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WORKSHOP ON “DRESS FOR SUCCESS”

BRUCE BONNETT I. Introduction A. Bruce?

1. My first thought: “I am not the right person to be giving fashion advice!”

-story about famous interior designer client asking Bruce’s advice -I can only advise males: wear nice pants/khakis, a nice dress shirt,

and decent shoes

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-And, I have no fashion advice for females!

2. But, as I thought more about it, I do have my personal opinions and

some practical suggestions about “dressing for success”

3. Do not dress inappropriately, outrageously, or in a way that shocks your client or makes your client wonder if you are professional.

-animal noses example!

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-Lady Gaga’s meat dress example!

At the 2010 MTV Video Music Awards, American singer Lady Gaga wore a dress made of raw beef, which was commonly referred to by the media as the meat dress.

4. You do not have to look like you are ready to go to the Academy

Awards or be on the red carpet! (Bruce’s story about DVD standard setting meetings of top attorneys and engineers representing consumer electronics companies like Sony, movie studios like Paramount, and computer industry like Apple).

5. If you act professional and know what you are doing, your outfit isn’t so important – as long as it is professional enough (Bruce’s story about giving a lecture to Japanese international sales business people in Bruce’s nicest suit, shirt and tie—but wearing neon green slippers!)

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6. Obviously, you may need to adjust your clothes depending on your target market of clients. (Although . . . Bruce never had a complaint or trouble getting repeat business even from extremely wealthy clients or celebrities – as long as he was wearing nice pants and a decent dress shirt. Examples: billionaire client, client who owned her own forest in Washington state, client stressed about building her summer home in France, wife of the CEO of one of the most successful companies in the United States, etc.). B. Bottom Line: Dress professional enough. Up to you if you want to spend the extra dollars to look fancier, wear designer clothes, have a huge wardrobe, etc. Bruce would rather spend the extra dollars on “memories.” https://www.forbes.com/sites/ilyapozin/2016/03/03/the-secret-to-happiness-spend-money-on-experiences-not-things/#d7ab83239a63

The Secret to Happiness? Spend Money on Experiences, Not Things

“We like buying things, at least we think we do. It's bred into us. Life in the 21st century is a fast paced, consumer oriented experience where media surrounds us at all times enforcing the idea that happiness is a matter of buying the perfect house, driving the best car, wearing the trendiest clothes and posting status updates on the latest high tech devices. . . . rest assured there is a better way to spend your money and keep that feeling alive: Stop buying stuff and start buying experiences! Recent research from San Francisco State University found that people who spent money on experiences rather than material items were happier and felt the money was better spent.”

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https://www.theatlantic.com/business/archive/2014/10/buy-experiences/381132/

Buy Experiences, Not Things

“Over the past decade, an abundance of psychology research has shown that experiences bring people more happiness than do possessions. “

II. HMI Dress Code If you really are unsure of what is and is not professional, HMI’s dress code can point you in the right direction. Hypnosis Motivation Institute Student Guide: “DRESS CODE HMI has a dress code that is required for all students. We at HMI not only consider youstudents, but also "professionals”. We are proud of our students and therapists and wewant you to continue your "subconscious programming" for success in your chosen field. The following items are considered unprofessional attire for students. 1. Denim Jeans (with holes, faded, torn or ripped) 2. Low cut/sheer dresses or tops 3. T-shirts (no logos, graphics or writing) 4. Hats 5. Flip Flop shoes 6. Shorts 7. Work out clothes/Athletic attire We teach students the technical skills necessary to become a hypnotherapist, but we also guide them in representing themselves as professionals. This is why we ask all students to cooperate and adhere to the directions offered here. Each time a student comes to HMI, for whatever reason, he/she is expected to dress for the profession forwhich he/she is training. Special Note: The wearing of any fragrances, cologne, perfume, scented lotions, body sprays, scented hair products etc. are prohibited while anywhere on HMI premises. Many students, staff and clients have allergies to these products; therefore this is a health issue. Students in violation of this policy will be asked to leave campus immediately. Continued violation will place the student on notice and begin the disciplinary process that may result in dismissal from school.”

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III. Articles That Might Help You Choose Your Hypnotherapist Clothes

A. “What Do Therapists Wear?”

https://welldoing.org/article/what-do-therapists-wear

1. “What we wear says a lot about us. That can be unfortunate for therapists when trying to let their clients do the talking. It can affect how people see you, whether they trust you and how much they're prepared to open up.”

2. “The sense conveyed by too casual an outfit, of someone leaning over the garden fence, or propping up a bar in the pub to dispense advice is not conducive to disclosing feelings and thoughts that are often uncomfortable, if not disturbing.”

3. “Consistency is one of the therapist's key tools and many like my old therapist do adopt a uniform of sorts. If you spend years wearing a suit and tie to counsel in and then answer the door in jeans and a t-shirt it may well be disconcerting.” (Bruce’s story about dropping something off to client in shorts and a T-shirt).

4. “Therapists may wear what seems to be the same wardrobe for years on end for a multitude of reasons and comfort is definitely one of them. We are sitting for long periods so many of the more outré [strange, startling] fashions necessarily pass us by.”

B. “How Should A Therapist Dress? Feedback From Non-Therapists?

http://www.thecounselorscoach.com/practice-business-building-ideas-counselor-blog/how-should-a-therapist-dress-feedback-from-non-therapists

"I have a question for my non-therapist friends from a place of curiosity based on a fun conversation thread in Facebook group: How would you want your therapist to dress? Would it be bothersome for the therapist to add a little color or fun to their fashion - not showing skin obviously, but not dressed like a funeral director either. Or do you prefer something more traditional with your therapist? Thanks for your

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feedback, I'm writing a blog on this, let me know if I can include your answer and initials only ~ xo Mari"

“I don’t care how my therapist dresses as long as the dress reads as consistent and authentic with their personality. I think a therapist who is overly dour [gloomy] reads as less transparent and is harder to build an authentic trust relationship with. That said, I wouldn’t want a therapist that is too out there and distracting.”

— T.S.

“Because I work in a formal professional setting, I prefer my therapist to dress as a professional. He doesn’t need to be in a suit and tie, but I don’t think I’d like him to show up to our work in jeans. ”

— R.L.

“Casual to biz casual. Comfy. Not stiff or starchy or LOUD or sexy. Lol! Does that help?? Something that helps set the atmosphere to calm.”

— M.G.W.

“I appreciated that my previous therapist had a fun sense of style. She would wear interesting scarves, and colorful and unusual long dresses. I liked knowing that she took care of herself and felt comfortable in her own skin. ”

— Y.A. “I’m there for my own focus, not to secretly critique my therapist’s clothing choices. I honestly can’t recall much of what she wears...pretty non-descript [unremarkable; not very unique] Works for me. ”

— B.B.

“Great question Mari! OK, you know I am a fashionista at heart so it would make me happy to see my therapist having fun with fashion too. I saw a therapist for a while and sometimes wondered if she was judging my funky style and pink hair. I honestly wouldn’t feel all that comfortable in therapy with a stuffy uptight looking person sitting across from me”

— T.W.

“To each his or her own, who cares? The only thing that would bug me is if my counselor was some kind of label junky flaunting her zillion dollar bag and watch. Otherwise, wear what you want just keep it professional. ”

— K.L.

“As long as they are not sporting a low cut top, short shorts, or schelping in in their sweat pants, I say wear what you feel most comfortable in that is an honest representation of who you are. ”

— D.O.

“Color lifts the spirits so yes (to color) !!!!”

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— T.H.

“I’ve never really thought of this before Mari, is this really a “thing” for therapists? Well, my candid answer is I don’t really care. Jeans, dresses, color, no color, whatever they are comfortable with. As long as the clothes are clean and don’t look like they rolled out of bed, I’m good!”

— W.D.

“My therapist wears a lot of black. Sometimes I want to ask her if she is part of a cult that only allows her to wear black. Not gonna’ lie, it’s kind of creepy sometimes. Now that I think about it, I don’t really even like this therapist. I think this was a sign for me to start looking, lol! ”

— H.J.

“Cool thing to think about. My initial response is “whatever they want to wear” but after thinking on this a little longer here is my honest answer: I’d rather have a therapist that looks pulled together vs on the casual side. I really don’t want to see ungroomed toenails in open toes shoes, or some kind of over-the-top outfit going on. As long as they are dressed well (not like a wedding, but dressy casual) I’d be comfortable with either dark or bright colors. ”

— C.W.

“Fun dress would be great (takes some of the scary serious stuff away from emotions). Of course, for me, sweats would be the best!!!”

— M.J.N

“OMG! I love this Mari! OK, here is my biggest pet peeve with my last therapist, TOO MUCH COLOGNE. I loved working with him, but he smelled like he bathed in aftershave. It was so distracting and gross that my eyes would water. Sometimes he’d give me this half (totally appropriate) hug, and I would reek for the rest of the day. It was gag worthy (the smell, not him). I finally just quit seeing him. It was THAT stinky! So my answer is: No stinky therapists, lol! P.S. Otherwise don’t care what they therapist wears, even gym clothes, but NO stink please!”

— P.J.

“No summo outfits, batman costumes or princess tiaras. Yes to almost anything else. As long as my therapist is expressing who they are and feels good, I don’t mind what they wear in the office. I had a therapist for years who went barefoot, did not bother me at all. ”

— M.G.

“Hey Mari, I had a therapist who I loved but sometimes she would wear these jangly bracelets that would slide around and clank. I found it annoying and distracting. I’m all for some bling, but that was too much. I’d still see her though, noisy jewelry and all - she was really good! ”

— I.R.

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“Maybe this isn’t exactly what you are asking, but allow me to vent please: My only suggestion on what a therapist should wear is to NOT wear clothing that is covered with pet hair. A few hairs here or there fine, but I wanted to take a lint brush to my last therapist after each session. It was disgusting and it made it hard to take her seriously with all of that animal hair covering her butt!!! In a professional setting I expect a professional and clean look.”

— B.J.

“I LOVE my therapist and I don’t care what he wears as long as he is comfortable. OK, maybe not his sweats ha ha, but he could come into the office in jeans and a shirt and I wouldn’t mind at all. Dark or bright clothing works. Just no orange spray tans or bad comb overs please!”

— L.L.

“This is a great question! I think it is cool when a therapist is 100% themselves in how they dress. If a therapist wants to wear jeans, show their tats, wear vintage, or whatever style is them, then that’s what I respect. Sometimes I get the impression that therapists think they should dress in a boring way and drab it down. I prefer it when they keep it real!”

— B.M.

“Thanks for the email. On your question: It actually makes me feel more comfortable when he isn’t too casual. I want to speak to someone who looks like they have it together. My 2 cents.”

— B.C.

“Just don’t wear a political button or some t-shirt pushing a fucking agenda or this kid is walking out the door. Otherwise, who gives a shit, wear what you want, have fun, do you! ”

— Z.L.

“I like it when my therapist wears a pop of color. But I do notice that most of the therapists in her office tend to dress like they are going to a funeral. Is that a therapist “thing” so the client can focus? If it is, that rule needs to change - how boring and sad for the therapists. Let our therapists wear all of the colors of the rainbow!! ”

— A.S.

“Well, you likely know my answer, I’m an artist, I love color and creative expression. I respect a person who has their own point of view. If my counselor was wearing the same version of an outfit each week, I don’t know if I would stop seeing them, but I imagine I would not feel as connected. I’d rather see someone who had a more artistic way of dressing. ”

— F.D.

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“Color or no color is fine. Dressy or casual is OK. I feel like I can open up more when my therapist is more on the casual side than the dressy side. ”

— S.A.

“I feel energized by color, so I like it when my therapist wears something colorful. The only thing that turns me off is one of those nose rings that hang down between the two nostrils. THAT is distracting to me. My daughter’s therapist has one of those and it doesn’t bother her one bit. In the end, it’s all in the eye of the beholder. ”

— O.E.

“Years ago my wife and I worked with a therapist about 10 years younger than us. Very smart and we liked her, except the couples sessions where she wore skin tight leggings and a low cut top. It was a little uncomfortable and distracting for both my wife and I (she was very large chested lady). I did my best to keep my eyes where they belonged, but often her bra was showing and when she leaned over her thong would pop out. The good new is we would end up giggling on the way home. So, maybe it was some kind of an intervention, lol! ”

— D.H.

“Thanks for asking Mari, I’d be happy to share my thoughts. In a nutshell, I really don’t care what my therapist wears, it could be bright colors, dark colors, more fashion forward, or hippy chick. Doesn’t matter to me one way or the other. As long as we have a good connection, they can dress how they choose. ” — S.F.

So, fellow friends and colleagues, there you have it! Some candid feedback from my non-therapist friends (and sister) - a diverse group of folks with many different perspectives.

If you have been feeling anxious or uncertain about what your dress code "should" be in your office space, I would say the responses here can be boiled down to these four main points:

1. Be comfortable 2. Not too sexy or over the top 3. Be true to your personal style 4. Casual is fine as long as it is clean”

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C. “Getting Clients To Come Back Until the Hypnosis Is Done?”

http://www.hypnosiscenter.com/free_article-getting-client-to-complete-therapy.htm

“First impressions and consistency of presentation.

The kind of appearance that you present to the perspective client is really a marketing decision. There are several ways that you can market yourself, for example you can market yourself as "Professional", "New Age" or "Casual" or some combination of the three. Whichever approach is taken, it needs to be consistently presented. For example, if you select the "Professional" presentation of your office, then it's probably best that you present yourself as a professional all the way. This means, professional advertisement, professional letterhead, business cards, location, waiting room, office, dress, credit card accounts, and everything

Whatever way you decide to present your office, it is very important that your consistency of presentation be consistent. If you present yourself or your business to be a "top-notch" professional organization in your advertisements, and then you meet your client for the first time in a pair of jeans and a T-shirt, most clients will not come back.

. . . On the other hand, let's say that you decide to present and market your office as having a more casual atmosphere. You could name your office something like, The Casual Hypnosis Center. I think that such an approach would not have as wide an appeal as a more professional approach, but there is a good case to be made for niche marketing, if your surrounding population is densely populated enough to support it. For example, if there are several other hypnotists in your area and they are all stressing how professional they are (i.e., professional degrees and being placed in a professional office building). Then you can offer a more casual alternative.

The advertisements for this fictional hypnosis center should reflect the theme. You might even have a picture of yourself dressed in a nice casual way in the advertisement. This way the clients that you get from the advertisement will be the individuals that want to do hypnosis in that kind of environment. These clients will be happy to see you come out of your office and greet them in your casual attire. They may even tell all of their friends about how comfortable they were in your office and how at ease they felt with you. Then you may build an entire clientele who love you in blue jeans. This kind of approach may be the preferred approach if you are working out of your home. (Note however, that even though your attire may be casual, you should always conduct yourself in a professional way. But then I suppose that goes without saying.)

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So, present yourself and your business in a consistent way. Clients are often a little nervous when they come for their first hypnosis appointment anyway, and consistency of presentation reduces surprises, builds confidence, and brings clients through the door that can appreciate your specific style or marketing approach. These clients are more likely to return and refer their friends and family.”

D. “Dress for Success: How Clothes Influence Our Performance -- What you wear can influence your thinking and negotiating skills, and even hormone levels and heart rate”

https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/dress-for-success-how-clothes-influence-our-performance/

“. . . a growing body of research suggests that there is something biological happening when we put on a snazzy outfit and feel like a new person.

If you want to be a big-ideas person at work, suit up. A paper in August 2015 in Social Psychological and Personality Science asked subjects to change into formal or casual clothing before cognitive tests. Wearing formal business attire increased abstract thinking—an important aspect of creativity and long-term strategizing. The experiments suggest the effect is related to feelings of power.”

E. “How Important Is Your Image to You?”

http://www.lifestyletherapy.net/cms/how-important-is-your-image-to-you

“ . . . putting ourselves under massive pressure to earn the money to sustain the expensive wardrobe, designer handbags, . . . [etc.] can put an inordinate amount of strain on our quality of life, relationships, health and wellbeing. . . . Image pressure can cause a significant amount of personal stress.”

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IV. Some Final Observations From Bruce

A. There are always exceptions

-Bruce’s friend who works at a top film/commercial production company – but wears very nice baseball caps – because he is going bald and looks much younger with a cap

B. Know your environment

-Especially for house calls, sessions done at hospitals or nursing homes, etc.

-Hot? You don’t want to be sweating. Cold? You don’t want to be shivering. (Bruce has had house call clients who insisted on doing the sessions outside in the back yard even on very chilly days! And, the one office he uses gets HOT during the summer in the afternoon sun.)

-Beware dark clothes if you or your house call client has a furry pet! Or carry a good lint brush!

C. Don’t forget your “toolbox” of hypnosis techniques, imagery, etc.

D. Try to get inside your client’s “world” and come into each session with at least one thing you are excited about doing in the session

E. It seems that more and more clients are “interviewing” a few possible hypnotherapists prior to picking one – sometimes this is over the phone, but other times it is in person or by skype. Obviously, you want to look good enough to “compete.”

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KEEP PRACTICING!

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DURING PRACTICE TIME: You might want to get into groups of 2, 3 or 4 and take turns asking each other the kinds of questions potential clients might ask you when they are deciding whether to choose you – or one of the other few hypnotherapists they are considering. Ask Bruce to help, if you encounter any questions for which you are having trouble coming up with a good response.

Below are just a few examples of questions. But, just imagine you are the client. What would you want to know about the hypnotherapist, hypnotherapy, etc.?

How can hypnosis help me?

Does hypnosis for work ___ (presenting issue)?

Have you worked with___ (presenting issue)?

What is your technique?

What is an average session like?

How many sessions will I need?

Will you record the session for me on CD or tape? If not, can I record the session on my Iphone?

What will it feel like to be hypnotized?

Why should I chose you? What is special about you or what you do?

Tell me about your training.

Are you licensed?

If I do not think it worked, can I get a refund?

Will you do house calls? Is there a travel fee?

Will you see me at 10pm? 6am? Weekends? Skype? Phone?

Can I get a discount if I pre-pay for multiple sessions?

Can I get a group rate if I get 6 of my friends to all do sessions at same time and place?

Can I talk with one of your past clients?

I am stubborn. Will hypnosis still work for me?