when it's hard to be a friend - ket education · pdf filewhen it's hard to be a...

Grades 2-4 2596-03

When It's Hardto Be A Friend

®

Supervising Producer: Carolyn Vanderslice

Executive Producer: Susan Eikov Green

Writer: Tony Mazzarella

Video Production: Mazzarella Communications Bristol, CT

Teacher's Guide: Barbara Christesen

Copyright 1999SUNBURST COMMUNICATIONS, INC.

Pleasantville, N.Y. 10570

ISBN 0-7805-4389-0

®

3

When It's Hard to Be A Friend ©1999 Sunburst Communications, Inc.

Program Overview ............................................................................................... 4

Guidelines for Discussion .................................................................................... 5

Viewing the Video ................................................................................................ 6

Bulletin Board Starters ....................................................................................... 9

Suggested Activities............................................................................................. 10

Game Instructions................................................................................................ 13

Activity Sheets ..................................................................................................... 15

Section 1: When Friends Get Angry (Activity Sheets 1 - 5)

Section 2: When Friends Pressure You (Activity Sheets 6 - 10)

Section 3: When Friendships Change (Activity Sheets 11-16)

Send-Home Section .............................................................................................. 33

Resources / Book List........................................................................................... 36

Script .................................................................................................................... 39

Program Time.....................................................12 minutes

Table of Contents

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Why Should Children View This Program?

Friendships are an important part of everyone's life. As we grow and mature, weaccept the fact that many friendships do not last forever, that we are constantly mak-ing new friends and becoming less involved with others. But to a young child who isexperiencing the joys of having a "very best friend," the idea that something could gowrong in this friendship can be devastating. When It's Hard to Be A Friend illus-trates some realistic situations in which friends can be faced with irreconcilable dif-ferences that may alter their relationship. By identifying with the characters andfamiliar situations, and by having an opportunity to discuss each situation that ispresented, children will be able to better understand the elements that are necessaryto a friendship and the reasons why some friendships cannot last.

Learning Objectives

Children will:

• Understand that friends do not always "get along."

• Recognize some of the reasons why friendships may be strained or broken.

• Be aware that friendships do not always last, and that making new friends and leaving old ones behind is a normal occurrence in life.

Video Content

• A young host introduces and narrates the scenes in the video.

• The program consists of three vignettes, each depicting children who are experiencing difficulty in a friendship.

• Each vignette is open-ended, with viewers given the opportunity to discuss what they would have done in each situation.

Preview Questions

• Are friends always good to have?

• Is it always easy to be a friend? Can you think of any times when it's not so easy?

• What advice would you give to two friends who are angry at each other?

Program Overview

5


Guidelines for Discussion

Create a Climate of Openness and Acceptance

• Encourage children to show respect for the opinions ofothers.

• Model this behavior yourself.

Establish Ground Rules

• Avoid put-downs, ridicule and sarcasm.

• Don’t allow anyone to interrupt a speaker.

• Give students the option to pass if they don’t feel likespeaking.

Guard Against Inappropriate Self-Disclosure

• Be prepared to handle discussions without allowing students to exposetoo much personal information.

• Have strategies for moving the conversation along or for steeringthe discussion in a different direction.

Probe Beyond the Neat and Tidy Answers

• Children know how to tell adults what they think they want to hear.To find out what children really think, try prolonging a discussionto search for even greater depth.

• Remind children that there is no right or wrong feeling for anygiven situation.

Pause for Discussion

• Some children may benefit from pausing for discussion after each segmentof the video. This gives them the opportunity to more immediately reflecton the content as well as their own experiences.

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Angela and Shontel have been close friends forthree years. They share everything, go everywheretogether, help each other through sad times. Butthings change when a new school year starts andthey find themselves in the same class. They dohomework and study for tests together, as always.But Angela becomes overly sensitive aboutShontel's test grades; she is jealous if Shontel getsa higher grade than she does and accuses herfriend of studying without her. Shontel doesn't likethis competition over grades and begins to resentAngela's constant questions about her test marks.In order to avoid arguments, she refuses to tellAngela her marks. Angela gets very angry atShontel and doesn't want to study together anymore. Shontel doesn't know how to make Angelaunderstand that, just because they are friends,they don't have to share everything. The host asksviewers what the girls can do to make things betterbetween them, and there is a pause for discussion.The video pauses for some on-screen discussionquestions.

The young host presents a series of vignettes show-ing children involved in close friendships sharingthings, demonstrating concern for one another, etc.These scenes are followed by examples of argu-ments between friends to illustrate the premisethat "sometimes it's hard to be a friend."

Introduction

Viewing the Video

When Friends Get AngryDiscussion Questions

• What are some of thegood things about havingfriends? Are there anybad things? Do you everget angry at your friends?Why?

• Do you like sharingthings with your friends?Is there anything youdon't want to share?

• Do you think Angelawas right to ask Shontelabout her grades all thetime? Would it be betterif she didn't know howShontel did on every test?Why?

• Do you think the girlswill ever be as friendly asthey used to be? What doyou think will happen?

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Mike, Jay and Larry are good friends and they liketo go biking in the park together. One day theycome to a path that says "No Bikes Past ThisPoint." Mike decides to go ahead anyway, andwinds up crashing his bike on a sharp curve. Jaydecides that, since Mike didn't get hurt too badly,he wants to try the path on his bike because it'sreally cool. Larry, on the other hand, doesn't thinkit's wise to go riding there after what happened toMike. But he doesn't want his friends to think he's"chicken," so he agrees to go riding down the dan-gerous hill with Jay. Larry is riding cautiouslybehind Jay; suddenly he hears Jay crashing intothe woods, yelling. He runs to his friend and findshim lying face down beside his bike. Larry is terri-fied, thinking his friend might be dead, when Jaysuddenly turns over with a big grin and announcesthat the hill was "awesome." Larry is furious atJay for scaring him. After that, Larry refuses to gobiking with the other two boys. Jay doesn't under-stand why Larry is so upset or why they can't stillbe friends. The host points out that it's hard to befriends with people who want to do things you don'twant to do. The host asks viewers what they thinkthe boys could do to be friends again. The videopauses for some on-screen discussion questions.

Discussion Questions

• What should the boyshave done when they sawthe sign that said "NoBikes Past This Point"?

• Why was Mike luckythat Larry and Jay werenearby when he crashedhis bike?

• Do you think Larrywas right to let Jay talkhim into riding on thesame trail? How do youthink he felt when Jaypretended to be hurt?

• Have you ever hadfriends who tried to forceyou to do something youwere against? What didyou do about it? Is itworth breaking up afriendship over this?

When Friends Pressure You

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When Friendships ChangeDiscussion Questions

• Why do you think Sarawas so angry at Kenny?What could she have saidto him instead of blaminghim?

• What are some of thereasons why people haveto move away and leavetheir friends behind?Have you ever lost anyfriends because youmoved or they did? Howdid you feel?

• Do you think Saraand Kenny can still befriends? What could theydo to keep up their friend-ship?

Sara and Kenny grew up next door to each otherand have always been the closest of friends. Oneday Sara sees a "For Sale" sign on Kenny's frontlawn. She rings Kenny's doorbell and demands toknow why the sign is there, and why he didn't tellher that he was moving. Kenny says that he is sounhappy that he didn't know how to tell Sara; hefelt bad and he didn't want to make her feel bad,too. Sara gets angrier and angrier while Kennykeeps saying he's sorry. Finally, Sara storms off,saying that they might was well start not beingfriends right now. Kenny is devastated that hisfriend is so angry at him, and wonders why shedoesn't try to understand how terrible he feels.Both Sara and Kenny confide their feelings to theviewers, and the host asks whether viewers thinkthe two friends can work things out.

Conclusion

The host reiterates that thinking and talkingthings out are good places to start, when it's hard tobe a friend.

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Ask children to go through old magazines and newspapers and cut outpictures that illustrate the meaning of "friendship." Make a collage of thepictures for the bulletin board.

Ask children to write stories about a problem they had with a friend, andhow they managed to solve it. Display these stories on the bulletin board.

Print the word "FRIENDS" on a strip of posterboard and tack it to thebulletin board. Ask each child to write a sentence starting his or her owndefinition of what a friend is. Display all the sentences on the bulletinboard.

Ask children to write or dictate letters to a friend (real or imaginary) whohas moved away. Display the letters on the bulletin board.

Invite children to write and illustrate comic strips depicting one of thesituations in the video. Ask them to end their comic strips by showinghow they would have handled the problem.

Bulletin Board Starters

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Art

• Make a friendship mobile. Ask each child to contributea small article that they might give to a friend, such as apicture, a small piece of jewelry, a baseball card, etc. Usepieces of wire to hang the items from a coat hanger, or insome other way. Display in your classroom as a sign thatall the children in the class are friends.

• Have children think up slogans about friendship. Thenusing white contact paper that has been cut into 4" x 12"strips, have children create bumper stickers. Use perma-nent markers to color the illustrations and messages onthe bumper stickers.

• Have all the children take part in creating a mural thatdepicts both the happy and (the sometimes) difficult as-pects of friendship. Obtain a role of butcher's paper andunroll it to cover a long section of one wall. Have eachchild work on a different section of the paper, illustratingtheir own characters and ideas related to the centraltheme of the mural. Invite other classes to see the fin-ished mural.

Language Arts

• Ask children to write their own poems about what itmeans to have a friend, or to be a friend. Have volunteersread their poems aloud.

• Ask students to contribute adjectives that they woulduse to describe a friend. Make a list of all these words.Help the class to assemble a picture dictionary aboutfriendship by writing each word on a sheet of paper, illus-trating it with drawings or cutouts, and assembling all thepages to form a book.

• Choose books from the Resources/Book section andmake them available for children to read. Ask children todiscuss the characters and the problems they faced ineach story, and what advice they might give to them.

Suggested Activities

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• Hold a class discussion on the value of mutual respectin a friendship: the importance of considering the otherperson's feelings, understanding his or her need for pri-vacy of "space," and accepting the idea that friends don'talways agree on everything, but can remain friends inspite of this.

Language Arts; Art

Use the word "friendship" as the basis for a discussion ofcompound words. (-ship in this context is not really aword, but means something that exists or that you're goodat. See if children can come up with other uses of -shipthat way—sportsmanship, e.g.). Ask volunteers to con-tribute words they know that are made up of two smallwords. Talk about the meanings of the individual wordsand how they relate to the meaning of the compoundword. To vary this activity, create flash cards containingpictures that can be combined to form words. For ex-ample, hold up a picture of some letters, then a picture ofa box, and elicit the word "mailbox." A picture of a snow-flake, combines with a picture of a ball, would suggest theword "snowball," and so forth.

Creative Expression

Divide the class into three teams, one for each situation inthe video. Have the members of each team brainstormways in which the characters in the video might be able tosettle their differences and remain friends. A spokesper-son from each team can present the team's ideas to theclass.

Creative Expression; Language Arts

Ask for volunteers to role play stories from the video.Encourage the "actors" to make up additional argumentsto support their reasons for wanting to end a long-stand-ing friendship. For each scene, select a mediator who willtry to help the characters settle their differences. Makean audio or video recording of each scene.

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Music; Creative Expression

Ask children to compose an original song about a friend-ship. Children can work together to write or dictate theverses, which can then set to music. Any musical instru-ment available in the classroom can be used to help thechildren "compose" their tune. Make a recording of thechildren singing their song.

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The game consists of two cubes, each con-taining writing on all six sides. A largepaper outline for each cube is contained inthe package. Each outline can be pastedover heavy paper such as posterboard, thenfolded and pasted according to directionsto form a cube.

To Fold:1. Fold on each line

2. Tape flap A behind cube square D

3. Fold and tape flap B to square D

4. Turn cube upside down and fold flap Cto square D.

How to Use:1. Have students break up into pairs or

small groups.

2. Students should role Cube 1 first.

3. After students roll Cube 1, have themroll Cube 2.

4. Cube 1 has a problem, Cube 2 has areaction. Once students have rolledboth cubes, talk about why the reac-tion was a good one or a bad one.

5. Talk about what could have been donedifferently.

6. Try rolling a cube until you get abetter solution, or come up with one ofyour own.

7. A blank copy of the cube has beenprovided so that you and your stu-dents can create your own.

Cube Instructions

Cube 2

Cube 1

A

B

C

D

A

D

C

B

You caughtyour friendcheating whilethe two of youwere playingcards.

Sam wantedyou to gorollerbladingwith him downa hill that youthought wastoo steep.

Karen keptasking you howmuch yourclothes cost.

Your bestfriend beatyou in theposter contestby using someof your ideas.

Jack forgot hissnack moneyand asked youto lend him 25cents.

Allie got madat you everytime you satnext to Ron atlunch.

You agreedthat friendsshould shareeverything.

You got furiousand accusedyour friend ofbeing sneaky.

You brokeoff yourfriendship onthe spot.

You askedyour friend todiscuss thematter withyou.

You said thatyou didn’twant to talkabout it.

You gave inand didsomethingyou didn’twant to do.

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Activity Sheets


Name _______________________

Remember this scene from the video?

Shontel and Angela are best friends—until they find themselves in thesame class together. Suddenly they begin arguing over who got thehigher grade on every test. Angela becomes jealous and accuses Shontelof keeping things from her, or studying without her, or trying to trick herin some way. Shontel decides she won’t discuss her grades with Angelaany more because it always leads to an argument. The girls are havinga lot of trouble with their friendship.

Now it’s your turn to role-play a scene:

Two close friends, Amy and Kevin, are having an argument becauseAmy does not want to talk about her brother’s illness with Kevin.Kevin keeps insisting that she should tell him about it because he isher friend. See if you can make the situation turn out better than it didfor Shontel and Angela.

Be CreativeTurn your role play into a puppet show. Make hand puppets out of old socks or mit-tens; add colored yarn, beads, buttons, scraps of felt, etc. to make the faces and bodies.Role play your scene again, using the puppets as the “actors.” Ask your teacher tomake a video or audiotape of your role-play.

You Solve It!

Section 1: When Friends Get AngryActivity Sheet 1

Talk About ItHave you ever asked a good friend a question that he or shewould not answer? How did you feel when your friendwould not discuss the matter with you?

How does it feel when someone keeps asking you aboutsomething you don’t want to talk about?

If a friend won’t take “No” for an answer, what is the bestthing for you to do?


Name _______________________

For each group there is one answer that does not describe what sharing means.Cross out the wrong answer with a black crayon.

You can share a book with a friend by…

ripping out half of the pages and giving them to your friend.

loaning the book to your friend after you have finished reading it.

telling your friend what the book was about and why you liked it.

You can share your lunch with a friend by…

giving your friend half of your sandwich.

telling your friend how good your sandwich tastes.

letting your friend have your fruit and half of your drink

You can share a sad experience with your friend by…

being with your friend during the sad time.

telling your friend to call you when she feels better.

listening closely whenever your friend wants to talk about what happened.

Think of something you would think someone would not want to share with afriend. It can be a book or toy, or something about yourself or someone else. Writeabout it. (You can use the other side of this paper.)

How Can You Share?



Name _______________________

Think of some things that you can share with your friends. Draw oneof these things in each box below. Give each picture a title.

Things to Share



Name _______________________

It’s great to have friends—most of the time. But sometimes friends dothings that don’t make you feel good. Read the examples below. Drawa next to each thing that makes it hard to be a friend.

1. _____ Friends understand how you feel.

2. _____ Friends play games and do fun things together.

3. _____ Friends sometimes get mad when you beat them at a game.

4. _____ Friends stand by you through hard times.

5. _____ Friends sometimes get mad when you play with someone else.

6. _____ Friends can be very jealous of you.

7. _____ Friends share their things with you.

8. _____ Friends help you do homework and study for tests.

9. _____ Friends sometimes take your things without asking.

10. ____ Friends sometimes ask you things that you don’t want to talk about.

Choose one of the examples above that has happened to you.Write about how it made you feel.

Friendship Checklist


• •(


Name _______________________

Below are some things that friends do together. Next to each, write thename of a friend, or friends, that you do this with.

Play games together ___________________________________________________

Do homework together _____________________________________________

Share candy and other goodies _______________________________________

Watch TV together __________________________________________________

Borrow games, toys, books, etc. _______________________________________

Eat lunch together ___________________________________________________

Talk about lots of things _____________________________________________

Go to each other’s birthday parties ______________________________________

Can you think of any other things that you do with your friends? Write them below.

What Are Friends For?



Name _______________________

Mike, Jay and Larry are good friends and spend a lot of time together. Butsometimes Mike and Jay want to do things that Larry thinks are reckless.Larry would rather play it safe and not get into a situation where someonecould get hurt. But when his friends want to go biking down a dangeroustrail, Larry lets them pressure him into going with them. What happensnext causes Larry to get very angry at Mike and Jay and breaks up thefriendship they once had.

Role-play a scene between Larry, Mike and Jay in which Mike and Jay wantLarry to go biking with them even though Mike has already gotten hurt on thatsame trail. If you are Larry, try to be firm about the way you feel without makingyour friends angry.

Kelly, Trish and Donna all got new ice skates over the holidays and can’t waitto use them. Kelly and Trish want to go ice skating on a nearby pond oneSaturday, but Donna points out that a sign near the pond warns that the icemay be thin in places.

Role play a scene between the three friends. If you are Kelly or Trish, try tothink of reasons to convince Donna that it will be fun to take a chance. If you areDonna, try to let your friends know that you are against the idea without startinga fight with them.

You Solve It!

Section 2: When Friends Pressure YouActivity Sheet 6

Talk About ItIf Larry had followed his feelings and refused to go down thedangerous bike trail, do you think the three boys would stillbe friends?

How did you feel when you did the role play?

Talk About ItDo you think Kelly and Trish had a good idea? Can youunderstand how Donna felt?

How did you feel when you did the role play?


Name _______________________

Think up two or more imaginary friends who are having an argument because one ofthem does not want to do what the other(s) want. Draw them in action. Show whatthey are doing. Put in “bubbles” to tell what they are saying to each other.

Tell A Story with Pictures


(1) (2)

(3) (4)

(5) (6)


Name _______________________

Write a story about a Casey who was asked to do something thathe/she knew was not right.

1. What was Casey asked to do? Who asked Casey to do it?

_________________________________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________________________________

2. Why didn’t Casey want to do it?

_________________________________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________________________________

3. What did the friend say to try to make Casey do it?

_________________________________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________________________________

4. How did Casey react? What did Casey say?

_________________________________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________________________________

5. What happened? How did Casey feel about it?

_________________________________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________________________________

Tell Your Own Story



Name _______________________

The sentences in each group are out of order.Number the sentences from 1 to 5 so that they tell a story that makes sense.

____ Jack’s friend Marty noticed a hole at one end of the circus tent.

____ Jack said that Marty was being dishonest, and Marty got mad.

____ The circus came to Jack’s town for the weekend.

____ Marty and Jack have not been friends ever since.

____ Marty told Jack they could sneak in without paying.

____ Tanya ended up being good friends with Jenny.

____ Jenny came into Tanya’s class in the middle of the term.

____ Tanya’s friends thought she was annoying and got very mad at her.

____ Tanya refused to go along with the mean things her friends did to Jenny.

____ Tanya’s friends thought it was fun to play tricks on the new girl.

____ Greg got friendly with some fourth grade kids that Fran didn’t like.

____ Greg and Fran had been best friends since first grade.

____ For a while, Fran wouldn’t play with Greg because of his new friends.

____ But when they started fourth grade, things began to change.

____ She decided to have a long talk with Greg, and they finally worked things out.

What Happens Next?



Name _______________________

Each of the words in the box is hidden in the puzzle below. Find each word in the puzzle and draw a line around it.

Remember, the words may run across, down, or at an angle.

AWESOME DANGEROUS SHARP

BIKING DISAPPEAR STEEP

CAREFUL PRESSURE TRAIL

CRASH SCARED WRIST

CURVE

Word Search


C L N O A W E S O M E H

E U B D T O R F S E S W

F C R A I R H U G A A R

O U W V R S O U R T R I

T I L N E R A C G B I S

R Z N C E G S P U V E T

A B I G N K S C P H P U

I L N I P R E T A E R M

L A K R K C R A E R A H

D I A P S S L F G E E R

B H C A R E F U L S P D

S T E D P R E S S U R E


Name _______________________

Answer Key

Section 2: When Friends Pressure YouANSWER KEY - Activity Sheet 10

AWESOME DANGEROUS SHARP

BIKING DISAPPEAR STEEP

CAREFUL PRESSURE TRAIL

CRASH SCARED WRIST

CURVE

C A W E S O M E H

U D S S W

R I U A R

V S O R I

T E R A C S

R E G S P T

A G N S C P

I N I P T A E

L A K R E R A

D I A E E R

B H C A R E F U L P D

S P R E S S U R E


Name _______________________

Sara was really upset when she saw the “For Sale” sign in front of Kenny’shouse. He was supposed to be her friend, but he hadn’t even told her he wasmoving away. Kenny didn’t tell Sara because he felt so bad himself, and hedidn’t want to see her feeling bad, too. Sara didn’t understand this and toldKenny they might as well stop being friends right now. Sara and Kenny wereboth feeling very hurt.

Role play a scene in which Kenny goes to Sara’s house to tell her that he just found out hewill be moving away, and he wants her to be the first one to know. The two friends talkabout what they can do to keep up their friendship. See if you can make the situation turnout better than it did in the video.

Be CreativePretend that your best friend is about to move far away. Think of a gift that you can giveyour friend as a remembrance of your friendship. You might want to draw a picture ofyourself, or make a tape and record a message for your friend to keep and listen to fromtime to time. Or maybe you could make a “memory box” filled with things that will re-mind your friend of you.

Make a gift for your friend. Ask your teacher to display all the “remembrance gifts” on atable in your classroom.

You Solve It!

Section 3: When Friendships ChangeActivity Sheet 11

Talk About ItHave you ever been very good friends with someone andsuddenly found out that your friendship was over? Why didit happen? How did it make you feel?

Have you ever moved to a new town and had to leave yourfriends behind? How did this make you feel? How do youthink you would feel if this happened to you? Has a friendever moved away? How did you feel?


Name _______________________

Here are some words that describe feelings.

scared happy angry embarrassed

excited nervous joyful guilty

depressed uneasy frightened foolish

proud disappointed sad worried

Choose four words that could describe how Kenny felt. Write a paragraph about Kenny,using all four of these words. (Use the other side of this paper if you have to.)

____________________________________________________________________________________

____________________________________________________________________________________

____________________________________________________________________________________

____________________________________________________________________________________

____________________________________________________________________________________

Choose four words that could describe how Sara felt. Write a paragraph about Sara, usingall four of these words. (Use the other side of this paper if you have to.)

____________________________________________________________________________________

____________________________________________________________________________________

____________________________________________________________________________________

____________________________________________________________________________________

____________________________________________________________________________________

How Does It Feel?



Name _______________________

Sometimes it’s easier to tell someone how you feel in writing, rather thantalking to someone face to face. Sara was hurt because Kenny did not tell herthat he was moving away. But Kenny was feeling just as unhappy aboutmoving far away and leaving all his friends. They both had trouble talkingabout the problem.

Think about how each of the friends felt. Write a letter from one tothe other and try to put these feelings into words.

Dear Kenny,

____________________________________________________________________________________

____________________________________________________________________________________

____________________________________________________________________________________

____________________________________________________________________________________

____________________________________________________________________________________

____________________________________________________________________________________

Dear Sara,

____________________________________________________________________________________

____________________________________________________________________________________

____________________________________________________________________________________

____________________________________________________________________________________

____________________________________________________________________________________

____________________________________________________________________________________

What About Your Feelings?



Name _______________________

Can you break the words in the right place to figure out each message?

NO TAL LFRI ENDSHI PSSTA YTHES AMEFORE VER

The message is: ___________________________________________________________________

____________________________________________________________________________________

WEMA KEMA NYNE WFRI ENDSOV ERTHEY EARS

The message is: ___________________________________________________________________

____________________________________________________________________________________

SO MEOFO URFRI ENDSMOV EAWA YORC HANGE

The message is: ___________________________________________________________________

____________________________________________________________________________________

WEMA YDECI DEWELI KEOT HERPEO PLEBE TTER

The message is: ___________________________________________________________________

____________________________________________________________________________________

MAKI NGNE WFRI ENDSISA LWA YSFUN

The message is: ___________________________________________________________________

____________________________________________________________________________________

Secret Message



Name _______________________

When it comes to being a friend, I rate myself… 1 2 3 4 5

Read the questions. Then mark your answers in the boxes.

What Kind of Friend Am I?


1. Do I share my things with my friends?

2. Do I try to help my friends when they arefeeling sad?

3. Do I feel jealous of my friends when theyhave something I don’t have?

4. Do I try to make my friends talk aboutthings that they don’t want to discuss?

5. Do I try to make my friends do things thatthey don’t really want to do?

6. Do I get mad at a friend because he or sheis beating me at a game?

7. Do I forget about a good friend because heor she is moving away?

8. When my feelings are hurt, do I thinkabout my friend’s feelings, too?

Usually Sometimes Never

not so good fair okay, but could good awesomedo better


Name _______________________

Write your own ending for the sentences below.

It’s easy to be a friend when ____________________________________

________________________________________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________________________________

It’s hard to be a friend when ____________________________________

________________________________________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________________________________

RECIPE FOR FRIENDSHIP

Make a list of the “ingredients” that go into making a friendship. Then writeyour own recipe for making—and keeping—a friend. Draw a picture to illus-trate your recipe, if you wish.

Ingredients:

Recipe:

Summing It All Up


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Send Home Section

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Send Home Page

Dear Family Member,

Being able to make—and keep—friends is an importantpart of a child's growth and development. In school, your child viewed a

video called When It's Hard to Be A Friend. This program emphasized the point thatsometimes circumstances arise which can cause problems in the best of friendshipsand even break up a friendship.

Ask your child to tell you what he or she learned from the video. Here are some ofthe illustrations that were given to show that being a friend is not always easy.

• Friends can sometimes become jealous and demanding.

• Sometimes friends want to share too much and may invade your privacy.

• Sometimes friends want you to do things that you don't want to.

• When one friend moves away it's usually hard for both friends to adjust.

Here are some ways in which you can help your child when he or she is finding itdifficult to get along with a friend.

• Discuss the problem with your child. See if your child can understand theother person's viewpoint as well.

• Help your child understand that he or she does not have to do somethingthat makes him uncomfortable simply to please a friend.

• Help your child understand that even the closest friends do not haveto share everything . Privacy is important, and you don't have totalk about things you would rather keep to yourself.

• Encourage your child to reassess his/her relationship with a friend who is causing problems. Is it best to work out the problems in the friendship, or would it be better to find other friends? There's no simple answer and you will need to be very supportive.

The following is a book that may help you help your child:

Frankel, Fred H. Good Friends Are Hard to Find: Help Your Child Find, Make and Keep Friends. Perspective Publishers, 1996.

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Cut out and staple the pages to make a book.Then draw pictures to go with the words.

Tammy and Lena were best friends They shared all their toys and books and videos.

But sometimes Lena borrowed Tammy's thingsand forgot to give them back. She told Tammy they were lost, or broken.

Tammy was upset. She stopped letting After that, the girls were not as good friendsLena borrow her things. as they used to be.

(1) (2)

(3) (4)

(5) (6)

2-4 Take-Home Book

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General

Frankel, Fred H. Good Friends are Hard to Find: HelpYour Child Find, Make and Keep Friends. Perspec-tive Publishers, 1996. A step-by-step guide.

Rubin, Zick. Children’s Friendships. Harvard UniversityPress, 1980. How children’s friendships develop andchange.

Reading for Grades 2 to 4

Boulden, Jim. Three Friends. Mass Market Paperback,1997. What friendship is all about.

Bowdish, Lynes and Meredith Johnson. A Friend forCaitlin. Willowisp Press, 1998. When Caitlin’s bestfriend moves away, she is determined to make thenew girl next door her new best friend.

Bunting, Eve. Summer Wheels. Harcourt, 1992. Whenthe new kid tries to buck the system by which chil-dren can borrow fixed-up bikes, Lawrence and Bradydecide to bring him to justice.

Carrick, Carol. Some Friend! Houghton, 1987. Mikehas trouble accepting his friend Rob’s overbearingbehavior.

Cooper, Ilene. Frances and Friends. Knopf, 1991.Fourth-grader Frances is reluctant to share her bestfriend with a newcomer.

Greene, Carol. The Jenny Summer. Harper, 1988. Robinlearns a lot about friendship during one summer.

Resources / Book List

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Guthrie, Donna. Frankie Murphy’s Kiss List. Simon &Schuster, 1993. A bet that goes wrong offers a valu-able lesson in friendship and loyalty.

Henkes, Kewin. Chester’s Way. Greenwillow, 1988.Chester and Wilson were best friends, until Lillymoved into the neighborhood.

Hermes, Patricia. I Hate Being Gifted. Turtleback, 1992.Finding herself put in a gifted class, KT is fearful herbest friends will desert her.

Kaye, Marilyn. A Friend Like Phoebe. Harcourt, 1989.When Phoebe’s best friend is chosen for an honorPhoebe covets, their friendship comes under strain.

Klein, Robin. Enemies. Scholastic, 1991. Although theirmothers are best friends, Mary Anna and Sandra aresworn enemies until on an outing with Sandra’smother at the museum, the two get lost and mustdepend on each other to get safely home.

Leverich, Kathleen. Best Enemies. Greenwillow, 1989.On her first day at school, Priscilla meets Felicity,who turns out to be a manipulator.

__________________. Best Enemies Again. Greenwillow,1991. Further adventures in which Priscilla suc-ceeds in overcoming Felicity’s habit of teasing andtaunting.

Mills, Claudia. Hannah on Her Way. Macmillan, 1991.Ten-year-old Hannah has trouble fitting in at hernew school, especially after she becomes friends withCaitie, the class leader, who keeps trying to changeher.

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Passen, Lisa. Fat, Fat Rose Marie. Henry Holt, 1991.Although she and Rose Marie are good friends,Claire is lured away by mean but popular Genevieveand leaves Rose Marie in the lurch. To be handledwith sensitivity.

Singer, Marilyn. Twenty Ways to Lose Your Best Friend.Harper, 1990. Emma decides not to vote for her bestfriend as the lead in the school play, precipitating acrisis.

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Script

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Script

SONGIt’s great to have friends who will share with you…Play with you…And stand by you.But what do you do, when it’s hard to be a friend?Sometimes, it’s hard to be a friend.

BOYThat’s cheating!

BOY 2I quit!

GIRLGive it back! It’s my book!

GIRL 2But you said I could read it!

BOYHey, no fair! It’s my ball!

Title: WHEN IT’S HARD TO BE A FRIEND

NARRATORSo, what do you do “when it’s hard to be a friend”? That’s what thisprogram is all about.

PART 1: WHEN FRIENDS GET ANGRY

NARRATORAngela and Shontel have been friends ever since before they startedschool.

ANGELAShontel lives three houses down from me. And since we were small,we’ve done lots of things together.

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SHONTELSharing? We share stuff all the time.

NARRATORSharing is a very important part of being a friend. Besides things,friends also share experiences. Sometimes they are happy experiencesand sometimes they’re not so happy.

SHONTELThe best time Angela and I ever had was when our families took us tothe amusement park. Our parents let us go on every single ride. Itwas really great.

ANGELAI remember when Shontel’s pet parakeet “Crackers” died. We were soupset. We had a funeral in the back yard. We talked about all thefunny things “Crackers” used to do. But it was still a real sad day.

NARRATORAs you can see, Angela and Shontel were very good friends. However,things started to change when school started this year. For the firsttime, they were in the same class and had the same teacher.

ANGELAAt first, I thought it was going to be great. We could do homeworktogether, study for tests together and do projects, too.

SHONTELIt started right after our first science test. We studied together realhard. When we got our tests back, we compared our grades.

ANGELASo—what did you get on the test?

SHONTELI got an 82. How about you?

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ANGELAOh, I got a 92. What’d you get wrong?

SHONTELI know I messed up on condensation and evaporation. But I get it now,and that’s what counts.

Then we had a spelling test…

ANGELAI forgot to tell you—I only got two wrong on the spelling test. What didyou get?

SHONTELI did okay.

ANGELABut how many did you miss? …Oh, I get it, you didn’t do too well, soyou don’t want to tell me.

SHONTELNo, it’s not that.

ANGELAHow many did you miss?

SHONTELI got them all right.

ANGELAAll of them?! But we studied together. How did you get a hundred?Did you study more after I left?

SHONTELNo.

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ANGELAThen how come you got them all right and I missed two?

SHONTELI didn’t know what to say. I’m just good at spelling, that’s all. Afterthat, Angela still kept pestering me about grades. If I told her, sheacted sorry for me if my grades were lower, but if my grades werebetter than hers, she’d get upset. So I decided just not to talk about itany more.

ANGELAHey, Shontel, I got an 85 on the social studies test. How’d you do?

SHONTELAngela, I don’t want to talk about it.

ANGELADid you get better than that?

SHONTELNo, it’s not that.

ANGELAOh, so you got a lower grade and you just don’t want me to know.

SHONTELIt doesn’t matter. Why can’t we just talk about something else?

ANGELAOkay, let’s talk about why all of a sudden you’re acting so weird.

SHONTELSince then, Angela doesn’t want to study together anymore and sheacts really angry. How can I make her understand?

ANGELAI thought friends were supposed to share everything, but if Shonteldoesn’t want to, maybe she doesn’t want to be friends anymore.

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NARRATORAngela and Shontel are having trouble with their friendship.

QUESTIONS TO THINK ABOUT• Do you agree with Angela that friends should share everything?

• What can they do to make things better?

• What would you do?

STOP THE VIDEO TO TALK ABOUT IT

PART 2: WHEN FRIENDS PRESSURE YOU

NARRATORMike, Jay and Larry are really good friends. They like to go biking inthe park together. One day, they took a new path in the woods. Therewas a “No Bikes Beyond This Point” sign, but they didn’t pay anyattention to it. Mike took off down the hill. Suddenly, he disappeared.Jay and Larry heard a crash and hurried to help him. It turned outthe curve was much sharper than it looked, and Mike had gone off intothe woods.

JAYIt’s too bad that Mike got hurt. But I knew he’d be okay. That trail isreally cool. Iwant to try it.

LARRYI don’t want to try it. I’d rather stick to places we know.

JAYSo Mike, you going to ride with us today?

MIKEI don’t think so. But tell me where you’re going and I’ll meet you there.

JAY

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Up by the new trail—you know, where you crashed.

LARRYWhy are we going there?

JAYI didn’t really get a chance to try it last time.

LARRYYeah, because Mike got hurt.

MIKEThat was only because of the sharp curve.

JAYWe’ll be okay now that we know that the curve is there.

LARRYWe?! You don’t think I’m gonna try it, do you?

JAYWhy not? Just be careful.

MIKEMeet you at the sign.

JAYCome on, Larry, don’t be chicken.

LARRYI went along—even though I didn’t want to. But still, I didn’t wantthem to think I was scared.

MIKEThis trail is pretty steep.JAY

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Sounds great. Are you ready, Larry?

LARRYI don’t know…

I didn’t really want to do it. But Mike made it sound okay. So I had totry it. I was pretty scared, but I kept my brake on and it wasn’t toobad. Then in front of me Jay took a huge spill.

Jay, are you okay?! Jay?!

JAYWow! That was awesome!

LARRYAwesome? Are you nuts? I thought you were dead!

JAYDead? You got to be kidding. That was so cool. Let’s go again.

LARRYI didn’t want to. So now they just go without me. We don’t do muchtogether anymore.

JAYI think he’s mad because we talked him into going to that trail. But noone got hurt and it’s really cool. I don’t see why we can’t still befriends.

NARRATORIt’s hard to be friends with people who want you to do things you don’twant to do.

QUESTIONS TO THINK ABOUT• How could Larry let Mike and Jay know how he feels?

• What can Mike and Jay do?

• What would you do if you were any of these boys?STOP THE VIDEO TO TALK ABOUT IT

PART 3: WHEN FRIENDSHIPS CHANGE

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NARRATORSarah and Kenny have lived next door to each other since they werebabies. They grew up together and are best friends.

SARAKenny and I play together and walk to school together. Sometimes wewere in the same class. It was like having a brother. Then, one daywhen I started over to see Kenny, there was a For Sale sign on hisfront lawn. I wanted to cry, but at the same time I was so mad! Whydidn’t he tell me?!

KENNYI didn’t know how to tell Sara. I was so unhappy. She was the first kidI ever played with. And I hated telling her I was going away. My dadtold me about two weeks ago, but somehow I guess I hoped it wouldn’treally happen.

SARAI thought we were friends. And then something like this happens andyou don’t even tell me?

KENNYI don’t know. I felt so bad and I didn’t want to have to tell you andmake you feel bad, too.

SARAThink about how I feel finding out this way!

KENNYI said I’m really sorry.

SARAWhen are you going?

KENNY

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We have to sell the house first, but my dad already left for a new job inNorth Carolina.

SARANorth Carolina?!! That means I’ll never see you again. I can’t believeyou didn’t tell me.

KENNYSara, wait!

SARAI guess we might as well stop being friends right now, so I can get usedto it.

KENNYPlease, don’t be mad! Think about how I feel!

I didn’t know what to say. I was the one who had to move. Whycouldn’t Sara understand? Why does she want to stop being friendsbefore I even have to go?

SARAWe’ve been best friends forever. So how come he didn’t tell me aboutit? It really hurt my feelings. It made me feel maybe we weren’t suchgood friends after all. And now she’s going to be hundreds of milesaway.

NARRATORFriendships do change.

QUESTIONS TO THINK ABOUT• How you think Kenny felt when Sara said “We might as well stopbeing friends right now, so I can get used to it”?

• Do you think they can work things out?

SONG

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It’s great to have friends who will share with you…Play with you…And stand by you.Yes, it’s great to have friends.But what do you do, when it’s hard to be a friend?Sometimes, it’s hard to be a friend.

THE END

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