off the roof of his building. He plummets to a sure death unlessCleft swings over the side. He swoops down toward his hero. TIMMY Don't worry, C.C. I'llRemy, dressed like Cleft, swoops in and scoops up C.C. REMY Save you. Remy/Cleft gently sets the Mandible of Might on the pavement. CRIMSON CHIN Way to go, Cleft! Timmy lands beside them. CRIMSON CHIN (to Timmy) Oh Cleft, have you met my new sidekick, Cleft? No time for small talk we have a gut to bust.</p> <p>The Fairly OddParents: Fairy, Fairy Quite Contrary</p> <p>second draft script by Jack Thomas 8.28.01</p> <p>7</p> <p>C.C. And Remy/Cleft zoom off. Timmy fumes. TIMMY It's that Remy Buxaplenty kid! COSMO The kid who beat you at the video game, was first in line for the movie, and now has taken your place as sidekick to your favorite comic book hero? What an amazing string of coincidences! TIMMY Yeah, well, something's fishy and I'm gonna find out what! COME ON! DISSOLVE TO: EXT. - REMY'S MANSION - LATER THAT EVENING It's the biggest MANSION ever. It makes Aaron Spelling's house look like a hut. Timmy is just outside the huge GATES that bear the Buxaplenty family CREST; a shield with the symbols for various currencies on it. POOF! Cosmo turns into BINOCULARS. Wanda turns into a parabolic MICROPHONE WITH EARPHONES. TIMMY Awright, let's see how the rich folks live... TIMMY'S POV through Binoculars - We see Remy and his PARENTS. But in the BG, we see a candy-colored FERRET with a little floating crown. TIMMY (V.O.) Nothing abnormal here. Just two billionaire parents, leaving for the night... INT. - REMY'S ROOM - SAME TIME Remy's parents, dripping with JEWELRY and richness, are still in the room. MR. BUXAPLENTY Well, uh...uh... MRS. BUXAPLENTY Son. MR. BUXAPLENTY Right. Son. It certainly was thrilling spending our daily two minutes with you.</p> <p>The Fairly OddParents: Fairy, Fairy Quite Contrary</p> <p>second draft script by Jack Thomas 8.28.01</p> <p>8</p> <p>MRS. BUXAPLENTY Now we're off to corner the silver market. MR. AND MRS. BUXAPLENTY Again! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! REMY (first ounce of kid we've seen) But... I haven't seen you in weeks! All I ever see are the butlers maids and servants! MR. BUXAPLENTY And they're highly paid to love you! We love you too, ...uh.. MRS. BUXAPLENTY Son. REMY Couldn't you guys stay a little longer. Just an extra minute. MRS. BUXAPLENTY (softening) Well, I suppose we could just deduct it from tomorrow's two minutes. MR. BUXAPLENTY Oh Luvy, you know how I love deductions but we have to go. The money is calling us! Remy's Dad pulls out a wad of CASH and does a very bad bit of ventriloquism with it, pretending the money is talking. MR. BUXAPLENTY (side of the mouth) Mr and Mrs. Buxaplenty! Where are you? MRS. BUXAPLENTY Coming money! Have a nice night with your strangely-colored, ferret, Honey! A LIMOUSINE pulls into Remy's room and the Buxaplenty's hop in. The car takes off and Remy hangs his head. CAMERA PUSHES IN on the ferret COSMO BINOCULAR POINT OF VIEW - Cosmo zooms in on the Ferret. It wears a CROWN.</p> <p>The Fairly OddParents: Fairy, Fairy Quite Contrary</p> <p>second draft script by Jack Thomas 8.28.01</p> <p>9</p> <p>TIMMY (V.O.) Wait a minute! FLASHBACK! In his mind, Timmy sees Remy's MONEY CLIP at the movie theater. Same color as the ferret, with a crown. His ROCKET SHIP in the arcade game. Same color, crown on the side. TIMMY I think I know how Remy is pulling all this stuff off! Cosmo and Wanda revert to their true form. COSMO Does it rhyme with "Scary Mod-mare-ment?" TIMMY Exactly! Remy Buxaplenty has a Fairy Godparent!! COSMO Finally, he gets it. TIMMY You knew? Wanda poofs in "DA RULES." WANDA Sorry, Timmy. It's in "Da Rules." We can't tell you about other kids with Fairy Godparents. You have to figure it out on your own. TIMMY That's a dumb rule. Do you know this fairy? WANDA NO! No! Nope! Not at all. No idea. Clueless. Cosmo and Timmy exchange a suspicious look. TIMMY Wanda, I wish you would tell me who he is. WANDA Oh, okay. His name is Juandissimo Magnifico. TIMMY Who's...Juandissimo Magnifico?</p> <p>The Fairly OddParents: Fairy, Fairy Quite Contrary</p> <p>second draft script by Jack Thomas 8.28.01</p> <p>10</p> <p>WANDA Uh... my ex-boyfriend. Timmy turns to Cosmo who is turning totally GREEN with envy. PULL BACK TO REVEAL we have been watching this entire scene through Remy's giant telescope. INT. - REMY'S ROOM - SAME TIME Remy looks up from the EYEPIECE. REMY So, Turner has Godparents too. Interesting. POOF! Remy 's ferret turns into the swaggering, hunky fairy -- JUANDISSIMO MAGNIFICO. He lifts WEIGHTS, does various other exercises, and constantly checks his appearance as he speaks. JUANDISSIMO Yes, It is true. Timmy is serviced by the former love of my life, Wanda, and her warrior husband, Cosmo. An unpredictable fairy who fights like a reed in the face of a hurricane. REMY But...I'm Remy Buxaplenty and I get whatever I want!! I want to be the only kid with Fairy Godparents!! I wish his Godparents were gone!!! POOF! "DA RULES" appear again. JUANDISSIMO It cannot be done. Fairies cannot be wished away by other fairies... for if they could, they would be scattered aimlessly, like waves against the sandy beach. CUT TO: OUTSIDE - ON TIMMY COSMO AND WANDA TIMMY Cosmo, aren't you jealous of this Juandissimo guy? COSMO Why? I got the girl. WANDA</p> <p>The Fairly OddParents: Fairy, Fairy Quite Contrary</p> <p>second draft script by Jack Thomas 8.28.01</p> <p>11</p> <p>That's a remarkably intelligent and mature way to think about it. COSMO It is? Then I changed my mind. I am jealous! INT. - REMY'S HOUSE - SAME TIME REMY How do I make his godparents go away? JUANDISSIMO They can only be wished away by their godkid, or... He Up a MIRROR and admires himself. JUANDISSIMO ...oh Heaven, who are you, to have blessed me with these looks... (lingering on himself) ...or they can be lost in a magical duel we creatively call..."The Magical Duel." REMY "The Magical Duel?" JUANDISSIMO A contest. Godparent against Godparent. Winner keeps his fairies, loser forgets he ever had them. It is a harsh and unseemly way to settle a rivalry. REMY You're not afraid of this Cosmo, are you? JUANDISSIMO I fear no fairy!! But Cosmo! He can be a cunning and calculating foe. CUT TO: EXT. - REMY'S FRONT DOOR - SAME TIME Timmy and Wanda watch Cosmo as he picks his toes with a BBQ FORK. He pulls a KIELBASA SAUSAGE from between his toes. COSMO Awright! Lunch! TIMMY</p> <p>The Fairly OddParents: Fairy, Fairy Quite Contrary</p> <p>second draft script by Jack Thomas 8.28.01</p> <p>12</p> <p>Guys. Disguise yourselves!! POOF! They change into POTTED PLANTS next to the doorway. Timmy rings the doorbell, which plays "We're In the Money." REMY'S BUTLER opens the door. BUTLER Yes? TIMMY Hi. I'm here to play. I'm one of Remy's friends. The Butler sneers. TIMMY He's payin' me five bucks an hour to be his buddy. Move it, Pal. I'm on the clock. Timmy pushes past the Butler and into the house. CUT TO: INT. REMY'S ROOM - SAME TIME Timmy enters. Remy - and his ferret - are waiting. REMY (totally sweet) TURNER! COME IN! The butler closes the door behind him. As soon as he does, Timmy and Remy glare at each other like the arch-enemies they are. REMY (ala "Newman") Turner. TIMMY Buxaplenty. REMY Let's cut to the chase. You know I have a fairy Godparent. POOF! Juandissimo appears. REMY I know you have fairy godparents. POOF! Cosmo and Wanda appear in form. Juandissimo kisses Wanda's hand. JUANDISSIMO</p> <p>The Fairly OddParents: Fairy, Fairy Quite Contrary</p> <p>second draft script by Jack Thomas 8.28.01</p> <p>13</p> <p>Wanda. My sweet. I have missed you, as the sun misses the dawn... WANDA Well, that's all very flattering-COSMO --But that's my hand you're kissing! Well, technically it's her hand, but, you know, being married to her and all...I mean...in a court of law... Juandissimo turns Cosmo into a TURTLE. His wand falls just out of his reach. JUANDISSIMO (to Remy re:Cosmo) You see how he attacks with words? I am lucky to be alive!!! COSMO When I get my wand, oh you are in for it! Arrgh!!! The Cosmo turtle very slowly, almost imperceptibly, moves toward his wand. Throughout the rest of the conversation, the Cosmo turtle keeps advancing. Slowly. REMY Turner, the great part of being rich is having the best of everything. Look around. My solid gold TV. My limited edition Chip Skylark... TIMMY Poster? REMY Ah...no. CHIP SKYLARK comes alive from what appeared to be a POSTER. He waves from his alcove on the wall then resumes his pose. REMY You see my problem? You have two fairy godparents. I only have one. That just won't do. (pulls out a wad of cash) So, how much will it take for me to get you to wish away your fairy godparents? TIMMY</p> <p>The Fairly OddParents: Fairy, Fairy Quite Contrary</p> <p>second draft script by Jack Thomas 8.28.01</p> <p>14</p> <p>Forget it, Buxaplenty. Just because you're rich doesn't mean you get everything you want. REMY I want your hat. TIMMY No way. REMY Fifty bucks. TIMMY Done! Timmy gives Remy his hat. REMY (to Juandissimo) Burn this. Juandissimo shoots FIRE at the hat, totally incinerating it. TIMMY (matter of fact) Wish I had another hat! POOF! Wanda poofs ANOTHER HAT onto Timmy's head. Juandissimo poofs the FIFTY BUCKS back into Remy's hand. WANDA Stalemate! TIMMY Which means I am keeping my godparents and there is nothing you can do about it. Let's go. REMY Don't you turn your back on me. Or I'll call "Magical Duel." Wanda and Juandissimo each react with horror. Even the turtle Cosmo, stops and turns his head. Slowly. TIMMY Whatever. REMY (enraged) Don't you walk away from me! I'm better</p> <p>The Fairly OddParents: Fairy, Fairy Quite Contrary</p> <p>second draft script by Jack Thomas 8.28.01</p> <p>15</p> <p>than you. Magical Duel Magical D...</p>