You Can Make It Up OK. So this week’s best story is about the pilot whose false arm fell off

when he was landing a passenger jet at Belfast airport. My first reaction was, “you couldn’t make it up.”

Then I remembered that, when I worked as a bus conductor, we had this

awful driver who used to throw me and the passengers all over the place, like bingo balls in a tub.

Like they do, the British public took it out on me, whining and moaning at

every bump of the head. So there was me in the back, taking all the stick, while the culprit lounged in his cab sucking a fag.

To get them off my back, I started telling the passengers, “It’s all right for you lot, but that poor bloke’s got a wooden leg and a glass eye. Could any

of you do any better?”

That story got a mixed reaction, ranging from cries of horror and screams of disgust – to sympathy and a steady supply of sweets, ”for the poor

man up front.” Unfortunately some of them wrote letters of complaint about the one legged driver and I lost a month’s bonus for, “making it

up.”

Fate has a way rubbing these things in, and a few months later I found myself working as the mate for a Magoo like lorry driver who went by the

nickname of “Blindy...”