Your Intense Child and YouParenting and Homeschooling for Success

What is an Intense child?From SENG {Supporting Emotional Needs of the Gifted}

Emotional intensity in the gifted is not a matter of feeling more than

other people, but a different way of experiencing the world: vivid,

absorbing, penetrating, encompassing, complex,

commanding – a way of being quaveringly alive.

Other names for the Intense child

You may have heard these other terms:

• Spirited Child • Active Alert Child • Difficult Child • Problem Child • Strong-Willed Child

What is an Intense child?

The intense child is more…

• more emotional • more energetic • more sensitive • more empathetic • more focused • more easily distracted • more, more, more…

Characteristics of Intense Kids:• Intense feelings – extreme highs, extreme lows, positive and negative feelings mixed together,

complex emotions that seem to move from one feeling to another over short periods of time • Bodily symptoms of emotion – tense stomach, sinking heart, rapid beating of the heart,

blushing and flushing, headache, nausea • Inhibition – shyness • Enhanced affective memory – remembering and reliving the emotions of an incidence long

after it has passed • Fears and anxieties – feelings of guilt, feelings of being out of control • Concerns with death – depressive moods • Strong emotional attachments – empathy, concern, conflicts with peers over the depths of

their relationship • Difficulty in adjusting to new environments or situations • Loneliness • Overly critical of self – enhanced self-judgment, feeling inadequate and inferior {imposter

syndrome}

Helping you identify intensity.

Practical Characteristics of Intense Kids: What the Characteristics Look Like

• Talks incessantly • Super-high emotional highs/Super-low emotional lows – more extreme than

peers • More energy and requires less sleep than most kids his or her age • Questions authority – constantly • Questions everything about the world all. day. long. • Difficulty accepting and moving on from disappointment • Inappropriately extreme reactions when things don’t go his or her way • Meltdowns over insignificant things – even more than “normal” childhood

meltdowns • Need constant stimulation {or disaster happens} • Often bothered by {or craves} stimuli like touch, clothing, sound, etc.

So why are INTENSE kids so INTENSE?

Temperamentor… “It’s not you, it’s them.”

The Nine Temperament Categories of Thomas and Chess: 1. Activity: a child’s physical energy 2. Regularity: the level of predictability in biological functions 3. Initial Reaction: how a child responds to new environments 4. Adaptability: how long it takes to adjust to change over time 5. Mood: the tendency towards a happy or unhappy demeanor 6. Intensity: the energy level of positive or negative responses 7. Distractibility: the tendency to be side-tracked by things around him/her 8. Persistence/Attention Span: length of time spent on tasks and willingness to stick

with tasks through frustrations 9. Sensitivity: how easily a child is disturbed by changes in environment

Putting it all Together Determining your child’s needs…

Activity:

Regularity:

Initial Reaction:

Adaptability:

Mood:

Intensity:

Distractibility:

Persistence/Attention Span:

Sensitivity:

Three Classifications According to Temperament

• Easy Children • Difficult Children • Slow-to-Warm-Up

Children

Easy ChildrenAs defined by Thomas and Chess

Easy children usually are positive in most things – moods, approaches to new experiences, etc. They adapt well to change. They’re

predictable, too. These are your easy sleepers, try-anything eaters, and overnight potty trainers.

Slow-to-warm up ChildrenAs defined by Thomas and Chess

Slow-to-warm-up children may react negatively to new situations, but their distress is usually mild. Their activity levels are low, and they

tend to withdraw in new situations. Kiddos like this are likely to warm up when their temperament traits are respected as they’re introduced

to the new situation or environment.

Difficult Children As defined by Thomas and Chess

Difficult children are slow – or non-adaptive – to change. They tend to have irregular sleep patterns, be picky eaters, and may struggle with toilet issues.

This children are our intense kids – not because your parenting is off, but because their temperaments fall to the more difficult side of the continuum. They are literally born this way, and so traditional parenting methods don’t

work with them.

It’s not personal…it’s just different.

Using intensity for good Intense characteristics as tools for homeschool success…

Figure out when problems occurAn intense child often struggles…

• when he or she is tired or not feeling well. • when he or she is hungry. • when situations are too stimulating. • during transitions. • when he or she is understimulated. • when routines are disrupted. • when he or she is disappointed.

Recognize Cues for problems …before they happen

✵My son starts spinning… around and around the room. ✵My daughter starts talking in a strange shriek-y voice. ✵My 4 year old starts to climb… all over her siblings and furniture. ✵My toddler grabs ahold of my legs… and will not let go. ✵My daughter bounces all around. ✵My son gets clumsy and bumps into things. ✵My 11 year old throws himself onto the ground like he’s been shot. ✵My child gets really, really loud.

Teach Your Child to Articulatewith an arsenal of positive words

vim, vigor, gusto, energy, drama… not wild, crazy, aggressive, mean

• You are enthusiastic. • You are lively. • That can be frustrating. • I know you can figure this out; you’re a great problem solver. • It’s never okay to be mean. • You can’t control the situation, but you can control your reactions to it. • You sure seem excited about that. • Hmmm… do you feel like you’re steaming? Maybe you should take a break. • I feel crabby sometimes, too. Are you feeling it too? • You seem like you’re getting overwhelmed.

Calming Activities to Help Reduce IntensityEncouraging self-regulation

• Sleep, Quiet Time, Rest Period, Siesta • Water Play • Creativity and Imagination • Sensory Play • Exercise and Motion • Reading • Humor • Break Time {Time-Outs}

Come together to Make a Plan and stick with it

• Family Meetings: time together to troubleshoot, get on the same page, and figure out how to be better together – and to give everyone a voice • Family Mission Statement: a set of core values that become the

guiding “government” for your family • Rules with Consequences: nonnegotiable things like respect for

people and property along with positive and negative consequences that will be consistently put into effect • Family Traditions: daily, weekly, monthly, and yearly things that make

your family yours

Say Yes Look for reasons to enjoy life

and learning together.

Say No Be consistent and fair.

In conclusion

Prepare…Prepare…Prepare

Above all… Love those children! Intense children can be challenging, but they’re potential world-changers. Love them, appreciate

them, nurture them… you never know where it will take them.

www.RaisingLifelongLearners.com