Your Child is Vulnerable: Protect Him / Her from Abuse

The January issue of ParentEdge focuses on Child Abuse. Researching this

story and talking to people about this issue was deeply disturbing for me. As a

writer I should be able to distance myself from what I write about, but as a

mother, how can I?

I spoke to people who work with abused children, helping them overcome

their trauma and distress, and their stories are chilling and sickening. And the

scariest part is that most child abuse begins at home—in places where a child

is supposed to be safe and protected, and by people who are in positions of

trust and responsibility—caregivers, family members and close friends. If the

horror begins at home, to whom does the child turn?

Child abuse is also more prevalent than you would believe. A 2007 survey by

the Indian Ministry of Women and Child Development found that more than

53% of the children surveyed had faced some form of abuse, and 50% of the

abusers were known to the child. This means that every child is vulnerable—

irrespective of gender (yes, boys can be abused to, and often are!), and social

and economic class (yes, there is no poor kid-rich kid divide when it comes to

abuse). Think back to your own childhood and adolescence—many of us will

remember that one over-friendly ‘uncle’ or ‘family friend’ who made us feel

distinctly uncomfortable with his inappropriate behaviour, and perhaps worse.

Often, child abuse escapes us because it is not as dramatic and visible as

rape. Abuse can range from mild to severe (abhorrent no matter the degree),

and very often, the child does not show any visible signs of abuse. It is really

the parent who knows the child best who can spot the signs—social

withdrawal, changing behaviour, moodiness, anxiety, avoidance of certain

people or situations, etc.—and try to get to the bottom of the matter.

Do read our Cover Story, in which we detail out:

How you can recognise signs of abuse in your child

The ‘grooming’ process that abusers follow to buy the child’s silence

Tips on how to protect and empower your child

Advice on how to help a child who has been abused

For now, there are certain things I would request all parents to keep in mind:

1. DO NOT THINK YOUR CHILD IS IMMUNE. Every child is vulnerable to

abuse and there is nothing – NOTHING – more important than protecting your

child from sexual predators. So don’t be afraid to ask questions, talk to people

and read up on this topic so you can equip yourself and know what to look out

for.

2. NO PERSON IS ABOVE SUSPICION. This is the mother in me talking, and

not the writer. Do not trust your child alone with anyone who is not part of your

inner circle. And I would go so far as to say that we must build in certain

safeguards even with people who are in our inner circle. This brings me to my

next point.

3. BE SURE TO COMMUNICATE CERTAIN INVIOLABLE RULES TO

YOUR CHILD. Besides the usual precautions of keeping away from strangers,

I enforce these rules with my daughter as well:

There can be no secrets from mama. If someone asks you to keep something

secret, you must tell me.

No one is allowed to touch you in your private parts and on body parts that are

generally clothed (like chest, thighs, etc.). If anyone touches you here or asks

you to take of some clothes, you must shout ‘NO’ and tell mama as soon as you

can.

Do not accept chocolates or other gifts from people without telling mama,

especially if that person tells you to keep it a secret.

Finally, no matter what, you can always come and tell mama about anything. If

you are afraid of something or uncomfortable tell me. I will not scold you.

Of course, this attitude needs to be borne out in our daily lives, where we

create an atmosphere that is reassuring for the child—she should be confident

that she can tell you anything without getting blamed for it. Many parenting

experts and psychologists reiterate this as the single most important parenting

truth—create an open atmosphere that encourages your child to communicate

with you without fear. The child has to be sure that you will help her solve her

problem, not blame her, and ‘be on her side’. Only then will she open up to

you about a person who makes her feel uncomfortable or a situation that is

upsetting her. And this kind of open communication has to be cultivated day

in and day out from an early age, in every aspect of your interaction with your

child.

The intent of this post is not to scare you or sensationalise the issue, but I

look around me and feel that we are not as aware of this issue as wel should

be and so tend to be lax about our children’s safety. Child abuse can leave

scars on our children for life, affecting their future relationships and the whole

psyche. Parents please WAKE UP NOW AND REALISE THAT YOUR CHILD IS

VULNERABLE TO ABUSE AS WELL. Get involved in her life, be aware of what

is happening; nothing is more important – no housework, extended family or

your career—than your child’s safety.

Do be sure to read our Cover Story ‘Protect your Child from Abuse’ to get a

complete understanding of abuse and how to protect your child. Also see

more info @ http://www.parentedge.in