Why You Do The Things You Do

Why You Do The Things You DoChapter 8: God and You, Embracing the Relationship that Transcends all Others 1. My God is so BIG, so STRONG and so MIGHTY2. Zacchaeus was a wee little man and a wee little man was he.Zacchaeus, you come down! 3. Jesus loves me this I know.4. Deep and wide, deep and wide5. If your happy and you know it clap your hands6. God is so good7. The wise man built his house upon the rock.8. O be careful little eyes what you seefor the Father up above is looking down in love

Early childhood songs:Two Questions:

What is your perception of God?

When do you interact with God?What is your perception of God?

Exercise1. Seeking and maintaining a proximity to God.2. God as a safe haven.3. God as a secure base.4. Feelings of loss or perceived abandonment by God (Separation Anxiety)

(Ainsworth, 1985, Kirkpatrick, 1999)

Attaching to God1. Past2. Present3. Future4. Compensation Hypothesis (Kirkpatrick, 1997, 1998, 1999) and/or the Correspondence Hypothesis (Brokaw & Edwards, 1994, Edwards & Brokaw, 1995, Hall, Brokaw, Edwards, & Pike, 1998).

(Bowlby, 1969 Attachment Theory; Ainsworth, 1985 Four criteria; Kirkpatrick 1999 Attachment to God)

What influences your current relationship (perception and interaction) with God?1. Compensation Hypothesis the relationship to God can compensate for deficient caregiver and/or adult romantic bonds.

2. Correspondence Hypothesis the attachment style an individual has will be consistent across types of bonds: caregivers, lovers, and God.

(Bowlby, 1969 Attachment Theory; Ainsworth, 1985 Four criteria; Kirkpatrick 1999 Attachment to God)

What influences your current relationship with God?Your story.

What influences your current relationship with God?I. During times of stress:A. Ambivalent Relationship Style (High Anxiety)1. Feel rage at God but are consumed by self-incrimination and excessive self-blame. 2. Turn away from God and turn to success and any or all relationships.3. Intensely seek intimacy. In doing so, they believe they can avoid separation from others and even death.

Your Relationship Style and God: Responding to Stress B. Avoidant Relationship Style (High Avoidant)1. Move away from God and cling to possessions, success, or their addictions.2. Self medicate their pain by pursuing sinful habits.3. A common response, Just as I expected, God cant be trusted.4. Avoids intimacy and dampens emotions in personal relationships. Closeness brings fear of rejectioncannot measure to the standard.

Your Relationship Style and God: Responding to Stress C. Disorganized Relationship Style (High Anxiety/Avoidant)1. Life crises are just a continuation of their life story of loss.2. Believe God is malicious like their early caregivers were.3. Individuals can use both avoidant and ambivalent responses. They often go numb, feeling as if the world around them is not real.4. I cannot trust others and I cannot trust myselftherefore, I cannot trust God.

Your Relationship Style and God: Responding to Stress A ContinuumSECUREHIGH ANXIETYHIGH AVOIDANCEHIGH ANXIETY: Highly preoccupied about abandonment, extremely anxious in relationships.

HIGH AVOIDANCE: Highly avoidant in relationships, overly self-reliant, downplay intimacy.

SECURE: Shares feelings with people appropriately, able to understand and respond to others feelings, balances need for intimacy with need for achievement and success. A ContinuumSECUREHIGH ANXIETYHIGH AVOIDANCEHIGH ANXIETY: Highly preoccupied about abandonment, extremely anxious in relationships.

HIGH AVOIDANCE: Highly avoidant in relationships, overly self-reliant, downplay intimacy.

SECURE: Shares feelings with people appropriately, able to understand and respond to others feelings, balances need for intimacy with need for achievement and success. 1. Seeking and maintaining a proximity to God.2. God as a safe haven.3. God as a secure base.4. Feelings of loss or perceived abandonment by God (Separation Anxiety)

(Ainsworth, 1985, Kirkpatrick, 1999)

Attaching to GodD. The Secure Relationship Style The secure person: 1. Can feel devastated, angry and sad. 2. Can struggle with survivors guilt. 3. Can spend hours praying to God asking the question why? 4. Can feel vulnerable, lonely and afraid. 5. Cry out to God and run to His open arms. 6. Due to experiencing Gods secure base, they are able to look at their tragedy differently.

Your Relationship Style and God: Responding to Distress 7. Can face their pain and grow with it.8. Can see Gods hand working things for good, although they are forever affected by the tragedy.9. Understand that although their pain may never be gone, they can always press closer to God.10. Can consciously and courageously invest in close relationships, but holds on to them loosely. They understand that the relationship will end.

Your Relationship Style and God: Responding to DistressWe can and should exhibit these characteristics in our relationship with Christ. How do I get there? I understand the principles but when I experience stress, I tend to go into autopilot and revert back to what is familiarmy attachment style.

The key to changing a relationship style is to change your head knowledge. Making My Relationship With God a Top Priority A. No Pain, No Gain1. Disciplines may produce uncomfortable feelings like anxiety or intrusive memories about past trauma.2. But sometimes turmoil is necessary. 3. Because pain is often involved, practicing disciplines requires courage and the willingness to endure the necessary cost to achieve something greater.

Practicing the Spiritual Disciplines to Strengthen Your Attachment B. Searching the Scripture1. Steeping ourselves in Scripture prepares us for everything life can throw at us.2. Psalm 119:105, Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path. C. Solitude1. Quiet time with you and God2. Involves a retreat away from the distractions and normal routines of life.3. This is powerful for those with ambivalent and disorganized relationship styles.

Practicing the Spiritual Disciplines to Strengthen Your Attachment D. Silence1. This is the essential ingredient of solitude.2. Silent touches can bring freedom from the fear of abandonment.3. It also helps people who need frequent praise and adoration from others to find peace in silence.E. Simplicity (Mindfulness) 1. This stops us from complicating our lives with our pace and possessions. 2. Simplicitys goal is to help us seek God first. 3. It allows us to see how blind we are to the strength and control that material possessions have over us. 4. It slows us down.

Practicing the Spiritual Disciplines to Strengthen Your Attachment F. Secrecy1. Keeping successes, accomplishments, and good qualities secret.2. This goal helps us to focus on God, not adoration of people.G. Simple Prayer1. 1 Thessalonians 5:17, pray continuously 2. We are always looking for Gods presence, His comfort, and His security.3. Prayer connects us with God the same way crying connects babies and mothers.

Practicing the Spiritual Disciplines to Strengthen Your Attachment H. Meditation (Silence)1. Learning to listen to God, to discern that still, small voice that directs and comforts our souls.2. This should be practiced with prayer. Praying first then listening. Be still and know that I am God.

Practicing the Spiritual Disciplines to Strengthen Your Attachment