The Woman in the Photograph

Last week a popular model made the news for taking a photograph of an unsuspecting woman in a gym shower and sending it out with the caption, “If I can’t unsee this then you can’t either.” The backlash has been swift and painful, as it should be. Many articles and social media posts have been written calling for charges to be made and punishment to ensue. Again, this is rightfully so. As we wait to see how this plays out, I want to consider the subject of that photograph and how her treatment demeans us all as well as tells us more about our society, perhaps, than we may want to know.

I AM THE WOMAN IN THAT PHOTOGRAPH! No, not literally, but I could be. Or it could be one of my friends or sisters or daughter or coworkers. Perhaps upon seeing the picture for the first time, you were awash in empathy and imagined yourself in that woman’s shower shoes and thought as I did, “That could be me!” I imagine Dani Mathers wishes she had possessed some of that empathy before she chose to humiliate another human being who had done nothing to her.

But this isn’t just about Dani Mathers or her victim. This looms larger.

We already know that our culture has long bombarded us with media messages and images constantly reminding us (particularly women) that we can never measure up to society’s standards of what is acceptable. And we have railed against the practice.

We have clucked our tongues at Ralph Lauren for the grotesquely distorted image of model Filippa Hamilton who was depicted with her waist and hips narrower than her head. We breathed a sigh of relief when we finally saw the unretouched Cosmopolitan photo of Cindy Crawford and saw the evidence that she is one of us right down to her dimpled thighs. We have made public outcry against photoshopping and unrealistic expectations of health and beauty, and it has seemed as if we have been heard.

It has been four years since Seventeen magazine announced their “body peace treaty” and vowed never again to subjugate their young and impressionable audience to what amounts to mental abuse by psychologically conditioning young women to believe what simply is not true about their bodies. Modcloth has signed the “Heroes Pledge for Advertisers,” calling a halt to their personal participation in altering images of women in their advertising. Slowly, more and more media

sources are joining the crusade as they realize their former complicity in a soft version of body-shaming by saturating society with images to which women compare themselves and despair.

Thanks to socially conscious writing and social media, we are finally seeing the shaming of those who have long shamed others. Numerous articles have been written on the subject. Facebook is rife with links to articles on the subject of body shaming and how it promulgates ridiculous beauty standards. Countless memes pop up decrying the practice and telling people to love themselves and others just the way they are. “Want a bikini body?” they ask. “Then just put on a bikini!”

Then along comes one lone woman who didn’t get the memo.

We could say that Mather’s indiscretion is a setback in our forward movement to cultivate a more tolerant, more inclusive, more kind society. Or we could say it is evidence that we have not come nearly as far as we thought we had. And that is why I see myself or any one of the women I know in that picture.

Women like myself were starting to feel a little bit braver. With all these positive messages out there, then certainly we can be assured the tide has turned, and it’s safe to go in the water. Right? RIGHT????

Armed with my presumption that unsolicited scrutiny will no longer be tolerated, I declare that I am going to the pool, even if I have to waddle to the steps on the shallow end. Does the glare of the sun bouncing off my fish belly white thighs hurt your eyes? Put on your sunglasses and deal with it!

One of my sisters dons the skinny jeans. Muffin top be hanged!

Another makes up her mind she will eat in public and not be ashamed.

And some woman who is sick and tired of carrying around a baby bump and its accoutrements a full five years after her last child was born ventures into an LA Fitness and plunks her money down on the counter.

One by one, disenfranchised women emerge from their cells, squint in the sunlight, and step out into the world, confident that a new regime is in place and no one would dare risk incurring a thorough shaming of their own by shaming one of her sisters.

And then that photo.

And thus we slink back into our dark caves, pulling our shapeless muumuus over our heads and mumbling, “Not yet; maybe later.”

So now we return to the question: Does all this mean we have lost ground in this battle to take the hill? Or does it indicate we have never really advanced beyond the enemy lines at all? Have we been deceived by an illusion luring us out into the open to be picked off by sniper shots?

I do not know the answer. I can only say that I hope that what one insensitive woman did merely indicates a step backwards which we can quickly recover and then proceed farther down the road of empowerment for women – all women.

Let us not allow this situation to define us or the state of our union. Rather, let us reflect for a moment and take stock of where we are as a society and where we want to be, where we need to be. Then let’s proceed to go there.

Somebody pick Dani Mathers up and bring her along, will you?