WOC Diagnostic - 2012-13

Remember to take Cornell Notes1. Heading

Topic: Diagnostic Feedback

3. Ask questions orwrite key concepts here

Summary:

2. Take notes on the PowerPoint presentation here:

- --

(at home)

Rubric discussion + connection with Intellectual Standards (Critical Thinking Booklet), p. 8 and 10.

- Clarity- Precision

LAUDABLE ENDEAVORS

“All of my friends judged and criticized me for choosing to join a few clubs at school. Even my parents objected once I have informed them about my decision.”

LESS Laudable Endeavors

“When you put attention to something, you can always do good and feel good about yourself.”

Laudable Endeavors

“Although some of my family members are generally supportive and positive, some of them are unknowingly offensive.”

LESS Laudable Endeavors

“Im good, man, an’ I’m thinkin’ to myself, well, its like Im a good writter.”

Laudable Endeavors

“However, my dream was shattered not too long after revealing my fantasy to my mother about becoming an FBI agent.”

LESS Laudable Endeavors

“ Me and my brother went there and had an amazing time with all the stuff.” (a cousin’s party)

What does “r.o” stand for? “I was thrilled to see my little

nephew I missed him”

What’s the easiest fix for a run-on?e.g. . ,and ,but ,so

What does “c.s.” stand for? “I was thrilled to see my little

nephew, I missed him”

What’s the easiest fix for a comma splice?

e.g. . ,and ,but ,so

What’s a fragment?

“We had to do a bell-ringer. Plus answering a question.”

How can you fix this fragment?

Stay away from the following words in formal writing:Good, bad, happy , sad Stuff, thing, thingy

Everything, everyone, everybody, anyone, anything, nothing

People (unless NATION)

You

a lot, alot

Awesome, cool, wonderful, great, amazing, nice

Basically, actually, really overusing “says” or “tells”

overusing “do” e.g. do hair, do homework,

List of “banned” words in academic writing!!!

Verbs to use instead of “says” or “said”:

adviseencourageinviteremindwarn

agreedecideofferpromiserefusethreaten

admitagreedecidedenyexplaininsistpromiserecommendsuggest

reprimand

denyrecommendsuggestaccuseblamecongratulateapologizeinsistinformexpress

Writing Workshop (beginning of essay):

“I have a memory about when I graduated from the 8th grade. Before I graduated I was at my cousin Anna house in June, 2011. I spent a night because my aunt was doing my hair. Later on that night we were messing with her older brother and watched a movie called 8 Miles. We stayed up until like about 3 or something in the morning! Finally, we went to bed.”

Suggestions:

I remember my eighth grade graduation. The night before the graduation I was at my cousin Anna’s house because my aunt was weaving in braids/ gluing in my hair extensions/ straightening my hair. Later on that night, Adrianna and I were teasing her older brother and watched…

Exemplary student work

As you hear your peers read aloud their exemplary essays, think about and take notes on the following:

1)What makes this essay memorable and interesting? Be specific.

2)What’s this writer’s tool or “weapon” for making his/her writing come to life?