Some people believe that money is the most important factor for achieving happiness. However, others believe that happiness has nothing to do with money. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

People have different views about whether money is the precondition to experiencing a happy life. While I accept that money is a vital part of human life, I believe that other factors are equally important for people’s happiness.

On the one hand, money is important for people to achieve happiness because of several reasons. One reason is that people have to fulfil their personal needs before experiencing a pleasant life. If people do not have enough money to make daily purchases, they will find it extremely difficult to support themselves and raise their families.For example, as everyone has to buy food, pay for bills and housing throughout the course of their lives, they can not live happily without having much money. Also, life would be easier if the majority of people were wealthy. This is because money helps them pay for healthcare, healthy meals and high-quality education, which may promote people’s welfare.

On the other hand, there are other elements that contribute to individuals’ happiness. Firstly, some people derive a sense of satisfaction from pursuing their passions and becoming experts in their fields rather than earning a great deal of money. Artists, for instance, sometimes find it difficult to earn money, but they still spend years running their art projects because they feel happy when they are able to pursue their careers. Secondly, for some individuals, friends, families and other relationships are much more important than being wealthy and (missing word) able to spend money without considering (missing words).

In conclusion, while I agree that people have to earn money to meet their basic needs before they can live happily, I believe that other non-financial factors can also contribute to their well-being.

(Total words: 279)

Red – GrammarBlue – Word choice

Unnecessary words are crossed throughunnecessary words

Score: 8.0

Task Response: 8Coherence and Cohesion: 7Lexical Resource: 8Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 8

Comments & advice

Reasons for score

Task Response:- This is a very good response which for answers the question directly.

- 279 words is enough for task 2, don’t spend too much time on task 2 and neglect task 1.- Excellent introduction, good conclusion.

Coherence and Cohesion:- The essay has a clear structure, for the most part the sentences are well linked and the ideas are easily intelligible. The flow of the second paragraph was interrupted by the sentence which began, ‘’Also, life would be easier…’’

Lexical Resource:- There is a high standard of vocabulary throughout which is used appropriately.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy- Very good range of grammar which is largely used accurately. Don’t forget to check your essay at the end.

Spelling mistakes:Cannot is one word

I recommend writing out again the corrected sentences / phrases.

Good luck

Phil